Thank you to all who reviewed it always brightens my day to read the nice
things you lot put! And I brief note to Barbara I've got an idea for a
Grissom/Sara story but it's still in the thinking stage at the moment!
Reviews are always welcome along with feedback (good or bad!) Ok enough
talking from me here goes chapter 11.
They slept intertwined for the night, Nick's arms acting like a shield to Sara. She woke up in the morning and she saw whom she was laying next to and sighed contentedly. She felt safe and even if they were just best mates, this still felt right. She smiled at her best friend and rested her head onto Nick's bare chest. She didn't feel scared or ashamed when she was with him and she liked that. She still however, felt tired and she closed her eyes, falling soon after into a peaceful sleep.
Nick woke quite late the next morning, dazed and slightly confused, he groggily sat up in bed. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and wiped the sleep from his tired eyes. He turned around to check Sara was still there. It was a strange experience for him. He'd never slept in the same bed as his best friend before, and although it didn't feel wrong exactly, something wasn't quite right. He remembered when he'd been raped he couldn't face women for quite a long time. He found it hard to trust them. Sara had only been raped about 5 or 6 days ago and she was climbing into his bed. Something didn't quite add up. And that kiss? He'd just ask her when she got up. Maybe she felt like he was pressurising her? Questions buzzed through his head unanswered and unheeded and he needed space to think.
Manoeuvring himself out of bed, he pulled on a t-shirt and grabbed his crutches from where they were leaning up against the dressing table. He hoisted himself over to the door and took one last look at the peacefulness of his friend. He turned back around and carefully negotiated his way down the stairs. He decided to make breakfast and set about finding some bacon, eggs and all the other tasty stuff that was hidden somewhere in his kitchen.
The tasty scents travelled up the staircase, teasing Sara's senses until she awoke. Realising Nick was missing she knew exactly where to find him. She crept silently down the stairs being careful not to jar her ribs and made her way to where the scents were coming from. She saw him balancing on his crutches whilst trying to cook breakfast simultaneously and she giggled at his struggles.
He heard her giggles and said, "If you think you're getting any breakfast now you've got another thing coming!"
"Aww I'm sorry it's just you looked so funny!"
"You're digging yourself deeper you know?"
"Yeah I know."
"Sara we need to talk."
"About what?" She asked innocently.
"Well a few things but let me finish cooking first and then well talk about it."
"Why when you finish cooking?"
"Because I can just about manage 2 tasks but three is pushing it!"
She laughed. "Ok then I'll go turn on the TV find out the news."
He finished cooking and called her out to the kitchen where he dished out the appetising, if totally unhealthy, breakfast.
"So come on then spill the beans what do we need to talk about?"
"You don't beat about the bush do you?"
"No,"
"Ok well, it's just I don't understand a few things that's all."
"This is about last night isn't it?"
"Well yeah. I didn't mind you coming into my room so don't take this the wrong way it's just I got slightly confused with the kiss."
She sat staring into her breakfast with extreme interest.
"Sara, when I was raped I didn't trust women for years. I didn't even feel comfortable around my sisters for a while. I just don't get how you were only raped a couple of days ago and yet you feel comfortable enough around me and you . you."
"Kissed you? I don't know. It just felt right at the time. I won't bother in future." She pushed the stool out from under herself and wandered over to the staircase. She turned back around momentarily and Nick immediately chastised himself for being so careless with his words. He saw the sadness enfold her eyes and he wished he could just take away everything that had happened to her. Sara walked slowly up the stairs and he heard a door slam.
"Smooth Nick, real smooth," he said to himself.
He reached for his crutches and hobbled over to the stairs in 3 swift movements. He finally made his way up the stairs and looked over to his bedroom door, which was now shut.
"Sara, come on I'm sorry,"
There was no reply. He tried the door handle and it opened, and he pushed the door so that it swung open. Sara was crouched in the position next to the bed that she had been when he'd found her the night of the attack. He felt a pang of sadness flood over him and he almost broke down into tears. Almost.
