Notes: Uhm..errr....sorry for the delay. Yeah. I actually thought that I could write a lot during holidays, but obviously...I didn't manage it. *sighs* Oh well. It's Tanya's turn, and I really thought a long time until I finally found a fear...well, hope you like it. Like Duke she's a little bit ooc, but I couldn't help myself...

Hey, another announcement! Guess what? Dolphy has drawn a pic of me - as a duck! It's sooo cool! Come on! Watch it - I've posted it on my website, with permission from Dolphy. Here's the link: http://www.angelfire.com/comics/kaeera/images/kaeera_duck.html
And don't forget to read Dolphy's stories*hint hint*^^

...failed....

To Face the Fears

by Kaeera

Chapter 5: Shadow of the past

The air was hot and sticky. Noises could be heard - of animals. Birds were chirping, loudly, a never ending sound. So many noises. Something was walking around, you could hear the cracking of footsteps. Insects were flying through the air, making buzzing sounds. Far away, a bird was singing a beautiful melody.

Tanya opened slowly her eyes. The first thing she could see was the color. Green. Everything was green! She blinked a few times, and could recognize a tree with some parrots. Parrots? As far as she remembered, there were no parrots in Anaheim - at least no ones which were flying around freely.

And the air....phew, it was hot! Really hot, and so...uncomfortable. Heavy. She had problems in breathing.
The blonde duck stood up and brushed her trousers. Looking down on them, she briefly wondered, what all these dark little spots were doing there - and why they were moving. She examined them nearer and....

"Ahhhhhhhh!!! Ants!" she screamed, jumping up and down, trying to keep the little insects away. She ran a few meters, until she could see a lake.

Without another thought, she jumped in it.
SPLASH! The water was cool, a welcoming change of temperature in the hot jungle. Yes. Jungle. She was obviously stranded in a jungle. Tanya brushed the wet hair out of her face and analysed her current situation. She was in a jungle. Jungle, that meant many wild animals, many insects, and a very uncomfortable climate. She sighed and turned around. At least she had got rid of these ants...

Tanya found herself staring into the face of a giant alligator.

"Uh-Oh", she made.

The alligator seemed to grin.

"WAAAAAHHHHHHH!", quickly she scrambled out of the water and robbed away from it. Her heart was pounding. My god, where was she? Dangerous animals everywhere!! Tanya didn't like the nature. She was more a technic-freak. After all, computers never bit you....or made annoying noises....or produced stinky excrements. They were just simply hardware and software. Of course, they needed care, but it was enough to hold them clean. (Unlike Nosedive who insisted that his video game console could only function with enough chocolate in the system.)

Tanya wiped the sweat away and continued her lonely march through the jungle. Although her brain was working faster than ever, she didn't have a clue what had happened - or was happening. The last thing she remembered was this fight....and then? Darkness.

When she had opened her eyes, she had been here. In the jungle. Maybe the saurians had teleported her to this place, in the knowledge that she wouldn't be able to survive for a longer time. Maybe. Although she really couldn't believe that. Dragaunus wasn't this kind of a person. He would make sure that his worst enemies were dead....by the way, where were the others?

The blonde duck made her way through the labyrinth of green plants and annoying roots. She shoved some leafs out of her way - and found herself on a big clearing. "Wha...?", she gasped surprised, noticing a big temple on the other side. It was really big; build of large grey stones with strange signs and pictures on it. It had to be very old, because trees and roots had managed it to grow through the stone in several places. But it still looked impressive, and she immediately had the same feeling she always had when she visited a church. This was a 'holy' place. Many hundreds of years ago human beings had built because of their believe to a certain god - or gods. And the place held something...important. She couldn't describe it.

Slowly she walked towards the entry, the curiosity of a scientists overwhelming her respect. It was dark inside, and Tanya had to blink a few times until her eyes had accustomed to the darkness.

"This is really interesting."; she muttered to herself, examining the wall beside her. "An ancient temple; I always wanted to see one of these. It must have been a high-culture, otherwise they couldn't have built something like this..." Tanya regretted that she didn't know more about the old cultures of Earth. Maybe she could have found out in which country she was.
A dusty stairway lead into another room. Tanya hesitated for a moment, then decided to follow it. Maybe she could find something...useful.

