Chapter 3 -Just a matter of time-
"Erw-we -em - I – don't know, Severus," Hermione stuttered, awkwardly aware of the present Snape listening to their every word.
But at the hurt expression in the future Snape's eyes, she quickly added, "– yes - perhaps - we were."
He smiled at her lovingly. "I'd say so, too. After all, it didn't take us very long to er - get married after that, Dearest."
¥
Severus' head was whizzing with confusion. The scene he had just witnessed, had had much of an effect on him. The idea that he could possibly experience such love and happiness as he had just seen, left him completely stunned.
He hadn't expected such a thing for himself anymore. He really did wish for it when he had been younger, but somehow, it had always seemed to be just barely outside of his reach.
He could stretch out for happiness as much as he wanted, he always failed to get it. Always did something to mess it all up.
The really good things in life seemed to slip right through his fingers. It had been to no use at all. As much as he might have wished for it, love and affection seemed always to have been meant for others but him.
Back at school, he had liked a girl, once. But she hadn't cared about him. She never even knew he'd had a crush on her. She had chosen another. And now they were dead and buried. It had been a very sad experience for him. Though he hadn't been exactly heartbroken because of her, it had still hurt bad enough.
It had been an experience to be silently added to the pile of disappointments and misfortunes that had made him become the kind of cold-hearted and contrary man he was.
There was no such a thing as the one, tragic incident that had made him turn out that way.
He had managed to screw up his life all by himself - somehow. And he had done a fairly good job at it.
He had soon enough noticed, he did possess great magical talent though. Especially with Potions. But he had also been very well aware of his lack of ability on emotional basis. To gain as much power as possible, had appeared to him as his only option in life. He had been a very easy gain for Voldemort, with an idea of life like that. Power. If he would have only known, what it would lead him into. He had been of excellent use to them as a Death Eater. His skills at Potions, combined with his extensive knowledge of the Dark Arts, had been a priceless option for them to approach their aim.
He had done very much wrong in those days. He had never killed anyone with his own hands or wand – but he had brewed potions for Voldemort, which wasn't any better in his opinion.
More or less harmless ones, like Polyjuice Potion for spying tasks or Veritaserum for interrogations. But also other ones that weren't half as harmless. Concoctions that altered the drinker's personality, Willpower Weakening Essence, Amnesia Potion or plain and simply - Poison.
If it hadn't been for Albus, he would be probably be rotting away in Azkaban right now.
The old man had offered him a teaching position at Hogwarts, when nobody else would have done so.
Albus had been the only one who had shown Severus trust and forgiveness, ever. Not that many people knew about his dark days, anyway. Disgusted with himself for what he had done as a Death Eater, Severus had locked himself away from the world completely. He had hidden himself behind a pile of books and many rolls of parchment, lost to his dark, mournful thoughts of regret and self loathing. Until the shadows of the dungeons around him seemed to have spread into the depths of his mind and soul. Till their coldness had drained all warmth out of him and his whole personality had finally become just as bitter and poisonous as his concoctions. A sad excuse for a life – all-in-all …
¥
Completely absorbed by these thoughts, Severus almost missed the moment, when the future Hermione appeared at the end of the corridor and headed right for the door that had just closed behind their other selves.
He snapped out of his brooding just in time to intercept her. As soon as he had managed to pull the Invisibility Cloak off his head behind a large pillar, he stepped into sight.
The future Hermione stopped with surprise. She looked so tired, he noticed; uncomfortably aware of the fact that this was because of – well - him.
Her face lit up though, as soon as she saw him. "Severus – What are you doing here?" "Hermione-" his own voice sounded strange to him at the use of her first name.
He tried to smile at her, the way he had seen his future self doing, but doubted he actually succeeded.
"I've been a little – worried about you - and I - I just wanted to make sure you were all right, D-Dear," he declared hesitatingly.
"Oh- Sev," she muttered as she smiled, "that's just so sweet of you, Love." She reached out for him and with as much courage as he could manage, he stepped forward and took her into his arms. He would have done anything, to prevent her from entering his rooms right now. Her arms encircled his waist as she leaned in to him.
