Anywho, on with the story...
J.R.: MY GAWD, KING!! Here comes the devil himself!!
Lawler: * screams *
* Vince's music plays, he stumps down the ramp, enters the ring, then grabs a mic *
Vince: I'm sure you all --
* The crowd boos loudly, causing Vinnie Mac to raise his voice slightly *
Vince: I'm sure... you all would like to know what I was discussing with my daughter and the General Manager of Raw -- Eric Bischoff.
* The whole arena becomes somewhat silent *
J.R.: Well, I'd certainly like to know!
Lawler: Me too!! * screams *
* The camera zooms in on Vince's wrinkled up, saggy, red face showing smirk trying to bud *
Vince: Well, I have something in store for Stephanie and Eric, so Steph -- Eric -- get your asses out here right now, damn it!!
* Eric walks out, gives everyone his wanna-be DDP grin, then proceeds down to the ring follwed by a frowning Stephanie McMahon. They enter it, then Stephanie grabs a mic *
Stephanie: DADDY!! What's going on!?!
* The crowd covers their ears and moans in pain from Stephanie's screeching *
Stephanie: DADDY!!! Tell me!!
* Vince wipes off a few drops of blood trickling down his ear *
Vince: Alright, alright, damn it!! Just stop yelling!!
* Vince straightens up his tie then walks slowly around the ring *
Vince: I am well aware that you two aren't getting along, and quite franky, I'm not too pleased about that.
* Eric looks at Steph and gives her that chessy grin, she frowns and grits her teeth at him *
Vince: But down deep -- I know you two really want to become friends...
* The arena fills up with laughter and "WHAT!?!" chants *
Stephanie: WHAT?!?! I DON'T WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND!! I HATE HIM, DADDY!!
* More moans can be heard throughout the arena. Vince wipes a few more trickles of blood from his ear before continuing *
Vince: Well, Stephanie, I'm sure you'll feel diffirently about Eric after tonight --
* Stephanie frowns and gives her father a scared and confused look *
Vince: Because I'm sending you two on a date tonight!!
* Stephanie's eyes widen and her jaw drops, but Eric continues grinning like a retard *
Vince: I've made registrations at the finest restaurant in New York City. A limo is waiting for you in the parking lot. Steph, make sure you call me tomorrow and tell me how things went, okay?
* Vince's music plays, he drops the mic, hops out of the ring, and proceeds backstage with a evil grin plastered on his old face. Stephanie slaps Eric, then proceeds angerly down the ramp. Eric just continues grinning for about ten mintues then leaves *
J.R.: OH MY GAWD!! OH MY GAWD!! The two general managers of both Smackdown! and Raw are going out tonight! This is unbelievable, King!!
Lawler: ...Only because Mr. McMahon is forcing them to!
J.R.: ...Oh, look!!
* The titin tron shows Goldust and Mini-Dust siting down in a leather sofa sharing an ice cream sunday backstage. Goldust takes a long, deep breath, feels his chest, then bites a spoon covered in ice cream *
Goldust: Oh Mini-Dust, isn't this sunday absolutely delicious?! * Mini-Dust nods, then points to the sunday *
Goldust: Huh...? Oh! Yes, how could I possibly forget! THE SPRINKLES!!
* Goldust hops up from his seat, and holds a finger up to his chin *
Goldust: Oh! I know! There's a seven-eleven right across the street. They probably have some sprinkles. I'll be right back Mini-Dust!
* Goldust does his freaky little routine, then leaves. Mini-Dust sits the sunday on a near by table, then curls up on the sofa and falls asleep *
Lawler: Wow... now THAT was weird... hey! Look, it's Rikishi! * Rikishi is shown walking in the halls of the backstage area reading his lines, and eating a foot-long sub dripping with a dark, brown sauce *
J.R.: Hmmmm...!! That looks like mah homemade BBQ sauce, King!!!
Lawler: Ah... yeah... right...
* Rikishi enters the room where Mini-Dust is sleeping, but because he's so wrapped up in eating and reading his lines, he doesn't notice him. Rikishi walks over to the leather sofa where Mini-Dust is laying, and sits down without looking. Suddenly, a loud muffled scream is heard under Rikishi, which causes him to quickly sit up. He turns around and stares at the leather sofa, but sees nothing. A small hand reaching outward is shown sticking out Rikishi's ass, but then it goes limp shortly after. Rikishi straches his butt, which forces the small hand futher into his ass. He strugs, then walks away, accidentally knocking over the sunday Mini-Dust put on the small table next to the sofa earlier *
J.R.: Sweet SlobberKnocker!!! Did you just see that, King?!?
Lawler: * screams * I sure did, J.R.!! Poor little Mini-Dust! I wonder how's Goldust gonna take it?!?
J.R.: Well, I don't know, King. But I'm sure he'll be hurt. Those two were really close... too close you might say...
* King frowns at J.R., then scratches his head *
Lawler: Uh... what do you mean "too close"...? Ya know what, on second thought, I don't wanna even know!!