And she did, indeed, find something. But it wasn't what she had expected.

After a few minutes, the stairway ended into a hall. A big hall. It was tall, without windows, but illuminated by a strange light.
Five Ducks were hanging on the other side of the large room.

For the first few seconds, Tanya didn't even register them. She was far too surprised by this...unexpected discovery. Then she saw them. Mallory. Grin. Duke. Wildwing. Nosedive.

They were hanging - hands and feet tied together - on the opposite wall. Under them was a huge gap in the floor, and above of them she could see a strange mechanism.

"Oh my God!", she cried and rushed forwards. "Are you okay?"
No response. Her friends didn't even open their eyes. Worriedly, Tanya searched for a way to get them back. Then she frowned.

If you fail, they will be dead. a cold voice stated.

"What? Who are you?", Tanya asked, spinning around and searching for her opponent. But she couldn't see anybody.

It's not important who I am. Who are you?" it laughed a little bit, and Tanya shuddered. "Why shall I tell you that if you don't give me your name!", she snorted, but couldn't prevent that her fingers were trembling. This whole situation was creepy and did slowly, but determined, destroy her nerves.

Who are you? it repeated. I know it. You are Tanya. A Mighty Duck who isn't so mighty right now. You are lost. Lost in a world you don't understand. And your friends are in danger. Can you help them?

"What do you mean by that?", Tanya wanted to know.

Did you see this mechanism over there? It means death for your friends. Every minute, it will turn this lens over there. Just a little bit. But when it had turned enough, it will catch the sunlight and direct it to the ropes on which your friends are hanging. You are such an intelligent duck, Tanya, you surely know what will happen then...

"It will burn the rope...", Tanya said shocked and clapped her hands over her mouth. "And then...they will fall down!"

Exactly. They will fall down. Into this big black hole. And do you know what awaits for them in it? Do you know? the voice growled triumphantly.

Hundreds of pointy spears!

"No....", she whispered. "I have to help them..."

Help them. Do something. Because if you fail, they are dead. You won't fail, will you? Failures....are you a failure? and it laughed maniacally, leaving a very confused and scared Tanya alone in the temple.

Failure...over and over the words echoed in her head, bringing back forgotten memories. 'Calm down', she advised herself. 'This is the technology of an ancient culture, you should be able to find a solution.'


Hands trembling

Because you know

That others depend on you

Pressure

On your weak shoulders

Can't fail

You have to know it

Have to find a way

But sometimes you just can't

can't find a way

No solution

People depending on you

Looking at you with trustful eyes

And you?

Letting them down...

trembling

crying

let them down

down

failure...

...failed...


Slowly the female duck climbed the wall and examined this strange technology. Although she was scared like hell, she had to admit that these human-beings had been extremely intelligent. It must have needed them much time to build something that complex with their tools. Tanya traced the ropes with their fingers. She couldn't untie her friends; there was a special mechanism which would loose the rope as soon as she moved her friends. But she couldn't stop the lens either, because everything was connected - one movement, and her friends would be dead. It seemed impossible to free them...

"Wildwing?", Tanya shouted in an attempt to wake her team-mates up. "Are you okay there? Mallory? Duke?" But she didn't get a reply. Limply they were hanging down, eyes closed. Maybe it was better like that; if they did wake up, they would freak out and start moving...which would cause their immediate death.

"Oooookay", Tanya muttered, searching for her omnitool. Cold sweat covered her face when she noticed that it wasn't there!
She had to do this with her bare hands...and suddenly, she doubted that she could do this.

They will fall down and I will just stand here and watch...I can't rescue them, oh my god, I can't rescue them...they are depending on me, what am I thinking? I must rescue them...I must...

Tears were streaming down her face; without her knowledge she had started to cry. Images of a long forgotten memory came back and haunted her; memories of a time in her life when she had been in an equal situation...and she had failed. Her hands were trembling when she tried to pull herself together. 'Don't freak out', she told herself. 'Stay calm. Think logically. Your friends don't need you crying. They need you strong and clever. Calm down!'

