I Don't Know How to Love Him
*I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him*
Awkwardly, he spoke, the first time they had spoken in months. She didn't know how to react to his deep
voice and disarmingly blue eyes. They made small talk for awhile. Then there was the kiss...oh, the kiss.
"I missed you so much"
*I've been changed, yes really changed
In these past few days
When I've seen myself
I seem like someone else*
"Marry me, sweet one. I love you. I want you for my wife." She couldn't marry him, and always have to
watch what she said or did! She knew she could never be true to herself, living a life like that. She had to
figure out once and for all who Alanna was, first.
*I don't know how to take this
I don't see why he moves me*
"I thought you loved me, Alanna." She did love him, with all her heart. Why couldn't he accept that for
now? Why couldn't he just let her think?
*He's a man
He's just a man*
"I haven't told you yes," Alanna reminded him. He looked at her, startled, "But--I know how you feel about
me." "I need more time to think about it..."
*And I've had so many
Men before
In very many ways
He's just one more*
"Well, you certainly didn't waste your time finding somebody to replace me! Two somebodies..." Alanna
knew this was true. George and Liam. And though she didn't love him, Raoul had become a friend, out of
the ocean. Coram. Thom. Gary. Myles.
*Should I bring him down
Should I scream and shout
Should I speak of love
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?*
"I already love you. That part's settled." She DID love him. But how could she be sure that marrying him
was the right thing to do? In fact, she was fairly sure that it was the absolute wrong thing. Was there any
way she could do this without hurting him?
*Don't you think it's rather funny
I should be in this position?
I'm the one
Who's always been
So calm so cool
No lover's fool
Running every show
He scares me so*
"Maidenly shyness!" she yelled. "Since WHEN have I shown maidenly shyness?"
"At least they're WOMEN, Lady Alanna! And they know how to ACT like women."
"I REFUSE to marry you."
Those words had stung them both. Regretful later, she wished that the arguement hadn't gotten out of
hand. She wished, sometimes, late at night and alone, that she had just gone with him and not said
anything.
*I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?*
She had often thought about what he said about George. That he wasn't blind, and that he obviously loved
her. George. Yes.
*Yet, If he said he loved me
I'd be lost, I'd be frightened
I couldn't cope
Just couldn't cope
I'd turn my head, I'd back away
I wouldn't want to know*
"My offer of marriage stands, if you want." She'd been tempted to say yes. But she knew, deep in her
heart, that they weren't meant to be. They were made to be friends, not lovers, not husband and wife.
She'd make a mockery of the Tortallan government. "Jon, if we were married, we'd make a mess of
things." When she saw the relief in his eyes, along with other feelings, she knew that she had made the
right decision.
*He scares me so
I want him so
I love him so*
Ever since she had pulled out Jon's sketch of the K'miri princess had she known for sure they'd be together.
And she was glad they were. She loved George. But late, late at night, under the covers, she wondered
how it would be if she made a different choice. If she had said yes.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Disclaimer: The song is Andrew Lloyd Webber's and the characters and about half the lines belong to that
great fantasy Goddess, Tamora Pierce.
*I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him*
Awkwardly, he spoke, the first time they had spoken in months. She didn't know how to react to his deep
voice and disarmingly blue eyes. They made small talk for awhile. Then there was the kiss...oh, the kiss.
"I missed you so much"
*I've been changed, yes really changed
In these past few days
When I've seen myself
I seem like someone else*
"Marry me, sweet one. I love you. I want you for my wife." She couldn't marry him, and always have to
watch what she said or did! She knew she could never be true to herself, living a life like that. She had to
figure out once and for all who Alanna was, first.
*I don't know how to take this
I don't see why he moves me*
"I thought you loved me, Alanna." She did love him, with all her heart. Why couldn't he accept that for
now? Why couldn't he just let her think?
*He's a man
He's just a man*
"I haven't told you yes," Alanna reminded him. He looked at her, startled, "But--I know how you feel about
me." "I need more time to think about it..."
*And I've had so many
Men before
In very many ways
He's just one more*
"Well, you certainly didn't waste your time finding somebody to replace me! Two somebodies..." Alanna
knew this was true. George and Liam. And though she didn't love him, Raoul had become a friend, out of
the ocean. Coram. Thom. Gary. Myles.
*Should I bring him down
Should I scream and shout
Should I speak of love
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?*
"I already love you. That part's settled." She DID love him. But how could she be sure that marrying him
was the right thing to do? In fact, she was fairly sure that it was the absolute wrong thing. Was there any
way she could do this without hurting him?
*Don't you think it's rather funny
I should be in this position?
I'm the one
Who's always been
So calm so cool
No lover's fool
Running every show
He scares me so*
"Maidenly shyness!" she yelled. "Since WHEN have I shown maidenly shyness?"
"At least they're WOMEN, Lady Alanna! And they know how to ACT like women."
"I REFUSE to marry you."
Those words had stung them both. Regretful later, she wished that the arguement hadn't gotten out of
hand. She wished, sometimes, late at night and alone, that she had just gone with him and not said
anything.
*I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?*
She had often thought about what he said about George. That he wasn't blind, and that he obviously loved
her. George. Yes.
*Yet, If he said he loved me
I'd be lost, I'd be frightened
I couldn't cope
Just couldn't cope
I'd turn my head, I'd back away
I wouldn't want to know*
"My offer of marriage stands, if you want." She'd been tempted to say yes. But she knew, deep in her
heart, that they weren't meant to be. They were made to be friends, not lovers, not husband and wife.
She'd make a mockery of the Tortallan government. "Jon, if we were married, we'd make a mess of
things." When she saw the relief in his eyes, along with other feelings, she knew that she had made the
right decision.
*He scares me so
I want him so
I love him so*
Ever since she had pulled out Jon's sketch of the K'miri princess had she known for sure they'd be together.
And she was glad they were. She loved George. But late, late at night, under the covers, she wondered
how it would be if she made a different choice. If she had said yes.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Disclaimer: The song is Andrew Lloyd Webber's and the characters and about half the lines belong to that
great fantasy Goddess, Tamora Pierce.