Notes: Hello! My apologies...it took me long to complete this chapter. My life right now is in full-stress. The teachers are piling us with work; then there's orchestra and I have to study for Physics because this will be my last year in which I have it as a main subject, so I need good results. Plus my orchestra took part in a competition, which basically meant that I didn't have any free time left...

Okay, I'm pretty sure that nobody of you guys is interested in my complains. Just read the next chapter....This time it's *gasps* NOSEDIVE!!! Yep, his time for the torture. Funny, when I wrote the story I just couldn't stop torturing him, that's because the ending comes a little bit suddenly. I really hope that this chapters fulfills your expectations....

...and nobody likes me...

To Face the Fears

by Kaeera

Chapter 6: My life, a whole illusion


THUMB!

A tall, slender duck had just appeared in the air, and, following the laws of gravitation, had hit the ground quite hardly. He laid there, unmoving, while the wind was stroking through his blonde hair. "Ouch.", he then grumbled. "That hurt!"

He sat up and looked around. "Woah.", Nosedive made, realizing that he was in the middle of Anaheim. "Hey, weren't we fighting? In the mall?", he stood up. "Helloooo? Wildwing? Mal-Mal? Duke?" Nobody answered his shouts, and he shrugged. Maybe he had been blasted to this place, whatever. The best would be to go back to the Pond and look for the others.

Nosedive walked slowly to the city, pondering the problem, but not finding a solution. "Where is Dragaunus?", he mumbled to himself. "It's not like him to vanish like this. Hey, the last thing I remember was the gas and....", he stopped and frowned. "I was unconscious, I remember it exactly. But...why didn't he caught us? We were helpless, weren't we? It would have been the perfect chance." , he paced up and down the street. "Okay. Let's recall the events. I was falling down on the floor in this shop, and then everything was black. Obviously I have blacked out there. Meaning that I was lying on the ground. So....who has brought me into the street? Who has brought the others away?"

He scratched his head. "Uh-uh. Difficult problems in the early morning hours (well, okay, late afternoon, but that's basically the same). I need a break.", the teen decided. "Time to visit Thrash and Mookie."
He put his hands in the pockets, whistled a song and walked towards the shop his two friends owned.

"Hiya, guys!", he said as soon as he entered the shop. Strangely he didn't get a reply. Maybe they weren't there? But no, Mookie was standing behind the desk, reading in a book.

"Hi Mookie!", Nosedive greeted the punk girl, but again he was ignored. "Is this a kind of joke?", he wondered amused and shook the girl. "Hey, anything in there? It's me, Nosedive, your crazy alien friend!"

The girl didn't reply. She didn't react to his touch either...Nosedive stared at his hand, not believing what he saw.

His hand...was directly going THROUGH Mookies arm! What the he...? The duck blinked in shock and jumped away. He shook his head. This couldn't be...he had been dreaming, hadn't he?

Slowly he approached the girl and stretched out his hand. Mookie didn't seem to notice...and then it happened again! His hand went through her body, as if it was just air.

"Okay.", Nosedive tried to calm down, although is heart was racing. "There's certainly a logical explanation for this. There must be one...maybe you are hallucinating, whatever. Don't flip out, Dive."

Nervously he paced around. "Fact is, Mookie can't see me, but I can see her. I can't touch her, though - what's that supposed to mean?", he ruffled frustrated through his blonde hair, suddenly missing his brother. Wildwing would have calmed him down....the big guy always knew what to do.

"THRASH!!", Mookie suddenly yelled, making Nosedive jump. "Where are the new Batman comics?"

A voice from the backdoor shouted a muffled reply. Mookie sighed. "I don't understand you. Come out of your room!"
Thrash stepped into the shop and repeated his previous answer. "I put them under the desk, because I haven't had the time to sort them into the shelves yet."

Nosedive felt a little bit left out. A VERY little bit. Normally they would talk to him, make jokes....they would notice him. But now? As if he wasn't there...he could see them, but nevertheless he was alone. "Thrash?", Nosedive croaked out, not really expecting an answer. "Uhm, dude, I'm here, your old buddy Nosedive....hey, man, this isn't funny!"

Thrash frowned. "Hey, something is strange here..."

