Realization
           

"Sirius?!"

            Sirius gasped and took a step back. He'd never, in the years of knowing Remus, seen him like this. Remus's eyes were bright silver with a red rim around the iris, and the hair on his arms looked thicker, but the thing that made Sirius step back was the other boy's voice. It was low, probably an octave lower, and husky. The tone would have made Sirius shiver if the look in Remus's eyes hadn't been one of pure terror. Sirius stood there staring, not able to look away even though he knew he should run from the room and never look back. Some part of Sirius's mind was awed at the absolute beauty radiating from his friend, while the other part was screaming at him to get away.

            Remus took a step forward, eyes wide with terror. "You have to leave, Sirius!" His voice was low, husky and he tried not to let the fear he was feeling show in his voice. "Please! You have to leave now, the moon is almost up." Remus knew he sounded desperate, but he didn't know what else to do. If Sirius was around when he changed he had no doubt the wolf would kill him. It would be so nice to have someone to comfort and hold him during his transformation, but he knew he couldn't risk it.

            "Remus-"

                        "Get. OUT!" Sirius's eyes widened at his friend's outburst. He took a few steps backward, still facing Remus before turning and walking out the door, closing it softly behind him. Sirius stayed on the other side of the door and just breathed. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to leave, but if he could hear Remus, he was sure Remus could hear him. After a few moments, he pushed off the door and made his way, slowly, to the tunnel that lead back to school. He was totally unaware of the Halloween party going on a few feet from him, or the fact that his friends would be mad he'd missed it. All his thoughts were centered on Remus and the truth he'd just learned about the boy.

Remus was a werewolf.

            Sirius opened the door to the dorm room, walked over to the bed and flopped down. He had no desire to go to the party now. Not when Remus was in the shack in pain and he couldn't do anything to help. Sirius could still hear the husky frantic whisper of Remus's voice when the boy told Sirius to leave.  How was he going to face him after this?  Sirius rolled over and eventually fell asleep. He'd think about all that had happened in the morning.

Remus was a werewolf.

~*~

            James and Peter sighed as they entered their Herbology class. It'd been almost a week and a half since Halloween and Remus and Sirius still weren't speaking to each other.  Actually, if they only weren't speaking, James and Peter would have been happy, but the fact was that Remus and Sirius weren't even acknowledging the other's existence. James had been asking Sirius every chance he got what was up, but the longhaired boy would just shrug and head off to the library. Peter had voiced how odd it was that Sirius was spending all his extra time in the library; he even missed a few Quidditch matches due to being in there. James didn't have a clue what was wrong with his friend and asked if Peter was getting anywhere with Remus. He, of course, wasn't. They just didn't understand how one night could break up such a great friendship.

            James was sitting on his bed cleaning his broom for the next day's game when Sirius walked in. He was carrying several books, James noticed, on Animagi. "You okay, Sirius?" James asked, hopping off his bed and plopping down on the other boy's.

            "Sure," Sirius replied opening one of the Really Big Books. "Just doing some homework."

            "Homework, huh?" James raised an eyebrow. "Sirius, unless you're taking classes I don't know about, looking at books for Animagi isn't for homework." James picked up one a book that had several pieces of paper sticking out of it and flipped to one of the marked pages.

            "Maybe it's for extra credit."

            James laughed so hard he almost fell off the bed, "Sure, Sirius."

            Sirius sighed, "I'll tell you about it later, okay? I just can't right no-" Sirius was cut off by Remus entering the room. He stared at the other boy, wanting to talk to him, but having no clue what to say. Remus just walked past them and sat on his own bed. James, who was still clueless, decided now would be a very good time to find Peter and left the room. "Hi," Sirius said after James left.

            "Hi," the brunette replied staring at his closed Arithmacy book.

            Sirius cursed silently and moved to sit on Remus's bed. "Remus… I'm sorry… I-" He didn't know what to say, but knew he had to apologize for seeing something he wasn't supposed to.

            "No… No it's not an 'I'm sorry' thing." Remus closed the book and carefully set it aside before turning his full attention to the other boy. "Sirius… I didn't not tell you because I didn't trust you, it's not that." He looked down, shaking his head, and thought a moment before looking up and continuing, "I was scared. I knew you three were my very best friends, but…"

            "If it had gotten out you could have been expelled… or worse," Sirius continued for him. "Yeah… I don't… I mean, I didn't tell them. James and Peter, I didn't tell them."

            "I should."

            "I… I dunno, maybe."

