Disclaimer: I don't own SSBM or Nintendo or 1-800-COLLECT or the SCSA gimmick or Sega or Sonic Team.
LINK'S VACATION (Chapter 3)
Day 1 of 3
Cameo-mania!
===========================
---------------------------
(Back in Smash Bros City...)
Mario: Where were you?! Did you know I couldn't reach my lemonade?! And what's with these potato chips?! There all burned and broken and everything!
Luigi: Grrrr!
Mario: Hey what are you doing?! No! AHHHHHHH!!
(Luigi KO's Mario with his flaming coin uppercut launching the obese plumber straight into the stratus sphere.)
Mario: MAMA MIAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Luigi: You know? I should have done that many years ago.
(Back in Vegas we see a black pick up truck with a flaming skull symbol on the hood driving down a highway. Inside the truck is our disgruntled villain, Stone Cold Steve Austin.)
Stone Cold Steve Austin: *Is singing horribly off cue too Rainy Days.) It's a rainy daaay! WHAT?! It's a rainy daaay! WHAT?! I don't know the lyrics so I'm singin' thiiis! WHAT?!
(Back in the hotel we see a cardboard box slowly sliding along the floor towards the casino. Under that box is none other than...)
Falco: Oh man! I'm almost there! I can see the slot machines!
(Just then Marco takes notice of the suspicous box.)
Marco: The hell?!
Falco: I'm such a genious! This plan is full-proof! *Suddenly the box hits something.* What was that?!
(Marco lifts up the box.)
Marco: Hello.
Falco: Ah ****!
(A few seconds later...)
Falco: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Fox: Hmm? Do I hear a scream?
(Suddenly, Falco comes flying from the casino area.)
Falco: MAY DAY!
(Falco flies past Fox and hits a wall.)
Falco: Ow. *Slowly slides off the wall.*
Marco: And stay out this time!
Fox: Falco you could just go to a different casino you know. I mean this is Las Vegas after all.
Falco: Different...casino? Hmph! I know that! It's just...that...I didn't want to have to walk that far! Yeah! That's it! I'm not stupid you know. Really. *Walks off towards the exit.*
Fox: Rrriiight.
(Outside, Falco comes out of the front doors of the hotel.)
Falco: Hey there's a casino across the road! I'll go there!
(Suddenly the screeching of tires can be heard as SCSA'a truck turns into the parking and heads straight for Falco.)
Falco: WTF?! NO! STOP!!
(Falco attempts to dodge out of the way but Austin hits him and sends him flying.)
Falco: *Crashes into a nearby truck.* Ugh...
SCSA: *Gets out of his truck.*
Falco: You hit me!
SCSA: WHAT?!
Falco: You ****in' hit me!
SCSA: WHAT?!
Falco: Get a doctor!
SCSA: WHAT?!
Falco: An ambulance!
SCSA: WHAT?!
Falco: A medi-kit!
SCSA: I ain't got no medi-kit, but I've got this!
(SCSA picks Falco up and gives him a Stone Cold Stunner.)
SCSA: Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass and that's the bottom line cuz, WHAT?!, Stone Cold says so!
Falco: Jack.... ass. *Falls unconscious.*
(Inside the hotel...)
Roy: Room 13. *Gulp.* Calm down Roy! There's nothing to be afraid of. The manager is absolutely right. There's no such thing as bad luck unless your superstitous.
???: Oh Roy....
Roy: Huh?
(Roy turns around to see two ghostly little girls glaring at him.)
Twins: Will you come play with us.
Roy: Ahhh!! Ghosts!
(Roy runs into a nearby room. The views pans out and we see the number "13" on the door. Dun dun dun!)
Roy: That was close! Wait. What's that?
(Across the room "REDRUM" appears on the wall in blood and a maniacal laugh ecos throug out the room.)
Roy: NOOO!!
(A mysterious pitch black shadow forms across from Roy and starts consuming the room in darkness. Roy attempts to open the door but finds that it is stuck.)
Roy: No! Not now! Anytime but now!
(In desperation Roy bangs on the door as the darkness draws nearer and nearer.)
