Chapter 5: Dr. Evil and Mini Darth
The long steel table was grounded in the airy room with wide open windows gave the conference room a peculiar atmosphere. But nothing could be more peculiar than the bald, twitching man wearing a sharply pressed gray outfit that lead the conference.
"What do you mean we don't know where Powers is? He couldn't have just," he looked to the right," disappeared! Isn't that right, Mini Me?"
A clone 1/8 the size of Dr. Evil that sat on a child car seat by Dr. Evil's arm obediently nodded.
"Our Austin Powers detector says that he went to a whole other galaxy. Where exactly, we can't find out," said a calm, black-suited agent. "But a search for Powers wouldn't be nearly as fruitful as our investments in a wrinkle-diffusing syringe company called Botox. With these shares we can expect to make a $6.24 billion profit over 3 to 4 years. Nobody can threaten us in the stock market."
Dr. Evil thought carefully, pouting his face.
"But it isn't taking over the world. All our evil plans have been stopped by that International Man of Mystery! We must get him and his Mojo. But how? Scott!"
Scott Evil was leaning on his chair with game controllers in hands and eyes on the small TV on the table.
"Scott!"
Scott turned around.
"What now?!?" Scott yelled.
"What are you wasting your time on now?"
"I am trying to play Star Wars if you would just shut up and leave me alone!"
Dr. Evil waddled over to the pest.
"Zip it! Let me see this c*** you're idiotically playing with now"
He grabbed the controllers and looked at the images playing before him. A bunch of white armored soldiers that looked like droids were running around with blasters.
"See? Look how stupid this is! Why don't you go suck your thumb, baby! Baby want a bottle" mocked Dr. Evil. He shut up, though, when he saw what was now on the screen.
"There he is! There's Powers!"
On the TV Austin Powers was sitting in red Cadillac in big ship hangar next to a young brunette. And nearby was a menacing looking black suited bad guy.
"And there," Dr. Evil pointed at Darth Vader," is my ally!" putting finger quotes on the last word.
"Since I was a young evil genius in Lincoln, Nebraska and I watched my first Star Wars movie and saw that evil dark lord, it has been my dream to work with the 'second' best bad guy in the universe. And now, with Austin Powers so conveniently there, I can now join with Darth Vader and defeat Powers once and for all."
Scott rolled his eyes. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Star Wars isn't real! A**hole!"
"Hey," Dr. Evil retorted, "When I team up with Vader I'm going to get his lightsaber and stick it up your a**! Oh, what is it, Mini Me?"
Dr. Evil lovingly bent to hear Mini Me's request into his ear.
"Oh, of course, Mini Me! How sweet!"
Dr. Evil patted Mini Me's head.
"What now?" Scott asked impatiently.
"Oh, Mini Me offered to stick Darth Vader's lightsaber up your a** for me. Why can't you be as thoughtful?"
Only by Dr. Evil's guards did Scott not strangle Mini Me.
"Hey, you know what that reminds me?"
"What, Dr. Evil?" asked an agent with one blind eye.
"We should bring a gift to Darth Vader. With this," Dr. Evil brought up a Vader action figure, "we can clone the Sith lord and give it to him as a present. But be careful with that toy. I've had it since I was a little boy in Lincoln, Nebraska."
"Oh, did you play Imperials and Rebels, too?" asked the one-eyed agent.
"No. I used to burn the local ducks and squirrels with a lighted stick and pretend it was Vader's lightsaber." Dr. Evil smiled with a dreamy gaze. "I have very fond memories with my little Darth."
"Dr. Evil, the cloning has been completed."
Everyone turned to the entrance of the conference room as a 2-ft Darth Vader lookalike, complete with helmet, cape, and boots, walked in. Mini Me sneered.
"Aahhh! It's perfect!" squeeled Dr. Evil.
"I shall call it," he put his pinky to his mouth and looked to the lift, " Mini Darth!"
Mini Darth walked up to Mini Me. Mini Me glared. Mini Darth kicked.
"No, no, Mini Darth! Bad Sith, bad Sith! Be a good evil lord!" Dr. Evil scolded, spanking Mini Darth's gloved hand.
"And now, we shall proceed to the Star Wars universe! May the force be with me!"
Dr. Evil, Mini Me, Mini Darth, and Scott Evil jumped into a revolving circular Star Wars transporter thingy.
