Jaina's Journal_Entry #25
"The Wedding"
By Obi's Girl
Disclaimer: Fallin' is by Alicia Keys. Sorry, it took so long to get here, but believe me, you all will not be disappointed. The reason why it is so long is because there is much I have to cover before jumping ahead 25 years later, where you guys meets Ana & Owen, Jaina & Jag's children.
I really don't know if I'll write a 'Honeymoon' fic, a bonus fic if you will. The thing is, I haven't written a lemon in a very, very long time. Even reading a lemon doesn't have that effect on me anymore. Anyway, if I do, I'll try my best. Or maybe if I can't, I ask someone else to write it.
I almost don't want to part with this fic - it's my baby, but I know you all are looking forward to reading it, again, again and again! 'Cause I know you will. Enjoy. ~~
I brushed aside some strands of hair, as dad and mom watched from the back. They had arrived few days ago, they were held up on Coruscant. After dealing with loose strands, I turned to both of them, smiling. Mom nodded, crying, "Honey, you look for beautiful!"
"Your mother's right, Jaina. But more so. Are you ready?" he asked, extending his arm to me.
I cleared my throat, "I am, but I wanted to talk to you guys a little bit. I, uh - I wanted to thank you both for supporting Jag and me. Most parents would argue and say we're too young to be married, but I know this is right. I love him; I wouldn't give up Jag for anything." I walked towards dad, leaned over and kissed his cheek, then hugged mom.
Leia nodded, crying herself, "You better not cry, Jaina. That make-up took hours to work on. It's going to be Sith to reapply." I glanced at dad, taking his arm, mom standing opposite as we left the small room, walking toward my destiny.
~~
I remember hanging around the halls days before, watching everyone work to make everything perfect. I closed my eyes briefly, remembering my first impression of Jag.
~~ That he was handsome there was no disputing, and the cockiness, which was backed by fantastic skill as a pilot, had its charm. She admired the way he'd stood up to the New Republic politicians - most of whom disgusted her because of the way they treated her mother. Even the Imperial formality was attractive in a quaint sort of way.
I wonder if my mother saw my father that same way?
The second that thought occurred to her she pulled her hand back from Fel's shoulder abruptly. Oh no, I am not going to let myself fall for some guy who thinks grim is the normal state of being. Not the time or place to even be thinking about it. ~~
My mind flashed forward. I was standing in a room, my hand over my growing tummy. I seemed to be in deep thought about something, when a pair of arms snaked themselves around me. I turned briefly, smiling back at Jag, as we stood, watching the night. He kissed my left cheek, whispering, "Deep thoughts?"
"Nothing bad. Just thinking about names; we do have to think about names, ya know. Care to add to the list?" I joked, as he snuggled closer. I laughed, my eyes watching the stars above. ~~
~~I smiled, looking even further into the future. The eldest, a girl with dark brown hair, maybe around the age of twelve or fourteen, practicing with a lightsaber, while a blaster pistol rested in a holster on her right hip. She seemed to have an attitude; much like me and on the opposite side of the room was a boy in slacks and flight jacket, holding a pistol. The boy smiled, aiming his blaster once again at her lightsaber. She smiled, blocking it, waving her sabre defensively. She was cocky, with maybe a little ego but not too much.
"Is that the best you can do, Owen Fel?" she teased, sneering at her younger brother.
Owen growled, nodding as he turned about, shooting again. "Relax Ana, I'm just getting started!" ~~
I opened my eyes again. Everyone was staring back at me, thinking I had cold feet. I stared straight ahead at Jag, fidgeting. Valis was standing right next him. I shrugged, walking down the aisle with dad until I reached Jag. Dad let go of my arm and kissed my cheek before sitting down next to mom, my Uncle Luke and Mara. I stood next to Jag, as we both faced the officiator.
The old man smiled, facing the crowd, "Jaina Solo and Jagged Fel came together in the midst of a horrible crisis. But war was the farthest thing from their minds because all that mattered was their love for each other. There were times they almost lost one another, but they were able to fight the barriers that kept them apart and today, the bond they share will be forever." He turned to me, "Before today, the both of you were asked to write your own vows. Who would like to go first?"
Jag raised his hand, turning to me, "It took fate and true love to bring the human part me to the surface. I was stoic all the time, and I assumed, since you were a Jedi, you were the same way. But I was wrong; I was so wrong. When I came to Coruscant and had a look at the roster for the Squadron, I saw your profile. You were a challenge. A Jedi Knight, excellent pilot. There was no way I couldn't refuse. That's the thing I'm trying to tell you. I can never deny you. You've already become a part of me. We're a part of each other." He paused, taking my hand and placing it on his heart, smiling, "You're here."
I smiled at Jag, but frowned momentarily as I recognized Zekk's form in the shadows. For a moment, I thought he was going to do something but he only nodded, smiling at me to go on. I smiled back at him, mouthing, "Thank you." He only nodded, hiding himself again amongst the shadows. Always living in the shadows of darkness.
I turned to Jag, taking his hands into mine, smiling, "Jag, I stand before you today, wanting to spend the rest of my life with you. Before you, I basically gave up on love. It always ended badly. But now I know, all that I went through over the years was preparing me for this." I raised his hands and kissed them, "I almost lost you three times - two times to death, and a third because.because my past caught up with me and didn't want us to be. But we are meant to be. Life and love is a turbulent thing. I love you. I didn't realize at first that's what this feeling was, but eventually, as we spent more and more time together - I knew. I know, we're meant to be, Jag." Tenel Ka stepped forward, handing me the ring as I slipped it onto his finger, "Accept this gift, as you have accepted my love into your heart."