Roy: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
(Everything turns to black as the shadow consumes the last corner of the room. A few seconds later an evil laugh eminates from the darkness and Roy's scream stops.)
(Meanwhile, in the casino...)
Fox: Are sure this is a good idea? When I watch Falco gamble all I hear is him cussing while hands some other highroller a bunch of money.
Link: It's my idea isn't it? Therefore it must be a good idea!
Falco: Your starting to sound like Falco.
Link: Come on!
(Link and Falco walk towards a black jack table to gamble when Link runs into are all too sadistic bad guy, Stone Cold Steve Austin!)
Link: Hey! Watch where your going, cueball!
SCSA: Did you just call me a cueball?!
Link: Yes I-
SCSA: WHAT?!
Link: I said-
SCSA: WHAT?! Shutup! WHAT?! I said shutup!
SCSA: You know what my watch says? *Holds his watch to his ear.* It says it's time for me to open up a can of whoop ass!
Link: Oh yeah?!
(Link reaches for his sword but finds it isn't there.)
Link: *Is thinking.* Oh crap! I left my weapons in my luggage!
Link: Um, how about we talk this over in a civilized manner?
SCSA: I don't think so!
Link: Oh crap!
Fox: I'll just be over here.
(SCSA gives Link a stunner taking him down. Austin then picks him up and smashes him into a slot machine several times before clotheslining him to the ground again.)
Link: Fox! Do something!
Fox: *Whistles and casually walks away.*
SCSA: Say your prayers, sissy boy!
Link: Don't kill me! I'm too pretty to die!
???: Hold it right there!
SCSA: Who dares interrupt Stone Cold when he's handin' out some whoop ass?!
Link: Zelda!
Zelda: Stop beating up my boyfriend or else!
SCSA: Or else what? You gonna sissy slap me?! Careful! You might break a nail! Hahaha!
Zelda: You asked for it!
(As SCSA laughed at his little joke Zelda grabbed him and held him above her head.)
Link: Holy ****!
SCSA: Ahhhh! Put me down you crazy-
(Before Austin could finish his sentence Zelda threw him and sent him crashing through a table.)
Zelda: Jerk.
SCSA: Ow.... I think I ruptered my spleen.
(Suddenly Falco stormed into the casino area wielding a sledge hammer.)
Falco: When I find that son of bitch I'm gonna make him PAY!
SCSA: Not good.
Falco: THERE YOU ARE!!!
SCSA: Oh %$#@! *Runs.*
Falco: COME BACK HERE!!!
(Austin ran faster than he ever had with the sledgehammer wielding Falco in hot pursuit.)
Fox: Guess he got what he diserved.
Link: And now your going to get what YOU diserve!
Fox: Huh?! Wait. No. Come on Link! I'm sorry! I really am!
Link: (Popping his knuckles.) Is that so?
Fox: I wanted to help, honest! But I.... I.... Hey look, it's some really famous guy!
Link: What? Where! *Turns around to look.*
Fox: SUCKER!! *Runs.*
Link: Dammit! *Gives chase.*
Zelda: Some how I figured something like this would happen.
(Elsewhere.)
SCSA: Ah hell! I gotta get out of here or that psycho's going to kill me!
(Austin darted out into the parking lot but he turned pale when he saw that his truck had been wrecked.)
SCSA: OH @!#%!!
Falco: DIE!!!
(Austin turned around to see Falco charging towards him like a rabid bull. Austin ran towards the road and summoned a cab and quickley climbed.)
Cab Driver: Where to?
Austin: ANYWHERE!!! Just go!!
(The cab sped off leaving Falco in the dust. Not willing to let SCSA go that easily, Falco summoned a cab of his own.)
Cab Driver: Where-
Falco: GET OUT!!!
Cab Driver: WTF?!
(Falco grabbed the shocked cab driver and flung him out of his seat and climbed in and took off.)
Cab Driver: Hey that freak just stole my cab! Police!!
(One week and 37 minutes in the future we see a really dark spooky castle on top of a really scary mountain. A really, uh, evil storm rages over head. Inside the really dark, spooky, castle in a really dark, spooky, room are several mysterious figures.)