Nosedive perked up, a glint of hope in his eyes. The human-being scratched his head and turned to Mookie. "It's funny, right now I remember this strange customer we used to have....the alien duck, you know who I mean. What was his name? I forgot it...."

Nosedive gasped. Thrash didn't remember his name? His best friend DIDN'T even remember his NAME?????", he felt incredibly lost and alone. But one moment, maybe he hadn't meant him, maybe he was talking of another duck....after all, there were six of them!

The girl looked bored. "You mean the weirdo? With the blonde hair? Who acted like a spoiled brat all the time and thought he was funny?"
Thrash nodded. "Yep, exactly."

Mookie scratched her chin. "His name was as stupid as his behaviour. Nose...Nosehole? No, Nosewing? No, it was something different, like Nosedibe or so...oh yea, I remember, it was Nosedive!", she yawned. "I never liked him. He was annoying."

Four little words. Four little words put together in a sentence. I never liked him. They seemed so harmless, so small. Just four little words.
But for Nosedive Flashblade, a world broke.

In stunned silence he stood in the middle of the shop, slowly realizing what his so-called-friends had said. They had forgotten his name. A spoiled brat...He couldn't believe it. For all the months he had lived here, he had considered the duo as his friends, who accepted him as equal. They had always greeted him friendly, had laughed with him, and he could tell them everything. Or so he had assumed. And now?? They...they didn't like him at all! They thought he was...annoying.

There was a difference between annoying and annoying. Being annoying to other people, people he couldn't stand, was great fun. But knowing that his friends thought of him as annoying...although he had NEVER tried to act like that was downright depressing.

He felt something salty in his mouth. He was crying. Nosedive stepped back and cried to his friends: "I-I can't believe what you are saying. Well then... we have never known each other. It's over! I...you aren't my friends. Fine!", he stormed out of the shop and wiped the tears away. His goal was the pond. His brother would surely have a hug for him, or at least some reassuring words. He certainly needed them now...

I can see you

But you can't see me

I can hear you

But you are deaf to my shouts

I can touch you

But you can't hug me back

I'm all alone

I'm with you

But I'm alone

alone in the crowd....

His way back through the crowd was a horror trip. Nobody noticed him. Nosedive, who was used to get attention, found this deeply irritating. He was running through the streets and THROUGH the people. He was....like a ghost. For a moment he feared that he had died. That his body was lying somewhere in the mall, and his soul was wandering around. But he quickly shook off this thought. No! Nobody who was dead could think clearly. The teen had never believed in heaven, or in ghosts. When you died....you were dead. Over. Your life ends, and that's it.

Maybe this was a dream....but he could feel it! When it was a dream, then why did it burn in his chest? Why did his heart hurt?
Nosedive was confused, and his legs were carrying him to the only person he trusted enough to solve his problems; his brother Wildwing.

**************

Dragaunus roared and stamped through the corridors. This. Couldn't. Be. His plan had been perfect. A method of getting rid of these ducks. And in the beginning, it had seemed to work. They had panicked, they had given up...a very pleasant view on the giant screen in his room. But then....something had happened. Not only with one duck, with everyone he had tortured so far!

They had faced their fear....and they had won!

The huge saurian growled frustrated. If the ducks escaped, he had even helped them! He had helped them overcoming their fear!
He balled his fists. No! He wouldn't let them escape. They were safe. They were unconscious and couldn't move. And....when he had finished torturing everyone, he would kill them all with his own hands!

An evil smile appeared on his face. Yeah. He would do that.

"Siege!", he shouted and stepped into his room, glaring at the huge monitor. "I want to watch the next duck!"

"Very well, my lord.", the saurian bowed and pressed some buttons. He felt extremely nervous, because the last four experiments with the duck's fear had been a disaster.

"And Siege....", Dragaunus added in a warning tone. "This time I don't want to see a duck who wins....I want to see a duck who's lying on the floor and crying, who's breaking down. Understood?"

"Y-yes master.", Siege stuttered. "It will surely please you....I have chosen the youngest. Usually they are the weakest, it should be very difficult for him to escape the illusion."

"Good.", Dragaunus was looking forward to the video. "I can't stand kids, it will be a pleasure...."

*************

Nosedive rushed into the pond and panted heavily. More and more he felt like the main actor in a horror movie - with the only difference that he didn't knew it...

