A.N.~ I haven't been writing much lately, because things have been going on, and it amazes me sometimes to realize that I have a life, but yeah. I beat Final Fantasy Tactics, Seiken Densetsu 3, Ninja Gaiden 2 (for the first time in over 10 years), had problems with my girlfriend, broke up with her, apologized for the mean things I said when I broke up with her, seen my friend disappear online for about a week because his computer screwed up, I've bought a new computer, I've been married twice on Harvest Moon for SNES, lost both my cats to some illness... (see below), had my Uncle Jack move in (he's not a farmer btw).
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Dedicated to my cat Terra who died on 4/21/02 11:05 PM Eastern Time and to my other cat Celes who died on 4/27/02, being put to sleep after going into convulsions from the treatment the Vet tried to give her. Also to my Grandmother who died at 9:30AM on Friday 7/26/02 after battling cancer for years. My uncle Jack was hospitalized the next day. He died 3 weeks afterwards. e.e;;;;;; If I tell everything that has happened to prevent me from writing, I'd have to make a whole chapter out of it, not that I haven't almost done so already
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Chapter 5-Showdown: Father and Son
After my tears dried and my worries dwindled away, I had left the grave site to try to enjoy the time I was able to spend here. I decided upon the majestic Moon Mountain as my place to relax. Still I couldn't get over the green that spread in every direction, in contrast to the endless shades of gray I was accustomed to. As I approached a clear river, taking a seat by the riverfront, I really wondered if staying a few days was even an option anymore, and if I even wanted to stay here alone like this. The fresh air was remarkable and I could sleep easily without the constant racket I was so commonly tormented with back home, but I was completely alone here. Grandpa was gone; the farm was all but gone. There was nothing for me here. I needed a sense of belonging; where was my place in this world? I couldn't stand the city, not Brisenburg. Despite the atmosphere here, I was still left out, and didn't especially fit in. Some people probably remembered me, but I didn't remember anyone and that would make awkward conversations if I did talk to anyone.
Too much worrying.. I came here to relax, and that's exactly what I was going to do. Clearing my mind was no easy task however, but as I watched the squirrels dart back and forth, occasionally climbing or descending from trees, my worries began to melt away one by one. They dashed about, seemingly to not have a care in the world. I envied that. No worries, just a thorough simplicity all in itself. Turning my attention, I gazed deep into the crystal flow before me, down into the depths where my visibility faded to darkness. I was certain that many fish dwelled in this clean water. Maybe if I had a fishing rod, I could fish here. Most of my memories of fishing with my dad were lost deep in my childhood. Dad took often when I was young, from age seven to when I was maybe eleven or twelve.. maybe ten. Dad never took me fishing after that; I guess he was just too busy. That was what happened in the summers after that last time I had went to Grandpa's farm. I didn't have the patience for fishing; that is a likely reason as well for him not taking me. I was a child though, and quite energetic. I still remember some of the scoldings but not much else. His main point was I couldn't make any sound, 'It scares the fish'. I guess Dad still had a need for the country, though you wouldn't notice if you were around him. I had long since forgotten that myself until now.
I could see them down there. There were big ones too. I'd like to have had a rod with me, but no such luck. I stared at the shadows as they moved in and out of view, trying to keep my mind off the farm. It was all to no avail. My thoughts continued to linger on the future of Grandpa's land. It would certainly be given to Dad and Dad would sell it and be happy. Then th-
I felt someone's hand on my shoulder, eliminating the thought.
"Shane."
It was Dad...
"What do you want?" I asked. I didn't turn around, didn't want to see him. Wanted him to just go away. Wished I hadn't even responded at all. He missed the funeral as I expected. Now he was here to finish ruining my day; why does he bother talking to me anyway?
"I'm sorry I'm so late, but the meeting ran long this morning"
His voice tried to conceal his sadness but failed. Or was he trying to sound sad with only moderate success... That much I couldn't tell. My heart was racing as the anger raged through me. Too many damn meetings! Nothing but excuses! I had a thousand things I wanted to scream at him, but I couldn't say anything.
