Setting Moons And Rising Suns
Oh God, I can't do this...I can't do this...please, someone, I beg you, please someone help me..... Kim thought to herself, swallowing down a lump in her throat. She was kneeled on the ground, her fingers drifting over everything he'd loved. Over everything he'd known.
Sniffling softly, Kim put another book into a box, looking at the cover and brushing her fingertips over it.
"He loved t-this book, Mrs. Oliver...did you know that?"
The dark haired woman looked up from the bed were she was kneeled, a photograph of her son during his Little League years clutched in her hand. Tears ran down her cheeks but she still managed a nod and a small smile. "He loved Sherlock Holmes..." She said softly
Mrs. Oliver smiled a little, her gaze pointed down at the photograph. Her eyes took on a sheen, her chin trembling softly, her fingers drifting over the smooth glass as she murmured a soft, "My baby."
Kim watched a moment before the scene was too heartbreaking, and turned back to her task, tears falling down her own face as she carefully set the book in bubble paper. The man that had died so young was all over this room. His things were littered everywhere......his scent filled the air. Soft and male; Old Spice. And that distinct smell that was all Tommy. His memories, hobbies, joys, and sorrows. The things he did, where he slept, where he ate, and where he spoke on the phone. Where he made love to me, the woman he loved. Where he breathed and where he wrote.
Her breath caught.
She'd almost missed it, as she closed the computer cabinet. She almost didn't see the package, labeled, "Guys". Stopping, she looked at the brown envelope a moment, taking it out of the cabinet.
She only had to look at it a second before she knew exactly what it was. Carefully, she opened the leave at the end of the package and slid the separate envelopes out. Tommy's neat script was on each envelope, a separate name for each.
"What...Kim..." Billy said quietly, looking down at the envelope she'd handed him. He'd been standing beside the Oliver's fireplace, staring out at nothing, when the girl had nudged his arm gently. He gazed at the small auburn tressed girl with confused sorrow, watching her nod a little.
"I found it in his room, Billy. He...um...he wrote them, after he found out he was sick."
Sucking in a soft breath, the former blue ranger looked to her again, nodding slightly. She gave him a tight smile and reached up, kissing his cheek tenderly before moving away, to the others of the wake, several more letters clutched in her hands.
Setting down his bourbon--the first of many tonight--Billy opened the cream colored envelope with grace and gentility, careful not to rip the edges. He looked inside it, finding sheaves of paper, and took them out, glancing at the small hand writing before beginning to read.
Billy,
Hey, -Man. You're the third person I've written one of these letters too, but you know? It's not getting easier. It's like, trying to tell someone you've known, you've loved, what's in your heart in a few lines. Impossible. But, I can tell you some stuff. That I love you. You're like a brother to me. I never would have told you that when I was still breathing, which, if your reading this, I'm not anymore. But I do.
You and Jason were always there for me. You guys were the ones who listened to me cry. Who told me everything was going to be okay. Who showed me my way, even though my way was going to be cut short. I can't ever tell you, in these words, what you mean to me. You're my friend. The man I trust with everything in me. It's sappy, I know, but their isn't another way to express it. I know we took advantage of you, and teased and stuff, but you know? It was out of love.
Billy...do me a favor. When I'm gone, can you take care of Kim and Kat? I know I know you already do, but they get into a lot of trouble. And tell my mom it's all going to be okay, okay? 'Cause, it is. It was my time to leave this place and go on to the next one. You showed me how to be honest, and strong. You gave me the will to see the next day. I understand you most likely didn't know all of this, so I'm glad I told you. I care a lot about you, and I hope you never forget that.
Thank you.
Tommy
Tears coursed down his face as he finished, and not for an instant did the former blue ranger regret them. "Oh..." he said softly, closing his eyes. He felt someone's arm move around him and a small chest press to his, and without having to open his eyes knew it was Kim. He slid his arms around her, holding her close to him as the grief in his heart over flooded into his soul.
