PART 5---Those Three Special Words, Out in the Open
It was several hours later when I finally arrived back at the apartment. I'm determined to find that song and listen to it. I know hearing it will give me the strength I needed to do what needed to be done.
Breaking up with Donny is going to be hard, but bottling up my feelings for Niles and attempt to stick it out with Donny would be even harder. Pretending that none of this ever happened is much easier said than done. My heart hasn't been in my relationship with Donny for such a long time. Probably since before he even proposed to me. If it had been there, then maybe I wouldn't have been so nervous and unsure of accepting it.
When I think back to the day I accepted Donny's proposal, I realize that I should have looked deeper into Niles' eyes when I asked for his advice. He struggled to guide me. It had to have been so difficult for him that day. How do you tell the woman you adore, the woman you dream of sharing your life with, to go and marry someone else? How do you let her go? How can you?
I've learned a lot in the last few months. Without actually having him with me, Niles has taught me the true meaning of love. On the rare occasions that I get to see him, I find myself studying his features and looking at him in wonder. What makes him love me so much? And what did I do to deserve his love? I don't have an answer to either question right now. But I will.
What I really want, more than anything is to hear Niles tell me he loves me. I want him to tell me to my face. I want to see his eyes as he tells me. He communicates so much through his eyes. I want to see love in his eyes. I'm tempted to just go to him first and deal with Donny later. I've already caused Niles so much pain, it's about time I did something to heal him. I don't know how long that will take, but telling him I love him is a beginning.
The elevator crawled to the 19th floor just as slowly as it descended to the lobby. Thank god it opens up right in front of the apartment, that way I can quickly dart across the hall and make a mad dash to my room.
I could hear voices from inside as I inserted the key into the lock. I walked in to find a room full of people, only a handful that I recognized. No doubt a search party was about to be unleashed on the streets of Seattle. Donny's doing no doubt. God forbid I have a few hours to myself. I shouldn't have to ask anyone's permission to be alone to collect my thoughts. And I don't want someone who's going to make sure he knows where I am at all times.
I know that Niles will respect enough to give me my privacy if I ever need it. Of course he would be concerned, he always is when it comes to my well being. I simply can't imagine not sharing anything with him though. He's the one I always turn to, the only one I ever want to turn to. He knows exactly what I need, even when I don't. I need him. I wonder if he knows that. He will as soon as I get the chance to tell him.
"Daphne, thank god." I heard Donny say, but I didn't look at him. The instant I walked in the door, a warm presence washed over me. A familiar scent in a room full of people made its way toward me. They both belonged to someone and I looked straight ahead at the man next to the bar. Niles. He's here.
"Daphne, are you all right," Dr. Crane asked me. I smiled at him slightly and momentarily rested my hand on his arm just to let him know that I was okay. I'm certain his eyes followed mine to Niles. Dr. Crane's hand rested on mind for a brief moment. He had to know at least a little something.
"Daphne," I know my name Donny I thought to myself, "Where have you been? I've been worried sick."
I pushed right past him and headed for Niles. Seeing him, I suddenly knew this was the moment. It's not the best of circumstances or even the right place but it's now or never. I'm going to tell him. Forget seeking him out. In a way, I think he sought me out. Oh that doesn't matter. I'm going to tell him, here and now. I can't wait anymore, I don't want to. I'm already making myself sick over this. This is my opportunity and I'm going to seize it.
He looked up at me with a glass of sherry in his hand. He had relief in his eyes but also a great deal of concern. I looked down at my hand and the papers that contained the words he had written. His eyes followed mine and I heard him take a breath. Our eyes met once again, I could feel the tears beginning to form.
I walked over to just past the dining table, stopping just before the two steps leading up to the bar and piano. God, he is so beautiful. He's always dressed to the nines, trying to impress no one and everyone at the same time. And he has a beautiful, selfless soul. I'm so lucky that it's mated to mine.
"Hi," I said. It was the only thing I could manage to get out. My mind and my heart are both screaming "I love you Niles." But hi was the only thing that managed to escape my lips.
"Hi." His eyes searched mine for answers. Of course they were, he has no idea what's really going on. I'm pretty sure he knows that I'm holding his emotional testament in my hand but after that, I'm certain he's clueless and yet ever so quietly, he asked "Are you all right? Running off like that scared quite a few people."
I opened my mouth to say something several times. I just can't figure out the right way to say this. His eyes are trying to encourage me. I love that. We've always been able to communicate like that. Knowing glances and such. Only now, every time I look into his eyes, I drown. It's a sea of blue that I've thrown myself into hoping that my drowning would indeed occur.