"What's wrong...?"
Or maybe I could...
"What's wrong, Dad? Well, let's see... You miss your father's funeral; you never visit him while he is alive... You didn't bother coming when your own mother died, like you didn't even care about her... And not only that, but... you try to sell their land BEFORE GRANDPA IS EVEN DEAD!! THAT'S WHAT IS WRONG!!" I turned to face him with tears returning to my eyes and found his face was full of distress. "Don't even try to deny it. I know about your scheme. You are nothing but a heartless bastard!!"
Realizing what I had just said to him, my mouth kind of hung open a little and I stood still in somewhat of a daze. I started walking slowly past him and back towards the farm, my eyes not straying from the ground. I didn't make it far however. I felt his hand grasp my shoulder again, considerably tighter than the first time. I didn't want to deal with him any more so I jerked my shoulder free and turned around to tell him to leave me alone. When I turned I noticed his face had turned red and he was glaring at me. I never saw it coming, though I should have. At that time, his fist slammed into my jaw. I stumbled backwards a few steps before I completely lost my balance and fell. I never had a chance to react; it was a complete surprise to me. My head was reeling and everything was spinning around me. I vigorously shook my head, trying to rid myself of the faintness that was consuming my world, but to no avail. I looked up with a blank stare, bewildered with my grogginess. He hit me. The thought echoed through my mind like a broken record. He HIT me. That bastard hit me! Lightheaded... my eyes started to close as if by force. I fought it but my efforts were in vain.
When I opened my eyes I was alone. I was lying in the bed at Grandpa's. Dad was nowhere to be found, a blessing that I was very thankful for. I was glad he didn't hit me in the nose or the eye; it was embarrassing enough without having a black eye or any bleeding. As I sat up in the bed, the familiar dizziness filled me again and slowly went away. I ambled out of bed, finding it hard to stand. Damn… he got me good...
I staggered out of the house to find I was not alone after all. Dad was sitting on the doghouse, apparently waiting for me to regain consciousness. I was overcome by anger at the sight of him; burning, seething feeling ripping away inside, stripping me of civilized logic, releasing an inhuman desire to kill... to destroy. They always would say 'You don't really hate him' when I talked about my feelings about Dad, but they would definitely be wrong this time. My fists were clinched, the skin on my knuckles was drawn tight and they were now white. I had to get away, had to get away from him before I lost control. As I stormed past him, I could see him turn towards me.
"Shane!"
I ignored him, trying to get away before he made me any angrier than I already was. I could hear his footsteps as he started following me. I knew he wouldn't stop until he caught me, but I knew what I'd end up doing to him if he did catch up to me. I walked faster, not wanting to give in to the anger that still flowed through me. By the pace of his steps, I knew he was walking faster than me so I started sprinting; I knew he wouldn't run after me and that he couldn't catch me if he did. I didn't know my way around, but I hadn't gone far beyond the river I had relaxed by when Dad had interrupted me. I didn't think he would bother following me now, so I sat down on a tree stump and took a look around at my surroundings. There were flowers in full bloom, all around. It was surprising to see such a sight this early. Maybe the conditions here allowed plants to thrive. There was definitely something to this place. By the base of a cliff, I saw a small spring and from it a gentle stream flowed. There was a bridge crossing this stream and beyond the bridge was a forest. There was a path going through the forest, a path I hoped I wouldn't have to use. If Dad found me I wouldn't hesitate though. I was no longer mad though; it seemed as though the atmosphere of this place had soothed all my anger. I felt something special in the air here.
"Son…" I knew he'd follow me. Just knew it. …And he did.
"Dad, I'm staying at the farm. That is all I am saying. Leave me alone." I rose to my feet, brushing dirt from the stump off my backside. I didn't look at him. I just walked back to the farm as if he wasn't there. When I got there, I saw a small light-brown dog sniffing around the dog house. It was rather scrawny, and needed a bath. It had no collar and seemed to be a stray. Wondering if it would trust me, I knelt and whistled. The dog turned and stared at me for a moment, then ran to me and licked my hand. I couldn't help smiling to myself. I just had a way with animals. The dog had some white in its face and the fur on its belly was white as well. I wondered if Grandpa had any dog food anywhere. Jiro's old abandoned food dish still sat in front of the doghouse, faded by years of use. I scratched the dog, actually a puppy still, behind his ears.
