Notes: Ooookay, the second chapter. The humorous part is now over...it gets angsty now*evil smirk*. This chapter is very long, especially for me.This is one of the reasons why I will need time for the different chapters. One chapter for each duck. Since I have to bring many aspects into them, it needs masses of time to write and it's not that easy for me to write as you might think...I often need the dictionary :-P
Oh yes, and another thing: I invented the whole past of Mallory. I just thought that it would fit...well, it's really difficult to think about the greatest fears of each duck...what will I make with Tanya? Eeek....I still have no idea*shrugs*
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and you know that!

To Face the Fears

by Kaeera

Chapter 2: And even if I am strong, you can still hurt me


She opened her eyes and found herself in a desert. There was nothing around her, just endless sand and stone. Flat. The horizon so far away that it couldn't be recognized clearly. Mallory turned around and frowned. How had she come to this place? She had been in this fight, and suddenly this blast had hit them all...

Was she dead?

If yes, then this wasn't death how she had imagined it. In fact, she had never really imagined death. She had always thought of it as an...end, over, nothing after it. You just stop living, and that's it.
Waking up in a lonely desert was definitely not included in her definition of 'being dead'.
Slowly she started walking.

I am strong

stronger than you

I don't need help

I can manage it

I have always been strong

It's my destiny; It's my purpose

Needing help is weak

Being weak is bad

I don't want to be weak

I am strong


She walked and thought about her current situation. She was relatively sure that this wasn't death, but it wasn't reality either.
So she was dreaming? Mallory snorted. She hated dreams, because she couldn't control them. They were...annoying! You could dream about everything, and sometimes dreams were way to strange for her taste.

So you like to control

Mallory swung around, grabbing her puck-launcher - only to notice that there was none! She cursed. Without weapon, she was only half as strong. She looked nervously around, trying to identify the owner of this strange voice. But her eyes searched in vain.

You can't see me, the voice stated with a certain satisfaction.

"Who are you?", Mallory barged, always scanning the area. The idea of not being able to see her enemy irritated her greatly.

I am someone. Nobody. Everyone.

"What a great answer!", the female duck spat out. "Shall I believe that? This is just a trick of the saurians, I bet!"

Didn't you believe that it is a dream of your own mind?

A dream you can't control?"

Now Mallory was utterly confused. How could this voice know about her thoughts which had been in her head only a minute ago?

This is no dream "So, what then?", she wanted to know.

Or maybe it is? Mallory fumed. "What is your stupid game?"

MY game? the voice seemed to laugh.

Playing with you! It whispered near her ear, and she jumped, hitting the point in the air out of reflex. But there was nothing, and she landed on the ground. A soft breeze stroked over her face.

You can't see me the voice hissed.
You can't fight me
You can't touch me

"SO WHAT'S YOUR INTENTION???", Mallory screamed.

To hunt you destroy you kill you make you suffer darken your thoughts awaken your fears destroying your hopes breaking your heart dampening your spirit

The words were invading her head, she couldn't ignore them. "Who are you?", she finally managed to speak, still echoing the words in her head, not leaving her mind, darkening her thoughts like it had said.

I am your fear it shouted, louder than everything the duck had heard before, and she covered her eyes.

I AM YOUR FEAR
Mallory shook her head, trying to stop the tears which started falling off her eyes.

THERE IS ONLY ONE THING YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID OF

ONE THING WHICH CAN DESTROY YOUR HOPES DARKEN YOUR MIND BREAK YOUR HEART

And Mallory screamed, a scream full of pure horror, still hands over her ears. Alone in the wide desert, the young female sat on her knees, head clutched with both hands, screaming with every power she had.

And the voice thundered satisfied FEAR

Wind howled over the plains, carrying away her scream, carrying away her salty tears, but not being able to carry away the fear which had started to grow in her heart, the fear she didn't know the cause...

It has just begun, a last whisper hushed over the desert, one whisper which was more frightening than the loudest shout.

But I can't move

But I can't see

But I can't fight

I want to be strong

I don't want to need help

But I am helpless

I am scared

Fear everywhere around me

Invading my thoughts, darkening my heart

No way to fight it

No way to flee

Can't fight...