Slowly, quietly, Kat walked up to the tall, man who stood in the corner. He was dressed in black; it was somber, even for him. She looked to her feet before glancing at him, her eyes dark and sad.
"Jason?"
He started slightly, glancing down at her with soul filled eyes. "Yes?"
"I...I..." she swallowed a little and handed him a thick envelope were his name was carefully scrolled along the front.
He didn't have to ask what it was, only giving her a small nod of thanks, and gazed down at the envelope in his hands as she moved away. How moving, that he held the last piece of a young mans life. The last bit of wisdom, last words he wanted to share.
Jason,
Hey Bro. my head hurts like hell, so, I'll be quick about it (and to save both you and me a little embarrassment). You took care of Kat, loved her. And knowing you and her have something she and I could never have warmed my heart, in case you didn't know. I want her to be happy so much, and knowing she was, and still is, makes everything easier for me. I want to leave things good, you know? I don't want it to end badly. I don't want people to look back on me, and these letters I'm writing, with ill feelings. Not literally, because, well, they don't make people barf, do they?
Anyway, I'm telling you, thank you, for everything. You saved our lives more times that I can ever account for when we were rangers. It was you who broke the ice after the spell was broken. You welcomed me into your group after all of the evil things that I did to you guys. Yet you still believed in me and that meant something to me. I was glad to be a ranger and fight by your side to make this a better place. And you gave one of the most important women in my life happiness.
Kat loves you Jason.
Don't screw it up, hmm?
Take care of Kat for me, ok Bro.
Tommy
"Your right," Jason murmured softly with a touch of emotion. He glanced up at the others of the wake, taking it in for a moment. Kat sat on the couch, gazing down at an envelope similar to his own. Kim and Billy were speaking quietly, the smaller man caressing her cheek with his thumb as she cried softly..
Beautiful,
My soul mate, I...well, if you've gotten this, then I...I never made it. As oogy as it is. Gah. I don't want to think of me in some pine box. You guys didn't bury me in a pine box did you?!
I just wanted to tell you, my sweet girl, that you're my heart, and my soul. I know, I know, it probably sounds cheesy as hell, but you know what? Everything I tell you is true. I love you; beautiful...you're my everything. I've waited my whole life to find you, and now, in death, I realize that I have found the one I've been searching a life time for. I love you, with my whole heart, my soul, my mind, and my body. I'm sorry I hurt you, when I chose Kat over you. When you came back to me to apologize for the letter you had written. I thought that if I pushed you away, you wouldn't get hurt, because I still cared about you and I was scared that you would hurt me like that again. I'm so sorry; I know that you've forgiven me, because we wouldn't have gotten back together.
Like I said be fore I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. You deserve children, a home, and a husband who loves you. And I pray to god, that someday, you'll find that, because you know you're worth it. You're worth swimming the ocean long, climbing the highest mountain. Their isn't an inch of you that I don't love. I love your compassion, your honesty, your soul, your wonderful kisses, and your softness. The feel of your hair, the touch of your fingertips and the bat of your eyes. The way your eyes dance when you laugh. When you smile... smiled at me, in that way that just by the thought of it, makes my heart melt.
You're a good woman, did you know that? You're strong, compassionate, warm, and happy. I love you with everything inside of me. No one could ever be what you are to me. Not even Kat. You're that half I always looked for and never found until I kissed your lips. Until your warm breath tickled my cheek, and then I found out the meaning of true happiness. Having you opened up a part of me I never knew existed. I turned into a man when I was with you. I felt like I'd found my purpose. I know what's waiting for me. I know that you might be reading this at my funeral. But...be happy for me. Just be happy.
Look at the night sky and know that I am always there with you. Sing and dance for me. Play in the grass. Breathe in the cool air of the earth. Have babies. Have a family. Have a man who loves you. You don't deserve anything less.