J.R.: Well... okay then. Anywho, I'm really excited about the Undertaker/Dreamer tobacco spit match tonight! These two young men are great competitors. This is difinitely gonna be a hell of a match!!!
Lawler: Ummm... J.R.?!? Why the hell are you so excited about two men strippin' each other down to their underwear in a pool of brown spit?!?!?! * screams *
J.R.: Oh... huh? I didn't say anything of the sort... oh, look!! It's The Undertaker!!
* The Undertaker's music plays, he walks out... wearing what looks like, stacy's wrestling shorts, and his usual Deadman Inc. shirt, but tied high around his waist, showing his belly button. The arena becomes completely silent *
J.R.: ...
Lawler: * screams for two mintues straight *
Lilian Garcia: Uh... c-coming to the ring, weighing 328 pounds, from Death Valley Texas, The Undertaker!!
The Undertaker enters the ring, then paces around waiting for his opponent. A few seconds later, Tommy's music plays. He comes out... wearing a yellow robe... and high heels *
Lilian Garcia: ...Coming to the ring... weighing 260 pounds, Tommy Dreamer!!
* Tommy seductively hops into the ring and sits on the turnbuckle with his leg crossed. They both watch silently as five men drag a neon pink kiddie pool in the ring and fill it up with brown, slimmy spit *
J.R.: ...
Lawler: ... * sigh * ...I need to find another job... maybe I'll apply for a one at NWA-TNA...
J.R.: ...Did you say something, King...?
Lawler: ...Uh, who, me? Nah... I didn't say a thing... * rolls eyes *
* Tommy hops off of the turnbuckle, then slowly un-ties his robe... revealing a red tiny tube top and tight matching pants. The crowd moans in disgust *
Undertaker: Boy, you WILL respect me!!
* The Undertaker tosses Tommy in the pool of spit, then the bell rings. Undertaker pulls off Tommy's pants, revealing a tiny purple thong. The crowd moans in disgust. A few people are seen throwing up in empty soda cans, and shouting obscenities *
J.R.: Mah gawd!! The Undertaker is destorying this young man!! Someone stop this!!! Please just stop this!!!
Lawler: ...
* Dreamer punches Taker in his jewels. The ref screams at Dreamer, and pushes him lightly, then backs off. The Undertaker eyes widen and he falls down in the spit, holding his -- er -- "area". Tommy tears off Taker's shirt, and tosses it aside. Dreamer attempts to pull off Undertaker's shorts, but Taker punches him square in the jaw. Tommy falls down face first into the spit, Taker pulls off his tube top, then the ref calls for bell *
J.R.: Dear lord!!! That was a great match!!
Lawler: Yeah, yeah... whatever...
* The ref reluctantly helps up the battered Tommy Dreamer, while Taker makes his way backstage *
Lawler: ...Weird.
J.R.: ...Oh look!
* The titin tron shows Goldust happily skipping into seven-eleven. As Goldust enters, he slowly looks around and spots a very creepy looking man with multi-colored hair, neon pink and green glow-in-the-dark dye all over his body, bumping and grinding while eating some sort of candy. Goldust quickly notices that the man is in fact -- Jeff Hardy. So, he quickly skips over to him, then lightly taps him on the shoulder *
Goldust: Jeffery!! Ah, it's nice to see you!!
* Jeff quickly turns around, chocolate, carmel and various other stains are covering his entire face, hands, and hair. Jeff doesn't respond, he simply nods, then continues dancing and eating his skittles, yes, skittles *
Goldust: Do you by any chance know where I can find some rainbow --
* He takes a long, deep breath, feels his chest, the bites at Jeff's face *
Goldust: Sprinkles?!?
* Jeff nods, then points to his far left. Goldust nods, then walks in the in direction Jeff pointed to. Jeff throws a dallor at the ovbiously freaked out clerk, then exits the store mumbling something about ladders and sniffing hair dye... *
Lawler: Jeff Hardy is one weird kid...
J.R.: ...Oh, look! Mah gawd!! It's Stephanie McMahon and Eric Bischoff!!!
* Stephanie and Eric are shown standing next to a black limo. Eric is grinning -- what a suprise -- and Stephanie is screaming in his face. In the background on top of another limo, Tazz, Marc, and Michael are seen -- er -- "tending" to each other. Seconds later, security comes, shudders at the sight of them, beats the living shit out of them, then tosses the three out of the building *
Stephanie: GOD!!! I HATE YOU SO MUCH, ERIC!!
* Eric says nothing, then slowly opens up the limo's back side door, and grins. Stephanie smiles seductively, slaps Eric, then gets into the limo. Eric rubs his now red cheek, grins, then sits next to her. A few seconds later, the limo begins violently rocking and jumping and Eric can be heard yelling "I will knock you out!!". After about ten mintues, the limo stops jumping and rocking, then slowly drives off *
Lawler: * screams * Oh man, J.R.!! Eric and Stephanie were actually KNOCKIN' BOOTS!!
