Author's notes: Going off to vacation soon and wanted to get this next chapter out as soon as possible, a reason why it is so short, Hopefully i'll get the next chapter out when I get back.
The Confusion of love
Part 2
by *angel!* a.k.a angel of darkness
"I hate myself." Heero muttered as he took one final look at himself in the mirror.
"You're not so bad. Other people need to hate themselves." Wufei smiled
"Wufei." Heero said in shock as he looked back. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to apoligize. I'm sorry I lost my temper earlier and took it out on you."
"It's okay. It's not like it's never happened before."
"Are you saying I loose my temper a lot?" Wufei raised his eyebrow. "Then I'm sorry that I ever tool anything out on you."
"You know how much I hate that." Heero frowned.
"I know you hate it. That's why I do it." Wufei raised the other eyebrow.
Heero growned and turned away only to find Wufei's reflection in the mirror. "You seem to be everywhere I look. What's with you?"
"I'm everywhere you want to be." Wufei smiled.
"You look like a clown. You can be so rediculouis sometimes."
"What's wrong Mr. Perfect soldier? To much emotion for you?" Wufei teased, this time going to far.
Heero seemed hurt by that one and looked down. "Is that what all of you think of me as? I'm tired caring all of your asses if that's how you feel about me then maybe I'll just leave."
"Heero I was only teasing. It was a joke. Ya know where you playfully make fun of someone else."
"I know what a joke is Wufei. I am human." He responded dryly.
"Don't take it personal."
"Wufei the thing is I do take things like that personal. Maybe 5 years ago I would have laughed but not now. Now I've grown up and realized everything that's going on, all of the innocent people dying. I have no time to laugh." he responded emotionless.
"You have to be happy sometime." Wufei insisted.
"Not when a war is going on. When will you all grow up and realize the lives of hundreds of innocent people are in your hands and you are responsible for them. I don't care about living a happy life. I care about having all of those people alive."
"You can still have fun. Think about Makoto. You deserve to be happy like Hilde and Duo are…." again Heero griminced.
"I deserve to love someone and then have them leave me?" Heero interrupted. "I took on this job knowing that I wouldn't be able to have a life. Duo seemed to have forgot that and that's why him and Hilde didn't work out. Face it Wufei once you sign onto this job there is no hope of ever having a normal life."
"You deserve Makoto. She still likes you Heero and you know that. Why else would she have ever come here if she didn't still have feelings for you?"
"She has feelings for me alright. She's full of sympathy." Heero muttered.
"Heero she still likes you. You don't have to be so blind about it. Don't be a jackass and screw up you're second chance." He insited.
"You have no right to call me a jackass Wufei. People don't get a second chance. I walked away from her and that's a consequence I'm going to have to face the rest of my life."
"You took this job to get her father's approval. You wouldn't have liked her if you didn't want his approval. Plus you keep a picture of her in the cocpit of your gundam." "Right?" he added once Heero hadn't said anything.
"I'm just…" Heero started but shook his head.
"You're just what?" Wufei asked softly placing his hand on Heero's shoulder.
"It's stupid." He looked up at Wufei
"Come on. I've probably heard Duo say stupider things before." Wufei smiled reasuringly at Heero.
"I'm scared. Scared of loosing her again. Scared of dying and leaving her alone and causing her pain. Scared of what will happen if I give it a second chance. Scared of what will happen if the enemy gets her. But you proably don't understand." he looked away this time towards the window, where Wufei's reflection couldn't be seen.
"Actually I do. When Merren died I was scared about all that happened. I was scared of what to do without her living in a place where everyplace had a memory of her. So one day I decided to it was to much so I packed up and left." Wufei shrugged. "And then I ended up here."
Heero turned around "So two of the most supposiedly cold hearted people actually have emotions." Heero smiled a weak smile.
"Damn straight. So I'm going to bed. I'll make you a deal if I control my temper better, will you consiture thinking over your decision?" Wufei winked at him.
"Don't you start that." Heero warned.