* * *


Siege watched the duck with mild interest. Floating in the green liquid, unconscious and helpless, Mallory didn't look as frightening as in battle, and the saurian felt triumph rose. Although he didn't understand much of the technique, although he hadn't seen the sense in this - he now enjoyed being able to watch his enemies in the glass boxes. They were so helpless!
No jokes, no smart comments - now it was him who could joke! He smiled.

He knew that they were dreaming. Not good dreams, regarding the looks in their faces.

"They shall dream of their deepest fears.", Dragaunus had announced proudly, "It will destroy them. They can't flee. They have to face their fears. Their deepest fears."

"And if they wake up, they will be destroyed. Mentally dead. Broken."

"If?", Wraith had asked.

"If. Because I highly doubt that they will. It costs much courage and strength to fight - and win - against your fears. Will they be strong enough? Separated, alone?"

Siege grinned. He didn't understand this all, but he understood that it was a way of torturing their enemies without harming them physically.

And torturing was always good. As a saurian on Puckworld, he had always liked it to hurt the prisoners.. Seeing the blood on the ground, hearing the screams. It was a kind of power the huge saurian not often had.

And he enjoyed it.

Like every saurian (with a few exceptions)

He continued watching the red-haired duck, realizing the painfully expression on her face. 'Good', he thought. 'Suffer! Suffer till you're dead!', and triumphantly he hit the glass with his fists. Again. And again.

* * *

Mallory stared at the sky. She felt such a heart-gripping fear that she herself was surprised. There was no logical reason to be afraid...her brain continued telling her that this all was a dream, an invention of her own mind or a stupid trick the saurians were playing with her. But although she sensed that this was true, she couldn't fight against the dark feeling in her heart. She was totally afraid and lost. All she wanted to do was to huddle in a corner and to close the eyes. But she couldn't. Something was preventing her.

And suddenly, the scene changed:

A soft wind was breezing, and the sun was shining warmly down on the ducks. It was a beautiful day on Puckworld and everybody seemed to be happy. People were smiling and greeting each other, and it was a pleasure to walk in the park.
The little girl with the red ponytail did definitely enjoy this weather. She was busily trying to catch a small bug with a cup, but every time she got near it, it would fly away.
Mallory squealed and hopped after it. She would get this bug, and then she would take it home and show it to her brothers! They would be proud of her!
The girl giggled and continued her efforts.

"No!", Mallory gasped and closed her eyes. "This is not...it's not possible!"
How could it be? She was there...in the past...in her past! She knew this event...remembered it...but she didn't want to see what happened next, no, she didn't!

"Mommy! Mommy!", the girl yelled happily and entered the house. "Look what I have found! Look there, mommy, it has blue dots and green....", her voice trailed of when she noticed the people in her house. "Mommy?"
Eyes wide in shock she stared on the crumbled figure of her mother on the ground. "Mommy!"
She wanted to run to her, but the four huge ducks stopped her. Mallory had never seen their faces before, but they looked truly mean and evil. "Who are you?", she said in a tiny voice, clenching the glass box in which she had caught the bug. "Mommy, who are these people?"
But her mother didn't response. And slowly she could see blood trickling down of her mother's neck.
She was hurt! Her mother was hurt!
Mallory was frightened. Adults were never hurt! Especially not Mommy. She did help her when she had scratched her knees, but who did help her Mum?
So frightened was she that she didn't notice one of the male ducks moving towards her. "How nice", he snarled and grabbed her harshly. She screamed of pain. "The little duck has come. And how frightened she is...just like her mother, not? So weak!", he laughed, a laughter Mallory should never forget.
Her gaze went away from this horrible face and wandered through the house. Now she noticed that the normally clean kitchen was messy and untidy. The drawers were all opened and the cupboards damaged. And some things were missing. Mallory's eyes became wide in shock. Burglars? Here? In her house?

"Nonononono", Mallory whispered and tried to cover her ears. "I don't want to see this, I don't want to remember it...I have gotten over it, it was long time ago..."
But even when she closed her eyes, she could see the pictures, could her every sound, every movement. She was living through it, and there was no way to fight it. Tears dwelled up in her eyes.

Little Mallory tried to run away, but the burglar was still grabbing her. "Wanna make troubles, don't ya?", he grinned and shook her. An other duck added: "Just like the mother, huh? We have to make sure that she won't tell anyone."

