A/N Next part, in no particular order…
Attack of the Big Climatic Fight Scene
ANAKIN, OBI-WAN and PADME are in a ship, flying low along the planet's surface. Suddenly PADME becomes a clutz and falls out.
PADME: Waaaaahhhhhh!
ANAKIN: Padme! I'll save you!
OBI-WAN: No! You can't.
ANAKIN: Why the hell not!?
OBI-WAN: Because…well…(embarrassed, mumbling) There's something I've been wanting to say to you…for a very long time…you see, er, the thing is…
Close shot of ANAKIN's face as he settles down for a long wait.
Cut to: DOOKU's den. OBI-WAN is still trying to explain.
OBI-WAN: Although the expression of physical love is considered inappropriate among Jedi…well, except for special cases, of course…
ANAKIN: Like you and Master Qui-Gon.
OBI-WAN: Yes, like me and Master…no! That was a dirty rumour.
ANAKIN: Whatever.
OBI-WAN: Anyway…where was I? Oh yes… you see, ever since I first met you….well not exactly, I mean you were nine, but anyway since you became a teenager…I've had this urge to…what I'm trying to say, Anakin, is that I…
DOOKU: (Creeping up and stabbing OBI-WAN with his lightsabre; laughs evilly) Tee-hee!
OBI-WAN: Awk! (Collapses)
ANAKIN: Nooooo! You killed my master! *I'm* supposed to do that!
ANAKIN lunges at DOOKU. DOOKU snickers and cuts off his arm. ANAKIN collapses in a useless heap.
DOOKU: Tee-hee!
Enter YODA, leaning on his stick.
YODA: Aha, beat up the pretty boys, you did. Time to bring out the real men, it is.
DOOKU: Bring it on, gremlin-granddad!!
DOOKU waves his lightsabre around in a dramatic manner. Meanwhile, OBI-WAN is regaining consciousness, as is ANAKIN.
OBI-WAN: Padawan…are you licking my boots?
ANAKIN: I wanted to tell you about my shoe fetish, master, but it never seemed like the right time.
YODA: Hard bastard, I am. Kick ass, I do.
YODA does his little Kung-Fu stance, then leaps into the air and begins to jump about maniacally with his mini-lightsabre.
VOICE OF YODA: Ah, this sucks. Come on, a seventy-something year old beats up on the pretty boys then gets his ass whupped by a gremlin? I can't work in these conditions. I quit.
GEORGE LUCAS: Damn! (to a grip) You boy, go forth into the street and find me an actor.
GRIP: (returning) Sir, all I could get was this ageing, retired ventriloquist.
GEORGE LUCAS: Well, he'll have to do. Continue the scene from the noble, poignant, meaningful, not-at-all-meant-to-be-funny bit.
YODA: Police, arrest this man! Got his hand up my ass, he has.
GEORGE LUCAS: Oh, God.
YODA: Gottle of geer, gottle of geer.
YODA does a lot of psychokinetic tricks, saving the pretty boys from DOOKU. Meanwhile, DOOKU is preparing to run away. ANAKIN and OBI-WAN slowly clamber to their feet.
ANAKIN: Oh, Force…he cut off my HAND! That's the hand I *wank* with!
OBI-WAN: ….
YODA: ….
DOOKU: …
AUDIENCE: …
GEORGE LUCAS: ….
A tumbleweed rolls slowly across the set.
Attack of the Big Climatic Fight Scene
ANAKIN, OBI-WAN and PADME are in a ship, flying low along the planet's surface. Suddenly PADME becomes a clutz and falls out.
PADME: Waaaaahhhhhh!
ANAKIN: Padme! I'll save you!
OBI-WAN: No! You can't.
ANAKIN: Why the hell not!?
OBI-WAN: Because…well…(embarrassed, mumbling) There's something I've been wanting to say to you…for a very long time…you see, er, the thing is…
Close shot of ANAKIN's face as he settles down for a long wait.
Cut to: DOOKU's den. OBI-WAN is still trying to explain.
OBI-WAN: Although the expression of physical love is considered inappropriate among Jedi…well, except for special cases, of course…
ANAKIN: Like you and Master Qui-Gon.
OBI-WAN: Yes, like me and Master…no! That was a dirty rumour.
ANAKIN: Whatever.
OBI-WAN: Anyway…where was I? Oh yes… you see, ever since I first met you….well not exactly, I mean you were nine, but anyway since you became a teenager…I've had this urge to…what I'm trying to say, Anakin, is that I…
DOOKU: (Creeping up and stabbing OBI-WAN with his lightsabre; laughs evilly) Tee-hee!
OBI-WAN: Awk! (Collapses)
ANAKIN: Nooooo! You killed my master! *I'm* supposed to do that!
ANAKIN lunges at DOOKU. DOOKU snickers and cuts off his arm. ANAKIN collapses in a useless heap.
DOOKU: Tee-hee!
Enter YODA, leaning on his stick.
YODA: Aha, beat up the pretty boys, you did. Time to bring out the real men, it is.
DOOKU: Bring it on, gremlin-granddad!!
DOOKU waves his lightsabre around in a dramatic manner. Meanwhile, OBI-WAN is regaining consciousness, as is ANAKIN.
OBI-WAN: Padawan…are you licking my boots?
ANAKIN: I wanted to tell you about my shoe fetish, master, but it never seemed like the right time.
YODA: Hard bastard, I am. Kick ass, I do.
YODA does his little Kung-Fu stance, then leaps into the air and begins to jump about maniacally with his mini-lightsabre.
VOICE OF YODA: Ah, this sucks. Come on, a seventy-something year old beats up on the pretty boys then gets his ass whupped by a gremlin? I can't work in these conditions. I quit.
GEORGE LUCAS: Damn! (to a grip) You boy, go forth into the street and find me an actor.
GRIP: (returning) Sir, all I could get was this ageing, retired ventriloquist.
GEORGE LUCAS: Well, he'll have to do. Continue the scene from the noble, poignant, meaningful, not-at-all-meant-to-be-funny bit.
YODA: Police, arrest this man! Got his hand up my ass, he has.
GEORGE LUCAS: Oh, God.
YODA: Gottle of geer, gottle of geer.
YODA does a lot of psychokinetic tricks, saving the pretty boys from DOOKU. Meanwhile, DOOKU is preparing to run away. ANAKIN and OBI-WAN slowly clamber to their feet.
ANAKIN: Oh, Force…he cut off my HAND! That's the hand I *wank* with!
OBI-WAN: ….
YODA: ….
DOOKU: …
AUDIENCE: …
GEORGE LUCAS: ….
A tumbleweed rolls slowly across the set.