"You know you like it." Wufei insited.
"Whatever. I'll think it over." he paused. "You can leave now."
"If you want me to." Wufei pretended to be turn and Heero smiled for the first time in a long time.
*~*
Quatre paced back and forth in stress. [Where could he be?] he questioned himself. [Maybe Wufei is right, maybe I do worry to much. No.] he shook his head. [Wufei doesn't worry enough about things. I'm suppose to be worried right? It's something to be worried about right? Maybe.] But Quatre never got to finish as he heard a door slam.
"Trowa there you are!" Quatre practicly yelled after his friend came into the house.
"Sorry I'm late." Trowa said lamely.
"Did they find anything?" Quatre asked anctious.
"Nope." Trowa lied. He flinched a little and if Quatre noticed he hid it well.
"That's a relief." Quatre smiled fakly.
"Yeah. I'm going to bed now." Trowa said wanting to get away from Quatre.
"Sure. Night." Quatre said his voice full of different emotions
*~*
Trowa lay in bed unable to sleep. Why had he lied to Quatre? he asked himself as he stared up at the celling. Quatre was his friend, how could he lie to his friend? Trowa growned realixing he wouldn't get any sleep that night and reached over to the phone.
"Hello." Catherine greeted after answering the phone.
"Hey it's me." Trowa stated.
"Trowa?" Catherine asked in shock. "I was so worried you were dead. I haven't heard from you in a long time. Why are you suddenly calling?"
"I'm not dead. But I want to talk to you about something."
"What kind of something?"
"I just went to the docter earler to get the results from some tests that I had run."
"Tests?! Oh my god Trowa are you alright?" she interupted fearfully.
"I'm fine now. But it turns out I have a brain tumor."
Trowa could hear his friend almost hyperventalating. "Catherine are you alright?"
"Come home now." she choked out before hanging up.
*~*
"I'm worried about Trowa." Quatre stated the next morning at breakfast.
"Did he get the results of his tests back?" Wufei asked taking another sip of his coffee.
"Yeah. He said that they didn't find anything."
"You are worried that he has something really serious that they don't know about?" Duo questioned.
"No. I don't believe that he was complety truthful about it."
Wufei nodded. "I know, Trowa is the worse liar ever. You should confront him and ask for the truth."
"I disagree. Wufei's method isn't going to do anything but cause more complecations. If Trowa isn't ready then you shouldn't push him to do anything that he isn't ready to do. He will talk to you when he's ready." Duo stated.
"Do you always like to disagree with me?" Wufei complained. "It's quite annoying."
"I only disagree when you are wrong."
"I'm going to let that one slide today." Wufei stated.
"What makes you so forgiving today?" Quatre questioned.
"That's none of your damn buissness." he smiled.
Heero came in and gave Wufei a glare as he sat down.
"Sorry but cussing wasn't included."
"Included in what?" Quatre questioned.
"That's none of your damn buissness." Wufei repeated. "So what's the answer?"
"Yes to your point." Heero shook his head. "I don't even know why i agreed to it in the first place."
"I'm glad." Wufei smiled rasing his eyebrow.
"Don't you dare start that again." Heero warned. "I better be going. Gundam parts don't walk here on their own."
"I'll go with you. I need to finish talking to you." Wufei offered standing up.
"Hmm." Heero said. "Doesn't look like I have a choice."
"What do you think that was all about?" Quatre asked once they left.
"Don't know, don't care." Duo responded.
"Really?" Quatre asked in disbeflief.
"Nope. I was just joking. but contronting is the worse way to go deal with this. Comunication not confrination is the key. Tell Trowa that no matter what is wrong you will always be there and you are willing to waight until he is ready."
"I guess you are right. I'll talk to him after he gets up."
"I'll go with you when you talk to him if you want."
" He usually doesn't get up this late. This makes me ever more nervious."
"You're a walking stress machine." Duo paused and laughed. "Maybe you need a ball to squeeze."