"I told you before that we should wear masks", the third murmured.

"Shut up!", the first shouted, "She's just a kid. We have to frighten her, then she won't be a problem. Kids are easy to manipulate!"

Mallory, who had listened to the conversation, froze. She didn't want to be frightened. She was already.
The first beat came without a warning. It hit her on the right cheek and she could taste blood in her mouth. The girl stumbled to the ground, the glass shattered and the bug flew away. Tears began to fall down her cheeks. "See? She's already crying.", the huge burglar said and pointed towards the girl on the floor. "She's just a kid. And she is a girl. Girls are always weaker than boys."

"I am not weak!", Mallory protested and clapped immediately her hands over her mouth. She was a strong girl. She was faster then most of the boys she knew. And she was the best fighter in the neighbourhood. But she also knew that this wouldn't help her against four adult ducks.

"Did you hear that?", one duck snorted. "She isn't weak! Well, but she will when we have finished with her!!"

She was prepared for the next blow. It took her breath, but she bravely tried to fight the tears. She was strong.
But more blows came, and every hurt more. Soon her face was bruised and she was bleeding. But she still didn't cry.

"You can't do that to me...", Mallory weakly said, but she had stopped her fighting. She just watched in horror what she thought was forgotten. She had been six years old then, and the nightmares of this event had stopped when she was 17!
She had believed, had wanted to believe, that it was over, forgotten, buried and lost somewhere in her brain, but now, when she saw the scene, every hurting memory came back with a painful intensity.

"NOW I TELL YOU SOMETHING!", the duck shouted and grabbed Mallory at the collar. "You are a girl. Girls are weak. You think you are strong? Then tell me why you can't fight against us. Why you couldn't protect your mother!"
Mallory flinched. The pain was immense, but she was still aware of her surroundings, and these words had hit a sore point.

She couldn't do anything.

She didn't do anything.

It was her fault. She had always believed that she was strong, but now she found herself in a situation like this, and she was more frightened than ever before. And she couldn't fight against it.
The next blow came. And the next. And then came the moment Mallory stopped to fight against the tears. The moment she gave up.

"Now you see.", the duck hissed, "What a worthless piece of dirt you are! Weak! Useless! You are helpless against us!"
Out of swollen eyes, she stared at him and sobbed. Finally she nodded.

"Good. And you won't tell anything about us. You don't know how we look like. Understood?"
Again she nodded.

"You will tell them that we were wearing huge masks, and that you could never recognize us. Clear?"

One last nod, and then he let her fall on the ground. She curled up in a small ball and tried to stop the sobs which were shaking her body. When the last blow came, she welcomed the warm and peaceful darkness.

Mallory cried. Something she rarely did, but now she couldn't stop it. She felt exactly the same. Helpless. And weak. Like she had been when she was six years old.
But she wasn't six anymore. She was supposed to be stronger. She was a member of the Mighty Ducks, after all. If the others could see her like that, they would throw her out of the team! She couldn't be weak!

She had woken up in the hospital. The little girl had been afraid of her surroundings; the cold, white walls and the huge bed in which she looked even smaller than she was were so different from her lovely, small chamber at home. She felt ...wrong there, out of place.
Her father, who had been in the room with her, hadn't noticed that she was awake. He was talking with the doctor.

"She will be okay", the female doctor said, "The bruises will heal, and nothing was broken. But it's a possibility that she might suffer from a trauma after it. Kids in her age react differently to such situations."

"And what's with my wife?", her father wanted to know, and she could hear the worried undertone.
The doctor stayed silent for a few seconds, then she spoke very slowly: "With your wife...it's different. Her bruises are far worse and she has some internal injuries. To tell the truth, Mister McMallard, it doesn't look good for her. We are doing our best, but sometimes that's not enough..."

Mallory closed her eyes when she heard her father's broken voice. "I-I thank you doctor..."
She tried hardly not to cry, but it was difficult. She was a little kid, but that didn't mean that she hadn't understand the meaning behind this words.

Her mother would die!

The image of the crumbled form of her mother's body came back into her mind and she shuddered. She should have helped her! If she hadn't caught this bug, then she would have been at home in time...but even then she would have had no chance. They had beaten her with such an ease that Mallory felt like a doll. She had been useless, to her mother, to her father...why hadn't she fought?