"Well, I always assumed that my life was weird.", he mumbled. "But that it's THAT weird is ridiculous.", he walked to the living room. For a moment he hesitated, expecting something terrible, but when he stepped into the room, he just saw Duke who was sitting at the table and reading the newspaper. Nosedive breathed a sigh of relief and plopped down on a chair.

"Man, Duke, you have no idea what happened to me today.", he told the ex-thief, but didn't get a reaction. "Oh no....", Dive waved in front of Duke's face, but the grey duck didn't even flinch. "Not you, too...."

He gulped and stretched out his hand. Like before it went directly through the body, like air. Nosedive jumped up and stumbled backwards. His eyes were wide in terror. "NO! What is happening with me? Why does nobody see me?", he cried and slumped down on the floor. He looked at his hands, and they were flickering, like an old TV-screen - he could look through them!

"This must be a dream....", the teen murmured, a wave of fear overcoming his mind. "It's creepy, I am a....ghost."

He buried his head in his arms and tried to order his swirling thoughts. But whatever he did, he couldn't find any explanation for this. He didn't believe - didn't want to believe - that he had died and was a ghost. It couldn't be a dream either, it was far too real for that.

"Hi Duke.", a female voice broke into his thoughts. Mallory entered the room and threw a bag on the table. "Wow, this shopping trip was exhausting.", she told him and sat down on a chair.

"Hello Mallory.", Duke greeted the red-haired warrior, not looking up from his newspaper.

"It's really great being ignored from you two.", Nosedive said sarcastically. "Just what I always wanted...."

Mallory frowned and turned to Duke. "Did you sense something?", she asked and looked around. Nosedive perked up. Had she heard him?
Duke stared at her. "What shall I sense?"

Mallory shrugged. "I dunno....it was strange. For a moment I heard a voice in my head, and then an image popped into my mind."

"What for an image?"

"Uhm....", she scratched her head. "A young duck, blonde....you know, the duck who was once a member of our team. With the big mouth and the small brain. What was he called....Nosedive?"

"Oh, that duck.", Duke said with a hint of disgust. "You shouldn't waste your thoughts on such a loser."

I can hear you
I can hear you!

Why are you telling me things which break my heart?
Why are you hurting me like that?

I can see you
I can see you!

Why are you ignoring me?
Why are you leaving me alone?

"Oh, well, he was funny at first.", Mallory said thoughtfully. "But he was so useless. He's not even a fighter. Why did they bring him to the team? He was totally useless to us, just a nuisance..."

"He was a spoiled brat.", Duke pointed out. "He thought that he was the best, the funniest. But in reality, he could do nothing. Maybe he was a good hockey player, but that was all. And then he was always running to his big brother....the kid couldn't stand on his own feet! Totally useless!"

"True, true, true.", she sighed and dug in her bag. "It's just a luck that he isn't here anymore. I bet Wing is even more happier - he had always have to bother with this little brother of his."

"Oh yeah.", Duke laughed. "I will never forget the annoyed look on his face..."


I can't touch you
I can't touch you!

I want to sense you warmth, your presence. But I am alone. I see you, but I am unable to reach you...but you don't want to touch me, do you? You don't like me. You think I am useless. I am not worth being touched by you. I am not worth being in the same team with you. I am just....useless.

Nosedive put his hands over his mouth and tried desperately not to cry. He had never expected that Duke would say something like this. And Mallory...of course, he hadn't treated her very well, but it was kind of an acceptance between them. In fact he had always liked the fierce girl. And Duke had been like a second brother to him. The way he had called him 'kid', had given him advices or had just ruffled his hair - had it been a lie?

Had he been so stupid?

Nosedive's eyes watered, tears cascading down his face. And the things they had said about Wildwing...no! Never! His brother wouldn't abandon him, even if the others did. Wing had wanted him to come along. They had always been together, and he trusted him.

Nosedive tried to wipe the tears away. He was scared. He didn't knew what was happening, but from one moment to another, his whole world had changed. Everyone, everything. And he was standing in the middle of it, still the same old Nosedive with a love for tacos and comics, not knowing how to handle this.