Tanya hiccuped a few times and breathed deeply. Okay. This was a problem. Every problem had a solution. Like in math. Math was logic. You just needed to think, to search for a new way. But it was always logic; unlike life. Numbers did never betray you, humans - and ducks - did. 'Regard it as if it would be a mathematical problem', she advised herself. 'Distance yourself. Don't think about your friends. Face the problem. Concentrate on it. Shut everything else out. This is just a problem. There's a solution. There's one...'

Not so easy, failure duck the voice snarled suddenly, right now when Tanya had calmed down. She closed her eyes for a moment. Concentrate on the problem. Shut everything else out.

You think you can manage it? Seems that I haven't frightened you enough... Face the problem. It's simple math. You can do it. Don't listen to this voice.

Now let's see if you can calm down after you've seen this.... I'm not listening. Recall this mechanism. Gears. Ropes. Sticks. There is a solution. Watch it carefully. Use your brain. Imagine every possible way. be creative. Work on the problem. Find a sol....

"Tanya?", another voice chirped, and her eyes shot open. For a short moment, her heart stopped beating. She closed her eyes and counted till ten, then she turned slowly around.

Tanya couldn't believe what she was seeing. She stepped backwards. "No...", her voice was a whisper, nearly inaudible, and she could feel something hot running down her cheek.

The little girl looked even smaller in the huge room. "Tanya?", it repeated again, eyes never leaving the face of the older duck. "Nicole?", Tanya gasped, still not trusting her eyes. The younger duck smiled a little bit, then her eyes became sad.

"You are tall, Tanya...", she said.

"Yes...", Tanya replied. "I've grown up..."

"I never got the chance to grow up...", Nicole's voice trailed off, and she started crying softly.

"I know...And I'm so sorry, Nicole...", Tanya stuttered confused. "But why...how...are you here? You...died..."

"I've never gotten the chance to grow up. I've never been a teenager. I couldn't live through all the pleasures and depressions of love. I have never finished school.

Tanya covered her eyes, trying to stop the crying. This was just too much...She was dead! Nicole was dead! Many, many years ago she died at the age of nine...she was dead!

Was this a dream?

"I always wanted to become a doctor.", Nicole sobbed. "It's unfair. Why did I die and why did you live? Look at you, Tanya. You've grown up! You are tall...you are a woman!", she looked down at her body. "And I?"

"Nicole...it was an accident...", Tanya started, but she didn't know how she should continue. How to calm down a dead person?

"It was an accident??", Nicole yelled, tears streaming down her face. "Oh yeah, it was a stupid accident, but I thought you could fix it. You were so intelligent, so smart...why didn't you prevent it? Why didn't you do something against it? Why did you fail?"

Why did you fail?

Tanya balled her fists, her nails piercing into her hands. "I...I didn't want it...", she said with a shaky voice, "Nicole, I tried everything...I really tried...but I didn't know what to do. I'm so sorry, Nic, so sorry..."

"Don't call me Nick!", the girl shouted. "You used to call me Nic when we were friends, but we aren't friends anymore. You betrayed me, Tanya, and it did cost my life. You failed! You could have done something!"

You failed...you were always so smart, you should have known that it was dangerous. You should have warned me. Or you should have called a teacher when it happened. But you just stood there...

"I was trusting you! You were my best friend!"

She depended on you...and because of your incompetence, she lost her life. So young...not meant to die. Failure....Failure! FAILURE!!

"You FAILURE!"

"Do you think I wanted this?", Tanya shouted back. "Do you think I wanted to kill you? You were my best friend, too, Nicole. I trusted you like you trusted me. And I really didn't know that it was dangerous....nor did I know what to do when it...happened...Months after it I cried myself to sleep, Nic. I felt so guilty, and I have been so sad because you left me. My best friend...and it was my fault! I didn't want to fail you, never...I didn't want to be a failure...It just...happened..."

"Oh, it happened...", Nicole answered coldly. "Well, your luck that it happened to me and not to you. Because you had the chance to live a happy life. You became smarter and smarter...learned many things...while I was dead. You lived, Tanya, you lived!"

"What was I supposed to do? Kill myself?", Tanya sobbed.