The officiator cleared his throat, gesturing to Syal. The woman stood up, walking to the microphone set up next to the piano. It seemed as if Syal's fingers never touched the piano as she begun to hum, eventually followed by song. She looked up briefly, smiling at Jag and I. "I honestly did not expect Jag to be engaged when I originally came here. I had been away from the Republic for a long time. My brother never got to know me, and I never really knew him. When Jag, his brothers and sister were younger, before they went to bed every night, I would always sing to them. It was the best way to get them to sleep, especially if they were acting up." Syal's eyes wandered to Jag and I, smiling, "This is my wedding present to you. I hope you enjoy it."
Syal smiled, closing her eyes as he fingers wandered about the keys, "I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you. Sometimes I love ya; sometimes you make me blue. Sometimes I feel good; at times I feel used. I'll be your darlin' makes me so confused."
She began to sway back and forth, as her fingers directed themselves to the next key, "I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you. I never loved someone the way that I love you." She paused briefly, crying, "Oh, oh, I never felt this way. How do you give me so much pleasure and cause me so much pain. Just when I think I've taken more than would a fool I start fallin' back in love with you."
Three girls from the crowd approached the piano, standing behind three microphones. Syal smiled, as she continued to play and the girls sang, "I keep on Fallin' in and out of love with you. I never loved someone the way that I love you. Oh baby, I, I, I, I'm fallin' I, I, I, I'm fallin' Fall --- I keep on Fallin' n and out of love with you. I never loved someone the way that I love you."
Slowly, the girls quieted down as Syal took up the song again, humming lightly, "I'm fallin' in and out of love with you. I never loved someone the way that I love you. I'm fallin' in and out of love with you I never loved someone the way that I love you."
"What?" Syal cried, smiling and nodding back to the officiator. He cleared his throat, smiling broadly as Jag and I turned back to him, "You are now bonded till death. You may kiss the bride."
~~
I stared at Zekk from afar as I leaned against Jag's arm. Earlier, I had told him if he showed up at the wedding, even if he didn't say anything, I would kill him. But now he's here - I'm glad he came. When he left Yavin 4, I never had the chance to really say goodbye to him. He was my first love. I remember crying night after night in my bed. Sometimes, even if I weren't crying, I would toy with my lightsaber or work on some mechanical problem; anything to pass the time. I kissed Jag's cheek before leaning off his arm, walking towards Zekk's dark form.
When he saw me, he rolled his eyes, hoping I wouldn't kill him but I only smiled, clasping my hands behind my back, "I'm not here to kill you Zekk, but thank you." He looked at me honestly; probably using the Force to see if I was sincere. "I wanted to thank you for not saying anything.I know it must have been hard to watch me marry someone else."
Zekk nodded, smiling partly, "It wouldn't have been fair to you, Jaina. You deserve happiness. Especially now. War can be very depressing." He paused, clearing his throat, "Congratulations, and tell.Tell Jag, he's a lucky man."
I smiled, trying not to cry, "He's not the lucky one; I am. Thank you for understanding, but I'll tell him you said that."
Zekk glanced around before he leaned over and kissed my cheek, pulling me into a hug, "I'll love you forever, Jaina, know that; even if I can't be with you." I smiled, letting go of Zekk as Jag walked over, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my neck, glaring at Zekk.
"There's nothing to worry about Jag. Zekk's not bothering me. I was just telling him thanks for not saying anything," I replied, mouthing 'thank you' to Zekk again, causing him to smile. "Oh and Zekk also said you're a lucky man, but I argued that I'm the lucky one to not have lost you."
Jag nodded, musing, "I think we're both lucky." He glanced up at Zekk, letting go of me, extending his hand to him. My eyes wandered to Zekk, hoping he would accept Jag's hand. If he didn't, he knew it would not only be disrespectful to Jag but hurt me as well, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Zekk nodded, reading my thoughts and took Jag's hand, shaking it.
I smiled, leaned over and kissed Zekk's cheek again before he let go; his features stone as they were before, "You better take care of her Fel, otherwise, I'll come after you."
Jag's eyebrow's furrowed, looking at me, unsure how to take the statement, even though they just shook hands. But I only smiled, taking Jag's arm, "He will, 'cause if he doesn't, he won't only have to deal with you, but me as well. I can have a mean temper if provoked. Zekk even knows that."
~~
Mara smiled, watching Jag, Zekk and I talk - well, she smiled mostly because I wasn't yelling at Zekk and also at the fact that I didn't have my lightsaber anywhere on me. I could have packed my lightsaber but it would have been too obvious and I didn't want it to look like I was desperate or crazy. Mara laughed, leaning in Luke's shoulder, her eyes still watching me. Luke, sensing her calmed emotions, kissed his wife's forehead, "You're at peace, relaxed. Anything wrong?" He joked.
She shrugged, "Nothing's ---." Before she could reply, Mara dropped to the floor, panting as Luke rushed to her side. I jumped, nearly jerking Jag and pulled him over towards my aunt. Before Mara fell, I kept my emotions open, feeling everyone around me. I pushed away my veil, kneeling on Mara's side, taking her hand. "Aunt Mara, what is it? What's wrong?"
"The baby. The baby's coming!" she shrieked. I gulped, glancing at Luke, then at Jag and a concerned Zekk. I really hadn't expected this. Maybe Jacen and Tenel Ka talking and then, end up fighting, but my aunt Mara going into labor - definitely not this. Not now, anyway. Oh Sithspawn! Luke moved to her side, helping his wife off the floor as Jag cleared the way for both of them.
