My Existence

Haunted. The best word I can find to describe myself. What am I haunted by?, you may ask; I am plagued by endless memories of horror and death. No. Not of those I have killed, of why I kill. I hear the screams of pain and torture. I did nothing, could do nothing to save them. I was powerless against it. What is 'it'? The red organoid. Ambient. It's owner--or it's slave, who really knows-- Hiltz; I too will destroy. They ruined my life, so I shall ruin his life and the organoid's. I will kill anyone and everyone who gets in my way, without regret, especially those pitiful Zoids.

'Van?' You say…

Van. There is no way to explain him. I hate him so much, that I think I might not hate him at all. In fact, in some twisted way, I might love him. No, there are other reasons I think that…He has shown me things; kindness, sorrow, fear, pain--lots of it-- and dare I say it? Even regret. When I think of him at first I am cold, then gradually I become warm, then Shadow teases me about getting soft.

Shadow.

Shadow is my organoid. My organoid, I am not merely just his human as Prozen was to the Death-saurer. I control him, not the other way around. He may have been a 'gift' from Prozen, but I'd even venture to say, after all this time, he has become a friend.— He is now laughing at me for what I have said of Van. Well, I guess I never said he was a good friend.

But, Van…

I've thought about him, in ways I think I shouldn't. But…somehow…it feels right. It's been getting worse lately, my desires aren't easy to push away and my thoughts grow everyday, my fantasies you could even call them. At first they were innocent, a simple touch of the hand, a pure kiss, but then they escalated, to were could dream no further. It hurts to think about him, now, and the scar on my palm is a constant reminder.

Nevertheless, I'm just kidding myself. There's no way my 'love' could ever be returned, it's virtually impossible. There's no way he could ever love me.

~Owari~

Ohayoo! Genki des' ka? URRG! I took the PSAT's yesterday, my brain is FRIED! *throws hissy-fit* Well this is how it goes. I had anther UST (Unresolved sexual tension) Raven-x-Van up my sleeve, but I typed it up and forgot to save, hit some kind of program shut (it involves the shift key I think. -.-) and Bai bai "You Know You're Right". Look for it later, might finish typing it again. Well I was going through my massive piles of papers, most of them abandoned

Raven-x-Van/Van-x-Raven, and found this. I liked it. I have another one, slightly darker, I think *pulls it out of a stack of crap* Er, yeah, very similar except third person and a little more focused on Van. Who cares Raven is Raven and Raven rocks my socks. ^^ I miss Joey and the PFY crew. *sob* *thinks* Actually you might have to wait for the other one "Casualty of Emotion" (I Like the title ^^) since Oh yeah, I have homework! _ Teachers and School sucks. All teachers e'cept Ms. Portocarrero and Ms. Valdner who gave me homework are mean! MY English homework is always fun since we're FINALLY reading the next chappy of "TO Kill A Mockingbird." we're only up to 14. --.-- We go to damn slow!

Erm enough Ranting.

Disc: I own nothing.

Ooh, everyone download the "New" Nirvana song "You Know You're Right" It rocks!!! Kurt Cobain is god. *bows* thank you.

--Naomi Hunter.

--ooooh ps. Look for a Raven-x-Van lemon perhaps. ^_-