"This whole thing shouldn't have happened!", Nic yelled back. "You should have prevented it! YOU!"

It was your fault. Your fault. Failure. Failure! FAILURE! Failed...let her down...let her hanging....failed! Your fault! YOUR FAULT!


* * *

Years ago on Puckworld:

"Hahahaha", the two girls laughed while they were wandering through the school. They both wore their hair in pig-tails; one had blonde, the other brown hair. "And it really happened?", the blonde asked, wiping tears of laughter away.

"Of course!", the brown-haired girl replied. "After it Jim was so furious that he closed Seth into the closet for over three hours. Poor Seth was pounding on the door and bouncing into the walls like mad, but Jim didn't let him go. You should have seen his face, Tanya, it was hilarious..."

"I can imagine it.", Tanya chuckled. "Nic, your family is so crazy. I love them!"

Nic grinned proudly. "Yeah, they are cool."

The two girls walked down a corridor, when they suddenly noticed an open door. Curiously they peered inside. "Cool!", both ducks gasped at the sight of the large class-room. There was a table on which many strange bottles and glassy things were standing.

"Do you know what that's for a room?", Nic asked.

"I guess it's for chemistry class.", Tanya replied, staring at the odd mechanics on the table. "Usually it's closed - students aren't permitted to stay inside of this room without a teacher.

"Wow!", Nic grinned, and her eyes started to glint with mischief. "That's the perfect possibility! We can look around and no teacher will notice!"
Tanya thought for a moment, then she agreed. "Yeah!"

They both stormed into the room, looking at the bottles and examining every chair, every table and sheet they could find. Tanya read the names on some bottles and could just scratch her head. She had never heard names like 'Natriumhydroxid' or 'Kaliumpermanganat'. The short forms weren't better - what the hell was HCL(aq)??

"Look at this!", Nic announced excitedly and showed Tanya a brown bottle. "This stuff smells really disgusting! Like...old feet!"

"Let me smell!", Tanya shouted and ran towards her friend. "Uhhhh...", she made when she put her nose over the bottle. "Horrible..." Nicole snickered. "I wonder why they keep this stinky stuff. It doesn't seem to have any use..."

Then it happened. Her arm hit another bottle, while she was trying to place this one back on the table. The clear liquid splashed all over her arms - and her face. For a moment, both girls remained silent. Then Nicole started to scream.

It had been acid or whatever in this bottle, right now it was burning her skin, her face...and her mouth because she had accidentally gulped a little bit. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH", she screamed, voice full of terror and pain.

"Nic!", yelled a panicked Tanya and tried to help her friend. "Nicole!"

But Nicole didn't hear her. She was lying on the ground, thrashing wildly around of pain. Tears were streaming down her face, her eyes opened wide with shock and fear. "Help!", Tanya screamed horrified. "Somebody help!"

She didn't want to leave her friend. Nicole continued to cry and to sob. Suddenly she choked blood.
Tanya stared on the red liquid on the floor, sobbing herself uncontrollably. "Nicole..."

Then she spun around, running out of the room, frantically crying for help. She noticed a teacher on the other side of the corridor. "Help!", she cried with a tear streamed face. "You have to help my friend! She's dying!" The teacher immediately ran towards her, and Tanya rushed back to the room.

"Help is coming, Nic.", she said and tried to smile. "They will help you!"

Nicole continued to scream in pain, blood flowing out of her mouth and her nose. There were several burn marks on her face. "Nic, be strong, they will help you...", Tanya tried to reassure the injured duck.

Suddenly she stopped moving. "Nic...?", Tanya asked, touching her friend. She heard footsteps behind her, but she didn't care. "Nic?", she repeated again, turning her friend around.

She stared into two dead eyes. Wide open and still reflecting the immense pain and terror...but dead. Tanya gasped, her hands trembling. "No....", was all she could get out, when two hands grabbed her and put her away. "Nonononono...."
Someone lifted her up and carried her out of the room. "NICOOOOOLE!", she screamed, struggling against the strong grip. "NOOOOOO!!!"

