PART 6---Making Things Right
I allowed Niles to enter my room first. I wanted to close and lock my door for good measure. This is the most serious moment of my life and I will not have someone, like Dr. Crane, barge in on it. After hearing the lock click into place, I turned to face Niles. He had his back towards me and I watched as he nervously ran a hand through his hair.
He is so quiet and so confused. I can't say that I blame him. Everything is happening so fast. It's a miracle that it happened at all. It needed to, I'm sure there's no one in this make-shift family, Roz included, that would say otherwise. Niles and I were made for each other. We're meant to be in love.
Meeting each other and falling in love wasn't a mistake. True it didn't happen exactly the way it should have. We should have experienced falling in love together. Not separately and at completely different times. Yet we did fall in love with each other. That was supposed to happen. I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life by his side. It's true when they say that you don't realize how much something means to you until you almost lose it. I almost let Niles slip through my fingers. I'm slowly tightening my grip on his hands and pulling him back to me.
This silence, it's making me crazy. I have to know what he is thinking. Whatever he's thinking, I just hope he believes me. I'm telling the truth, I love him and I want to marry him. When I pull out my driver's license or credit card, I want to see Daphne Crane.
Sometimes when I'm alone, I practice saying my married name. Daphne Crane fills my heart with a warm and wonderful feeling whereas Daphne Douglas makes me cringe. When I write it, Daphne Crane flows onto the paper like I've been writing it for years. It takes me forever to pen Daphne Douglas.
"Say something," I said, "Please."
"Daphne," he said, "did you really say those things to me? Or is this some sort of wonderful dream that I'm going to wake up from? Actually it would be more like a nightmare."
"How's that," I asked quietly.
"Because in the dream it's all so real. I can feel you lying next to me in my bed," he said, "I even reach out for you but when I open my eyes there's just an empty space."
"If this is a dream," I said looking at the papers in my hand, "It's a dream come true."
"So you meant everything," he said turning to look at me.
"Yes," I said.
"I just don't understand. I mean, I think you're serious. But why are you doing this?"
"Because of what you said," I said holding up the letter.
"How did you get that," he asked.
"It arrived in the mail," I said quietly.
"It did," he said, "oh my god."
"Are you saying that this was not meant for me," I asked. Please don't tell me that, please don't tell me that.
"No it's just," he said, "Daphne you weren't supposed to see that."
"So what are you saying," I asked suddenly on the verge of tears, "that you don't mean these things. That you don't love me anymore?"
"Daphne," he said.
"Because it sure felt like it when I kissed you," I said sitting on the edge of my bed, "I could feel your heart beat. It was beating in unison with mine. Niles, that's never happened to me before. That means something, even if you don't think so."
"I wouldn't have written this letter if I didn't feel this way. It was the only way I could say what I've felt for you. I just picked up the pen and once I started I couldn't stop," he said taking it out of my hand, "I've never felt this way before. And to be perfectly honest it scares me to death. And that's why I've never said anything."
"I don't understand."
"Because I know," he said sitting next to me, "that I'd go crazy without you. I don't know what I'd do without you if for some reason something would happen and we weren't together anymore. If I lost you, I'd lose myself too."
"Niles," I whispered.
"I had planned to tell you so many times. Each time I found a good excuse not to," he continued, "and then I told myself I was going to do it. I wanted to take that chance because I believe in us and everything that we could be together. And the day I chose to do it was the same day that Donny Douglas walked into our lives. My chance was gone although I did try to sabotage your relationship once and I'm really sorry about that but I wasn't ready to give up on us. It turns out that I didn't have to give up, you did it for me. I watched you say yes to him. And I've been a wreck ever since."
"Oh my." The sobs were welling up in my throat. To know that I caused him so much pain breaks my heart. He's so dependent on his love for me. The love he has for me defines him as a person. It makes him strong, so strong that he stepped down in order to make me happy. He's such a wonderful person. I'm so lucky that he chose me. Or that love chose us rather.
"I lost you and I lost myself. God Daphne, I love you so much."
"Niles," I said moving to my knees and kneeling in front of him, "let me find you. Let me find us. I don't want to lose you. I want to make everything right between us. And being together is right."
"But what about," he asked. I know what or whom rather, he's referring to and honestly I don't care. I've hurt Niles a lot more than I could ever hurt Donny. And the only thing I want to do now is heal Niles. So I chose to ignore what lies ahead of us.
"You know as I was sitting on a bench by the bay today, I began to daydream. I saw things that I've never seen before and they gave me answers to everything."
"What did you see," he asked.