"Those don't work on stress, only anger." Qautre laughed a little.
"Maybe we need to get Wufei one." Duo suggested.
"He and Heero were acting wierd earlier." Quatre pointed out.
"They both seemed happy. Or happier than they are usually."
"I agree. They almost seem like they don't have a care in the world. I remember when I felt like that last."
"Me to." Duo agreed and he did, all to well.
*~*
"So how does the great genius plan on giving Mako a second chance?" Wufei questioned.
"Haven't gotten that far. But I do want to take it slowly."
"First you should figure out if she wants to give it a second chance."
"But i thought that you said she wanted me."
"She might, but you can never be sure with women. It seems like she does though."
"I'll never understand women." Heero admitted.
"Who does?" Wufei offered. "But you do need to talk to her."
"What if I sound to desperate?" Heero sighed. "I never thought love was so damn confusing."
"Welcome to the real world." Wufei smiled. "Sounding desperate isn't always a bad thing."
"So you're saying sound desperate."
"Kinda. But you have to be romantic to."
"This is to confusing." he sighed frustrated.
*~*
When Hilde woke up the next morning her good mood was shattered like a glass ball dropped out the window. "What have i done?" she asked herself angrilly. "I just wasted a lot of money that could have been spent on something usefull.
But part of her wanted to keep it, the same part of her that still believed that Duo and her could work out all of their problems.
"I hate myself." she said as she got out of bed and prepared for the day ahead of her.
*~*
"Morning Trowa." Quatre said as his friend walked into the room. "Did you sleep well?"
"Hmm." Trowa muttered. He looked over at the clock. "2 oclock. Looks like I might be late."
"Late for what Trowa!" Quatre yelled angrily. "I hate it when you get like this Trowa and you know it. You say something and willn't tell me what it means. I'm your friend Trowa, you need to tell me something before I explode!"
"It's none of your buissness where I'm going Quatre. You need to learn to stop prying into everything everybody does, expersiouly me."
"I was just worried about you Trowa. You know that, sometimes I just get so nervious and I feel like you're hiding something from me and it hurts that you can't trust me." Quatre's face lightened.
"I'm not hiding anything from you." Trowa lied.
Quatre could feel he was lieing and decided to leave. "Remember I'll be there for you if you need me." he touched Trowa's shoulder before leaving.
*~*
"Mr Barton I presume." Ami said looking him over.
"Yes. But please call me Trowa." he interjected. [She's a lot different than I imagined her.]
"Okay, Trowa. I would like to start out by saying my name is Ami Mizuno. This is my first counciling session ever. So I'm a little." she paused.
"Nervious?" he offered. "It's my first session either."
"Right. So we can be newbies together. I'm not sure were to start. What would you like to talk about first?" she appeared to be writing on her notebook.
"I'm not sure." he shrugged his shoulders. "What would you like to talk about?"
"How did you feel after being diagnosed?"
"At first I was shocked. I mean what am I suppose to feel? I called Catherine. She's a friend of mine that doesn't live around here. She always gave me the truth" he explained once Ami looked confused. "Now she told me she wants me to come home."
"How did your family take it?"
"I don't have any family." he admitted. "Catherine is as close to family as I have."
"Do any of your friends know?"
"No. Quatre asked me what the test say and I said they said I was fine."
"Why didn't you tell him the truth?" Ami asked. "I mean I would like to know if one of my friends was sick?"
"I was so confused at that point to really say anything, Quatre can be a little native at times, I just wanted him to be happy I didn't want to hurt him."
"You dieing all of a sudden and having him know you lied to him will not make him feel better."
"I realize I'm going to die Ami. I know that, but why does it matter if he knows or not? It's not like it's going to change anything. Quatre is native. Even if he did know, it's not going to help him. He's just going to believe that I'm really going to die." he explained.
"He should know the truth." Ami disagreed. "What about your other friends?"
"Duo is dealing with a breakup with his girlfriend pretty badly. Heero is dealing with the reurn of his old girlfriend who he hasn't gotten over. Wufei seems to be more angry than usual."
