Notes, Disclaimers, etc: So. The proper nouns are JK Rowling's, goddess that she is. The lyrics, I don't know who wrote them, but they were performed by Mama Cass—goddess that she is, as well. Download the song because it's sweet. This song really doesn't… go with the chapter. Unless you think about it. So think about it.

This chapter contains: angst, slash, allusions to cutting, rape and abuse, a crying Harry, and a ring.

Chapter 18: Tell Me You'll Miss Me

        The water has gone cold. I turn my wrist over and the veins are ice blue in my pale skin.

        You sit on the other side of the tub, staring at the wall. You won't look at me. We have been like this for forty-five minutes.

        The knife, soft steel shimmering in the candlelight, seduces my mind. Already I can almost feel the pain dissolving, plunging red into water.

Stars shining bright above you Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you" Birds singing in the sycamore tree

Dream a little dream of me

        Firmly: "You can't go back there." Your voice raspy with misuse, with the strains of silence.

        "What am I supposed to do, Harry?" I snap. I won't look at you, either. Only the edge of the blade. Only my skin, so blatantly breakable. "Say, 'sorry Dad but my gay lover, who also happens to be your sworn enemy, wants me to stay at Hogwarts so you can't rape me'?"

        "Draco…"

        "There's nothing you can do."

Say nighty-night and kiss me

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me

And while I'm alone and blue as can be

Dream a little dream of me

        "I'm not going to let you go." You're resolute. And desperate. And now you're staring at the knife as well. "Christ, Draco, you're going to get yourself killed."

        "Tie me to the bed then." I try to be seductive and sexy and I try to keep you off the subject. You don't understand. It isn't any use.

        "There are other ways to kill yourself you know." You snap. "If you're going to commit suicide you could just overdose or something. You don't have to go and get the bloody shit beaten out of you."

        "Shut up, Harry. Leave me the fuck alone."

Stars fading but I linger on dear

Still craving your kiss

I'm longing to linger till dawn dear

Just saying this

        We sit in silence once more. Steeped in the kind of despair that comes with uselessness. I don't have the strength to reject you. And you don't have the heart to let go of me.

        "He'll hurt you, Draco." Whispered. Falling softly onto the water; cords of silk and blood.

        "Really." I can't help the sarcasm. "I didn't know that."

        I think of the ring in my robe. Waiting for your hand. Not a promise, but an apology.

        You can't handle this. I have always known that when the moment came you would care too much. Because you don't see that this is how it has always been. How it will always be.

        My father controls every aspect of my existence. He is always there, in the darkness, watching me. His eyes the color of a bruise and his shadow an ache that will never go away. Despite you and your voice and your heart beating with mine.

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you

Sweet dreams that leave your worries behind you

But in your dreams whatever they be

Dream a little dream of me

        You're staring at me now. Watching me shiver, I'm sure. "Jesus." You say. "Bloody hell, Draco. You're going to get yourself sick."

        You hold out a towel for me and I can do nothing but accept and stand. Let you wrap both towel and your arms around me and lay my head on your collarbones. For what I know will be the last time.

Stars fading but I linger on dear

Still craving your kiss

I'm longing to linger till dawn dear

Just saying this

        "I'm sorry, Harry." I whisper into your neck.

        "No." Your voice shudder-shaking, your final plea.

        I didn't mean to let you hold me. Let you heal the cuts. To let you care for me. I didn't mean to love you. "Harry." I say, and pull away.

        "Don't do this."

        I am reaching for my robe, shoving the ring into your hand, ignoring your tears. I am breaking your heart. Breaking mine. "It can't be any other way." I try to explain.

        "Draco. Please stay with me. Please don't go back to him."

        "I have to." But I know nothing I say will get through to you. You can think only of my pain; not knowing how much worse it would be if I were to stay. "I love you." And I am leaving.

        "Fuck you." Your last words. A soft sob of rebellion. "Fuck you."

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you

Sweet dreams that leave your worries

Far behind you

But in your dreams whatever they be

Dream a little dream of me.