"I think I will name you…umm…James," I said to the scruffy puppy. He licked my face with approval. "James it is then."
I then went to the house in hopes of any kind of dog food. The old door creaked as I opened it, and I scanned the room for anything the dog might eat. Only a bag of rice was found. I wondered if the dog would eat hard, uncooked rice. My bet was that he wouldn't, so I walked back outside. James ran to me and was wagging his tail.
"Sorry fella, couldn't find any food for you.." He ran around me in circles, excited by my presence nonetheless. I sighed to myself, and decided to return to Grandpa's grave once more. To my amusement, James accompanied me, running around energetically. Turning to watch James prancing around, I bumped into someone.
"Oh sorry, I was watching the dog." I turned back around to see a young lady. I reached my hand down to help her up; she was kind of red-headed, and she had her hair tied back in a braided pony tail with a white bow. She had a yellow shirt on and she had blue overalls on over it. She took my hand and I gave a gentle tug to help her to her feet. She brushed her self off and smiled at me.
"Hi, my name is Ann."
"Sorry for knocking you over like that, my name is Shane. I came to see my Grandpa because he was ill." As I said this, her smile shifted to a frown.
"I'm sorry about your Grandpa. Oh, I have to go home now. Nice meeting you."
I watched as she walked away, and then went on my way to the cemetery. James had wandered away when I bumped into Ann and was nowhere in sight. The dark brown dog that I had seen the night before barked as I passed by, and I saw the two boys from earlier playing with it. I continued on my way to the nearby cemetery and knelt again before the grave.
"Grandpa, I will restore your farm and make you proud. I won't let you down." I could feel inside me, somehow, that this is the way he wanted it.
"I promise."
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I finally finished Chapter 5! I stopped writing for a looooong time there. You might even have to read the other chapters again to know what is going on. e.e!! I just never felt like writing and didn't have time when the urge came up. The eternal day SHOULD end in Chapter 6, which will hopefully *hopefully* show up this year. e.e; Sorry if I kept anyone waiting.
~Sheep/Shane/etc.
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Dedicated to my cat Terra who died on 4/21/02 11:05 PM Eastern Time and to my other cat Celes who died on 4/27/02, being put to sleep after going into convulsions from the treatment the Vet tried to give her. Also to my Grandmother who died at 9:30AM on Friday 7/26/02 after battling cancer for years. My uncle Jack was hospitalized the next day. He died 3 weeks afterwards. e.e;;;;;; If I tell everything that has happened to prevent me from writing, I'd have to make a whole chapter out of it, not that I haven't almost done so already
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Chapter 5-Showdown: Father and Son
After my tears dried and my worries dwindled away, I had left the grave site to try to enjoy the time I was able to spend here. I decided upon the majestic Moon Mountain as my place to relax. Still I couldn't get over the green that spread in every direction, in contrast to the endless shades of gray I was accustomed to. As I approached a clear river, taking a seat by the riverfront, I really wondered if staying a few days was even an option anymore, and if I even wanted to stay here alone like this. The fresh air was remarkable and I could sleep easily without the constant racket I was so commonly tormented with back home, but I was completely alone here. Grandpa was gone; the farm was all but gone. There was nothing for me here. I needed a sense of belonging; where was my place in this world? I couldn't stand the city, not Brisenburg. Despite the atmosphere here, I was still left out, and didn't especially fit in. Some people probably remembered me, but I didn't remember anyone and that would make awkward conversations if I did talk to anyone.