The Confusion of love
Part 2
by *angel!* a.k.a angel of darkness
"I hate myself." Heero muttered as he took one final look at himself in the mirror.
"You're not so bad. Other people need to hate themselves." Wufei smiled
"Wufei." Heero said in shock as he looked back. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to apoligize. I'm sorry I lost my temper earlier and took it out on you."
"It's okay. It's not like it's never happened before."
"Are you saying I loose my temper a lot?" Wufei raised his eyebrow. "Then I'm sorry that I ever tool anything out on you."
"You know how much I hate that." Heero frowned.
"I know you hate it. That's why I do it." Wufei raised the other eyebrow.
Heero growned and turned away only to find Wufei's reflection in the mirror. "You seem to be everywhere I look. What's with you?"
"I'm everywhere you want to be." Wufei smiled.
"You look like a clown. You can be so rediculouis sometimes."
"What's wrong Mr. Perfect soldier? To much emotion for you?" Wufei teased, this time going to far.
Heero seemed hurt by that one and looked down. "Is that what all of you think of me as? I'm tired caring all of your asses if that's how you feel about me then maybe I'll just leave."
"Heero I was only teasing. It was a joke. Ya know where you playfully make fun of someone else."
"I know what a joke is Wufei. I am human." He responded dryly.
"Don't take it personal."
"Wufei the thing is I do take things like that personal. Maybe 5 years ago I would have laughed but not now. Now I've grown up and realized everything that's going on, all of the innocent people dying. I have no time to laugh." he responded emotionless.
"You have to be happy sometime." Wufei insisted.
"Not when a war is going on. When will you all grow up and realize the lives of hundreds of innocent people are in your hands and you are responsible for them. I don't care about living a happy life. I care about having all of those people alive."
"You can still have fun. Think about Makoto. You deserve to be happy like Hilde and Duo are…." again Heero griminced.
"I deserve to love someone and then have them leave me?" Heero interrupted. "I took on this job knowing that I wouldn't be able to have a life. Duo seemed to have forgot that and that's why him and Hilde didn't work out. Face it Wufei once you sign onto this job there is no hope of ever having a normal life."
"You deserve Makoto. She still likes you Heero and you know that. Why else would she have ever come here if she didn't still have feelings for you?"
"She has feelings for me alright. She's full of sympathy." Heero muttered.
"Heero she still likes you. You don't have to be so blind about it. Don't be a jackass and screw up you're second chance." He insited.
"You have no right to call me a jackass Wufei. People don't get a second chance. I walked away from her and that's a consequence I'm going to have to face the rest of my life."
"You took this job to get her father's approval. You wouldn't have liked her if you didn't want his approval. Plus you keep a picture of her in the cocpit of your gundam." "Right?" he added once Heero hadn't said anything.
"I'm just…" Heero started but shook his head.
"You're just what?" Wufei asked softly placing his hand on Heero's shoulder.
"It's stupid." He looked up at Wufei
"Come on. I've probably heard Duo say stupider things before." Wufei smiled reasuringly at Heero.
"I'm scared. Scared of loosing her again. Scared of dying and leaving her alone and causing her pain. Scared of what will happen if I give it a second chance. Scared of what will happen if the enemy gets her. But you proably don't understand." he looked away this time towards the window, where Wufei's reflection couldn't be seen.
"Actually I do. When Merren died I was scared about all that happened. I was scared of what to do without her living in a place where everyplace had a memory of her. So one day I decided to it was to much so I packed up and left." Wufei shrugged. "And then I ended up here."
Heero turned around "So two of the most supposiedly cold hearted people actually have emotions." Heero smiled a weak smile.
"Damn straight. So I'm going to bed. I'll make you a deal if I control my temper better, will you consiture thinking over your decision?" Wufei winked at him.
"Don't you start that." Heero warned.
"You know you like it." Wufei insited.