Surely her brothers would have done something, they were always so strong - but she? She had frozen in fear.
Mallory had always believed that you could fight against the fear. But now, at the small age of six, the girl made the discovery that sometimes fear was stronger than you...

"You are a girl. Girls are weak. You think you are strong? Then tell me why you can't fight against us. Why you couldn't protect your mother!"
He had been so right! She was weak! She was a burden...

Mallory trembled of surpressed feelings. She hated being a burden. It was her worst nightmare...she was strong. Stronger than the others. She knew how to fight, and she knew how to use weapons. She was a Mighty Duck, after all.
But sometimes...sometimes all your skills and all your power cannot help you. For there are enemies which can't be seen. Because they are in you!
Fear was one of them, and it was the strongest.
You can fight it. Many ways exist, but you have to find them. And the first step is to search...

She stayed in the hospital for three days. And neither the nurses nor the doctors gave her answers on her continuing questions regarding her mother. All she earned were pitiful glances, and that told her enough.

Her mother wasn't well.

That certainly didn't improve her mood - and her healing became slower. But she didn't mind. The nagging fear deep inside her heart was burning in her, darkening her mind and giving the small child such an adult-like expression, full of grief and worry, that it was frightening.
Mallory herself didn't notice the change in her behaviour, but her family did. Her brothers started to avoid her, leaving her alone in her state. Feelings had never been a great deal in their family, so they didn't know how to deal with them.

Then came the day she would never forget. They day which should change her life.
It was her last day in hospital. A nurse came to her and said that she would see her mother now. She stared at her and gulped. One part of her didn't want to do this. Another part told her that it was her duty as a daughter. And she wanted to see her loved mother.

So she took the hand of the nurse and went with her to a room on another floor.

When Mallory opened the door with shaky small hands, the first could only see darkness. Curtains were in front of the window, blocking out the sunlight and morphing the usually bright hospital room into a gloomy chamber out of a horror movie. And in the middle of this chamber - the bed!
Slowly the girl tapped nearer, carefully avoiding every noise. Her eyes gazed over the silent figure and noticed every detail...the pale face and the pain memorised in the lines of the face as well as the white pillow and the ring on her mother's finger.
Mallory stroked over the hand of her mother and flinched. It was cold!

"Mallory...", a tired voice said, and she turned around to see her father standing in the corner. "Mallory, it's hard to explain...I don't know how to tell you...", he hesitated, voice broken, tears glimmering somewhere deep in his eyes.

She turned back to the bed and watched the face of her mother. The...body of her mother.

"She's dead.", she spoke calmly, as if she would state something normal, but her heart was bleeding.

Her father breathed deeply. "Yes...she had internal injuries. This night she had a collapse and her heart stopped beating. The doctors tried to revive her, but it failed...your mother had lost too much blood and so she..."

"...died.", Mallory finished his sentence. My fault My faultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfault!

"Mallory, we have to be strong now...", he said and put a hand on her shoulder.
Strong...strong....But I am weak I am weak Iamweakweakweakweakweakweakweakweakweak...She whirled around and stormed out of the room. She wasn't weak....she was never!
She ran and ran, until she reached an old stairway. There she stopped and panted.

I don't want to be weak. She had fled...she hadn't stayed, but it was her mother! She should stay and say farewell...But she couldn't.

I will become strong. I don't want to run away.

Stronger than everyone.

And the fear won't hurt me again.

* * *

Mallory stumbled on the sandy ground. Her feet were hurting and her skin burned. But she didn't mind. All she wanted was to run away, to flee this nightmare. The usually strong woman resembled more a little girl; helpless trying to get away.
And truth was, she felt exactly like that: a small girl. Vulnerable.
Her mind screamed "Fight!", but her heart didn't listen. For her brain didn't know how to fight against this fear, this invisible enemy.
Who was behind this?, she wondered. It wasn't a dream. No dream could be so real. So how did she come here? And who was the owner of this voice?
She stared into the sun without blinking. A soft breeze was soothing over her face, stroking over her red hair. She wanted to enjoy the welcome cool air. She wanted to forget about what had happened, but the images were hunting her.