Standing here, opening and closing my mouth isn't getting us anywhere. There are so many things I want to say. I just don't know where to begin. The mumbling of everyone in the living room isn't helping either. It's actually rather irritating. The single most important moment in my life is about to take place. I just wish everything would disappear and it would be just Niles and me.
I glanced down for just a moment. An attempt at a quick internal pep talk, I suppose. But I can't keep my eyes off of him. As I raise my eyes to meet his, the most amazing thing is beginning to happen. All of the background noise is suddenly gone. All of the objects in Dr. Crane's apartment are gone too. It's an empty room with its only occupants being Niles and myself. A soft light is beginning to surround him, much like the visions I had of him just hours earlier.
After several seconds that seemed like an eternity, I suddenly couldn't take it any more. I couldn't find the words. I'm hoping my actions make up for the lack of them. I walked right up to him and whispered something only he could hear.
"I love you too."
And then I kissed him.
I kissed him silly.
It only took an instant before I was lost in this kiss and in his arms, but in that instant, I heard a glass of sherry shatter on the floor and felt the sherry itself splatter on my foot, I heard the gasps from several people in the room, I heard Mr. Crane's 'all right!' and then the smack on the arm from Dr. Crane, I heard Roz's silent but sincere 'oh my god' and Donny's 'Daphne what are you doing?' And then I heard the most important thing, two hearts beating as one.
It took Niles the same instant to overcome the shock of my aggressiveness and I slowly felt him wrap his arms around me. I immediately deepened the kiss when I realized he isn't going to push me away or even worse, pass out. At some point I even managed to take my engagement ring off of my finger and toss it behind me. I heard it hit the floor with a hollow clink. Once my finger was free of its bind, I began to run my fingers through his hair as we kissed.
I can't seem to bring myself to stop kissing him. If it's possible to make love with solely your lips, then that's what we're doing. My lips are caressing his and his are doing the exact same thing to mine. It's wonderful. I know that I wanted to spend the rest of my life in his arms, kissing him like this. I love this man and he's my dream come true. If not for the need to breath, I would have kissed him forever.
I think I even surprised myself when we broke apart by saying,
"Marry me."
I didn't even give him a chance to say anything. Or anyone for that matter. They had plenty of time after hearing my words to say "What?" I didn't dare look at the people standing behind me; I just tried to read what Niles was thinking. His face drained of all color yet his eyes brightened. I saw the beginnings of tears form in his eyes.
"What did you say?" He asked struggling to speak at all.
"Marry me."
"Why?"
"Because I believe in miracles." I said. I could feel myself beginning to tremble. I'm not the only one, he's shaking too, "because I believe in dreams coming true and because I believe in us and what we can be and are together. And most importantly because I love you."
"Daphne, what are you doing," I heard Donny say again.
I never bothered to look at him. I know it was wrong to ignore him but I needed to keep my attention focused on Niles. I'm afraid if I take my eyes off of him, I'll miss a sparkle in his eyes. I don't want to miss a thing. I've already missed so many things with him; I'm determined not to miss another.
His eyes always tell me so much about him. They tell me if he is hurting, if he's happy, sad, ill, confused. Oh they tell me everything. Never once have I seen them conveying so many things all at once. It is rather difficult picking apart everything that his eyes are reflecting to me right now.
I'm hoping he sees much the same in my eyes. I can feel all of my emotions just swirling around me. It's as if I'm stuck in a tornado not knowing when or even if I'm going to break free from its pull. Waiting for his reaction certainly isn't helping any.
When his silence continued, I decided to speak up. All of these people and the magnitude of my confession left him speechless. And rightly so. He never knew that this was coming. He never expected it to happen at all. Now that it has, I'm sure he feels as if he is stuck in some kind of dream, not really sure if it's a dream or a nightmare and yet so scared to wake in fear of missing something.
"Would it be better if we finish this discussion somewhere else?"
He nodded never taking his eyes off of mine.
"All right." I said stroking his cheek, taking his hand and pulling him toward my room.
I heard a few more questioning words from the people in the living room. In due time, they'll get the explanation they are looking for. In due time. For now, however, it's all about Niles and making sure that he understands everything that is suddenly happening. I want to make sure that he knows how serious I am about loving him and discovering us.
I'm not going to just walk out of Donny's life without an explanation. He is a wonderful man and I owe him at least that. Right now I have to fix things between Niles and me. Not that we had a problem to begin with, well a broken heart is probably worse than that. I had to mend his broken heart, I'm the one who broke it and I'll be the one to put it back together that is if he'll let me.