Another person entered the room, but the teen didn't notice it until a large shadow fell on him. He looked up and saw a giant duck in the door frame. His face lit up a bit. "Grin!", he shouted and stood up. "Hey, man, I just hope that you are the same...."

Grin ignored him, like the others had done, and Nosedive's heart sank. "No...not you, too!", he pleaded. "We were always great buddies!"

"A dark aura is clouding my senses.", Grin told the other two ducks and took a chair.

"Translation, please.", Mallory ordered.

Grin looked at her. "Something is annoying me."

"Ah well. Maybe the same thing I felt.", she started to explain. "I had a strange feeling, and suddenly an image popped into my head....of this

Nosedive.", the female duck pulled a face. "It's disgusting, but I can't get it out of my head."

"Mysterious are the ways of the illuminated.", Grin commented. "In fact, I dealt with the same issue. This person is clouding my aura with dark memories I wish I didn't have."

Nosedive froze. "Grinster, you aren't saying that, are you?", he said in a shaky voice.

"It's deeply annoying me to see the image of a person I absolutely can't stand in my head over and over again.", Grin admitted, and the others nodded understandingly.

...a person I absolutely can't stand....

Memories flashed through Nosedive's head, of the numerous times they had sit down in front of the TV and watched cartoons, always bickering about the shows. All the times Grin had rescued him, had fought with him. Or had just confused him with his wise sentences.

And now? Now? It had been an illusion? Was his whole LIFE an illusion? Nosedive slumped to the ground. Nobody liked him....and he was alone. ALONE!
What if he stayed like that forever? What if....the others never noticed him? He had to live like that - a shadow, a ghost. He would die!


I can't touch you.

I feel alone and the only thing I want is to hear your reassuring voice.

Tell me that everything is okay.

Tell me that it is just a dream.

Tell me that it was just a joke and you all like me....

Why aren't you answering? Why are you silent???


With a tear-stained face he ran out of the room. "Wildwing...", he sobbed, frantically searching for his brother, the only source of love which had been left. "Wildwing, help me!", he pleaded. Blind of tears he ran through the pond, seeking, searching.

"WING!", he cried. "Wing, I need you! More than ever!", he ran to his room, and then to Wing's room, searched the toilet and the kitchen.

And finally, he found his brother in the lab. The well-known face of the older duck calmed him down immediately. "Wildwing!", he said relieved and walked towards the other duck. "I'm so glad to meet you. You won't believe what happened, the whole world seems to dislike me from one moment to another...", his voice trailed off when Wing didn't even flinch. It couldn't be, could it? His brother surely would help him, even if he was a ghost.

There was a connection between them, a very special one. Nosedive grabbed his brother by the shoulders, but again his hands went through the body and he fell to the ground. "What...", he whispered and looked up at Wing. The look on his face told the teen that Wildwing hadn't noticed him either.

"You can't do that to me....", he cried, tears running down his face. "I'm your brother. You can't ignore me like that...."

Wildwing looked up with a confused expression. "Strange....", he mumbled to himself. "I thought I heard something.", he scanned the room, overlooking the invisible Nosedive.

"You ARE hearing something.", Dive shouted. "ME! It's me, Nosedive!"

The leader of the Mighty Ducks frowned. "It almost sounded like my little brother....", he said. Nosedive nodded eagerly when he heard this. "Yes! Yes, Wing, it's me. Come on, concentrate, you can hear me, I know it!"

Wildwing sighed. "I am working to hard. I have nightmares when I'm awake...."

"Nightmares?", Nosedive repeated, his former enthusiasm disappearing. He stared at his brother in shock. He wouldn't....not him, too....

"I want to get this stupid brat out of my mind!", Wildwing complained. "He annoyed me my whole life, and now, when he's FINALLY away, I have to dream of him? That's not fair."

Nosedive blinked, unable to say something. Was that really Wing who was saying this? His brother Wing, who had protected and cared for him his whole life? His hands started trembling. What would he do without Wildwing? He was lost. He had trusted him, had trusted him with his life! And now?