"Whatever. I'll think it over." he paused. "You can leave now."
"If you want me to." Wufei pretended to be turn and Heero smiled for the first time in a long time.
*~*
Quatre paced back and forth in stress. [Where could he be?] he questioned himself. [Maybe Wufei is right, maybe I do worry to much. No.] he shook his head. [Wufei doesn't worry enough about things. I'm suppose to be worried right? It's something to be worried about right? Maybe.] But Quatre never got to finish as he heard a door slam.
"Trowa there you are!" Quatre practicly yelled after his friend came into the house.
"Sorry I'm late." Trowa said lamely.
"Did they find anything?" Quatre asked anctious.
"Nope." Trowa lied. He flinched a little and if Quatre noticed he hid it well.
"That's a relief." Quatre smiled fakly.
"Yeah. I'm going to bed now." Trowa said wanting to get away from Quatre.
"Sure. Night." Quatre said his voice full of different emotions
*~*
Trowa lay in bed unable to sleep. Why had he lied to Quatre? he asked himself as he stared up at the celling. Quatre was his friend, how could he lie to his friend? Trowa growned realixing he wouldn't get any sleep that night and reached over to the phone.
"Hello." Catherine greeted after answering the phone.
"Hey it's me." Trowa stated.
"Trowa?" Catherine asked in shock. "I was so worried you were dead. I haven't heard from you in a long time. Why are you suddenly calling?"
"I'm not dead. But I want to talk to you about something."
"What kind of something?"
"I just went to the docter earler to get the results from some tests that I had run."
"Tests?! Oh my god Trowa are you alright?" she interupted fearfully.
"I'm fine now. But it turns out I have a brain tumor."
Trowa could hear his friend almost hyperventalating. "Catherine are you alright?"
"Come home now." she choked out before hanging up.
*~*
"I'm worried about Trowa." Quatre stated the next morning at breakfast.
"Did he get the results of his tests back?" Wufei asked taking another sip of his coffee.
"Yeah. He said that they didn't find anything."
"You are worried that he has something really serious that they don't know about?" Duo questioned.
"No. I don't believe that he was complety truthful about it."
Wufei nodded. "I know, Trowa is the worse liar ever. You should confront him and ask for the truth."
"I disagree. Wufei's method isn't going to do anything but cause more complecations. If Trowa isn't ready then you shouldn't push him to do anything that he isn't ready to do. He will talk to you when he's ready." Duo stated.
"Do you always like to disagree with me?" Wufei complained. "It's quite annoying."
"I only disagree when you are wrong."
"I'm going to let that one slide today." Wufei stated.
"What makes you so forgiving today?" Quatre questioned.
"That's none of your damn buissness." he smiled.
Heero came in and gave Wufei a glare as he sat down.
"Sorry but cussing wasn't included."
"Included in what?" Quatre questioned.
"That's none of your damn buissness." Wufei repeated. "So what's the answer?"
"Yes to your point." Heero shook his head. "I don't even know why i agreed to it in the first place."
"I'm glad." Wufei smiled rasing his eyebrow.
"Don't you dare start that again." Heero warned. "I better be going. Gundam parts don't walk here on their own."
"I'll go with you. I need to finish talking to you." Wufei offered standing up.
"Hmm." Heero said. "Doesn't look like I have a choice."
"What do you think that was all about?" Quatre asked once they left.
"Don't know, don't care." Duo responded.
"Really?" Quatre asked in disbeflief.
"Nope. I was just joking. but contronting is the worse way to go deal with this. Comunication not confrination is the key. Tell Trowa that no matter what is wrong you will always be there and you are willing to waight until he is ready."
"I guess you are right. I'll talk to him after he gets up."
"I'll go with you when you talk to him if you want."
" He usually doesn't get up this late. This makes me ever more nervious."
"You're a walking stress machine." Duo paused and laughed. "Maybe you need a ball to squeeze."
"Those don't work on stress, only anger." Qautre laughed a little.