Over her shoulder, Mara cried, "Go on with the reception, don't worry about me! Keep on ---," Again, before she could complete her sentence, Mara screamed. I groaned, turning to Jag and Zekk. Jag was concerned, but Zekk was laughing, or at least trying to suppress a laugh.
I shrugged, pushing my veil aside, "Well, you heard the woman - let's finish up the reception the meet with Uncle Luke. And try to have fun." Jag nodded, still stiff as spawn but Zekk, on other hand, moved to the refreshment table to grab some hors d'oeuvre.
~~
I huffed, rolling my shoulders back and forth, trying to set myself at ease. Zekk almost ruined my wedding.. Mara's going into labor.Tenel Ka is still in love with my brother, who currently only has eyes for Danni Quee.Oh, Tenel Ka! I meant to talk to her before. Sithspawn, I hope she hasn't left yet. She said after the wedding, she would be promptly returning to Hapes. I peeked over the crowd, hopeful to see her somewhere. When I didn't see her, I dropped back down to my toes, reaching out with the Force.
Faintly, I saw her in one corner of the room, focusing on something or someone on the opposite side. I reached further and found the person she was looking at was exactly who I was thinking about, my brother. Danni was on Jacen's arm; she looked really comfy there, smiling and saying hello to people she met. Judging from the way she felt, she hadn't personally met Tenel Ka. Of course that seemed odd because I would have thought that Jacen would have introduced them to each other by now. Well, I'll just have to do that for him.
I smiled to myself, bound for Tenel Ka but felt Jag's arm snake around my waist, holding me back. I smiled back at him, "Um honey, let me go."
"What do you think you're doing?" he asked through his teeth, glancing in my brother's direction and realized what I was going to do. "Jaina, you need to let them work this out for themselves. You can't interfere."
I frowned, twirling to face Jag, "I know, but Tenel Ka is my friend and Jacen is my brother.. Look, trust me, they belong together. I've known them longer. I know."
"I'll make a deal with you - I'll talk to Jacen; you take Tenel Ka." Jag mused. I smiled, bound to believe him but I knew he was just playing around. At least I think he was.
"You're serious?
Jag looked at me honestly and I backed down, glancing again at Tenel Ka. She was gone. Oh no! She can't leave now. She and Jacen need to talk. I scanned the area for her, biting my lip. Thankfully, I spotted a redheaded girl standing in front of Jacen and Danni, smiling and introducing herself. I couldn't hear what they were saying but Jacen leaned down and hugged Tenel Ka. The Princess smiled, holding onto him as if it was the last time she would ever hold him. Finally, she let go, smiling at Danni. She was about to leave again, but Jacen caught her arm. Jacen turned to Danni, asking him if he could speak with Tenel alone and the two left.
I smiled. I knew they weren't going to be making out or anything; Jacen was crazy about Danni, but at least they were talking to each other. I shrugged, turning back to Jag. He shrugged, offering his arm, leading me onto the dance floor. As everyone cleared the floor for us, I leaned over to Jag, whispering to him, "Everything's fine. They're talking."
"Happy now, honey?" he asked through his teeth.
I nodded, resting my arms around his neck, "Very. Now, let's have some fun."
~~
Tenel Ka bit her lip as she sat next to Jacen outside the hall. Her entire life, the Princess never had to deal with her feelings - she always kept them buried and safe. She hadn't wanted to talk to Jacen; it was too soon, but he noticed her standing alone and gestured she come over. She couldn't refuse him; she could never refuse him. Jacen had been her love for so long, when she met him again and hugged him; she wanted to hold onto him forever. But then again, Danni might have become a little bit suspicious and jealous, or was she the jealous type?
He smiled at her, scratching his head, "How are you?"
Tenel shrugged, conversation had never really been her strong suit. Jacen smiled, "I talked to Jaina earlier." Tenel Ka's head bolted up, listening attentively, "She said after the wedding, you would be leaving." Jacen frowned, looking at his former love, "I didn't say anything in front of her, but is it because I'm here?"
"I would be lying if I said 'no'. Yes, it is because of you. I just can't stand to be here, especially if I'm not the one --- there's no need to complicate things, Jacen. You're happy with Danni; I told Jaina this. She knows how I feel and where I stand."
Jacen nodded, crossing his arms, "Where do you stand?"
"I don't need to answer that. You know." She retorted, looking away but faced him again, "You were my first love, Jacen. We were friends; we were close - there was a time where we could have been more, so much more but that time is passed. You know this."
"I do, but it doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore. We've been friends for a long time." he started but Tenel Ka looked away again, "You have always been special to me, Tenel. When we were younger, there was no question in my mind that I loved you, but the circumstances - it just wasn't really possible."
She shrugged, almost snarling, "Nothing is impossible, Jacen, or certain."
"You were, and still are a Princess. Your family would never permit us to be together because I don't have any royal blood in me."
Tele Ka crossed her arms, rolling her eyes, "My mother didn't have royal blood in her and we all know how that turned out!"
"True --- Look, you have your life on a high pedestal. Me, I'm all the way on the bottom of that pedestal.I will always love you Tenel, but, you have your duty and I have mine." Jacen concluded. He huffed, looking back the ballroom doors, then glanced back at Tenel Ka. "You coming?"
She shrugged, glaring at him again, "No, you ahead. I just need to be alone right now." Jacen nodded, walking back inside.