I love you, beautiful, I love you. I love you more then the air I take into my lungs. More then the ground I walk on, the sheets I sleep on. The blood that rushes through my body and the heart that pounds in my chest. I love you, down to the primal beat of that heart. I breathe for you.
You're the person I pray to God to protect and watch over you. Who can love me. Who can remember who I was, who I am. We'll hold each other again, someday I promise. And it wouldn't have mattered how many times we pissed each other off, and how many times we got angry, and how many times it ended. Because I'll have you, and you'll always have me.
I love you.
Never will there be sufficient words in any language that can really, seriously, describe what I feel for you.
So I guess I better settle for I love you.
Kim
I love you.
Always,
Tommy
Kim read through the letter a fifth and sixth time, her tears falling onto its glossed pages.
"Kim" Jason asked softly, seating himself next to her on the couch. He carefully lifted the black veil from her eyes, watching her face, his hand tenderly cupping her cheek in a display of affection he rarely showed. "Are you alright?" He asked his own letter clutched in his hand.
She smiled softly at him, tears slipping down her cheeks, and nodded. "I am now."
Glancing out over the room, Kat finally left and slid into the kitchen, her letter the last in the envelope. She hadn't read it until now...had been scared too read it. But now, she had given everyone's theirs because Kim couldn't do it after he had given Billy his letter. It was time for her to read his words to her. She gently slid onto a kitchen stool, opening the envelope with shaking fingers.
Silently, she took out cream colored pages, looking at the beautiful script, the careful writing. Biting back a sob, she pressed the pages to her chest before looking down at them, beginning to read.
You,
Your the last one I am writing, because...because it was so easy telling everyone my feelings for them, while telling you my feelings is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've written this same letter to you a million times in my mind, rewrote it on paper a few thousand more, but every time I do the words sound meaningless. How can I tell you, the girl who is more a part of me then anyone, what I feel? I've tried humor, I've tried grace. Nothing worked. So I'll just tell you the words, from my heart.
You're my reason for being. Did you know? Probably not. You're the reason I take in air. You're everything in my life, everything there was ever worth being for. I love you for you, I love that you love me. I love that you love that I've found someone who makes me happy. I love how you and Kim are friends. I love that you've given me the freedom to open my mind and my heart. I love you for trying to give me so much more then I ever deserved. I love you for your gentility, for your grace. I love you for caring about me. I love you for trying to understand the world. I love you for your innocence, and I love you for finding your place in your life.
I love you for finding someone to love, and I hope you and Jason are always happy. I love you for giving me joy in my life. I love you for understanding what the smallest word of encouragement means to me. I love you for making me smile. I love you for opening my world up to every possibility. I love you for giving me dreams. I love you for everything, Kat, and there's nothing I can ever do that could give you the understanding of what's inside of my heart for you.
You, Kim and the other rangers (new and old). You're my family, more then my own could ever be. You nurtured who you knew I was inside and let him emerge into the world. A strong man, who knows his rights from wrongs, who is grateful for everything around him. I will always hold a place for you inside of me. Forever will I look for you, even when you're by my side. I'm sorry that I used you as a shield against my feelings for Kim. I never should have done that, I hurt one of my best friends and that was wrong.
You've always stuck by me even then and I'm grateful. Jason is a wonderful man and I know you guys will be so happy when you get married. To bad I won't be there to see it in person, but I'll be there in spirit. Nothing could keep me away from that special once in a lifetime moment. I want to thank you for talking sense into me about Kim, because if you hadn't I don't think that I would have found love again. You were there for me when Kim sent me that letter; you were there for me when we got back together, thanks to you. I love Kim so much, Kat will you and Jason please look after her for me?
I'll look down at you from heaven and let St Peter in on a little secret.
"You know, Pete? That girls pretty damn fly."
Me
A giggle escaped her as she reread the letter and shook her head, tears flying. Finally, when she was able to control her emotions, she looked up and murmured a smile on her face, "Rest in peace, fly boy. I love you."