Sorry it took so long for me to write! I hope it was worth the wait.
Myself, I enjoyed writing this chapter. It has a lot of aspects to it. It
shows humor, drama and romance all in one. I'm a bit concerned about the
medical aspect of it though so any input is welcome. Please review! Enjoy!
Chapter 5
Instinctively I bolted up from my chair and ran out of the tent to see what was happening and how I could help. Margaret was already prepared for triage. I met her in the compound.
"What can I do?" I asked her, completely ignoring our previous conversation.
"This is outrageous," she laughed, "Even though you're ill, and after all we just talked about. You're still here before all my able to work nurses."
"I'm dedicated is all Margaret," I told her smiling, "Besides I was in the Mess Tent, I didn't have to come far to get here."
"I suppose." She said, "But at any rate, I still don't want you in the Operating room. They're aren't a lot of casualties here. But I know you well enough to know that you won't take no for an answer, so I guess you can help out with triage."
With no time at all I was kneeling down next to a young man examining his wound. There was so much shrapnel in this boys side and I couldn't even begin to image the pain he must be in. It seemed to have punctured his spleen but I'm sure with proper care he could survive.
Within second Hawkeye was at my side. I explained to him what state the boy was in and he sighed rubbing his forehead.
"This'll take me at least four hours to repair." He told me.
"So what's your point?" I asked him, "The main thing is that you can in fact save him."
"Kathryn you don't understand," He said, "There are some things that are out of our hands. In the time it takes me to save this boys life, three more will die waiting for me."
"So that's it?" I asked astonished, "You're just going to let him die?"
"Look," he said, "It's not an easy decision, but the reality of it is, I just don't have the time or equipment for that matter. I'll operate on the others first and come back to him."
I couldn't believe what he was saying. Simply casting this patient aside because it might take too long.
"No Hawkeye," I said fighting back, "The reality of it is, if he waits until you're ready, he'll die."
"Do you think this is easy for me Callaway?" he fought back angrily, "Do you think I like this? Well I don't, I hate that I can't help every single person who comes through here but I have to think logically. The boy will wait."
As he said this he got up and walked off to another patient.
I just knelt there watching the boy grind his teeth in pain. His eyes were so full of agony and there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless. Here I was supposed to be helping these people and I couldn't do anything. At some point he had reached out and grabbed my hand and I could feel his grip slowly loosening. I wiped the hair away from his face trying to comfort him, but I knew that wouldn't help. In a matter of minutes, his chest gave it's final fall and his and slid off mine as his grip became nothing. I backed up from him still kneeling in anguish. I had never watched someone die before and I can assure you it is the worst experience I have ever had. I stood up and backing away from him a few more steps, but never taking my eyes off him. I felt someone's strong hand on my shoulder.
"Sometimes there's just nothing we can do." I heard Hunnicut say from behind me. "But there are still some here that we can help."
I turned around and gave him a weak smile as I made my way to the next casualty.
The rest of the day was filled with remorse. No matter how many patient came out of the OR saved, I couldn't help but think of the boy who would never again do the things that he loved to so dearly. He was so young, probably had a girl back home waiting for him. What would his parents feel when they heard their son was killed in battle. I know that they won't hear about how the nurse in triage let him die. How she watched as he suffered without doing a thing. The guilt was almost to much to bear.
As I was making rounds in Post-Op, a boy reached out and grabbed my wrist.
"Nurse," he said, "What happened to Roberts? Please, you gotta tell me he's okay."
I thought for a minute, then looked at my chart, there wasn't a Roberts on my list.
"I'll check with the doctor soldier," I told him, "I'm sure he's fine."
"He'd better be," the man said, "He saved our butts out there. If it weren't for him, four of us would be dead right now."
I gave him a half-hearted smile and walked over to Klinger.
"Was there a boy by the name of Roberts in here today?" I asked him.
He scanned down the list of wounded and shook his head. Then he scanned down the list of those who had died. Roberts was the only one on the list so far. An empty feeling took over my stomach. Not only had I watched the boy die, now I had to go tell his friend that I had.
"Thanks." I said before making my way back to Post-Op. I pulled up a stool next to the stool next to the soldiers bed.
"What is it nurse?" he asked, "Why are you lookin' at me like that."
I took a deep breath, "You see, there was a lot of shrapnel in Roberts' side and-and it punctured his spean."
"No," he said, "No, you can't tell me that."
"There was nothing we could do." I lied. "He was just hurt so badly and-"
"And you let him die." He yelled, "You just gave up on him didn't you. You let a hero die."
"Calm down son," I told him soothingly, "I told you we-we just couldn't help him."
"You people are supposed to be doctors." He continued to yell, "To the best of my knowledge, doctors aren't supposed to kill people."
"Hey pal," I heard Hawkeyes voice say from behind me, "Doctors don't kill people the war does. You want to yell at someone? Yell at the people who got us into this mess."