"How often have I wished that he would just vanish.", Wildwing continued his rant, still unaware of the presence of his baby brother, "I always had to protect him from everything. He came to me every time he had a nightmare, ignoring that sometimes maybe I just wanted to sleep. He annoyed the other team-mates, and he wasn't a good fighter either.", he sighed deeply. "I should have kicked him out as soon as I got the mask. It was a mistake to take him along; but I was his brother, I didn't have another chance. It's pure luck that the problem is out of the world now. The whole team is happy!", he smiled. "Finally some peace. I'm so glad that Nosedive isn't in the team any more."

Nosedive's world, which had been cracked already, broke into thousands of little pieces. His mouth fell open as he stared at his brother, and the tears continued to fall when the painful words finally reached his brain - and his heart. He sobbed and stretched out his hand, but let it fall immediately. His brother....wasn't there anymore. His brother had never liked him. All the people he had trusted, all the people he had loved....were gone. And Nosedive was alone. He was alone in the crowd, alone under his friends, who weren't his friends anymore....had never been.

With a heart-breaking cry, the young duck curled up on the ground and sobbed like mad. In his previous life he had survived many sad situations, but this was too much. His heart broke into little pieces. His trust was broken. And his love....betrayed.

Why aren't you answering? - Because you don't want to answer...
Why aren't you seeing me? - Because your eyes close at the view of my face...
Why aren't you hearing me? - Because your ears have forgotten my voice...
Why are you leaving me? - Because you never liked me....

Nobody liked me? I was alone? My life was an illusion? I am alone? Then I don't want to live anymore....then there's nothing left I want to live for. I want to go away. I want to forget your images, your voices. But they are burned into my mind. They will never go away. And my heart will never heal...
I can't run away from you. I can't run away from reality...

Let me die. I want to die. I give up. Death will come and I will embrace it with open arms. Just - make it end. Let me die...


**************

Satisfied the saurian lord watched the young duck. Indeed, this was a difference. He missed a strength he had seen at all the other ducks. This duck was giving up. And already his body was becoming weaker and weaker....Dragaunus let out a content sigh.

This was the reason he liked having the power. To see your enemies crying, kneeling on the ground...and especially the look in their eyes when they experienced betrayal.

Weak they were, both human beings and ducks. They believed in trust, in friendship and in love. When you broke their trust, manipulated their friends and let them feel unloved....they broke.

Dragaunus had to admit that they were strong when they were fighting together. But it was their strongest and weakest point at the same time. When you knew how you could manipulate them....it was as easy to win as sitting in front of the TV.

How small they looked when they lost everything! How fragile they were....and how pained their expressions could me.

Dragaunus laughed.

************

Empty eyes stared into the space. Nosedive had hid into a small closet. He didn't want to see anybody. He felt so alone and hurt...nobody could understand these feelings. His whole world was nothing but an illusion.
The usual cheerful teen didn't resemble himself any more. His eyes red of crying, deep shadows under the eyes and an area of sorrow and darkness around him which hadn't been there before.
Over and over again he repeated the fatal sentences. Words put together in a certain order, just some words, and they had destroyed everything.

.....I've never liked him....
.....I'm glad that Nosedive isn't in the team anymore....
.....a person I absolutely can't stand....
......spoiled brat.....

"It's not fair!", Nosedive sobbed and banged his fists into the wall. "Hell, It's not fair! I didn't do anything. They....they have no right to treat me like that!"

He closed his eyes. Memories of his life before this incident flashed through his head - a life full of happiness and excitement. He smiled when he remembered the one day back on Puckworld - a memory which he had always kept in a special place in his heart, because it was so precious.

FLASHBACK

Seven year old Nosedive came home crying. This day some of the guys in the school had treaten him badly. Fortunately Wildwing had been there to protect him, but there was something which was nagging at the small child. A question, or better a sentence which one of the boys had said to him:

"Your brother must really be annoyed to protect you all the time. I bet he hates it and wishes you to hell!", Nosedive eye's had watered at this comment, and the whole day gloomy thoughts had circled around in his head. Did his brother hate him?

Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and walked into Wing's room. "Wing?", he said timidly. "Can I ask you something?"

The older duck was sitting over his homework and let out an annoyed sigh. "Is it important?"
Nosedive looked on the ground and stuttered: "Y-Yes." He looked so lost and sad that Wildwing became concerned and forgot about his algebra problems. "What's wrong, Dive?", he asked softly, kneeling down on the ground so that he could look into the eyes of his baby brother.