But Nicole didn't reply. The girl lay on the ground, her broken eyes staring into the space. This eyes would never again sparkle of laughter. They would never see the rest of the world. Nic was gone.

* * *

"It was an accident, Nicole.", Tanya sobbed. "I wouldn't have done anything which caused you pain. You were my best friend!"

"I know...", Nic whispered, and her young face seemed to be much older. "But you didn't do anything to prevent it, either..."

"I-I...", the blonde duck stuttered, but she couldn't find the words.

Then, all of a sudden, Nicole smiled - and started to cry. "Maybe...maybe you won't fail this time. Maybe your friends will have the chance I never had...to live. I just wish...that I could have grown up with you. That I could have stayed together with my friend...."

A soft breeze stroke through the room, and the form of the small duck started to disappear. Tanya could see through the child, and then she was gone, without another sign.

Tanya held out her hand, as if she tried to catch something...and she whispered sadly: "I do, too, my friend...it has always been a dream of me. Growing up together with you..."

She wiped her eyes and sighed. This meeting had changed everything. She was afraid; back in the past she hadn't been able to help, and today it was exactly the same. What if she failed? What if her team-mates fell down and died? Pierced by spears. And she would hear the screams. Terrible screams, full of agony, pain and fear...like Nic had screamed. Had cried and sobbed.

She stared at the mechanism, trying to find a way to manipulate it. She wanted to touch some of the gears, but noticed that her hands were trembling. 'I can't work like that!', she panicked, 'I can't work with trembling fingers!' Again she tried to take deep breaths, but she realized that her feelings were just too intense. This meeting with Nic...had been the last strike. She didn't manage it to pull herself together - she had lost it. She was on the verge of a nervous breakdown - and there was no one to help her if she need medical care...or just someone to talk to. In fact, she was needed....she couldn't let her friends down. How many times had they saved her life?

"I can't do it!", she cried frustrated. "I can't rescue them! Nic was right....I am a failure!"

She fell to the ground and hugged her knees. Her whole body was trembling when she started to cry in heart wracking sobs. I'm failing. I'm failing! I promised myself that I would never fail, and now...it's my job to help them, and I can't...

How many tears... the voice echoed through her head triumphantly.

Such nice tears of sorrow. Are you too weak, Tanya? Aren't you clever enough? Can't find a way? Can't find a solution? You are failing! FAILING! and it laughed, a bitter laugh. Tanya shuddered when she heard it and continued to cry.

And around her, the jungle was full of life. Birds were singing, chirping, screaming; the sound of fleas and other insects filled the air. It was a beautiful place, full of life and strange things. Colourful plants as well as colourful animals. But the one duck didn't see all this wildness. She just saw her friends. And her sorrow.

* * *

"I like this!", Dragaunus stated satisfied and watched the screen. "Yeah. This one is great. So much fear. So much sorrow...awwww, there's nothing better than watching someone else's misery on a rainy afternoon!"

"I agree with you, master.", Chameleon said hastily.

"What's with the other three ducks?", Dragaunus wanted to know. "You know, these who managed it to fight their fear."

"We've tranquillised them.", Chameleon informed his master.

"Good.", the Saurian Lord snorted. "They managed it to win against their fears, but they won't win against ME!"

"Of course they won't!"

"Now...", Dragaunus waved with a hand. "Bring me some popcorn. I want to enjoy this one."

"To your service, My Lord.", Chameleon bowed and hurried out of the room.

"I love the fear...", Dragaunus growled. "Stupid human-beings and ducks. They are all the same; let themselves irritate by stupid feelings. Fear...HA! We Saurians don't know this, that's why we are the born rulers."

He scratched his chin. "CHAMELEON! WHERE'S THE POCORN???"


* * *

Hide

Hide yourself

Run away

Smaller

So that the world can't see you

Hidden

So that the world can't depend on you


After an seemingly endless time span, Tanya finally stopped crying. Not because she wanted it. She just hadn't any more tears left. Dried out. Empty. Yes. That was her current state; empty. As if every emotion, even the smallest smile had been drained out of her body by a mysterious dark power. She knew that she wasn't acting normal; the Tanya who belonged to the Mighty Ducks wouldn't have cried like this. No. She would have thought about the problem, and she would have found a solution.