~~
I frowned, my mind, rushing back to aunt Mara, collapsing. For a girl who's supposed to be happy and full of bliss on her wedding day, I'm a wreck! First, Tenel Ka and my brother and now, Aunt Mara is having her baby! Jag smiled hopefully, holding me closer, "Thinking about your aunt?"
I nodded, "Believe me, if none of this was happening, I would love to stay here."
Jag nodded, bending down and kissing my forehead, "I know, baby. A couple more songs then we'll go down and see her." I smiled, resting my head on Jag's shoulder as both swayed to the music.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zekk, watching us. Even now, I still couldn't believe he actually came to the wedding. Originally, I told him if he even showed up, I would kill him. I couldn't risk loosing Jag again and seeing Zekk there.I thought he was going to do something horrible. Cry out my name or say that he still loves me, or worse, kill Jag. Instead, he just stood there and smiled, offering me to Jag.
Maybe, I was wrong about Zekk.
I smiled, hugging Jag, then suddenly frowned when Syal spoke excitedly to Wedge. Wedge almost shrieked, then turned tapping Leia on the shoulder, whispering the same thing Syal told him. Leia groaned, turning to Han and telling him the same thing. Syal, Wedge, Han and Leia turned, sneaking inconspicuously away from the circle, leaving the ballroom. I moaned, glancing at Jag. He had seen the whole thing but wasn't exactly to make of it. I kissed his cheek, pulling his hand, walking after them.
~~
Mara moaned, holding Luke's hand. The two of them were so hopeful after months of waiting, but at the last minute, the unthinkable happened. The baby was born, but he was a stillborn. Mara sat in her bed, crying for hours, cursing the Force. She and Luke had wanted a child for so long. It was a 'he', Tionne had said but nothing more, leaving them alone.
"It wasn't right, Luke." Mara growled, clenching her fist, "Nothing had gone wrong before.I had regular check-ups."
Luke frowned, "I can vouch for that.maybe it wasn't meant to be."
"So many people had so much hope in this child, Luke. All the Jedi believed it, all your family." Mara mused, looking away and crying again as Leia, Han, Wedge and Syal poked their heads in. Luke smiled at them briefly. Leia came in first, hugging her brother then leaned over, hugging Mara lightly.
"I'm so sorry, Luke, Mara. I know how much you two were looking forward to having a baby girl or boy." Leia cried, as Han stood beside her.
Luke nodded, "Boy, actually, or would have been." He paused, looking at Wedge, "Are Jaina and Jag still at the reception?"
"They are, hopefully they are. I take it you don't want to tell them their little cousin is dead?" Wedge replied, as Luke nodded yes, but a voice cleared behind them and all four turned, facing Jag and I. I stood there speechless, my brown eyes glazed. Jag was in the same state, not really sure what to say. Today was supposed to be my wedding day, but now it was also a day of mourning because I had lost a cousin, Jag and I will never know.
Finally, after a time, I shifted my gaze, looking at my Uncle's Luke's face. It was clear he had done some crying as well, but not as much as Mara. Her eyes were baggy and her face swollen. I let go of Jag's hand, walking forward, stumbling almost, and falling over my large wedding dress. I stared at Luke before hugging him, crying emphatically, dropping to the floor as he held me.
~~
Hours passed as I sat alone in the temporary quarters Jag and I found. My large wedding dress was in the closet, and I was dressed in my regular clothes. I didn't want to leave Luke and Mara, I wanted to stay with them and grieve but Jag convinced me I needed time to myself.
A little boy lost...to all of us. Earlier, I was so excited about having a little cousin to baby-sit; I know Jag would have felt the same way.it was just so unfair! The Vong had destroyed our cities, enslaved various worlds and now, they had taken away my little cousin. Those aliens were the reason for Mara's sickness. The fact that she survived for so long should have said something, but it didn't.
Jag cleared his throat, standing in the doorway, carrying two mugs. I smiled at him as he entered, kneeled down next to me, setting the other mug on the table. "Hot chocolate. I don't know if it will help."
I smiled, kissing his forehead. "Thanks. Hot chocolate is a good way to soothe the soul."
He fidgeted, whispering, "Do you want to talk about, or is it too soon to talk about?" Referring to the unknown baby Skywalker.
I nodded, "I don't think it even matters. The news of his death will be all over the HoloNet by tomorrow, right next to our almost joyous wedding." I laughed slightly, "Ya know Zekk I could handle if he decided to burst out and tell me he still loved me, but this.is so wrong, Jag."
Jag smiled, rubbing my hand, "I know it's wrong. It's not fair to you, Mara and Luke. They deserved this child."
"The good news, Mara can still have children. But I don't think she's gonna want.it's too soon, right?"
"I guess," he paused, "but I can't really say that." I turned, crying slightly as Jag continued, "My mom had a miscarriage once. It was long time ago before me; my brothers and sister were born. It was a boy, too. Black hair and black eyes. According to my mother, he looked really peaceful and that comforted her."
I smiled, kissing his cheek, "I'm sorry Jag. I didn't know."
"My mom only told me that story later on, after I lost Davin and Cherith. She told it to comfort me, but it only made me feel worse because I could have had a baby brother, but I didn't." Jag sympathized. "In a way, I know what you're going through."
I kissed his cheek again, leaning against him, "What about tomorrow? How are we going to enjoy our honeymoon? Should be happy to be married, or feel sad?"
"Both." Jag replied, shrugging, "There's no in-between, Jaina. I wish there was but there isn't."
I nodded, as he held me, sobbing into his shirt.