"Do you wish me to hell?"
Shocked by the question Wing blinked a few times. "What? No, Nosedive, never! Why do you think that?"

"Because....", the blonde sniffed, "Because you always have to protect me. And I can never do something for you. I am just a little baby, a nuisance!" Tears were streaming down his little face, and Wildwing did the first thing his brotherly instinct told him: he hugged the smaller boy.

"Nosedive, I will never ever wish you to hell.", he said in a reassuring tone. "You are my smaller brother and I care for you. It's my job to protect you!"

"B-But...", he cried and buried his head in Wing's chest.

"No buts." Wildwing told him firmly and stroked over his head. "I will always be there for you, no matter what. I love you, Dive. And nothing could change that."

A small smile formed on Nosedive's lips. "T-Thanks...", he managed to choke out and hugged his brother. How come that Wildwing only needed to say a few words and he felt immediately better?

END FLASHBACK

"I can't believe that he has lied to me.", Nosedive sobbed. "I mean, how often did he reassure me like that? How many times I went to him, crying and feeling totally useless, but he has always cheered me up?"

He looked down on his hands. "I mean, if he hadn't liked me, he wouldn't have done this, would he? He would have chased me out of the room, or something worse. So why this sudden change?"

Dive frowned. Maybe this wasn't Wildwing at all. Wildwing would never break his heart. He had promised it. And even if he had stopped liking him, he wasn't one of the people who broke promises easily.

"And what if it's a dream?", Nosedive said slowly, wiping his wet cheeks. "What if it's a nightmare?"
Although it was far too intense to be a simple nightmare, the teen wanted to believe it.

"I remember exactly his words.", he mumbled. "I know what he said. Numerous times."

"Nosedive, I will always love you. I'm your brother, it's my job to protect you. You would do the same. And if I ever, ever hurt you in a way or another - it isn't me."

Nosedive's eyes widened in shock and he whispered: "Can it be? Can it be that this isn't the reality? That not my life was an illusion, but this whole scenario? Hallucinations? Dreams, whatever?"

He stood up. Could it be? In trance he walked through the pond to the ice rink. He stepped on the cold ice, glancing at the all-too-famous surroundings. The bench on which they were sitting before a game. The rink in which they had won so many great games. Memories, images flooded his mind and the tears started to fall again.

"It was real.", he said softly but determined. "I can't believe that it was an illusion. No. Nobody can act like that. Nobody can act as if he would like me when he doesn't. The opposite is easier, but....no."

He fell on his knees and looked into the blank ice. He could see his reflection, the blonde strains hanging in his face and his eyes with a look of sadness in them. "I'm Nosedive.", he told his mirror-self. "I have a brother. His name is Wildwing."

Yep, that sounded right. "This brother....", his voice became distant, "He says that he doesn't like me. He has broken my heart.", Nosedive bowed down to the ice and whispered: "But I don't believe him. Wildwing wouldn't betray me. This isn't the real Wing!"
As soon as he had spoken these words, he knew that they were true. Wildwing would NEVER say something like that. His heart knew it. And his brain, too, he just had to convince it.

"It's still hurting. It's hurting like hell to hear these words.", he stood up and a look of determination crossed his face.

"But I won't give up. No.", he yelled. "The Wildwing I know loves me. The Duke I know accepts me. The Grin I know is my friend. The Thrash I know wouldn't talk like that about me. The Mookie I know wouldn't oversee me. The Mallory I know wouldn't talk bad about me - she would kick my butt!"

"THIS ISN'T MY REALITY!", he shouted. "My reality is different! DO YOU HEAR IT? THIS IS NOT REAL!"

Panting heavily, he balled his fist and growled: "And if there's a way back to MY reality, I will find it!"


My eyes can't see you

But my heart does

My fingers can't touch you

But my heart does

And my trust

will always be there

To be continued....

Okay, it's obvious who will be the next....*smiles* I don't know when I will manage to write it, though, school is soooo exhausting right now(Kaeera in full complain mode!) And for anybody who's interested: I started a Mighty Ducks, or better: a MDA roleplay. Anybody who's interested (and isn#t playing already) can go to the site:

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/kaeera/rpg.html

Read the rules and mail me if you wanna participate. ~Kaeera