???: Dammit! Someone turn on the lights!
???: I think I found the switch!
(When the flips on we can see varias Sonic characters scattered throughout the room. The room itself is a typical Dr.Frankenstein-esque mad scientists laboratory. On the table in the middle of the room, covered by a sheet, lies what appears to be a body!)
Sonic: Finally my plan has come full circle and I will be able to eaxact glorious revenge on Link! Mwahahahaha!!!
Shadow: Revenge on him for what?
Sonic: For everyone thinking he's cooler than me! I mean COME ON! I'm Sonic the hedgehog! No ones cooler than me and once I kill that stupid pointy eared bafoon the whole world will once again see that! Mwahahahaha!!!
Shadow: Riiight.
Knuckles: What the hell am I even doing here?
Shadow: I'd like to know the same.
Knuckles: Hey, aren't you supposed to be dead?
Shadow: Death is irrelevant. One can die a hundred deaths in a video game and still come back if they have enough lives. Plus the author thinks I'm cooler than Sonic.... but don't tell Sonic that.
Knuckles: I see what you mean.
Sonic: Activate the switch!
Tails: *Presses a button on the massive control panel.*
(A panel on the roof opens up and the table with body on it begins rise upwards.)
Sonic: YES! MWAHAHAHA!!!
Amy: Is it just me or is Sonic acting really wierd?
Shadow: And it took you how long to notice?!
(A huge lightning bolt hits the table with the body on it. The table cackles wildly like an electric fire for a minute as everyone watches in awe, well, except for Sonic himself, who's too busy laughing evilly like some insane B-movie villain. The burned sheet falls to the ground and a shadowy, metallic, figure rises from the table. It's red eyes glowing in the darkness.)
Sonic: IT LIVES!!!
Knuckles: Metal Sonic?!
Sonic: Metal Sonic, I order you to go into the past and destroy Link!
Knuckles: Metal Sonic can time travel?!
(As Knuckles pondered what in the nine hells was going on Metal Sonic began to cackle with electricity. The metal fiend leaped off the table and disappeared in thin air, mid-fall.)
Knuckles: Would someone tell me what just happened?!
Tails: Sonic made me repair Metal Sonic using the chaos drives so he could use him for his revenge on Link.
Knuckles: Oh.
Sonic: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Shadow: Hey Sonic.
Sonic: One second. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Okay, what is it?
Shadow: Why did you have to send Metal Sonic into the past to kill Link when you could have sent after him now?
Sonic: Because, you see, I may have flunked most of my high school classes but I'm no idiot! My cala, calfu, uh....
Shadow: Calculations?
Sonic: That's what I said, calculations. Anyway, my genious calacoolations determined that the airport most likely would not let Link take his weapons aboard the plane with him. Therefore, he must not have them!
Shadow: Just because they wouldn't let him take them with him into the passenger area doesn't mean they aren't with him now.
Sonic: What?
Shadow: Nevermind. Your an idiot.
Sonic: Hey!
(Back in the past, or is that the present? Well, anyway, in the desert, just outside of Vegas, an elecrical flare builds up lighting up the whole area. When it fades we see Metal Sonic standing there.)
Metal Sonic: Yes! I sHaLl FinD teh LINK aNd dESTRoy HiM! Ha.... ha!
---
Deranged Mastermind: Will Metal Sonic succeed in his mission?
Metal Sonic: MuST DeStRoy LinK!
Deranged Mastermind: Will Mario and Luigi ever actually open there restaraunt? What will Link do to Fox? Will Austin escape from Falco? Will Bowser ever be sober again? What happened to Roy? Find out in-
???: Woah! Hold on!
Deranged Mastermind: Huh?
D.K.: Why the HELL was I not in 'dis chapter?! I am THE most important character after all.
Deranged Mastermind: Don't worry your going to be in the next chapter.
D.K.: Good cuz' I don't wanna have ta kick yo' ass!
Deranged Mastermind: Riiight.
(Somewhere.)
Cab Driver: I'm guessing your not going to pay for this are you?
SCSA: No! Now shutup and keep drivin'!
(In the other cab.)