TBC
By Obi's Girl
Disclaimer: Fallin' is by Alicia Keys. Sorry, it took so long to get here, but believe me, you all will not be disappointed. The reason why it is so long is because there is much I have to cover before jumping ahead 25 years later, where you guys meets Ana & Owen, Jaina & Jag's children.
I really don't know if I'll write a 'Honeymoon' fic, a bonus fic if you will. The thing is, I haven't written a lemon in a very, very long time. Even reading a lemon doesn't have that effect on me anymore. Anyway, if I do, I'll try my best. Or maybe if I can't, I ask someone else to write it.
I almost don't want to part with this fic - it's my baby, but I know you all are looking forward to reading it, again, again and again! 'Cause I know you will. Enjoy. ~~
I brushed aside some strands of hair, as dad and mom watched from the back. They had arrived few days ago, they were held up on Coruscant. After dealing with loose strands, I turned to both of them, smiling. Mom nodded, crying, "Honey, you look for beautiful!"
"Your mother's right, Jaina. But more so. Are you ready?" he asked, extending his arm to me.
I cleared my throat, "I am, but I wanted to talk to you guys a little bit. I, uh - I wanted to thank you both for supporting Jag and me. Most parents would argue and say we're too young to be married, but I know this is right. I love him; I wouldn't give up Jag for anything." I walked towards dad, leaned over and kissed his cheek, then hugged mom.
Leia nodded, crying herself, "You better not cry, Jaina. That make-up took hours to work on. It's going to be Sith to reapply." I glanced at dad, taking his arm, mom standing opposite as we left the small room, walking toward my destiny.
~~
I remember hanging around the halls days before, watching everyone work to make everything perfect. I closed my eyes briefly, remembering my first impression of Jag.
~~ That he was handsome there was no disputing, and the cockiness, which was backed by fantastic skill as a pilot, had its charm. She admired the way he'd stood up to the New Republic politicians - most of whom disgusted her because of the way they treated her mother. Even the Imperial formality was attractive in a quaint sort of way.
I wonder if my mother saw my father that same way?
The second that thought occurred to her she pulled her hand back from Fel's shoulder abruptly. Oh no, I am not going to let myself fall for some guy who thinks grim is the normal state of being. Not the time or place to even be thinking about it. ~~
My mind flashed forward. I was standing in a room, my hand over my growing tummy. I seemed to be in deep thought about something, when a pair of arms snaked themselves around me. I turned briefly, smiling back at Jag, as we stood, watching the night. He kissed my left cheek, whispering, "Deep thoughts?"
"Nothing bad. Just thinking about names; we do have to think about names, ya know. Care to add to the list?" I joked, as he snuggled closer. I laughed, my eyes watching the stars above. ~~
~~I smiled, looking even further into the future. The eldest, a girl with dark brown hair, maybe around the age of twelve or fourteen, practicing with a lightsaber, while a blaster pistol rested in a holster on her right hip. She seemed to have an attitude; much like me and on the opposite side of the room was a boy in slacks and flight jacket, holding a pistol. The boy smiled, aiming his blaster once again at her lightsaber. She smiled, blocking it, waving her sabre defensively. She was cocky, with maybe a little ego but not too much.
"Is that the best you can do, Owen Fel?" she teased, sneering at her younger brother.
Owen growled, nodding as he turned about, shooting again. "Relax Ana, I'm just getting started!" ~~
I opened my eyes again. Everyone was staring back at me, thinking I had cold feet. I stared straight ahead at Jag, fidgeting. Valis was standing right next him. I shrugged, walking down the aisle with dad until I reached Jag. Dad let go of my arm and kissed my cheek before sitting down next to mom, my Uncle Luke and Mara. I stood next to Jag, as we both faced the officiator.
The old man smiled, facing the crowd, "Jaina Solo and Jagged Fel came together in the midst of a horrible crisis. But war was the farthest thing from their minds because all that mattered was their love for each other. There were times they almost lost one another, but they were able to fight the barriers that kept them apart and today, the bond they share will be forever." He turned to me, "Before today, the both of you were asked to write your own vows. Who would like to go first?"
Jag raised his hand, turning to me, "It took fate and true love to bring the human part me to the surface. I was stoic all the time, and I assumed, since you were a Jedi, you were the same way. But I was wrong; I was so wrong. When I came to Coruscant and had a look at the roster for the Squadron, I saw your profile. You were a challenge. A Jedi Knight, excellent pilot. There was no way I couldn't refuse. That's the thing I'm trying to tell you. I can never deny you. You've already become a part of me. We're a part of each other." He paused, taking my hand and placing it on his heart, smiling, "You're here."
I smiled at Jag, but frowned momentarily as I recognized Zekk's form in the shadows. For a moment, I thought he was going to do something but he only nodded, smiling at me to go on. I smiled back at him, mouthing, "Thank you." He only nodded, hiding himself again amongst the shadows. Always living in the shadows of darkness.
I turned to Jag, taking his hands into mine, smiling, "Jag, I stand before you today, wanting to spend the rest of my life with you. Before you, I basically gave up on love. It always ended badly. But now I know, all that I went through over the years was preparing me for this." I raised his hands and kissed them, "I almost lost you three times - two times to death, and a third because.because my past caught up with me and didn't want us to be. But we are meant to be. Life and love is a turbulent thing. I love you. I didn't realize at first that's what this feeling was, but eventually, as we spent more and more time together - I knew. I know, we're meant to be, Jag." Tenel Ka stepped forward, handing me the ring as I slipped it onto his finger, "Accept this gift, as you have accepted my love into your heart."