"I saw you," I whispered, "I saw us. Together, kissing on the beach that we built a beautiful house on. I saw a grand piano in the great room and a little brown haired girl carefully tapping the keys, when she looked up at me, she had your eyes. It was our daughter Niles, our little girl. And she was so beautiful. I saw you on the same beach chasing our grandchildren.I saw you smiling at me."
"Were you happy," he asked.
"Happier than I've ever been in my life," I said holding his hands. "Whenever I'm with you now, I'm always happy. I don't think about anything but that moment. When I with Donny the only thing I can think about is what it would be like if I were sharing that moment with you instead."
"Really," he asked.
"Yes. Niles there are so many things that I want to share with you. I can't imagine sharing them with anyone else."
I looked into his eyes and I just wanted him to hold me. I then reached up and kissed him. It was even better than the first kiss we shared. If it's possible for two people to make love with solely their lips, then that's exactly what we're doing. I melted in his arms and I heard myself whimper slightly. I don't know why but I just wanted to cry and cry. Tears of happiness, of course.
When we finally released our lips, we rested our foreheads together and I said the words for the second time that afternoon.
"I love you."
"And I love you."
"Niles," I said, "some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this."
"I can't believe this is happening to me. I never thought it would."
"Believe it."
Our faces were just centimeters apart the entire time our lips touched in between words. Never have I felt so close to someone as I do with this man. From the time I heard of his true feelings, I've felt that there is nothing on this earth that can hurt me. The love of this man is my protection. It's my comfort and my joy.
It dawned on me that very moment that I had yet to receive and answer to the question I asked immediately after I kissed him the first time.
"You never answered me, you know."
"What?"
"Will you marry me," I asked.
"Yes," he said with a barely audible whisper.
My heart soared higher than ever before.
He said yes.
My dreams and visions are going to come true. Together we're going to make everything a reality. One day he'll be chasing our children on a beach somewhere, our daughter will be serenading the house as she taps the keys of a grand piano and our love will fill the halls. It's going to be wonderful.
I kissed him again and instantly knew that I wanted more. I knew that we didn't have many options though. We couldn't leave this apartment without dodging questions and I'm betting that someone is bound to put a glass to the door in a vain attempt to hear us.
I want this night to be about Niles and me. I want this night to be about our love. This night can be our calm before the storm. I just pray the storm blows over really quickly and the sun can shine again. One thing's for sure, I've got a rainbow in my sight. And Niles is my pot of gold.
I allowed Niles to enter my room first. I wanted to close and lock my door for good measure. This is the most serious moment of my life and I will not have someone, like Dr. Crane, barge in on it. After hearing the lock click into place, I turned to face Niles. He had his back towards me and I watched as he nervously ran a hand through his hair.
He is so quiet and so confused. I can't say that I blame him. Everything is happening so fast. It's a miracle that it happened at all. It needed to, I'm sure there's no one in this make-shift family, Roz included, that would say otherwise. Niles and I were made for each other. We're meant to be in love.
Meeting each other and falling in love wasn't a mistake. True it didn't happen exactly the way it should have. We should have experienced falling in love together. Not separately and at completely different times. Yet we did fall in love with each other. That was supposed to happen. I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life by his side. It's true when they say that you don't realize how much something means to you until you almost lose it. I almost let Niles slip through my fingers. I'm slowly tightening my grip on his hands and pulling him back to me.
This silence, it's making me crazy. I have to know what he is thinking. Whatever he's thinking, I just hope he believes me. I'm telling the truth, I love him and I want to marry him. When I pull out my driver's license or credit card, I want to see Daphne Crane.
Sometimes when I'm alone, I practice saying my married name. Daphne Crane fills my heart with a warm and wonderful feeling whereas Daphne Douglas makes me cringe. When I write it, Daphne Crane flows onto the paper like I've been writing it for years. It takes me forever to pen Daphne Douglas.
"Say something," I said, "Please."
"Daphne," he said, "did you really say those things to me? Or is this some sort of wonderful dream that I'm going to wake up from? Actually it would be more like a nightmare."
"How's that," I asked quietly.
"Because in the dream it's all so real. I can feel you lying next to me in my bed," he said, "I even reach out for you but when I open my eyes there's just an empty space."
"If this is a dream," I said looking at the papers in my hand, "It's a dream come true."
"So you meant everything," he said turning to look at me.
"Yes," I said.
"I just don't understand. I mean, I think you're serious. But why are you doing this?"
"Because of what you said," I said holding up the letter.
"How did you get that," he asked.
"It arrived in the mail," I said quietly.
"It did," he said, "oh my god."
"Are you saying that this was not meant for me," I asked. Please don't tell me that, please don't tell me that.
"No it's just," he said, "Daphne you weren't supposed to see that."