            "I should," Remus smiled, the first time in a week and a little flutter of something went through Sirius and gathered in his chest making it a touch harder to breath. "They should know. It's… It's not like all the books say, though. It's not… I mean, I'm not evil."

            "Maybe you should explain what it's like after we tell the others," Sirius offered, his voice a touch deeper

            Remus looked up and nodded. "Yeah. You're right…wow, I can't believe I just said that about you." Sirius stuck his tongue out and Remus laughed. It was nice having the closeness back. They'd both missed it. Sirius rolled off the bed and went to the common room to get Peter and James. There was no use prolonging the talk they all needed to have, and maybe with the three of them knowing, they'd be able to come up with an idea to help Remus through the two days of agony he went through every month.

 Sirius came back with James and Peter behind him both looking a bit nervous and unsure. James looked at Remus and then moved to sit on his own bed facing the boy; Peter sat next to James. Sirius crossed over and sat next to Remus, giving his friend a reassuring smile.

            "Hey, Remmy," James greeted, voice light and cheery despite the mood in the room.

            "Ugh!" Remus made a face. "I hate that name." None of them liked that nickname that Snape sarcastically bestowed upon the boy. It was a good way to break the ice though. The tension was so thick, before, Remus wasn't sure he'd be able to breathe, but now he was laughing along with the other three. Points for James.  "Um.." Remus began once they'd calmed down and were serious again. He looked down fidgeting with his fingers in his lap, "I…There's something about me that you need to know." He looked up at James and Peter who were still looking confused, but intrigued by what Remus had to say. "The night of the party Sirius followed me… Uh…" This was harder than he thought it would be, even with the mood lightened. Maybe he could get Sirius to tell them while he ran and hid. Remus looked over at Sirius who was looking at his lap. "Sirius," he whispered and the boy looked at him, "I um.."

            "You want me to tell them?" Sirius asked with a whisper. His chest ached at the frightened look in Remus's eyes and all he wanted to do was reach over and cuddle the boy to him. To tell him everything would be alright.

            "Could you?"

           Sirius nodded and turned to his other, now very confused friends. "Well," He began with a sigh, "The night of the party I followed Remus and found out what he does… I didn't… I mean, it really wasn't my place to tell you two so… I didn't. I really didn't know what to do about it at all so I just kindda ignored everyone. Sorry 'bout that."

           James smiled reassuringly at his two friends. "It's okay. We'll forgive you." He nudged Peter in the side who was still looking confused but nodded his agreement when James nudged him. "So, what did you find? Is Remus all right?"

           "Well," Sirius looked at Remus and smiled before turning back to James and Peter and saying, "he's a werewolf."

            Dead silence.

            Remus was seriously considering getting up and making a run for it. He was sure he could make it to the womping willow before the other three… or at least he hoped he could. Sirius found out by snooping, which still made Remus mad, but he'd already forgiven his friend. James and Peter, however, were the first people he'd ever told on his own, because he wanted to, not because he had to. If they rejected him, he wasn't sure what he'd do.

            James was the first to speak. "A werewolf?" He looked over at Peter who was just sitting on the bed staring at Remus, a million emotions flowing across his face. "Oh." He really didn't know what to say. His friend was something he'd been told all his life was evil and would kill him any change it got. Remus wasn't evil and certainly never tried to kill him. He just wasn't sure what to think.

            Just as James was about to say something else Peter found his voice, "I don't know what to say to that." His voice was apologetic, and he managed to tear his eyes away from the boy and stared down at the floor instead. "I'm sorry, Remus… I just don't know what to say to that."

            Remus nodded. He'd figured that they wouldn't accept him right away. He just hoped that they would give him the chance to prove that he was still the same person he was before. "I understand-"

            "No," the small blond interrupted, "I don't think you do. Cause I don't even know if I understand. So I don't think you can." He looked up at Remus. "I'm sorry… I just… I need to think." Remus nodded and watched as Peter got off the bed and left the room, emotions still flowing over his face.

            James looked over at Remus then Peter's retreating back and back to Remus. "How long have you known?" he asked Sirius, who was sitting a bit close to Remus, almost protectively if James didn't know any better… which of course he did. Sirius looked over at James with a guilty/nervous expression and held up two fingers. "Two weeks?" Sirius nodded and James simply took in a deep breath and let it out very slowly. "Oh."