Too much worrying.. I came here to relax, and that's exactly what I was going to do. Clearing my mind was no easy task however, but as I watched the squirrels dart back and forth, occasionally climbing or descending from trees, my worries began to melt away one by one. They dashed about, seemingly to not have a care in the world. I envied that. No worries, just a thorough simplicity all in itself. Turning my attention, I gazed deep into the crystal flow before me, down into the depths where my visibility faded to darkness. I was certain that many fish dwelled in this clean water. Maybe if I had a fishing rod, I could fish here. Most of my memories of fishing with my dad were lost deep in my childhood. Dad took often when I was young, from age seven to when I was maybe eleven or twelve.. maybe ten. Dad never took me fishing after that; I guess he was just too busy. That was what happened in the summers after that last time I had went to Grandpa's farm. I didn't have the patience for fishing; that is a likely reason as well for him not taking me. I was a child though, and quite energetic. I still remember some of the scoldings but not much else. His main point was I couldn't make any sound, 'It scares the fish'. I guess Dad still had a need for the country, though you wouldn't notice if you were around him. I had long since forgotten that myself until now.
I could see them down there. There were big ones too. I'd like to have had a rod with me, but no such luck. I stared at the shadows as they moved in and out of view, trying to keep my mind off the farm. It was all to no avail. My thoughts continued to linger on the future of Grandpa's land. It would certainly be given to Dad and Dad would sell it and be happy. Then th-
I felt someone's hand on my shoulder, eliminating the thought.
"Shane."
It was Dad...
"What do you want?" I asked. I didn't turn around, didn't want to see him. Wanted him to just go away. Wished I hadn't even responded at all. He missed the funeral as I expected. Now he was here to finish ruining my day; why does he bother talking to me anyway?
"I'm sorry I'm so late, but the meeting ran long this morning"
His voice tried to conceal his sadness but failed. Or was he trying to sound sad with only moderate success... That much I couldn't tell. My heart was racing as the anger raged through me. Too many damn meetings! Nothing but excuses! I had a thousand things I wanted to scream at him, but I couldn't say anything.
"What's wrong...?"
Or maybe I could...
"What's wrong, Dad? Well, let's see... You miss your father's funeral; you never visit him while he is alive... You didn't bother coming when your own mother died, like you didn't even care about her... And not only that, but... you try to sell their land BEFORE GRANDPA IS EVEN DEAD!! THAT'S WHAT IS WRONG!!" I turned to face him with tears returning to my eyes and found his face was full of distress. "Don't even try to deny it. I know about your scheme. You are nothing but a heartless bastard!!"
Realizing what I had just said to him, my mouth kind of hung open a little and I stood still in somewhat of a daze. I started walking slowly past him and back towards the farm, my eyes not straying from the ground. I didn't make it far however. I felt his hand grasp my shoulder again, considerably tighter than the first time. I didn't want to deal with him any more so I jerked my shoulder free and turned around to tell him to leave me alone. When I turned I noticed his face had turned red and he was glaring at me. I never saw it coming, though I should have. At that time, his fist slammed into my jaw. I stumbled backwards a few steps before I completely lost my balance and fell. I never had a chance to react; it was a complete surprise to me. My head was reeling and everything was spinning around me. I vigorously shook my head, trying to rid myself of the faintness that was consuming my world, but to no avail. I looked up with a blank stare, bewildered with my grogginess. He hit me. The thought echoed through my mind like a broken record. He HIT me. That bastard hit me! Lightheaded... my eyes started to close as if by force. I fought it but my efforts were in vain.
When I opened my eyes I was alone. I was lying in the bed at Grandpa's. Dad was nowhere to be found, a blessing that I was very thankful for. I was glad he didn't hit me in the nose or the eye; it was embarrassing enough without having a black eye or any bleeding. As I sat up in the bed, the familiar dizziness filled me again and slowly went away. I ambled out of bed, finding it hard to stand. Damn… he got me good...
I staggered out of the house to find I was not alone after all. Dad was sitting on the doghouse, apparently waiting for me to regain consciousness. I was overcome by anger at the sight of him; burning, seething feeling ripping away inside, stripping me of civilized logic, releasing an inhuman desire to kill... to destroy. They always would say 'You don't really hate him' when I talked about my feelings about Dad, but they would definitely be wrong this time. My fists were clinched, the skin on my knuckles was drawn tight and they were now white. I had to get away, had to get away from him before I lost control. As I stormed past him, I could see him turn towards me.