But unfortunately, this wasn't the Tanya everybody knew. Parts of her were; but other parts...belonged to the soul of a small girl. A girl who had lost a very important person - a girl who was blaming herself.

And so it was not a surprise that the blonde acted like this...all the strong emotions were simply too much. She looked at her friends, trying to convince herself that she had to help them - and then she suddenly saw the face of Nicole, staring at her with tears in her eyes and saying: "I've never had the chance to live..."

And all her determination got lost...

"No....", she whispered. "I can't let something happen to them..." She stared at the lifeless bodies of her friends. And suddenly, memories came back...not memories of Nic, but memories of her friends and her life on earth...

Wildwing wearing the mask and telling them their latest mission...ordering to 'beat ol'lizard lips up' and to be ready for the next hockey-game...

Nosedive eating the two-week-old taco and coming to her with stomach aching - insisting that it wasn't the fault of the taco, but of Mallory's attempt on cooking...

Mallory chasing Nosedive down the hall because he had toilet-papered her room....telling her that it was a 'nice way of decorating a room'.....

Grin sitting in front of the TV and meditating...confusing the other team-members with his so-called-wise sentences...

Duke drinking in coffee in the kitchen and reading the Newspaper while Nosedive and Mallory are having a fight about life and death around him...

And finally...herself sitting in the lab and working with the computer...inventing new programs or playing solitaire on her computer (only if nobody of her friends watched - after all she was supposed to work...)

She saw all this, and realized how much she missed her friends. If they would be here together...they would certainly find a solution. Together they were strong. Tanya could imagine it...Nosedive would made a smart comment, receiving a glare from Mallory...then Wildwing would tell them to stop the fighting. Duke would roll his eyes and mutter something inaudible, and Grin would make a wise comment like 'Hot air makes hot heads. Calm down, little friends.'

And she...would laugh about the stupid bickering and would try to find a solution. No. She would FIND a solution, she knew it. She always did find a way out when she was in a mission with the Mighty Ducks. Always.

Then it hit her. The reason why she couldn't work properly. Why her hands were trembling. Why her mind didn't concentrate.

Because she was alone. And when she was alone, her old fears came back. To fail. Her friends trusted her. It was always like 'Good ol'Tanya will find a solution'. They did never doubt it! And because of that, she trusted herself. She could view things in another perspective.

Tanya opened her eyes, and this time the look in her eyes had changed. Had changed from frightened to determined.

"I can do this!", she balled her fists. "I'm not alone. I'm with my friends. They trust me, although they can't say it. But I know. Deep in my heart, I know it. And I won't let them down. I will prove that I earn their trust!"

She stood up and shouted. "I will free them! I will find a solution! Because they believe that I can do it! And...I will believe it, too."
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. "I won't fail...."


People depending on you

Looking at you with trustful eyes

And you?

Staring back

Smiling and saying:

I will do it

I can do it

Believing in you

Is a way to win

....don't fail...

....won't...

Again she climbed to the mechanism, working with the gears. She thought that she had found a solution, and she feverishly worked on it. There wasn't much time left.
And over and over again she had one thought in her mind: I won't fail. Tanya wore a grim expression, but there was also the glint of a smile in her eyes.

Nicole....I'm so sorry...I wish I could have helped you. I always felt so bad about your death. But I really couldn't have done anything. It took me a long time until I believed this...but it's true. You were my best friend, and I will always miss you.
But right now....right now I have to help my other friends. I'm sure that you understand. This time, I can help them...This time I can be faster than death.
I will never be able to make up your death. I will never be able to undo this terrible accident. And I will never be able to give you a life...
But I'm able to help these ducks. Five lifes, depending on me. I won't fail, Nic; I promise you that I won't fail. I'm doing it for you, for me...and for my friends.

I won't fail!

To be continued....

Was the ending a little abrupt? Ehm...maybe I'm leaving a slight cliffhanger here...ehehehe*scratches her head* In fact, I didn't know what to write anymore. Of course, this isn't the real time, they are just illusions. And Tanya has won against her fear, so that's basically the end of this chapter. Yeah. Kaeera signs off :)