"Maybe we need to get Wufei one." Duo suggested.
"He and Heero were acting wierd earlier." Quatre pointed out.
"They both seemed happy. Or happier than they are usually."
"I agree. They almost seem like they don't have a care in the world. I remember when I felt like that last."
"Me to." Duo agreed and he did, all to well.
*~*
"So how does the great genius plan on giving Mako a second chance?" Wufei questioned.
"Haven't gotten that far. But I do want to take it slowly."
"First you should figure out if she wants to give it a second chance."
"But i thought that you said she wanted me."
"She might, but you can never be sure with women. It seems like she does though."
"I'll never understand women." Heero admitted.
"Who does?" Wufei offered. "But you do need to talk to her."
"What if I sound to desperate?" Heero sighed. "I never thought love was so damn confusing."
"Welcome to the real world." Wufei smiled. "Sounding desperate isn't always a bad thing."
"So you're saying sound desperate."
"Kinda. But you have to be romantic to."
"This is to confusing." he sighed frustrated.
*~*
When Hilde woke up the next morning her good mood was shattered like a glass ball dropped out the window. "What have i done?" she asked herself angrilly. "I just wasted a lot of money that could have been spent on something usefull.
But part of her wanted to keep it, the same part of her that still believed that Duo and her could work out all of their problems.
"I hate myself." she said as she got out of bed and prepared for the day ahead of her.
*~*
"Morning Trowa." Quatre said as his friend walked into the room. "Did you sleep well?"
"Hmm." Trowa muttered. He looked over at the clock. "2 oclock. Looks like I might be late."
"Late for what Trowa!" Quatre yelled angrily. "I hate it when you get like this Trowa and you know it. You say something and willn't tell me what it means. I'm your friend Trowa, you need to tell me something before I explode!"
"It's none of your buissness where I'm going Quatre. You need to learn to stop prying into everything everybody does, expersiouly me."
"I was just worried about you Trowa. You know that, sometimes I just get so nervious and I feel like you're hiding something from me and it hurts that you can't trust me." Quatre's face lightened.
"I'm not hiding anything from you." Trowa lied.
Quatre could feel he was lieing and decided to leave. "Remember I'll be there for you if you need me." he touched Trowa's shoulder before leaving.
*~*
"Mr Barton I presume." Ami said looking him over.
"Yes. But please call me Trowa." he interjected. [She's a lot different than I imagined her.]
"Okay, Trowa. I would like to start out by saying my name is Ami Mizuno. This is my first counciling session ever. So I'm a little." she paused.
"Nervious?" he offered. "It's my first session either."
"Right. So we can be newbies together. I'm not sure were to start. What would you like to talk about first?" she appeared to be writing on her notebook.
"I'm not sure." he shrugged his shoulders. "What would you like to talk about?"
"How did you feel after being diagnosed?"
"At first I was shocked. I mean what am I suppose to feel? I called Catherine. She's a friend of mine that doesn't live around here. She always gave me the truth" he explained once Ami looked confused. "Now she told me she wants me to come home."
"How did your family take it?"
"I don't have any family." he admitted. "Catherine is as close to family as I have."
"Do any of your friends know?"
"No. Quatre asked me what the test say and I said they said I was fine."
"Why didn't you tell him the truth?" Ami asked. "I mean I would like to know if one of my friends was sick?"
"I was so confused at that point to really say anything, Quatre can be a little native at times, I just wanted him to be happy I didn't want to hurt him."
"You dieing all of a sudden and having him know you lied to him will not make him feel better."
"I realize I'm going to die Ami. I know that, but why does it matter if he knows or not? It's not like it's going to change anything. Quatre is native. Even if he did know, it's not going to help him. He's just going to believe that I'm really going to die." he explained.
"He should know the truth." Ami disagreed. "What about your other friends?"
"Duo is dealing with a breakup with his girlfriend pretty badly. Heero is dealing with the reurn of his old girlfriend who he hasn't gotten over. Wufei seems to be more angry than usual."