Author's note 4/21/04: I am making another run at finishing this fic. Beginning today, I will be posting more complete versions of most of the chapters, starting with this one. …LS

BLOOD OATH OF PATRIOTS
Volume III
THE CITADEL OF LOU MANCHU
by GALEN HARDESTY
Chapter Three
I HOLD YOUR HAND IN MINE

(Revised and expanded 20 April 2004)

Scene 8 Ext. Lawndale High, Friday morning. Cut to: Int. Ms. DeFoe's art class. The students are working on stick sculptures, using thin round sticks, flat coffee stirrer sticks, white thread, and white glue. Jane's sculpture, quite abstract, evokes a fleeing, tormented figure looking over its shoulder. Daria, to Jane's left, is working on what appears to be a skeletal puppy with sad eyesockets. Upchuck, to Jane's right, is working on a standing female figure, left hand on hip, right hand raised to head height, holding what might be a pistol. Daria occasionally looks askance at this figure. Jane occasionally looks askance at Daria.

DARIA: Yuck! (She rubs her fingers together. We see that a fair amount of glue has built up on them. Daria rises, walks over to a paper towel dispenser by the sink, cranks out some brown paper towel, and wipes most of the glue off her fingers. She then dispenses some more paper towel and takes it back with her. She pauses behind Jane's right shoulder and watches for a few moments.)

JANE: (squeezes too much glue on a joint and on the fingers holding it together) Glaah! (Daria surreptitiously kicks the leg of Upchuck's stool. Upchuck squirts some superglue onto the palm of his right hand.)

DARIA: Paper towel? (Jane, her attention on the glue joint and mess in her left hand, extends her right hand toward the towels seen out of the corner of her eye. Daria pulls the paper towels back momentarily, and Upchuck seizes Jane's right hand in his, giving it a brief firm squeeze.)

UPCHUCK: Oh, beg pardon, fair lady! I thought the lovely Daria was addressing me. You see, I clumsily dripped some... oops... (He appears to notice for the first time that their hands are stuck together, as indeed they are.)

JANE: (noticing the same thing) Upchuck! What the hell have you done? (She tries unsuccessfully to pull away, becomes more alarmed, suddenly looks at Daria.)

DARIA: (holds the paper towels out toward Jane with a wide-eyed, too-innocent smile) Paper towel?

UPCHUCK: A thousand pardons, Lady Jane! But fear not! I happen to know that Deuce Hardware purveys the potion required to set you free! So if you'll just follow me to the Love Machine, we shall away...

JANE: (dawning look of horror) Oh, no. Oh, G... (remembers the bottle of superglue releaser she decided to carry at all times, pats her pockets desperately with her left hand, discovers a small lump in her left pants pocket) (sotto voce) thankyouthankyou... (aloud) That's all right, Upchuck. By the strangest coincidence (smirks at Daria) I happen to have some... (pulls a small bottle out of her pocket, looks at it) ...eyewash?!

DARIA: (whisper) Gotchaa! (She whips out a small camera and snaps a picture of Jane's face just as it registers her realization of how "got" she truly is.) Say "Yenta!" (She steps back and snaps a shot of the "happy couple".)

MS. DEFOE: (enters shot from left) Is there a problem here?

UPCHUCK: A slight gluing mishap, Ms. DeFoe.

JANE: (sullen) Yeah, mishap.

MS. DEFOE: Please tell me that's not superglue.

UPCHUCK: I regret that it is. Its quick-setting quality really speeds up the work.

MS. DEFOE: Hmmm. So how did you manage to glue yourself to Miss Lane here instead of to your project or yourself?

DARIA: That's kind of my fault. They were both reaching for this paper towel, and I didn't hold it still. I'm sorry.

MS. DEFOE: (surprised and suspicious, to Jane) Is that right?

JANE: (grudgingly) Yeah, that's right. (thought VO) All but the part about Daria being sorry.

MS. DEFOE: Well, the school doesn't have anything that will dissolve that stuff, and you can't spend the rest of the day glued together.

UPCHUCK: I had just offered to take Miss Lane to the hardware store and purchase the needed item. We can be back within the half-hour.

MS. DEFOE: (filling out hall pass) Very well. I guess that's the best thing to do.

DARIA: I should go with them, to help with doors and whatever.

MS. DEFOE: (adds Daria's name to hall pass) All right. I'll have someone put your pieces away. (Daria grabs her backpack and opens the classroom door. The three exit. Jane gives Daria a look that could kill crabgrass. Daria smiles sweetly in return.)

Scene 9 Int. Lawndale High, hallway. Jane and Upchuck walk, right hand in right hand, Jane on the left. If gravity were allowed to take its course, their clasped hands would hang in the vicinity of Upchuck's crotch. Jane has realized this, and is awkwardly attempting to keep her hand and arm away from Upchuck, while keeping Upchuck's hand away from her person at the same time. Upchuck is vaguely cooperative, but grinning. Daria walks in front of the two, occasionally turning around to snap a picture or admire her handiwork. The bell rings, and students pour out of the classrooms into the hallway. Jane looks mortified. Daria spots Jodie emerging from a classroom, and speeds up to speak to her.

DARIA: (handing Jodie a paper bag) Hand these out and join the procession. (She points to Jane and Upchuck and winks in response to Jodie's puzzled look, reaches into her backpack, and returns to walking in front of Jane and Upchuck. The opening strains of the Wedding March emerge, slightly muffled, from the backpack as they approach the doors opening onto the student parking lot. Daria holds the door open for Jane and Upchuck, Jodie passes out little bags of birdseed from the paper bag, and a crowd begins to form behind them. Spotting Quinn looking in her direction, Daria smirks and motions her to come along.)

Scene 10 Ext. Lawndale High, heading for student parking lot. Daria leads the way toward the Love Machine. Several students, including Quinn and Stacy, are throwing birdseed at them in lieu of rice. At least fifty more students follow. Jane tries to grab at Daria a couple of times, but is restrained by her attachment to Upchuck. Daria throws a handful of confetti into the air, then takes a photo as it falls on Jane and Upchuck. Jane scowls. Upchuck grins. The Wedding March continues to play.

JANE: I'll get you for this, Morgendorffer, if it's the last thing I ever do!

DARIA: Hey, I'm ready to go another round if you are. It's your move. Oh, say, I haven't shopped for your wedding gift yet. Where are you registered?

JANE: (through clenched teeth) All the gun shops. (They reach Chuck's car.)

UPCHUCK: (fumbles at his right front pants pocket with his left hand) Uh, Jane dear, could you possibly reach into this pocket and get my car keys for me? (Daria stands by ready to capture the moment on film.) I really can't reach them with my left hand. (Jane, scowling ferociously, retrieves the keys. Upchuck's grin gets slightly bigger.) Hold on to them. You'll have to turn me on, err, I mean work the ignition. Jane awkwardly gets into the car, followed by Upchuck.

DARIA: (strips away a large piece of white polyethylene taped to the trunk lid of the Love Machine to reveal a sign, also taped to the trunk lid, reading [JUST MARRIED!] and snaps a few more shots as the happy couple pulls away.) HAPPY HONEYMOON! BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY! (three tin cans, tied to the bumper and formerly concealed beneath the car, clatter merrily as they exit the parking lot and recede down the street toward Deuce Hardware. With her left hand, Jane pulls her outer shirt over her head.