Notes: I love good cold medicine. But unfortunately it takes a toll on how clearly I write. (Hint: Insanity=present Sanity=past)

Music: Brokedown Palace

Warnings: Yaoi, fluff, lime, insanity

Pairings: RanxKen KenxYouji

Disclaimer: Definitely not mine, far far too scary

~~~

Hold Me Close

3

My arms encircled his shoulders, so warm, so strong, so wonderful. I never wanted to let go of this precious angel that I had only just found. After I had wrapped his wounded hand, I found myself growing fond of Hidaka and I came to treasure his feckless smile. What is it about holding on to someone that makes it so...perfect?

Ken looked up at me with a smile, turning his head to the side so he could see me. I tightened my hold on him and rested my chin on his shoulder. I didn't want to let go. He was so warm. He could see into my eyes and not be repulsed. I welcomed him and he came willingly. I didn't want to give that up.

"Will we tell the others?" I asked him, turning him around by his shoulders.

"We can keep it secret for just a little longer." Our lips met in lustful heat, my tongue meeting his in a sweet embrace. I wanted everything about him.

~~~

I sat cross legged in front of Ken toying with my katana. There were footsteps behind me and an audible gasp. I was annoyed. Who interrupted my playtime with Ken? I wasn't finished with him yet. Instead of just tossing my katana behind my shoulder to hit whoever stood there, I had a better idea. A grin lit my face and I didn't turn around.

"My dear Youji, don't just stand there." There was silence and then another footstep coming closer.

"Ran...what...?" His voice sounded breathless. I liked it. I wanted to hear more.

"Surprised? You should be, you know."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Ken's....dead..." I could hear him slump to the ground behind me, his breath ragged.

"He deserved it."

~~~

I glared at him, wishing something would crush his body at that second. Something that would cause him indefinable pain. Something...

"Why would you fucking do this to me Ken?" I turned away from him. I didn't want to give him the luxury of seeing my emotions. He had forfeited that when he betrayed me.

"So what? I kissed Youji. Are you going to kill me?"

Are you going to kill me?

Yes.

"Get away from me." I didn't want to hear his response. He had betrayed me...Why did he leave me? Wasn't I good enough for him? Why did he play games with me? Why, Ken?

I sat in my room, blankets drawn up around me, thinking about Ken. His face loomed close in my mind's eye and I wanted to see him bleed. I wanted to see him cry. I wanted to see him hurt like he hurt me.

Night had fallen and the moonlight was spilling through my ever open window and onto my bed. Tears were on my face. I could feel them. I didn't care. It didn't matter. Ken had hurt me. That mattered but not for long. I walked to my door and peered out into the hall. There wasn't anyone around and the darkness was relieved only by a light from downstairs.

Don't you worry, Ken. I'm coming.

He was in the kitchen again but this time not cradling a wounded hand. A pity. My katana lay hidden in my boot, carefully placed and wrapped as not to cut me. He heard me come in and looked away quickly. I ignored him for a while, going around the kitchen to retrieve whatever implements of food that suited my fancy.

"You know Ken, you're going to have to pay for what you did." I was rummaging in a cabinet filled with baking products in an attempt to find the hot chocolate mix. I could feel his startled gaze on me.

"What are you talking about?" His voice was angry and frustrated but not, to my dismay, the least bit guilty or sorry.

"Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't you?"

"What the fuck Ran."

"What the fuck indeed." I turned around to look at him, a large smile upon my lips. "Come here Ken. Why don't you come here?" I held my arms open, still smiling. He backed away in fear or disgust, I'm not sure which. Why is he disgusted by me? He is the filth. "Come here Ken." My smile was gone and replaced with an ugly frown. My voice was louder, harsher. My Ken wasn't coming to me. Why not?

"Stay away from me bastard." He was scrambling to get away from me. Why is my beloved afraid? He should have nothing to fear from me.

"But Ken, I love you."

~~~

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