The officiator cleared his throat, gesturing to Syal. The woman stood up, walking to the microphone set up next to the piano. It seemed as if Syal's fingers never touched the piano as she begun to hum, eventually followed by song. She looked up briefly, smiling at Jag and I. "I honestly did not expect Jag to be engaged when I originally came here. I had been away from the Republic for a long time. My brother never got to know me, and I never really knew him. When Jag, his brothers and sister were younger, before they went to bed every night, I would always sing to them. It was the best way to get them to sleep, especially if they were acting up." Syal's eyes wandered to Jag and I, smiling, "This is my wedding present to you. I hope you enjoy it."
Syal smiled, closing her eyes as he fingers wandered about the keys, "I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you. Sometimes I love ya; sometimes you make me blue. Sometimes I feel good; at times I feel used. I'll be your darlin' makes me so confused."
She began to sway back and forth, as her fingers directed themselves to the next key, "I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you. I never loved someone the way that I love you." She paused briefly, crying, "Oh, oh, I never felt this way. How do you give me so much pleasure and cause me so much pain. Just when I think I've taken more than would a fool I start fallin' back in love with you."
Three girls from the crowd approached the piano, standing behind three microphones. Syal smiled, as she continued to play and the girls sang, "I keep on Fallin' in and out of love with you. I never loved someone the way that I love you. Oh baby, I, I, I, I'm fallin' I, I, I, I'm fallin' Fall --- I keep on Fallin' n and out of love with you. I never loved someone the way that I love you."
Slowly, the girls quieted down as Syal took up the song again, humming lightly, "I'm fallin' in and out of love with you. I never loved someone the way that I love you. I'm fallin' in and out of love with you I never loved someone the way that I love you."
"What?" Syal cried, smiling and nodding back to the officiator. He cleared his throat, smiling broadly as Jag and I turned back to him, "You are now bonded till death. You may kiss the bride."
~~
I stared at Zekk from afar as I leaned against Jag's arm. Earlier, I had told him if he showed up at the wedding, even if he didn't say anything, I would kill him. But now he's here - I'm glad he came. When he left Yavin 4, I never had the chance to really say goodbye to him. He was my first love. I remember crying night after night in my bed. Sometimes, even if I weren't crying, I would toy with my lightsaber or work on some mechanical problem; anything to pass the time. I kissed Jag's cheek before leaning off his arm, walking towards Zekk's dark form.
When he saw me, he rolled his eyes, hoping I wouldn't kill him but I only smiled, clasping my hands behind my back, "I'm not here to kill you Zekk, but thank you." He looked at me honestly; probably using the Force to see if I was sincere. "I wanted to thank you for not saying anything.I know it must have been hard to watch me marry someone else."
Zekk nodded, smiling partly, "It wouldn't have been fair to you, Jaina. You deserve happiness. Especially now. War can be very depressing." He paused, clearing his throat, "Congratulations, and tell.Tell Jag, he's a lucky man."
I smiled, trying not to cry, "He's not the lucky one; I am. Thank you for understanding, but I'll tell him you said that."
Zekk glanced around before he leaned over and kissed my cheek, pulling me into a hug, "I'll love you forever, Jaina, know that; even if I can't be with you." I smiled, letting go of Zekk as Jag walked over, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my neck, glaring at Zekk.
"There's nothing to worry about Jag. Zekk's not bothering me. I was just telling him thanks for not saying anything," I replied, mouthing 'thank you' to Zekk again, causing him to smile. "Oh and Zekk also said you're a lucky man, but I argued that I'm the lucky one to not have lost you."
Jag nodded, musing, "I think we're both lucky." He glanced up at Zekk, letting go of me, extending his hand to him. My eyes wandered to Zekk, hoping he would accept Jag's hand. If he didn't, he knew it would not only be disrespectful to Jag but hurt me as well, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Zekk nodded, reading my thoughts and took Jag's hand, shaking it.
I smiled, leaned over and kissed Zekk's cheek again before he let go; his features stone as they were before, "You better take care of her Fel, otherwise, I'll come after you."
Jag's eyebrow's furrowed, looking at me, unsure how to take the statement, even though they just shook hands. But I only smiled, taking Jag's arm, "He will, 'cause if he doesn't, he won't only have to deal with you, but me as well. I can have a mean temper if provoked. Zekk even knows that."
~~
Mara smiled, watching Jag, Zekk and I talk - well, she smiled mostly because I wasn't yelling at Zekk and also at the fact that I didn't have my lightsaber anywhere on me. I could have packed my lightsaber but it would have been too obvious and I didn't want it to look like I was desperate or crazy. Mara laughed, leaning in Luke's shoulder, her eyes still watching me. Luke, sensing her calmed emotions, kissed his wife's forehead, "You're at peace, relaxed. Anything wrong?" He joked.
She shrugged, "Nothing's ---." Before she could reply, Mara dropped to the floor, panting as Luke rushed to her side. I jumped, nearly jerking Jag and pulled him over towards my aunt. Before Mara fell, I kept my emotions open, feeling everyone around me. I pushed away my veil, kneeling on Mara's side, taking her hand. "Aunt Mara, what is it? What's wrong?"
"The baby. The baby's coming!" she shrieked. I gulped, glancing at Luke, then at Jag and a concerned Zekk. I really hadn't expected this. Maybe Jacen and Tenel Ka talking and then, end up fighting, but my aunt Mara going into labor - definitely not this. Not now, anyway. Oh Sithspawn! Luke moved to her side, helping his wife off the floor as Jag cleared the way for both of them.