Falco: I'll get you Austin! You here me! You're dead!!
LINK'S VACATION (Chapter 3)
Day 1 of 3
Cameo-mania!
===========================
---------------------------
(Back in Smash Bros City...)
Mario: Where were you?! Did you know I couldn't reach my lemonade?! And what's with these potato chips?! There all burned and broken and everything!
Luigi: Grrrr!
Mario: Hey what are you doing?! No! AHHHHHHH!!
(Luigi KO's Mario with his flaming coin uppercut launching the obese plumber straight into the stratus sphere.)
Mario: MAMA MIAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Luigi: You know? I should have done that many years ago.
(Back in Vegas we see a black pick up truck with a flaming skull symbol on the hood driving down a highway. Inside the truck is our disgruntled villain, Stone Cold Steve Austin.)
Stone Cold Steve Austin: *Is singing horribly off cue too Rainy Days.) It's a rainy daaay! WHAT?! It's a rainy daaay! WHAT?! I don't know the lyrics so I'm singin' thiiis! WHAT?!
(Back in the hotel we see a cardboard box slowly sliding along the floor towards the casino. Under that box is none other than...)
Falco: Oh man! I'm almost there! I can see the slot machines!
(Just then Marco takes notice of the suspicous box.)
Marco: The hell?!
Falco: I'm such a genious! This plan is full-proof! *Suddenly the box hits something.* What was that?!
(Marco lifts up the box.)
Marco: Hello.
Falco: Ah ****!
(A few seconds later...)
Falco: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Fox: Hmm? Do I hear a scream?
(Suddenly, Falco comes flying from the casino area.)
Falco: MAY DAY!
(Falco flies past Fox and hits a wall.)
Falco: Ow. *Slowly slides off the wall.*
Marco: And stay out this time!
Fox: Falco you could just go to a different casino you know. I mean this is Las Vegas after all.
Falco: Different...casino? Hmph! I know that! It's just...that...I didn't want to have to walk that far! Yeah! That's it! I'm not stupid you know. Really. *Walks off towards the exit.*
Fox: Rrriiight.
(Outside, Falco comes out of the front doors of the hotel.)
Falco: Hey there's a casino across the road! I'll go there!
(Suddenly the screeching of tires can be heard as SCSA'a truck turns into the parking and heads straight for Falco.)
Falco: WTF?! NO! STOP!!
(Falco attempts to dodge out of the way but Austin hits him and sends him flying.)
Falco: *Crashes into a nearby truck.* Ugh...
SCSA: *Gets out of his truck.*
Falco: You hit me!
SCSA: WHAT?!
Falco: You ****in' hit me!
SCSA: WHAT?!
Falco: Get a doctor!
SCSA: WHAT?!
Falco: An ambulance!
SCSA: WHAT?!
Falco: A medi-kit!
SCSA: I ain't got no medi-kit, but I've got this!
(SCSA picks Falco up and gives him a Stone Cold Stunner.)
SCSA: Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass and that's the bottom line cuz, WHAT?!, Stone Cold says so!
Falco: Jack.... ass. *Falls unconscious.*
(Inside the hotel...)
Roy: Room 13. *Gulp.* Calm down Roy! There's nothing to be afraid of. The manager is absolutely right. There's no such thing as bad luck unless your superstitous.
???: Oh Roy....
Roy: Huh?
(Roy turns around to see two ghostly little girls glaring at him.)
Twins: Will you come play with us.
Roy: Ahhh!! Ghosts!
(Roy runs into a nearby room. The views pans out and we see the number "13" on the door. Dun dun dun!)
Roy: That was close! Wait. What's that?
(Across the room "REDRUM" appears on the wall in blood and a maniacal laugh ecos throug out the room.)
Roy: NOOO!!
(A mysterious pitch black shadow forms across from Roy and starts consuming the room in darkness. Roy attempts to open the door but finds that it is stuck.)
Roy: No! Not now! Anytime but now!
(In desperation Roy bangs on the door as the darkness draws nearer and nearer.)
Roy: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
(Everything turns to black as the shadow consumes the last corner of the room. A few seconds later an evil laugh eminates from the darkness and Roy's scream stops.)