The long steel table was grounded in the airy room with wide open windows gave the conference room a peculiar atmosphere. But nothing could be more peculiar than the bald, twitching man wearing a sharply pressed gray outfit that lead the conference.
"What do you mean we don't know where Powers is? He couldn't have just," he looked to the right," disappeared! Isn't that right, Mini Me?"
A clone 1/8 the size of Dr. Evil that sat on a child car seat by Dr. Evil's arm obediently nodded.
"Our Austin Powers detector says that he went to a whole other galaxy. Where exactly, we can't find out," said a calm, black-suited agent. "But a search for Powers wouldn't be nearly as fruitful as our investments in a wrinkle-diffusing syringe company called Botox. With these shares we can expect to make a $6.24 billion profit over 3 to 4 years. Nobody can threaten us in the stock market."
Dr. Evil thought carefully, pouting his face.
"But it isn't taking over the world. All our evil plans have been stopped by that International Man of Mystery! We must get him and his Mojo. But how? Scott!"
Scott Evil was leaning on his chair with game controllers in hands and eyes on the small TV on the table.
"Scott!"
Scott turned around.
"What now?!?" Scott yelled.
"What are you wasting your time on now?"
"I am trying to play Star Wars if you would just shut up and leave me alone!"
Dr. Evil waddled over to the pest.
"Zip it! Let me see this c*** you're idiotically playing with now"
He grabbed the controllers and looked at the images playing before him. A bunch of white armored soldiers that looked like droids were running around with blasters.
"See? Look how stupid this is! Why don't you go suck your thumb, baby! Baby want a bottle" mocked Dr. Evil. He shut up, though, when he saw what was now on the screen.
"There he is! There's Powers!"
On the TV Austin Powers was sitting in red Cadillac in big ship hangar next to a young brunette. And nearby was a menacing looking black suited bad guy.
"And there," Dr. Evil pointed at Darth Vader," is my ally!" putting finger quotes on the last word.
"Since I was a young evil genius in Lincoln, Nebraska and I watched my first Star Wars movie and saw that evil dark lord, it has been my dream to work with the 'second' best bad guy in the universe. And now, with Austin Powers so conveniently there, I can now join with Darth Vader and defeat Powers once and for all."
Scott rolled his eyes. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Star Wars isn't real! A**hole!"
"Hey," Dr. Evil retorted, "When I team up with Vader I'm going to get his lightsaber and stick it up your a**! Oh, what is it, Mini Me?"
Dr. Evil lovingly bent to hear Mini Me's request into his ear.
"Oh, of course, Mini Me! How sweet!"
Dr. Evil patted Mini Me's head.
"What now?" Scott asked impatiently.
"Oh, Mini Me offered to stick Darth Vader's lightsaber up your a** for me. Why can't you be as thoughtful?"
Only by Dr. Evil's guards did Scott not strangle Mini Me.
"Hey, you know what that reminds me?"
"What, Dr. Evil?" asked an agent with one blind eye.
"We should bring a gift to Darth Vader. With this," Dr. Evil brought up a Vader action figure, "we can clone the Sith lord and give it to him as a present. But be careful with that toy. I've had it since I was a little boy in Lincoln, Nebraska."
"Oh, did you play Imperials and Rebels, too?" asked the one-eyed agent.
"No. I used to burn the local ducks and squirrels with a lighted stick and pretend it was Vader's lightsaber." Dr. Evil smiled with a dreamy gaze. "I have very fond memories with my little Darth."
"Dr. Evil, the cloning has been completed."
Everyone turned to the entrance of the conference room as a 2-ft Darth Vader lookalike, complete with helmet, cape, and boots, walked in. Mini Me sneered.
"Aahhh! It's perfect!" squeeled Dr. Evil.
"I shall call it," he put his pinky to his mouth and looked to the lift, " Mini Darth!"
Mini Darth walked up to Mini Me. Mini Me glared. Mini Darth kicked.
"No, no, Mini Darth! Bad Sith, bad Sith! Be a good evil lord!" Dr. Evil scolded, spanking Mini Darth's gloved hand.
"And now, we shall proceed to the Star Wars universe! May the force be with me!"
Dr. Evil, Mini Me, Mini Darth, and Scott Evil jumped into a revolving circular Star Wars transporter thingy.