Her dead and cold mother.

The eyes of her father when he had told her the News she already knew.

The moment the burglar yelled at her and hit her face.

Mallory clenched her teeth.

Already giving up?

This time, she wasn't surprised. Somehow she had expected this.
"Why do you think that?", she asked calmly. "I haven't given up yet. It takes more to break me."
And the moment she said this, Mallory realized that it was the truth. She still hoped. She still had the spirit to fight. Amazed by this sudden discovery, the red-haired duck totally forgot to search for the owner of this voice, like she had done before. She was thinking. There was always a way to fight...and what if to fight against this meant not fighting? She couldn't win with weapons. But maybe she could win with her mind...

My,my, are we heroic today. But you are too frightened. The fear is eating you, little girl.

She glared coldly at the sky. "You are right", she admitted, "I am frightened.", she herself was surprised about the easiness she spoke this words. And about how relieved she felt. In fact, she had never admitted that she was frightened. She had been afraid of that! But recognizing - and accepting - that you have fear is brave. And the first step into the right direction.

What an useless child. Too scared to fight. If you want to be strong, you can't be frightened, kid.

Mallory balled her fists and trembled. Oh, she felt so angry...she didn't want to be weak! She wanted to fight!
"I will fight you! I don't give up!", she screamed, not believing her own words. They echoed in her mind, back and forth....I will fight. I won't run away.

And then it hit her. She wasn't the little girl anymore, nevermind what her feelings kept telling her. The fact that she wanted to fight although she was scared like hell proved that she had the ability to be strong. Because you are weak when you give up. Not when you stand up. The second step was done.

You are weak. You can't win the voice stated, but there were doubts in it. The duck didn't care about it. She ignored it and reflected her feelings.

Mallory stared on her feet. Then she...then she was still strong, wasn't weak...maybe she could allow herself to be frightened? Maybe? If she just didn't give up, kept her will to fight and to win.
A triumphant grin appeared on her face. Yep. She could do it.

The fear was still there, in her head and her mind. But now it was bearable. She could live with this. And she would find the way out of here, no matter what happened!
She was Mallory McMallard, a soldier and a member of the Mighty Ducks!

You are frightened! You are scared!! the voice repeated with an edge of panic in it.

The red-haired woman looked up and fire burned in her eyes. She was Mallory and she was furious.
The voice became silent. And Mallory grinned.

* * *

"What happened???", Dragaunus roared and pointed to the black video screen.

"I don't know, my lord.", Wraith answered hastily and pushed some buttons. "The fear-machine isn't working any more, and somehow the brain pattern of the duck has changed."

"Why?", Dragaunus wanted to know and growled. He had spent the last hour in watching Mallory's memories on the screen, and he had really enjoyed it. The idea of seeing one of these ducks in so much fear did certainly please him, and one hour of such a 'movie' was better than every holiday.
Understandable that he wasn't very happy about this sudden change. The screen had went black - from one moment to another.

"It seems...", Wraith said slowly, fearing the anger of his master, "It seems that this duck has managed it to fight against our machine.", he gulped.

"Or better, she tries to fight. Because of that we can't see her thoughts anymore. The computer tries to break her will, and obviously this needs all his sources."

Dragaunus closed his eyes. "Okay....", he spat out. "Stupid ducks! Fortunately we have five others left", he rubbed his eyes. "I want to see the next one. Wraith!"

"Yes, my lord.", he sighed and pushed some more buttons.

Dragaunus laughed. "Let's see what the deepest fear of this one is!" and he settled back in his chair, musing if he should eat some popcorn or not.

To be continued...

And, what do you think? Did I catch Mallory well or was she ooc? Please tell me! Phew, it was really hard to write this one!*glares* But thanks for the reviews! I love ya all...thanks, Dolphy, for beta-reading this! - Thanks, Pappillon, for your encouragement! - Thanks, Ottercub, for your numerous reviews on my stories! (The taco was in the front pocket, by the way) - And thanks to Becks and Angelfire for writing excellent stories! Oh, I am pathetic, not? Hehehe*snickers*, which duck will be the next??(I don't know...I will see when I start writing!). :) Kaeera
Comments and critisicm can be sent to kaeera@yahoo.de - I love getting mails!