He held her close, his chin resting on her crown of head. Her hair smelled of apple-blossoms and dry summer-grass and there was something more, a soft, female scent of her skin that made his heart flutter. Just as it had, when he had embraced her former self at their time- travelling. It made his throat get tight.
She was so close. He could feel the warmth of her body through the cloth. It didn't feel bad at all.
It was quite appealing. It felt good, to hold her like this. To just hold her. To feel her soft warm body in his arms. To know she wasn't repulsed, but wanted to be held by him like this. He closed his eyes to just feel her - only for a moment - a short, peaceful moment.
When her hands came up, to softly caress his neck and shoulders, he slowly opened his eyes again.
"Well, are you fine then?" he asked tensely.
"Of course I am, Love, don't worry."
She didn't manage to look too convincing, though, and so he leaned back a little to survey her appearance. "You're sure about that?" he asked suspiciously. "You don't look too well to me."
She sighed deeply. "No, - actually, you're right." She leaned her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes. Glancing, a little helplessly, down on her, Severus detected she had dense dark-brown eyelashes and her pale cheeks were sprinkled by very few, very faint freckles. He had never noticed this from afar.
"I just managed to throw up during my Arithmancy class, and decided to take a little rest before I return to teaching," she muttered into his chest.
"Oh!" was all he could manage at that news. She lifted her head and smiled at him, a faint glance of mischief dancing in her eyes. "Well – not in the classroom, luckily – I reached the nearest bathroom - but it was a very close thing."
To his utmost surprise he didn't find the idea disgusting at all. He just felt - well, actually worried about her. How strange. "I'm sorry," he muttered quietly, stroking her back in an awkward movement. "Are you feeling better now?"
She leaned in a little closer to him at that. "Not really. I'm still terribly sick."
"Oh- Do you think, you'll have to…" he began nervously, but to his great relief, she shook her head. "Not right now, no."
"Are you dizzy? Shall I carry you?" he asked carefully.
"No. That's not necessary, Severus." She smiled. "But if you'd see me to bed, I would be grateful."
"O-of course I will," he muttered and suddenly, on an impulse, he exclaimed: "Oh Hermione, I'm really sorry it's this bad for you –I-"
His fingertips brushed a few strands of her curly masses of hair out of her face, in a soft, caressing movement.
This brought another mischievous twinkling into her eyes. "Oh, no need to be sorry, Love. It's - well, I did ask for this after all, didn't I? So I certainly shouldn't complain now."
"That seems logical," he couldn't help but agree with her, half smiling himself. But her next words caught him completely off guard.
"And I won't complain, I'm so happy, I'm with your child – again," she added tenderly. "I love you so much, Severus. And I wish the baby to be a little boy - who looks - just like you."
His heart skipped a beat at that. Fighting his confused feelings, he mimicked: "The poor child – are you certain about that?!"
She just laughed, stroking his cheek in a tender gesture. "Yes, very certain, Love."
He didn't know what to reply, nor what to do. So he just held her and told her softly. "I'm sorry you're that sick, nonetheless - Hermione. I wish - things would be –easier for you. I wish there could be anything I could do …"
"Oh-Sev," she whispered and kissed his cheek tenderly, "-you're so sweet. You're so tender and caring around me and Tina and – I'm so – deeply and hopelessly in love with you."
She reached out, to softly caress his cheek again.
"Don't you worry that much about me, Dearest, it's just these first few weeks, you know – I'll be much better soon."
"I hope so, D-dearest." His gaze locked with hers, his dark eyes glittering. "I really do…"
¥
"Professor Snape?" a sudden voice called from behind them.
Severus whirled around immediately. "Hm-yes? What is it?" he rasped sharply.
A young girl, a fifth year probably, appeared at the bend in the corridor, staring at them in complete shock.
"Oh-my- I - I'm sorry, sir!" she stuttered, blushing a deep shade of crimson. "I didn't mean to – intrude. I well, I just meant to check on - erw Mrs. Snape." She glanced at the future Hermione as if seeking help there. "Are you all right, Professor?"
The future Hermione turned towards the scared girl, with a friendly smile. "Yes, Amanda, I'm quite fine again. Thank you for asking, dear, it's very kind of you."
