Rain
Jared
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Disclaimer:
The following characters belong to CLAMP and are only borrowed for the fanfic. John is my makeup though.
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[ The rain really does feel nice. I wish I could express myself as freely. ] Nokoru thought. [ But I guess self-expression is a luxury that no Imonoyama can afford, despite all the wealth we possess. ]
It was thought that he had often caressed, wishing with all his heart that one day he might just wake up and realise that he had been wrong, that he too had the privilege of expressing his thoughts and feelings as openly as others. But he was always disappointed.
Nokoru liked rainy days. It was the only time when he allowed himself to grieve. He could let loose all the emotions that he had kept under the mask of Imonoyama Nokoru that he had to wear each day. It also reminded him of John.
John had shown him the rainbow. To most, the best thing about rain was that it gave a chance for rainbows to be created. John believed otherwise.
[ "The rainbow is a symbol of the person that we have to be. It portrays the mask that we have to don each day. Why does the rainbow come after the rain? The rain is a symbol of our tears of joy, when we can at last be free from all restrictions and we can truly be who we are. It is an opportunity for us to laugh, to cry, and truly enjoy. Do you feel the breeze against your cheek? That is the gentle caress of your mother. Do you feel the rain pulsing against you? That is the people around you. At times, they are gentle, kind. And yet the same people wield the power to plunge daggers into our hearts. The rain is heaven's way of crying for us, crying with us, for all the past trials and pains that we have forced ourselves to endure. Then, when the rain stops and rainbow appears, we retreat back into the armour we have created. And slip back into the characters we have to be." ]
Nokoru felt the tears sting his eyes. [ You really do understand me John. There was never another who could express what I felt so accurately. ]
He threw his umbrella away in careless abandon. [ If being in the rain could take away all my pain, I would gladly do so. ] He felt the rain against his skin, soaking him to the bone. Water ran down his cheeks. Tears joined the countless drops of water. [ I wish…I just wish that I could be free. Never again to have to don this mask of mine, to be Imonoyama Nokoru, but to be me. Why? Why am I denied of the things everyone has? ] Anger and sorrow washed over him. [ Why must you be so unfair? ] he bitterly blamed the world for the separation he had to endure.
Nokoru walked about aimlessly, unaware of anything but the need to clear his mind, the need to sort out his thoughts. He was confused, miserable, searching for someone who understood how he felt, someone who would sympathise and hold him close, letting all his fears and frustration out. He wanted to be in his mother's arms, and feel her gathering him protectively in her arms, rocking him gently, soothing him, making him feel the warmth of home that he never knew. Yet deep in his heart, he knew that that was impossible. He would always be Nokoru-san to her. The strong, intelligent Nokoru-san, not the young child who had his share of fears and sorrow.
He walked in the rain, his chilled body numb with cold. Yet he was unaware of the chill. All he remembered was the horrid emptiness he felt deep within. He sat down under a bush, curling into a ball and lying on the ground. Tomorrow would just be another day.
Jared
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer:
The following characters belong to CLAMP and are only borrowed for the fanfic. John is my makeup though.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[ The rain really does feel nice. I wish I could express myself as freely. ] Nokoru thought. [ But I guess self-expression is a luxury that no Imonoyama can afford, despite all the wealth we possess. ]
It was thought that he had often caressed, wishing with all his heart that one day he might just wake up and realise that he had been wrong, that he too had the privilege of expressing his thoughts and feelings as openly as others. But he was always disappointed.
Nokoru liked rainy days. It was the only time when he allowed himself to grieve. He could let loose all the emotions that he had kept under the mask of Imonoyama Nokoru that he had to wear each day. It also reminded him of John.
John had shown him the rainbow. To most, the best thing about rain was that it gave a chance for rainbows to be created. John believed otherwise.
[ "The rainbow is a symbol of the person that we have to be. It portrays the mask that we have to don each day. Why does the rainbow come after the rain? The rain is a symbol of our tears of joy, when we can at last be free from all restrictions and we can truly be who we are. It is an opportunity for us to laugh, to cry, and truly enjoy. Do you feel the breeze against your cheek? That is the gentle caress of your mother. Do you feel the rain pulsing against you? That is the people around you. At times, they are gentle, kind. And yet the same people wield the power to plunge daggers into our hearts. The rain is heaven's way of crying for us, crying with us, for all the past trials and pains that we have forced ourselves to endure. Then, when the rain stops and rainbow appears, we retreat back into the armour we have created. And slip back into the characters we have to be." ]
Nokoru felt the tears sting his eyes. [ You really do understand me John. There was never another who could express what I felt so accurately. ]
He threw his umbrella away in careless abandon. [ If being in the rain could take away all my pain, I would gladly do so. ] He felt the rain against his skin, soaking him to the bone. Water ran down his cheeks. Tears joined the countless drops of water. [ I wish…I just wish that I could be free. Never again to have to don this mask of mine, to be Imonoyama Nokoru, but to be me. Why? Why am I denied of the things everyone has? ] Anger and sorrow washed over him. [ Why must you be so unfair? ] he bitterly blamed the world for the separation he had to endure.
Nokoru walked about aimlessly, unaware of anything but the need to clear his mind, the need to sort out his thoughts. He was confused, miserable, searching for someone who understood how he felt, someone who would sympathise and hold him close, letting all his fears and frustration out. He wanted to be in his mother's arms, and feel her gathering him protectively in her arms, rocking him gently, soothing him, making him feel the warmth of home that he never knew. Yet deep in his heart, he knew that that was impossible. He would always be Nokoru-san to her. The strong, intelligent Nokoru-san, not the young child who had his share of fears and sorrow.
He walked in the rain, his chilled body numb with cold. Yet he was unaware of the chill. All he remembered was the horrid emptiness he felt deep within. He sat down under a bush, curling into a ball and lying on the ground. Tomorrow would just be another day.