"Sara,"
"Don't touch me." She wasn't crying she just looked numb.
"Sara?" He was worried. She was scaring him. He reached out to her again.
"Don't touch me."
"Sara tell me what's wrong?"
"I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm just going through the motions and hoping things start to make sense but they're not. I thought putting on a brave face would make it go away but it doesn't. And now you hate me just cos I wanted to feel normal again. I wanted to feel like me again, like a woman."
"I don't hate you Sara. I never will hate you. Last night was a mistake I shouldn't have kissed you back."
"Why?" She interrupted. "Because I'm damaged goods now?"
"That's crap Sara you're not damaged goods and if you are then so am I."
"No Nick, you still don't get it do you? I'm not me anymore, I just feel like a freak like I'm not normal anymore." her voice trailed off and then she added in a whisper, "I don't even feel like a woman anymore."
"Why Sara?"
"Because I know you were repulsed by me last night otherwise you wouldn't have brought it up this morning."
"I wasn't repulsed Sara I was worried! I didn't want you to be confused and rush into anything that you'd regret. I know how long it takes to heal. I didn't want to ."
"Want to what? Lead me on?"
"That's BS Sara."
She remained silent.
"Don't you remember what I said to you last night? I said I didn't want you rushing into anything that you'd regret."
"Yeah I know but it's just it felt like rejection. I feel safe around you and I like that feeling. You make me feel good about myself even when I should be feeling like crap."
"Well thank you Sara. I like to know I make you feel good. But you don't have to rush into anything. If anything happens between us I want it to be when you're ready not because you feel obligated or pressurised to."
Sara looked up at him. "I'm sorry I just I don't know what to do anymore, if I'm sad then everyone tries to cheer me up if I act happy then they all think I'm acting. I just don't know how I should feel anymore."
"Act how you feel. You'll have good and bad days but don't pretend to be feeling something you're not because you'll only feel worse in the long run."
"Ok point taken. one last thing."
"Yeah fire away."
"Is my breakfast still down stairs?"
"Course it is."
Hey all please review and feedback would be great. And look no cliffhanger! Until next time y'all. =) XX
They slept intertwined for the night, Nick's arms acting like a shield to Sara. She woke up in the morning and she saw whom she was laying next to and sighed contentedly. She felt safe and even if they were just best mates, this still felt right. She smiled at her best friend and rested her head onto Nick's bare chest. She didn't feel scared or ashamed when she was with him and she liked that. She still however, felt tired and she closed her eyes, falling soon after into a peaceful sleep.
Nick woke quite late the next morning, dazed and slightly confused, he groggily sat up in bed. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and wiped the sleep from his tired eyes. He turned around to check Sara was still there. It was a strange experience for him. He'd never slept in the same bed as his best friend before, and although it didn't feel wrong exactly, something wasn't quite right. He remembered when he'd been raped he couldn't face women for quite a long time. He found it hard to trust them. Sara had only been raped about 5 or 6 days ago and she was climbing into his bed. Something didn't quite add up. And that kiss? He'd just ask her when she got up. Maybe she felt like he was pressurising her? Questions buzzed through his head unanswered and unheeded and he needed space to think.
Manoeuvring himself out of bed, he pulled on a t-shirt and grabbed his crutches from where they were leaning up against the dressing table. He hoisted himself over to the door and took one last look at the peacefulness of his friend. He turned back around and carefully negotiated his way down the stairs. He decided to make breakfast and set about finding some bacon, eggs and all the other tasty stuff that was hidden somewhere in his kitchen.
The tasty scents travelled up the staircase, teasing Sara's senses until she awoke. Realising Nick was missing she knew exactly where to find him. She crept silently down the stairs being careful not to jar her ribs and made her way to where the scents were coming from. She saw him balancing on his crutches whilst trying to cook breakfast simultaneously and she giggled at his struggles.
He heard her giggles and said, "If you think you're getting any breakfast now you've got another thing coming!"