It was several hours later when I finally arrived back at the apartment. I'm determined to find that song and listen to it. I know hearing it will give me the strength I needed to do what needed to be done.
Breaking up with Donny is going to be hard, but bottling up my feelings for Niles and attempt to stick it out with Donny would be even harder. Pretending that none of this ever happened is much easier said than done. My heart hasn't been in my relationship with Donny for such a long time. Probably since before he even proposed to me. If it had been there, then maybe I wouldn't have been so nervous and unsure of accepting it.
When I think back to the day I accepted Donny's proposal, I realize that I should have looked deeper into Niles' eyes when I asked for his advice. He struggled to guide me. It had to have been so difficult for him that day. How do you tell the woman you adore, the woman you dream of sharing your life with, to go and marry someone else? How do you let her go? How can you?
I've learned a lot in the last few months. Without actually having him with me, Niles has taught me the true meaning of love. On the rare occasions that I get to see him, I find myself studying his features and looking at him in wonder. What makes him love me so much? And what did I do to deserve his love? I don't have an answer to either question right now. But I will.
What I really want, more than anything is to hear Niles tell me he loves me. I want him to tell me to my face. I want to see his eyes as he tells me. He communicates so much through his eyes. I want to see love in his eyes. I'm tempted to just go to him first and deal with Donny later. I've already caused Niles so much pain, it's about time I did something to heal him. I don't know how long that will take, but telling him I love him is a beginning.
The elevator crawled to the 19th floor just as slowly as it descended to the lobby. Thank god it opens up right in front of the apartment, that way I can quickly dart across the hall and make a mad dash to my room.
I could hear voices from inside as I inserted the key into the lock. I walked in to find a room full of people, only a handful that I recognized. No doubt a search party was about to be unleashed on the streets of Seattle. Donny's doing no doubt. God forbid I have a few hours to myself. I shouldn't have to ask anyone's permission to be alone to collect my thoughts. And I don't want someone who's going to make sure he knows where I am at all times.
I know that Niles will respect enough to give me my privacy if I ever need it. Of course he would be concerned, he always is when it comes to my well being. I simply can't imagine not sharing anything with him though. He's the one I always turn to, the only one I ever want to turn to. He knows exactly what I need, even when I don't. I need him. I wonder if he knows that. He will as soon as I get the chance to tell him.
"Daphne, thank god." I heard Donny say, but I didn't look at him. The instant I walked in the door, a warm presence washed over me. A familiar scent in a room full of people made its way toward me. They both belonged to someone and I looked straight ahead at the man next to the bar. Niles. He's here.
"Daphne, are you all right," Dr. Crane asked me. I smiled at him slightly and momentarily rested my hand on his arm just to let him know that I was okay. I'm certain his eyes followed mine to Niles. Dr. Crane's hand rested on mind for a brief moment. He had to know at least a little something.
"Daphne," I know my name Donny I thought to myself, "Where have you been? I've been worried sick."
I pushed right past him and headed for Niles. Seeing him, I suddenly knew this was the moment. It's not the best of circumstances or even the right place but it's now or never. I'm going to tell him. Forget seeking him out. In a way, I think he sought me out. Oh that doesn't matter. I'm going to tell him, here and now. I can't wait anymore, I don't want to. I'm already making myself sick over this. This is my opportunity and I'm going to seize it.
He looked up at me with a glass of sherry in his hand. He had relief in his eyes but also a great deal of concern. I looked down at my hand and the papers that contained the words he had written. His eyes followed mine and I heard him take a breath. Our eyes met once again, I could feel the tears beginning to form.
I walked over to just past the dining table, stopping just before the two steps leading up to the bar and piano. God, he is so beautiful. He's always dressed to the nines, trying to impress no one and everyone at the same time. And he has a beautiful, selfless soul. I'm so lucky that it's mated to mine.
"Hi," I said. It was the only thing I could manage to get out. My mind and my heart are both screaming "I love you Niles." But hi was the only thing that managed to escape my lips.
"Hi." His eyes searched mine for answers. Of course they were, he has no idea what's really going on. I'm pretty sure he knows that I'm holding his emotional testament in my hand but after that, I'm certain he's clueless and yet ever so quietly, he asked "Are you all right? Running off like that scared quite a few people."
I opened my mouth to say something several times. I just can't figure out the right way to say this. His eyes are trying to encourage me. I love that. We've always been able to communicate like that. Knowing glances and such. Only now, every time I look into his eyes, I drown. It's a sea of blue that I've thrown myself into hoping that my drowning would indeed occur.