The girl gave her a shy smile at that. "But – you just thr-r- er got all sick and I-"
"I'm under the impression Miss - your Professor had just told you, she was fine, young Lady," Severus glared at her, being his nasty self again. Damn thing – he knew neither her name, nor her house. He could hardly take any points from her like that, could he?
"So would you please be so -kind," he snarled dangerously slowly, "to just leave -- and not to intrude on our privacy?"
He suddenly felt the soft touch of the future Hermione's hand on his forearm. She looked up at him with loving eyes, then back at the girl again.
"I guess I'll just lay down for a few minutes. Would you tell the others, the class is dismissed, Amanda? And please inform the second years, their lesson will be cancelled as well. I'm in no condition to teach right now. I'll be back in the afternoon, I suppose."
"But, how could you possibly know – you'll be-" the girl started, then trailed off, as realisation drew in to her.
"Oh-" she blushed. Her eyes wandered over the both of them and flinched back at another deathly glare from Severus. "O-of course, Professor."
"Thank you, Amanda," the future Hermione added calmly. The girl cast her a shy smile again. "I hope you'll get better soon, Professor Snape."
Once again Severus flinched, but relaxed, when noticing it wasn't him, she was addressing.
With a last awkward glance in his direction, the girl backed away and left in a hurry.
¥
Severus released his breath. "Brilliant," he snarled with a sour expression on his face, "I expect the whole school will know in no time now."
To his utmost confusion, he found the future Hermione chuckling about that. "Well it's nothing that could be denied anyway, Love, is it?"
She softly brushed her lips against his jaw, whispering: "They would have found out anyway, soon. It's only a matter of time until it becomes most visible. I dare say, it will be obvious to everyone due my belly's shapelessness around Christmas at the latest."
She looked kind of worried about this all of a sudden. "I didn't think - you might mind it so much, what others are to say, Severus. I thought you …You said, you wished for this, too. So why-"
For some reason, Severus felt really bad all of a sudden. The worried tone in her voice clung to his heart. He'd done it again – he'd hurt someone by his thoughtlessness. But this time it was someone who loved him. It was - her - and it made him feel really horrible, this time.
"O-of course I did," he muttered softly, trying his best to act in the manner of his future self. He tenderly cupped her cheek in his hand and looked at her. "And don't you worry about your appearance. You'll be always beautiful, Dear. No matter in what state of pregnancy you are. It'll only make you more lovely."
Where did that come from, he wondered, taken aback. He had never thought of the looks of a pregnant woman's belly, as appealing. But now - the imagination of Hermione in a late state of pregnancy, made his heartbeat rush.
It seemed to have been the right thing to say for once, he noticed. Her eyes lit up with mirth and she reached up to place her arms around his neck.
"I guess, you're not quite objective at that matter, Severus. But thank you, anyway. Being beautiful in your eyes means a lot to me, Love."
Severus had to swallow hard at that comment and before he even knew what was happening, he had pulled her into his arms again.
¥
Their lips met and every rational thought or doubt seemed to have gone frome his mind. It was bliss – nothing but breathtaking, white-hot bliss and happiness and – it felt so - right.
It felt just right to kiss her. To hold her like this. To feel her hands tangled in his hair, her belly pressing against his. Her pregnant belly. A wave of happiness branded through him at that thought.
'She's mine,' he realized with happy shock, 'she's all mine. She loves me.'
He lost himself in a whirl of confused thoughts and feelings. She loved him. It was his child she carried and that little girl he'd seen earlier, was his as well. And Hermione – She had given her to him. She was married to him for nearly five years now and still wanted him. She had to know him better than anyone else and didn't turn her back on him. How could that be true? And now she was even pregnant, a second time, and had told him she wanted the baby to look just like him. How he'd love to experience how it felt to be loved like that.
He was kissing her more intensely now. In caressing, seductive movement his tongue started to teasingly nudge and brush against her lower lip and with a soft whimpering noise, her lips parted, inviting him to deepen the kiss. It felt good. So warm and right …
He felt her returning the kiss, her tongue met his in a sweet, caressing way that made him feel all dizzy from joy. His body reacted most obviously– he didn't care if she noticed – she most certainly did, but didn't seem to mind. She leaned even closer to him and her hands started to caress his back in lovingly kneading movements.