"Shane!"
I ignored him, trying to get away before he made me any angrier than I already was. I could hear his footsteps as he started following me. I knew he wouldn't stop until he caught me, but I knew what I'd end up doing to him if he did catch up to me. I walked faster, not wanting to give in to the anger that still flowed through me. By the pace of his steps, I knew he was walking faster than me so I started sprinting; I knew he wouldn't run after me and that he couldn't catch me if he did. I didn't know my way around, but I hadn't gone far beyond the river I had relaxed by when Dad had interrupted me. I didn't think he would bother following me now, so I sat down on a tree stump and took a look around at my surroundings. There were flowers in full bloom, all around. It was surprising to see such a sight this early. Maybe the conditions here allowed plants to thrive. There was definitely something to this place. By the base of a cliff, I saw a small spring and from it a gentle stream flowed. There was a bridge crossing this stream and beyond the bridge was a forest. There was a path going through the forest, a path I hoped I wouldn't have to use. If Dad found me I wouldn't hesitate though. I was no longer mad though; it seemed as though the atmosphere of this place had soothed all my anger. I felt something special in the air here.
"Son…" I knew he'd follow me. Just knew it. …And he did.
"Dad, I'm staying at the farm. That is all I am saying. Leave me alone." I rose to my feet, brushing dirt from the stump off my backside. I didn't look at him. I just walked back to the farm as if he wasn't there. When I got there, I saw a small light-brown dog sniffing around the dog house. It was rather scrawny, and needed a bath. It had no collar and seemed to be a stray. Wondering if it would trust me, I knelt and whistled. The dog turned and stared at me for a moment, then ran to me and licked my hand. I couldn't help smiling to myself. I just had a way with animals. The dog had some white in its face and the fur on its belly was white as well. I wondered if Grandpa had any dog food anywhere. Jiro's old abandoned food dish still sat in front of the doghouse, faded by years of use. I scratched the dog, actually a puppy still, behind his ears.
"I think I will name you…umm…James," I said to the scruffy puppy. He licked my face with approval. "James it is then."
I then went to the house in hopes of any kind of dog food. The old door creaked as I opened it, and I scanned the room for anything the dog might eat. Only a bag of rice was found. I wondered if the dog would eat hard, uncooked rice. My bet was that he wouldn't, so I walked back outside. James ran to me and was wagging his tail.
"Sorry fella, couldn't find any food for you.." He ran around me in circles, excited by my presence nonetheless. I sighed to myself, and decided to return to Grandpa's grave once more. To my amusement, James accompanied me, running around energetically. Turning to watch James prancing around, I bumped into someone.
"Oh sorry, I was watching the dog." I turned back around to see a young lady. I reached my hand down to help her up; she was kind of red-headed, and she had her hair tied back in a braided pony tail with a white bow. She had a yellow shirt on and she had blue overalls on over it. She took my hand and I gave a gentle tug to help her to her feet. She brushed her self off and smiled at me.
"Hi, my name is Ann."
"Sorry for knocking you over like that, my name is Shane. I came to see my Grandpa because he was ill." As I said this, her smile shifted to a frown.
"I'm sorry about your Grandpa. Oh, I have to go home now. Nice meeting you."
I watched as she walked away, and then went on my way to the cemetery. James had wandered away when I bumped into Ann and was nowhere in sight. The dark brown dog that I had seen the night before barked as I passed by, and I saw the two boys from earlier playing with it. I continued on my way to the nearby cemetery and knelt again before the grave.
"Grandpa, I will restore your farm and make you proud. I won't let you down." I could feel inside me, somehow, that this is the way he wanted it.
"I promise."
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I finally finished Chapter 5! I stopped writing for a looooong time there. You might even have to read the other chapters again to know what is going on. e.e!! I just never felt like writing and didn't have time when the urge came up. The eternal day SHOULD end in Chapter 6, which will hopefully *hopefully* show up this year. e.e; Sorry if I kept anyone waiting.
~Sheep/Shane/etc.