You look at me. Your eyes are harsh and cold. You know what I am thinking. I can see it on your face. I've tried to hate you. I've tried so hard to hate you. I can't hate you. I love you so much. But I still hate you. You complete me and I don't know how to untangle my emotions. You know how to make me cry; you know how to make me laugh. I need you. I can't live without you. I want to scream your name but the words won't come to my mouth. I'm screaming silently. Can't anyone hear me?! Does anyone care?! I can't live like this. You're driving me crazy. Crazy with love. I love you so much. Don't you see?! I still hate you. I can never be complete without you. I know you can't live with me like this. I want you so badly, but you are forbidden. I need you. I need your love. You love me, I know you do. I need your touch. I need your love. God, why can't you see? I know you remember that time last week when I kissed you. You just left. You didn't say anything. I asked you about it. Do you remember what you said? I do.
"I love you, I do. But my father would kill me." And you just walked off again. I love you. I love your swaggering walk. I love your silver eyes. I love your silver blonde hair. I love the way you talk. I love everything about you. I need you. I'm standing here and I love you and I hate you at the same time. God, I wish I had never met you. I wish you could have just gone to Durmstrang like your father wanted you to. Then we wouldn't be here. I need you. I need you so much. I saw you, when you kissed Pansy yesterday. You said you loved me. How could you do that? If you loved me you would at least have enough decency in you to have kissed her in private, without me seeing you. And I know you don't love her. You can't. You love me. I hate you. I hate hating you. I need you. If I can't have you, no one can. I'll kill you to prevent it. And then I'll kill myself because life would be worthless without you. I hate you. I want to kill you. But I can't.
I love you.
BlueGoth
10.19.02