Over her shoulder, Mara cried, "Go on with the reception, don't worry about me! Keep on ---," Again, before she could complete her sentence, Mara screamed. I groaned, turning to Jag and Zekk. Jag was concerned, but Zekk was laughing, or at least trying to suppress a laugh.
I shrugged, pushing my veil aside, "Well, you heard the woman - let's finish up the reception the meet with Uncle Luke. And try to have fun." Jag nodded, still stiff as spawn but Zekk, on other hand, moved to the refreshment table to grab some hors d'oeuvre.
~~
I huffed, rolling my shoulders back and forth, trying to set myself at ease. Zekk almost ruined my wedding.. Mara's going into labor.Tenel Ka is still in love with my brother, who currently only has eyes for Danni Quee.Oh, Tenel Ka! I meant to talk to her before. Sithspawn, I hope she hasn't left yet. She said after the wedding, she would be promptly returning to Hapes. I peeked over the crowd, hopeful to see her somewhere. When I didn't see her, I dropped back down to my toes, reaching out with the Force.
Faintly, I saw her in one corner of the room, focusing on something or someone on the opposite side. I reached further and found the person she was looking at was exactly who I was thinking about, my brother. Danni was on Jacen's arm; she looked really comfy there, smiling and saying hello to people she met. Judging from the way she felt, she hadn't personally met Tenel Ka. Of course that seemed odd because I would have thought that Jacen would have introduced them to each other by now. Well, I'll just have to do that for him.
I smiled to myself, bound for Tenel Ka but felt Jag's arm snake around my waist, holding me back. I smiled back at him, "Um honey, let me go."
"What do you think you're doing?" he asked through his teeth, glancing in my brother's direction and realized what I was going to do. "Jaina, you need to let them work this out for themselves. You can't interfere."
I frowned, twirling to face Jag, "I know, but Tenel Ka is my friend and Jacen is my brother.. Look, trust me, they belong together. I've known them longer. I know."
"I'll make a deal with you - I'll talk to Jacen; you take Tenel Ka." Jag mused. I smiled, bound to believe him but I knew he was just playing around. At least I think he was.
"You're serious?
Jag looked at me honestly and I backed down, glancing again at Tenel Ka. She was gone. Oh no! She can't leave now. She and Jacen need to talk. I scanned the area for her, biting my lip. Thankfully, I spotted a redheaded girl standing in front of Jacen and Danni, smiling and introducing herself. I couldn't hear what they were saying but Jacen leaned down and hugged Tenel Ka. The Princess smiled, holding onto him as if it was the last time she would ever hold him. Finally, she let go, smiling at Danni. She was about to leave again, but Jacen caught her arm. Jacen turned to Danni, asking him if he could speak with Tenel alone and the two left.
I smiled. I knew they weren't going to be making out or anything; Jacen was crazy about Danni, but at least they were talking to each other. I shrugged, turning back to Jag. He shrugged, offering his arm, leading me onto the dance floor. As everyone cleared the floor for us, I leaned over to Jag, whispering to him, "Everything's fine. They're talking."
"Happy now, honey?" he asked through his teeth.
I nodded, resting my arms around his neck, "Very. Now, let's have some fun."
~~
Tenel Ka bit her lip as she sat next to Jacen outside the hall. Her entire life, the Princess never had to deal with her feelings - she always kept them buried and safe. She hadn't wanted to talk to Jacen; it was too soon, but he noticed her standing alone and gestured she come over. She couldn't refuse him; she could never refuse him. Jacen had been her love for so long, when she met him again and hugged him; she wanted to hold onto him forever. But then again, Danni might have become a little bit suspicious and jealous, or was she the jealous type?
He smiled at her, scratching his head, "How are you?"
Tenel shrugged, conversation had never really been her strong suit. Jacen smiled, "I talked to Jaina earlier." Tenel Ka's head bolted up, listening attentively, "She said after the wedding, you would be leaving." Jacen frowned, looking at his former love, "I didn't say anything in front of her, but is it because I'm here?"
"I would be lying if I said 'no'. Yes, it is because of you. I just can't stand to be here, especially if I'm not the one --- there's no need to complicate things, Jacen. You're happy with Danni; I told Jaina this. She knows how I feel and where I stand."
Jacen nodded, crossing his arms, "Where do you stand?"
"I don't need to answer that. You know." She retorted, looking away but faced him again, "You were my first love, Jacen. We were friends; we were close - there was a time where we could have been more, so much more but that time is passed. You know this."
"I do, but it doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore. We've been friends for a long time." he started but Tenel Ka looked away again, "You have always been special to me, Tenel. When we were younger, there was no question in my mind that I loved you, but the circumstances - it just wasn't really possible."
She shrugged, almost snarling, "Nothing is impossible, Jacen, or certain."
"You were, and still are a Princess. Your family would never permit us to be together because I don't have any royal blood in me."
Tele Ka crossed her arms, rolling her eyes, "My mother didn't have royal blood in her and we all know how that turned out!"
"True --- Look, you have your life on a high pedestal. Me, I'm all the way on the bottom of that pedestal.I will always love you Tenel, but, you have your duty and I have mine." Jacen concluded. He huffed, looking back the ballroom doors, then glanced back at Tenel Ka. "You coming?"
She shrugged, glaring at him again, "No, you ahead. I just need to be alone right now." Jacen nodded, walking back inside.