"Aww I'm sorry it's just you looked so funny!"
"You're digging yourself deeper you know?"
"Yeah I know."
"Sara we need to talk."
"About what?" She asked innocently.
"Well a few things but let me finish cooking first and then well talk about it."
"Why when you finish cooking?"
"Because I can just about manage 2 tasks but three is pushing it!"
She laughed. "Ok then I'll go turn on the TV find out the news."
He finished cooking and called her out to the kitchen where he dished out the appetising, if totally unhealthy, breakfast.
"So come on then spill the beans what do we need to talk about?"
"You don't beat about the bush do you?"
"No,"
"Ok well, it's just I don't understand a few things that's all."
"This is about last night isn't it?"
"Well yeah. I didn't mind you coming into my room so don't take this the wrong way it's just I got slightly confused with the kiss."
She sat staring into her breakfast with extreme interest.
"Sara, when I was raped I didn't trust women for years. I didn't even feel comfortable around my sisters for a while. I just don't get how you were only raped a couple of days ago and yet you feel comfortable enough around me and you . you."
"Kissed you? I don't know. It just felt right at the time. I won't bother in future." She pushed the stool out from under herself and wandered over to the staircase. She turned back around momentarily and Nick immediately chastised himself for being so careless with his words. He saw the sadness enfold her eyes and he wished he could just take away everything that had happened to her. Sara walked slowly up the stairs and he heard a door slam.
"Smooth Nick, real smooth," he said to himself.
He reached for his crutches and hobbled over to the stairs in 3 swift movements. He finally made his way up the stairs and looked over to his bedroom door, which was now shut.
"Sara, come on I'm sorry,"
There was no reply. He tried the door handle and it opened, and he pushed the door so that it swung open. Sara was crouched in the position next to the bed that she had been when he'd found her the night of the attack. He felt a pang of sadness flood over him and he almost broke down into tears. Almost.
"Sara,"
"Don't touch me." She wasn't crying she just looked numb.
"Sara?" He was worried. She was scaring him. He reached out to her again.
"Don't touch me."
"Sara tell me what's wrong?"
"I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm just going through the motions and hoping things start to make sense but they're not. I thought putting on a brave face would make it go away but it doesn't. And now you hate me just cos I wanted to feel normal again. I wanted to feel like me again, like a woman."
"I don't hate you Sara. I never will hate you. Last night was a mistake I shouldn't have kissed you back."
"Why?" She interrupted. "Because I'm damaged goods now?"
"That's crap Sara you're not damaged goods and if you are then so am I."
"No Nick, you still don't get it do you? I'm not me anymore, I just feel like a freak like I'm not normal anymore." her voice trailed off and then she added in a whisper, "I don't even feel like a woman anymore."
"Why Sara?"
"Because I know you were repulsed by me last night otherwise you wouldn't have brought it up this morning."
"I wasn't repulsed Sara I was worried! I didn't want you to be confused and rush into anything that you'd regret. I know how long it takes to heal. I didn't want to ."
"Want to what? Lead me on?"
"That's BS Sara."
She remained silent.
"Don't you remember what I said to you last night? I said I didn't want you rushing into anything that you'd regret."
"Yeah I know but it's just it felt like rejection. I feel safe around you and I like that feeling. You make me feel good about myself even when I should be feeling like crap."
"Well thank you Sara. I like to know I make you feel good. But you don't have to rush into anything. If anything happens between us I want it to be when you're ready not because you feel obligated or pressurised to."
Sara looked up at him. "I'm sorry I just I don't know what to do anymore, if I'm sad then everyone tries to cheer me up if I act happy then they all think I'm acting. I just don't know how I should feel anymore."
"Act how you feel. You'll have good and bad days but don't pretend to be feeling something you're not because you'll only feel worse in the long run."
"Ok point taken. one last thing."
"Yeah fire away."
"Is my breakfast still down stairs?"
"Course it is."
Hey all please review and feedback would be great. And look no cliffhanger! Until next time y'all. =) XX