The boy seemed to be quiet after that and turned away from us. I could only imagine how he must feel. All I knew is that I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out of there.
I walked outside and looked around. The place that had once been filled with men who were in agonizing pain was now filled with doctors and nurses going about their own business trying to maintain a normal lifestyle. But I just couldn't do that. There was nothing normal about being here and I just couldn't forget what had gone on earlier.
I stood out there for a few more minutes until I was joined by Hawkeye. I just couldn't understand this man. He was so caring and compassionate at times and yet he could he funny and charming. But then again he can make me hate him all in one day.
"Look," he started, "He was just upset in there. Don't ever think that any of this is your fault."
"I know." I said plainly. Although I didn't. I was thinking it was all my fault.
"A very wise man once told me something," He continued, "He said to me, 'Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war and rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one.' He's right you know."
"Who said that?" I asked, wanting to know who the brilliant man was.
"Colonel Henry Blake." He told me, with a hint of sadness in his voice, "He was our former CO. He never made it home though."
"I'm sorry," I told him sympathetically, "He seems like a hell of a great man."
"That's for sure." He said, the was a bit of a silence as if Hawkeye was remembering him, "You look tired, I think you'd better go get some sleep."
"No, my shift isn't over for another hour," I told him, "I'll be fine until then."
"You just don't know when to quit do you." He said.
"No," I told him smiling a bit, "But now I envy the fact that you do."
He smiled right back at me and I think he felt relieved that I know understood that what he'd done earlier today was the best thing to do, even though it didn't seem that way.
The next hour wasn't as bad as I'd thought. Most of the patients were sleeping fine so Hawkeye and I talked for a while. He told me more about his family and Crabapple Cove and I just listened. He kept trying to get me to talk about mine but I was fascinated by hearing about his. It was finally 0100 hours when we finished. I was exhausted but perfectly satisfied with where I was. We walked from Post-Op back to my tent.
"So much for you having a light day." He said with a smirk.
"Well that's what you get for trying to confine me to my bed." I replied.
"Fine," he said smiling slyly, "Next time I'll confine you to mine."
I hit him playfully and he pulled me close to him. He leaned in but I pulled back. I knew that I couldn't have this. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. So I kissed his cheek and smiled at him.
"Good enough for me." He said smiling. Then he walked backwards toward the swamp and I turned to go into my tent. As tired as I was that night I couldn't sleep. I lay on my cot thinking. I had seen this happen before. I asked a man not to fall in love with me and he had, only this time it was different. See, this time, I wanted o love him back.
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Chapter 5
Instinctively I bolted up from my chair and ran out of the tent to see what was happening and how I could help. Margaret was already prepared for triage. I met her in the compound.
"What can I do?" I asked her, completely ignoring our previous conversation.
"This is outrageous," she laughed, "Even though you're ill, and after all we just talked about. You're still here before all my able to work nurses."
"I'm dedicated is all Margaret," I told her smiling, "Besides I was in the Mess Tent, I didn't have to come far to get here."
"I suppose." She said, "But at any rate, I still don't want you in the Operating room. They're aren't a lot of casualties here. But I know you well enough to know that you won't take no for an answer, so I guess you can help out with triage."
With no time at all I was kneeling down next to a young man examining his wound. There was so much shrapnel in this boys side and I couldn't even begin to image the pain he must be in. It seemed to have punctured his spleen but I'm sure with proper care he could survive.
Within second Hawkeye was at my side. I explained to him what state the boy was in and he sighed rubbing his forehead.
"This'll take me at least four hours to repair." He told me.
"So what's your point?" I asked him, "The main thing is that you can in fact save him."
"Kathryn you don't understand," He said, "There are some things that are out of our hands. In the time it takes me to save this boys life, three more will die waiting for me."
"So that's it?" I asked astonished, "You're just going to let him die?"
"Look," he said, "It's not an easy decision, but the reality of it is, I just don't have the time or equipment for that matter. I'll operate on the others first and come back to him."
I couldn't believe what he was saying. Simply casting this patient aside because it might take too long.
"No Hawkeye," I said fighting back, "The reality of it is, if he waits until you're ready, he'll die."
"Do you think this is easy for me Callaway?" he fought back angrily, "Do you think I like this? Well I don't, I hate that I can't help every single person who comes through here but I have to think logically. The boy will wait."
As he said this he got up and walked off to another patient.
I just knelt there watching the boy grind his teeth in pain. His eyes were so full of agony and there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless. Here I was supposed to be helping these people and I couldn't do anything. At some point he had reached out and grabbed my hand and I could feel his grip slowly loosening. I wiped the hair away from his face trying to comfort him, but I knew that wouldn't help. In a matter of minutes, his chest gave it's final fall and his and slid off mine as his grip became nothing. I backed up from him still kneeling in anguish. I had never watched someone die before and I can assure you it is the worst experience I have ever had. I stood up and backing away from him a few more steps, but never taking my eyes off him. I felt someone's strong hand on my shoulder.