            "I wanted to tell you before… I just…" Remus took a breath, "I was just scared." Of course he had every right to be. In this day and age werewolves were "evil". Every child, brought up in the wizarding world, was taught from day one to keep their distance and make sure to never get bitten by anything resembling a wolf around the full moon.  Werewolves only wanted blood and would do anything to get it. They were cunning and sneaky and would do anything for a kill; they didn't deserve to live. The children knew that if bitten by a wolf their lives would be over. They would become evil and only want to feast on the flesh and blood of humans. This, of course, wasn't the case, at least not when it came to Remus. It was true he craved meat, not necessarily raw, but almost. This only happened three days before the full moon. He would become increasingly hungry for a piece of rare stake or hamburger. The house elves were more than happy to give him what he needed, not knowing why he liked it that way, but he wasn't the only one so it wasn't all that strange.  Another strange thing that happened was Remus's eyes would turn purely silver, like they had when Sirius caught him at the shack. They would start at the outer edge of the iris and start changing as the full moon got closer. Sirius so far seemed to be the only one to notice this, even if he hadn't accidentally discovered Remus's secret at the time (he'd commented many times on how beautiful Remus's eyes were).  As far as wanting to eat human flesh and drink blood… no, Remus wasn't a vampire, just a werewolf. So many of the myths that were associated with his kind were just that, Myths. Unfortunately, not many people believed the truth. He was human until the full moon when he turned into a wolf, and when he was a wolf he was just that. A wolf. Just like any other wolf in the world. He wasn't any more or less dangerous and he wished that people would understand this, but he knew no matter how hard anyone tried, his world wouldn't be changing to accept him anytime soon.

            James stared at him for a long moment before nodding. "I can understand that I guess." He took another deep breath and let it out, thinking things over in his head. "So… uh… okay. Well…" he stuttered, not really knowing where to go from there. He glanced at the door and thought perhaps talking to Peter would be a good idea at this point… or Lily even.  Of course, he couldn't tell Lily, so talking to her about it would be a little hard, but she always seemed to be his voice of reason. Maybe talking to her really would be a good idea. "I'm gunna go see if I can find Peter." He slipped off the bed and walked over to the door, pausing and turning back to the two boys sitting on the bed, "I won't tell anyone your secret, Remus. I still do want to be friends." He turned and headed off to find Peter, or talk to Lily, he really didn't know which he'd end up doing. He just knew he needed to get out of that dorm room.

             Sirius turned to Remus and said, after a moment, "I think I want to become an Animagi."

Remus turned his head to look at Sirius, who was now so close their noses almost touched. A small gasp escaped him before he scooted back on the bed and answered, "Why?"

            "Well… I was thinking that if I was a wolf too, I could maybe help you."

            Remus's chest tightened to the point of almost painful. Sirius wanted to become an Animagi for him? He wanted to be around him even when Remus was a wolf? The brunette could feel tears forming but did his best to keep them back. "You…," he swallowed and cleared his throat before continuing, "I don't think becoming a wolf would be such a great idea."

            Sirius thought about this for a moment. "Well, I'll think of something then, but think about it. You wouldn't be alone anymore. I know I could never understand what it was you go through, and I highly doubt being an Animagi is painful. At least Professor McGonegall doesn't seem to find it painful, so I know it wouldn't compare to you but-" Sirius was cut off suddenly finding himself with an arm full of Remus. "Remus?"

            The brunette just wrapped his arms tighter around Sirius's shoulders and buried his face in the boy's neck. No one in his entire life, including his parents, had ever wanted to help him. "Sirius," he whispered, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat. He didn't know how to tell his friend how much Sirius's offer meant to him; there weren't words enough to express it, so he settled for the usual, "thank you."

            "Oh," Sirius said finally wrapping his arms around Remus and holding him close. "Sure… Hey Remus," his voice was low, and soothing, "could you tell me about it? What it's like for you?" The boy in his arms tensed before relaxing and shifting just enough so he was lying with his head on Sirius's shoulder, forehead tucked under Sirius's chin. He was snuggling, Sirius realized, but didn't pull away. He shifted them both so that he was lying against the headboard with Remus between his legs cuddled to his chest.

           "I… I guess." Remus closed his eyes and told Sirius everything he went through. Told him all about the painful transformation and what it was like before and after the full moon. He told Sirius all about when it had happened and how his parents treated him afterwards. The whole time Sirius held onto the storyteller in his arms, listening to every word Remus said. At some point he started rubbing Remus's back soothingly, and before the two fell asleep, still cuddled to each other, Sirius realized how he felt.

He was in love with Remus.