(Meanwhile, in the casino...)
Fox: Are sure this is a good idea? When I watch Falco gamble all I hear is him cussing while hands some other highroller a bunch of money.
Link: It's my idea isn't it? Therefore it must be a good idea!
Falco: Your starting to sound like Falco.
Link: Come on!
(Link and Falco walk towards a black jack table to gamble when Link runs into are all too sadistic bad guy, Stone Cold Steve Austin!)
Link: Hey! Watch where your going, cueball!
SCSA: Did you just call me a cueball?!
Link: Yes I-
SCSA: WHAT?!
Link: I said-
SCSA: WHAT?! Shutup! WHAT?! I said shutup!
SCSA: You know what my watch says? *Holds his watch to his ear.* It says it's time for me to open up a can of whoop ass!
Link: Oh yeah?!
(Link reaches for his sword but finds it isn't there.)
Link: *Is thinking.* Oh crap! I left my weapons in my luggage!
Link: Um, how about we talk this over in a civilized manner?
SCSA: I don't think so!
Link: Oh crap!
Fox: I'll just be over here.
(SCSA gives Link a stunner taking him down. Austin then picks him up and smashes him into a slot machine several times before clotheslining him to the ground again.)
Link: Fox! Do something!
Fox: *Whistles and casually walks away.*
SCSA: Say your prayers, sissy boy!
Link: Don't kill me! I'm too pretty to die!
???: Hold it right there!
SCSA: Who dares interrupt Stone Cold when he's handin' out some whoop ass?!
Link: Zelda!
Zelda: Stop beating up my boyfriend or else!
SCSA: Or else what? You gonna sissy slap me?! Careful! You might break a nail! Hahaha!
Zelda: You asked for it!
(As SCSA laughed at his little joke Zelda grabbed him and held him above her head.)
Link: Holy ****!
SCSA: Ahhhh! Put me down you crazy-
(Before Austin could finish his sentence Zelda threw him and sent him crashing through a table.)
Zelda: Jerk.
SCSA: Ow.... I think I ruptered my spleen.
(Suddenly Falco stormed into the casino area wielding a sledge hammer.)
Falco: When I find that son of bitch I'm gonna make him PAY!
SCSA: Not good.
Falco: THERE YOU ARE!!!
SCSA: Oh %$#@! *Runs.*
Falco: COME BACK HERE!!!
(Austin ran faster than he ever had with the sledgehammer wielding Falco in hot pursuit.)
Fox: Guess he got what he diserved.
Link: And now your going to get what YOU diserve!
Fox: Huh?! Wait. No. Come on Link! I'm sorry! I really am!
Link: (Popping his knuckles.) Is that so?
Fox: I wanted to help, honest! But I.... I.... Hey look, it's some really famous guy!
Link: What? Where! *Turns around to look.*
Fox: SUCKER!! *Runs.*
Link: Dammit! *Gives chase.*
Zelda: Some how I figured something like this would happen.
(Elsewhere.)
SCSA: Ah hell! I gotta get out of here or that psycho's going to kill me!
(Austin darted out into the parking lot but he turned pale when he saw that his truck had been wrecked.)
SCSA: OH @!#%!!
Falco: DIE!!!
(Austin turned around to see Falco charging towards him like a rabid bull. Austin ran towards the road and summoned a cab and quickley climbed.)
Cab Driver: Where to?
Austin: ANYWHERE!!! Just go!!
(The cab sped off leaving Falco in the dust. Not willing to let SCSA go that easily, Falco summoned a cab of his own.)
Cab Driver: Where-
Falco: GET OUT!!!
Cab Driver: WTF?!
(Falco grabbed the shocked cab driver and flung him out of his seat and climbed in and took off.)
Cab Driver: Hey that freak just stole my cab! Police!!
(One week and 37 minutes in the future we see a really dark spooky castle on top of a really scary mountain. A really, uh, evil storm rages over head. Inside the really dark, spooky, castle in a really dark, spooky, room are several mysterious figures.)
???: Dammit! Someone turn on the lights!