"Sometimes there's just nothing we can do." I heard Hunnicut say from behind me. "But there are still some here that we can help."
I turned around and gave him a weak smile as I made my way to the next casualty.
The rest of the day was filled with remorse. No matter how many patient came out of the OR saved, I couldn't help but think of the boy who would never again do the things that he loved to so dearly. He was so young, probably had a girl back home waiting for him. What would his parents feel when they heard their son was killed in battle. I know that they won't hear about how the nurse in triage let him die. How she watched as he suffered without doing a thing. The guilt was almost to much to bear.
As I was making rounds in Post-Op, a boy reached out and grabbed my wrist.
"Nurse," he said, "What happened to Roberts? Please, you gotta tell me he's okay."
I thought for a minute, then looked at my chart, there wasn't a Roberts on my list.
"I'll check with the doctor soldier," I told him, "I'm sure he's fine."
"He'd better be," the man said, "He saved our butts out there. If it weren't for him, four of us would be dead right now."
I gave him a half-hearted smile and walked over to Klinger.
"Was there a boy by the name of Roberts in here today?" I asked him.
He scanned down the list of wounded and shook his head. Then he scanned down the list of those who had died. Roberts was the only one on the list so far. An empty feeling took over my stomach. Not only had I watched the boy die, now I had to go tell his friend that I had.
"Thanks." I said before making my way back to Post-Op. I pulled up a stool next to the stool next to the soldiers bed.
"What is it nurse?" he asked, "Why are you lookin' at me like that."
I took a deep breath, "You see, there was a lot of shrapnel in Roberts' side and-and it punctured his spean."
"No," he said, "No, you can't tell me that."
"There was nothing we could do." I lied. "He was just hurt so badly and-"
"And you let him die." He yelled, "You just gave up on him didn't you. You let a hero die."
"Calm down son," I told him soothingly, "I told you we-we just couldn't help him."
"You people are supposed to be doctors." He continued to yell, "To the best of my knowledge, doctors aren't supposed to kill people."
"Hey pal," I heard Hawkeyes voice say from behind me, "Doctors don't kill people the war does. You want to yell at someone? Yell at the people who got us into this mess."
The boy seemed to be quiet after that and turned away from us. I could only imagine how he must feel. All I knew is that I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out of there.
I walked outside and looked around. The place that had once been filled with men who were in agonizing pain was now filled with doctors and nurses going about their own business trying to maintain a normal lifestyle. But I just couldn't do that. There was nothing normal about being here and I just couldn't forget what had gone on earlier.
I stood out there for a few more minutes until I was joined by Hawkeye. I just couldn't understand this man. He was so caring and compassionate at times and yet he could he funny and charming. But then again he can make me hate him all in one day.
"Look," he started, "He was just upset in there. Don't ever think that any of this is your fault."
"I know." I said plainly. Although I didn't. I was thinking it was all my fault.
"A very wise man once told me something," He continued, "He said to me, 'Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war and rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one.' He's right you know."
"Who said that?" I asked, wanting to know who the brilliant man was.
"Colonel Henry Blake." He told me, with a hint of sadness in his voice, "He was our former CO. He never made it home though."
"I'm sorry," I told him sympathetically, "He seems like a hell of a great man."
"That's for sure." He said, the was a bit of a silence as if Hawkeye was remembering him, "You look tired, I think you'd better go get some sleep."
"No, my shift isn't over for another hour," I told him, "I'll be fine until then."
"You just don't know when to quit do you." He said.
"No," I told him smiling a bit, "But now I envy the fact that you do."
He smiled right back at me and I think he felt relieved that I know understood that what he'd done earlier today was the best thing to do, even though it didn't seem that way.
The next hour wasn't as bad as I'd thought. Most of the patients were sleeping fine so Hawkeye and I talked for a while. He told me more about his family and Crabapple Cove and I just listened. He kept trying to get me to talk about mine but I was fascinated by hearing about his. It was finally 0100 hours when we finished. I was exhausted but perfectly satisfied with where I was. We walked from Post-Op back to my tent.
"So much for you having a light day." He said with a smirk.
"Well that's what you get for trying to confine me to my bed." I replied.
"Fine," he said smiling slyly, "Next time I'll confine you to mine."
I hit him playfully and he pulled me close to him. He leaned in but I pulled back. I knew that I couldn't have this. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. So I kissed his cheek and smiled at him.
"Good enough for me." He said smiling. Then he walked backwards toward the swamp and I turned to go into my tent. As tired as I was that night I couldn't sleep. I lay on my cot thinking. I had seen this happen before. I asked a man not to fall in love with me and he had, only this time it was different. See, this time, I wanted o love him back.
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