Then suddenly, she broke the kiss to look at him. "You're incredible, Dearest, honestly," she teased. "How on earth, can you actually be up to - this - again, after last night?"
At that, Severus' eyes lost their dazed expression and snapped into focus again. "What?" he gasped with shock, realizing who and where he was.
"Oh, don't play the innocent on me, will you?" the future Hermione smiled. "I can tell you one thing, Dear," she whispered mischievously at him, "If I wouldn't have been pregnant already – I could easily be so now."
"What? Ohh-" he could feel his blood boiling with lust at the imagination of – that –
Things were obviously getting out of hand here. He needed to end this, before he did something he would regret for sure. But would he?
After all, this future Hermione was his wife anyway. A wife he would obviously love and adore beyond everything. A wife, he had already one child with and whom he had impregnated a second time. It couldn't possibly do any harm, if he actually did, what he would so obviously do to her anyway, could it? Did that make any sense, he wondered. He wanted her so badly, right now. He'd never wanted anything so much in his life – Holding her like this just felt so – so right, but still –
It wasn't supposed to happen, this way, was it? This Hermione's love, wasn't his to take. As odd as the thought might be, it felt like cheating on himself – somehow. A love of the kind this future Hermione held for him, needed to be earned and it wouldn't be right to make her believe she would be giving in to her beloved husband, when all he could offer her, was just - well plain and simple sex at the moment. It wouldn't be any better than to sneak up into someone's bedchamber by the help of Polyjuice Potion, pretending to be someone different – someone beloved – a disgusting thought.
Or maybe, it wasn't quite the same. At least it was really him whom she wanted, but – he wasn't that version of himself right now. It was all a matter of – time.
After all - he didn't love her, did he? Of course, he didn't - he couldn't possibly love her yet. It was probably just wantonness, nothing else. He felt completely incapable of any deeper emotion right now, although he had finally discovered his need for it at least. Oh dear, what a mess. He would have to sort out a lot of things.
If that pitiful life of his had taught him one thing, it was self-control. Steeling himself against the desperate wish, to just give in to those bewitching sensations of warmth and need, he drew back from her - reluctantly. In more than one way he had a task to fulfil, before he could reach out for her like that.
If anyone would have told him only back this morning, he would find himself married to Hermione in the time they were heading to, he wouldn't have believed a word of it. He would have sneered at them in his most bitter, nastiest sort of way. He would have made snide, repulsive remarks about something he desired beyond everything else in the world - now.
How odd time-travelling could be …. how dangerous …
He just wouldn't have conceded it possible to find himself a loving husband and father at any time, but now that he had seen with his own eyes, it was something completely different.
He longed to become this tender, caring and less bitter version of himself. It seemed so much more appealing to him, than his present one.
Reluctantly, he led her away, remembering she wasn't well after all. And this time the endearment rolled over his tongue far more easily than the last. "Come Sweetheart, you need some rest now."
¥
Hermione was lying in the large four-poster bed with the dark-green velvet curtains, unable to relax at all. Severus and the little girl had just left the room for Potions class.
She was a mess of confused feelings. This new side of Snape was so unbelievable, strangely wonderful. She needed to sort her emotions out. How tenderly he'd seen her to bed earlier. The loving look in his eyes, and that sweet kiss he had given her. Who would have supposed, the spiteful, ill tempered Professor Snape could be gentle – like this … So caring. So tender. So much in love with her.
While she was still wondering about the mess of feelings and her strange reaction to his touch, the sudden creaking of the door was heard.
It was – him. Her eyes met with his and she could tell for sure, it was not the husband-one.
His mouth formed the word – 'Hide' – and she slipped out of bed, silently.
He was most obviously not alone.
A/N: Thanks to everyone, who reviewed the previous chapter.
SilentG, I thank you for your beta-reading once again!
*Stacy* Yes, that's true. I love the imagination of time-travelling. It holds lots of options.
*cindlemain* I'll continue 'A little of your time' soon. I promise.
*VenusDeMilo* Thanks, that's a very nice thing to say.
Serpentina