"So what are you saying," I asked suddenly on the verge of tears, "that you don't mean these things. That you don't love me anymore?"
"Daphne," he said.
"Because it sure felt like it when I kissed you," I said sitting on the edge of my bed, "I could feel your heart beat. It was beating in unison with mine. Niles, that's never happened to me before. That means something, even if you don't think so."
"I wouldn't have written this letter if I didn't feel this way. It was the only way I could say what I've felt for you. I just picked up the pen and once I started I couldn't stop," he said taking it out of my hand, "I've never felt this way before. And to be perfectly honest it scares me to death. And that's why I've never said anything."
"I don't understand."
"Because I know," he said sitting next to me, "that I'd go crazy without you. I don't know what I'd do without you if for some reason something would happen and we weren't together anymore. If I lost you, I'd lose myself too."
"Niles," I whispered.
"I had planned to tell you so many times. Each time I found a good excuse not to," he continued, "and then I told myself I was going to do it. I wanted to take that chance because I believe in us and everything that we could be together. And the day I chose to do it was the same day that Donny Douglas walked into our lives. My chance was gone although I did try to sabotage your relationship once and I'm really sorry about that but I wasn't ready to give up on us. It turns out that I didn't have to give up, you did it for me. I watched you say yes to him. And I've been a wreck ever since."
"Oh my." The sobs were welling up in my throat. To know that I caused him so much pain breaks my heart. He's so dependent on his love for me. The love he has for me defines him as a person. It makes him strong, so strong that he stepped down in order to make me happy. He's such a wonderful person. I'm so lucky that he chose me. Or that love chose us rather.
"I lost you and I lost myself. God Daphne, I love you so much."
"Niles," I said moving to my knees and kneeling in front of him, "let me find you. Let me find us. I don't want to lose you. I want to make everything right between us. And being together is right."
"But what about," he asked. I know what or whom rather, he's referring to and honestly I don't care. I've hurt Niles a lot more than I could ever hurt Donny. And the only thing I want to do now is heal Niles. So I chose to ignore what lies ahead of us.
"You know as I was sitting on a bench by the bay today, I began to daydream. I saw things that I've never seen before and they gave me answers to everything."
"What did you see," he asked.
"I saw you," I whispered, "I saw us. Together, kissing on the beach that we built a beautiful house on. I saw a grand piano in the great room and a little brown haired girl carefully tapping the keys, when she looked up at me, she had your eyes. It was our daughter Niles, our little girl. And she was so beautiful. I saw you on the same beach chasing our grandchildren.I saw you smiling at me."
"Were you happy," he asked.
"Happier than I've ever been in my life," I said holding his hands. "Whenever I'm with you now, I'm always happy. I don't think about anything but that moment. When I with Donny the only thing I can think about is what it would be like if I were sharing that moment with you instead."
"Really," he asked.
"Yes. Niles there are so many things that I want to share with you. I can't imagine sharing them with anyone else."
I looked into his eyes and I just wanted him to hold me. I then reached up and kissed him. It was even better than the first kiss we shared. If it's possible for two people to make love with solely their lips, then that's exactly what we're doing. I melted in his arms and I heard myself whimper slightly. I don't know why but I just wanted to cry and cry. Tears of happiness, of course.
When we finally released our lips, we rested our foreheads together and I said the words for the second time that afternoon.
"I love you."
"And I love you."
"Niles," I said, "some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this."
"I can't believe this is happening to me. I never thought it would."
"Believe it."
Our faces were just centimeters apart the entire time our lips touched in between words. Never have I felt so close to someone as I do with this man. From the time I heard of his true feelings, I've felt that there is nothing on this earth that can hurt me. The love of this man is my protection. It's my comfort and my joy.
It dawned on me that very moment that I had yet to receive and answer to the question I asked immediately after I kissed him the first time.
"You never answered me, you know."
"What?"
"Will you marry me," I asked.
"Yes," he said with a barely audible whisper.
My heart soared higher than ever before.
He said yes.
My dreams and visions are going to come true. Together we're going to make everything a reality. One day he'll be chasing our children on a beach somewhere, our daughter will be serenading the house as she taps the keys of a grand piano and our love will fill the halls. It's going to be wonderful.
I kissed him again and instantly knew that I wanted more. I knew that we didn't have many options though. We couldn't leave this apartment without dodging questions and I'm betting that someone is bound to put a glass to the door in a vain attempt to hear us.
I want this night to be about Niles and me. I want this night to be about our love. This night can be our calm before the storm. I just pray the storm blows over really quickly and the sun can shine again. One thing's for sure, I've got a rainbow in my sight. And Niles is my pot of gold.