J.R.: Well... I doubt it. I mean, just because the limo was jumping, rocking back and forth and waited ten mintues to drive off doesn't mean they were having sex...
Lawler: Jim, you are SERIOUSLY starting to worry me...
J.R.: Huh..? What do you mean, King??
* King sighs and rubs his forehead *
Lawler: NOTHING...
* A black limo is shown driving up to a curb. Stephanie and Eric are straightning their clothes, while the limo driver is quietly giggling. After a few seconds, he parks the limo and exits it, then opens the door for Steph and Eric. They get out and look up at the large, blinking red sign that reads "Hooters". Stephanie's jaw drops, while Eric just continues grinning *
Stephanie: WHAT?!? WHY WOULD MY DADDY SEND ME ON A DATE AT HOOTERS?!?
* Eric wipes drips of blood from his ear, casually looks down at Stephanie's chest, looks up, then grins. Stephanie slaps him, then pauses for a moment *
Stephanie: ...Good point. Oh well.
* Stephanie grabs Eric's hand and pulls him into "Hooters". Once they're inside, Stephanie begins looking around, and spots two empty bar stools. She drags Eric over to the stools, they sit down, then a bartender with VERY large breasts approaches Eric *
Bartender: Hey hun, what'll ya have??
* Eric's eyes drop down to the woman's chest, causing Stephanie to get jealous and slap the shit out of him. He grins, rubs his sore cheek, then points to his bleeding ear *
Bartender: Oh, a Bloody Mary. Nice.
* The lady glances at Stephanie, immediately thinking she works there *
Bartender: Hey hun, you mind gettin' me some more wine glasses? They're in the back. Thanks.
* Stephanie's jaw drops, she starts to speak, but shrugs instead and makes her way to a small room in the back of the bar. She enters the small room, grabs the glasses, then exits the room. As she makes her way back to the bar area, she sees Shawn Michaels and yes -- Triple H, BOOTY DANCING. Really, REALLY close. They leave the dance floor, then sit at a near by table *
Shawn: Oh Hunter! You can really move on the dance floor!!
* Triple H smiles seductively and lays his hand on Shawn's thigh *
Triple H: Well-uh... with a-uh teacher-uh like you-uh, who couldn't- uh?
* Shawn lays his hand on Hunter's, then begins to slowly massage it *
Shawn: Oh Hunter... you're so sweet. But, our spaghetti is getting cold. I think we should eat now.
Triple H: Yeah-uh... I guess-uh you're right-uh...
* Shawn picks up a single string of spaghetti, puts one end in his mouth, then the other end in Triple H's. The two begin to slowly suck each ends of the pasta until there's only about an inch left. Stephanie eyes widen, she drops the glasses, and stands there in shock. Everyone begins staring at her, making her frown. So, she looks around the room, then begins picking up the pieces of glass surrounding her feet. After about a minute, everyone returns to what they were doing. As Stephanie finishes picking up all the glass, she turns back to Shawn and Triple H, who have pasta sauce all around their mouths. The two just stare at each other, then the screen turns black *
Lawler: * screams * Oh man, J.R.!! Did you just see that?!?
J.R.: Huh? What do you mean? I didn't see anything...
Lawler: What do you mean you didn't see anything...?? It was right in front of your fat face!!!
J.R.: ...King... maybe you need to get some rest, you look tired...
Lawler: GET SOME REST?!?! Bullshit! You need to grow a damn brain!!! I know you saw what just happen, so just --
* King feels something round, small and blunt pointed to his side. He immediately becomes completely still and silent, then gulps loudly *
J.R.: LIKE I SAID... I didn't see anything... RIGHT?
* King quickly nods, and remains completely still *
J.R.: That's better... Oh, look!! It's Goldust!!
* Goldust pops up the titin tron screen once again. He's happily skipping through the arena halls, waving and smiling at everyone he passes. He arives at the room where Mini-Dust is, but he doesn't see him. So, he runs around the side of the leather sofa, he quickly looks down and sees that the ice cream sunday they were sharing eariler is completely melted and has been knocked over on the floor. Goldust's heart begins beating faster, he frowns, then drops his bag of rainbow sprinkles *
Goldust: ...Mini... Dust?
* The screen slowly fades out *
J.R.: OH MAH GAWD, KING!!! Did you see the face of Goldust?!? Poor guy...
* King quickly nods, continuing to remain completely still. A single tear is seen running down his cheek *
J.R.: ...Is something wrong, King???
~*~
Did Mini-Dust die in Rikishi's ass -- or is he STILL alive?!? And if so -- can Goldust save him in time?!?
Did Shawn Michaels and Triple H really KISS?!? If not, why are their lips covered in pasta sauce?!?
What was the blunt, small round object J.R. pointed at King's side?!?! Could it possibly be a GUN?!?
Find out on the next Chapter of "WhackDown!"!
~*~
Author's Note: I added one little scene with Michael Cole, Tazz, and Marc. It just made sense to add it in this chapter I guess... oh well. Whatever. lol