???: I think I found the switch!
(When the flips on we can see varias Sonic characters scattered throughout the room. The room itself is a typical Dr.Frankenstein-esque mad scientists laboratory. On the table in the middle of the room, covered by a sheet, lies what appears to be a body!)
Sonic: Finally my plan has come full circle and I will be able to eaxact glorious revenge on Link! Mwahahahaha!!!
Shadow: Revenge on him for what?
Sonic: For everyone thinking he's cooler than me! I mean COME ON! I'm Sonic the hedgehog! No ones cooler than me and once I kill that stupid pointy eared bafoon the whole world will once again see that! Mwahahahaha!!!
Shadow: Riiight.
Knuckles: What the hell am I even doing here?
Shadow: I'd like to know the same.
Knuckles: Hey, aren't you supposed to be dead?
Shadow: Death is irrelevant. One can die a hundred deaths in a video game and still come back if they have enough lives. Plus the author thinks I'm cooler than Sonic.... but don't tell Sonic that.
Knuckles: I see what you mean.
Sonic: Activate the switch!
Tails: *Presses a button on the massive control panel.*
(A panel on the roof opens up and the table with body on it begins rise upwards.)
Sonic: YES! MWAHAHAHA!!!
Amy: Is it just me or is Sonic acting really wierd?
Shadow: And it took you how long to notice?!
(A huge lightning bolt hits the table with the body on it. The table cackles wildly like an electric fire for a minute as everyone watches in awe, well, except for Sonic himself, who's too busy laughing evilly like some insane B-movie villain. The burned sheet falls to the ground and a shadowy, metallic, figure rises from the table. It's red eyes glowing in the darkness.)
Sonic: IT LIVES!!!
Knuckles: Metal Sonic?!
Sonic: Metal Sonic, I order you to go into the past and destroy Link!
Knuckles: Metal Sonic can time travel?!
(As Knuckles pondered what in the nine hells was going on Metal Sonic began to cackle with electricity. The metal fiend leaped off the table and disappeared in thin air, mid-fall.)
Knuckles: Would someone tell me what just happened?!
Tails: Sonic made me repair Metal Sonic using the chaos drives so he could use him for his revenge on Link.
Knuckles: Oh.
Sonic: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Shadow: Hey Sonic.
Sonic: One second. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Okay, what is it?
Shadow: Why did you have to send Metal Sonic into the past to kill Link when you could have sent after him now?
Sonic: Because, you see, I may have flunked most of my high school classes but I'm no idiot! My cala, calfu, uh....
Shadow: Calculations?
Sonic: That's what I said, calculations. Anyway, my genious calacoolations determined that the airport most likely would not let Link take his weapons aboard the plane with him. Therefore, he must not have them!
Shadow: Just because they wouldn't let him take them with him into the passenger area doesn't mean they aren't with him now.
Sonic: What?
Shadow: Nevermind. Your an idiot.
Sonic: Hey!
(Back in the past, or is that the present? Well, anyway, in the desert, just outside of Vegas, an elecrical flare builds up lighting up the whole area. When it fades we see Metal Sonic standing there.)
Metal Sonic: Yes! I sHaLl FinD teh LINK aNd dESTRoy HiM! Ha.... ha!
---
Deranged Mastermind: Will Metal Sonic succeed in his mission?
Metal Sonic: MuST DeStRoy LinK!
Deranged Mastermind: Will Mario and Luigi ever actually open there restaraunt? What will Link do to Fox? Will Austin escape from Falco? Will Bowser ever be sober again? What happened to Roy? Find out in-
???: Woah! Hold on!
Deranged Mastermind: Huh?
D.K.: Why the HELL was I not in 'dis chapter?! I am THE most important character after all.
Deranged Mastermind: Don't worry your going to be in the next chapter.
D.K.: Good cuz' I don't wanna have ta kick yo' ass!
Deranged Mastermind: Riiight.
(Somewhere.)
Cab Driver: I'm guessing your not going to pay for this are you?
SCSA: No! Now shutup and keep drivin'!
(In the other cab.)
Falco: I'll get you Austin! You here me! You're dead!!