~~
I frowned, my mind, rushing back to aunt Mara, collapsing. For a girl who's supposed to be happy and full of bliss on her wedding day, I'm a wreck! First, Tenel Ka and my brother and now, Aunt Mara is having her baby! Jag smiled hopefully, holding me closer, "Thinking about your aunt?"
I nodded, "Believe me, if none of this was happening, I would love to stay here."
Jag nodded, bending down and kissing my forehead, "I know, baby. A couple more songs then we'll go down and see her." I smiled, resting my head on Jag's shoulder as both swayed to the music.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zekk, watching us. Even now, I still couldn't believe he actually came to the wedding. Originally, I told him if he even showed up, I would kill him. I couldn't risk loosing Jag again and seeing Zekk there.I thought he was going to do something horrible. Cry out my name or say that he still loves me, or worse, kill Jag. Instead, he just stood there and smiled, offering me to Jag.
Maybe, I was wrong about Zekk.
I smiled, hugging Jag, then suddenly frowned when Syal spoke excitedly to Wedge. Wedge almost shrieked, then turned tapping Leia on the shoulder, whispering the same thing Syal told him. Leia groaned, turning to Han and telling him the same thing. Syal, Wedge, Han and Leia turned, sneaking inconspicuously away from the circle, leaving the ballroom. I moaned, glancing at Jag. He had seen the whole thing but wasn't exactly to make of it. I kissed his cheek, pulling his hand, walking after them.
~~
Mara moaned, holding Luke's hand. The two of them were so hopeful after months of waiting, but at the last minute, the unthinkable happened. The baby was born, but he was a stillborn. Mara sat in her bed, crying for hours, cursing the Force. She and Luke had wanted a child for so long. It was a 'he', Tionne had said but nothing more, leaving them alone.
"It wasn't right, Luke." Mara growled, clenching her fist, "Nothing had gone wrong before.I had regular check-ups."
Luke frowned, "I can vouch for that.maybe it wasn't meant to be."
"So many people had so much hope in this child, Luke. All the Jedi believed it, all your family." Mara mused, looking away and crying again as Leia, Han, Wedge and Syal poked their heads in. Luke smiled at them briefly. Leia came in first, hugging her brother then leaned over, hugging Mara lightly.
"I'm so sorry, Luke, Mara. I know how much you two were looking forward to having a baby girl or boy." Leia cried, as Han stood beside her.
Luke nodded, "Boy, actually, or would have been." He paused, looking at Wedge, "Are Jaina and Jag still at the reception?"
"They are, hopefully they are. I take it you don't want to tell them their little cousin is dead?" Wedge replied, as Luke nodded yes, but a voice cleared behind them and all four turned, facing Jag and I. I stood there speechless, my brown eyes glazed. Jag was in the same state, not really sure what to say. Today was supposed to be my wedding day, but now it was also a day of mourning because I had lost a cousin, Jag and I will never know.
Finally, after a time, I shifted my gaze, looking at my Uncle's Luke's face. It was clear he had done some crying as well, but not as much as Mara. Her eyes were baggy and her face swollen. I let go of Jag's hand, walking forward, stumbling almost, and falling over my large wedding dress. I stared at Luke before hugging him, crying emphatically, dropping to the floor as he held me.
~~
Hours passed as I sat alone in the temporary quarters Jag and I found. My large wedding dress was in the closet, and I was dressed in my regular clothes. I didn't want to leave Luke and Mara, I wanted to stay with them and grieve but Jag convinced me I needed time to myself.
A little boy lost...to all of us. Earlier, I was so excited about having a little cousin to baby-sit; I know Jag would have felt the same way.it was just so unfair! The Vong had destroyed our cities, enslaved various worlds and now, they had taken away my little cousin. Those aliens were the reason for Mara's sickness. The fact that she survived for so long should have said something, but it didn't.
Jag cleared his throat, standing in the doorway, carrying two mugs. I smiled at him as he entered, kneeled down next to me, setting the other mug on the table. "Hot chocolate. I don't know if it will help."
I smiled, kissing his forehead. "Thanks. Hot chocolate is a good way to soothe the soul."
He fidgeted, whispering, "Do you want to talk about, or is it too soon to talk about?" Referring to the unknown baby Skywalker.
I nodded, "I don't think it even matters. The news of his death will be all over the HoloNet by tomorrow, right next to our almost joyous wedding." I laughed slightly, "Ya know Zekk I could handle if he decided to burst out and tell me he still loved me, but this.is so wrong, Jag."
Jag smiled, rubbing my hand, "I know it's wrong. It's not fair to you, Mara and Luke. They deserved this child."
"The good news, Mara can still have children. But I don't think she's gonna want.it's too soon, right?"
"I guess," he paused, "but I can't really say that." I turned, crying slightly as Jag continued, "My mom had a miscarriage once. It was long time ago before me; my brothers and sister were born. It was a boy, too. Black hair and black eyes. According to my mother, he looked really peaceful and that comforted her."
I smiled, kissing his cheek, "I'm sorry Jag. I didn't know."
"My mom only told me that story later on, after I lost Davin and Cherith. She told it to comfort me, but it only made me feel worse because I could have had a baby brother, but I didn't." Jag sympathized. "In a way, I know what you're going through."
I kissed his cheek again, leaning against him, "What about tomorrow? How are we going to enjoy our honeymoon? Should be happy to be married, or feel sad?"
"Both." Jag replied, shrugging, "There's no in-between, Jaina. I wish there was but there isn't."
I nodded, as he held me, sobbing into his shirt.
TBC