Standing here, opening and closing my mouth isn't getting us anywhere. There are so many things I want to say. I just don't know where to begin. The mumbling of everyone in the living room isn't helping either. It's actually rather irritating. The single most important moment in my life is about to take place. I just wish everything would disappear and it would be just Niles and me.
I glanced down for just a moment. An attempt at a quick internal pep talk, I suppose. But I can't keep my eyes off of him. As I raise my eyes to meet his, the most amazing thing is beginning to happen. All of the background noise is suddenly gone. All of the objects in Dr. Crane's apartment are gone too. It's an empty room with its only occupants being Niles and myself. A soft light is beginning to surround him, much like the visions I had of him just hours earlier.
After several seconds that seemed like an eternity, I suddenly couldn't take it any more. I couldn't find the words. I'm hoping my actions make up for the lack of them. I walked right up to him and whispered something only he could hear.
"I love you too."
And then I kissed him.
I kissed him silly.
It only took an instant before I was lost in this kiss and in his arms, but in that instant, I heard a glass of sherry shatter on the floor and felt the sherry itself splatter on my foot, I heard the gasps from several people in the room, I heard Mr. Crane's 'all right!' and then the smack on the arm from Dr. Crane, I heard Roz's silent but sincere 'oh my god' and Donny's 'Daphne what are you doing?' And then I heard the most important thing, two hearts beating as one.
It took Niles the same instant to overcome the shock of my aggressiveness and I slowly felt him wrap his arms around me. I immediately deepened the kiss when I realized he isn't going to push me away or even worse, pass out. At some point I even managed to take my engagement ring off of my finger and toss it behind me. I heard it hit the floor with a hollow clink. Once my finger was free of its bind, I began to run my fingers through his hair as we kissed.
I can't seem to bring myself to stop kissing him. If it's possible to make love with solely your lips, then that's what we're doing. My lips are caressing his and his are doing the exact same thing to mine. It's wonderful. I know that I wanted to spend the rest of my life in his arms, kissing him like this. I love this man and he's my dream come true. If not for the need to breath, I would have kissed him forever.
I think I even surprised myself when we broke apart by saying,
"Marry me."
I didn't even give him a chance to say anything. Or anyone for that matter. They had plenty of time after hearing my words to say "What?" I didn't dare look at the people standing behind me; I just tried to read what Niles was thinking. His face drained of all color yet his eyes brightened. I saw the beginnings of tears form in his eyes.
"What did you say?" He asked struggling to speak at all.
"Marry me."
"Why?"
"Because I believe in miracles." I said. I could feel myself beginning to tremble. I'm not the only one, he's shaking too, "because I believe in dreams coming true and because I believe in us and what we can be and are together. And most importantly because I love you."
"Daphne, what are you doing," I heard Donny say again.
I never bothered to look at him. I know it was wrong to ignore him but I needed to keep my attention focused on Niles. I'm afraid if I take my eyes off of him, I'll miss a sparkle in his eyes. I don't want to miss a thing. I've already missed so many things with him; I'm determined not to miss another.
His eyes always tell me so much about him. They tell me if he is hurting, if he's happy, sad, ill, confused. Oh they tell me everything. Never once have I seen them conveying so many things all at once. It is rather difficult picking apart everything that his eyes are reflecting to me right now.
I'm hoping he sees much the same in my eyes. I can feel all of my emotions just swirling around me. It's as if I'm stuck in a tornado not knowing when or even if I'm going to break free from its pull. Waiting for his reaction certainly isn't helping any.
When his silence continued, I decided to speak up. All of these people and the magnitude of my confession left him speechless. And rightly so. He never knew that this was coming. He never expected it to happen at all. Now that it has, I'm sure he feels as if he is stuck in some kind of dream, not really sure if it's a dream or a nightmare and yet so scared to wake in fear of missing something.
"Would it be better if we finish this discussion somewhere else?"
He nodded never taking his eyes off of mine.
"All right." I said stroking his cheek, taking his hand and pulling him toward my room.
I heard a few more questioning words from the people in the living room. In due time, they'll get the explanation they are looking for. In due time. For now, however, it's all about Niles and making sure that he understands everything that is suddenly happening. I want to make sure that he knows how serious I am about loving him and discovering us.
I'm not going to just walk out of Donny's life without an explanation. He is a wonderful man and I owe him at least that. Right now I have to fix things between Niles and me. Not that we had a problem to begin with, well a broken heart is probably worse than that. I had to mend his broken heart, I'm the one who broke it and I'll be the one to put it back together that is if he'll let me.