If I don't be more quick about updating more often, I wouldn't have to
start every Author's Note with "Wow, I haven't updated this in a while!".
But then again, if politicians were more honest, we wouldn't have to have
them. No, I don't understand that either.
Disclaimer: Bite me.
*****Zelda Interviews, the Show!*****
You see Dekustar sitting in a chair, reading a big book. It doesn't matter what the book is, or that it has no title, no writing, and it's upside down. The camera zooms in on her and she looks up, smiling.
Ds: Hello, viewers! Now that we actually have a camera m-er, mare-we can now tell you you've missed nearly all these shows and we're on the 21st Show Special. ::faint applause is heard:: Now, for today, we are not, in fact, going to have an interviewee. We are going to share our favorite moments with you.
Some random member of the audience: Aw, crap!
Ds: ::dirty look at s.r.m.o.t.a.:: Now, starting from Episode One, Week One, with Link, the Hero of Time.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds:.oook. Next. How do you feel about Ganondorf, King of Evil?
Link: he makes good brownies.
Ds: huh??
Link: I said he makes good brownies. Want one? *pulls out an unidentified brown piece of something from his pocket*
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: O.o ::shakes head:: Um, yes, an interesting beginning to what turned into an.er.interesting.show. Let's go on to Episode Two, Week Two, with Ganondorf, the King of Evil ::o.l.a.t.:: What the heck is doing that?
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: This our last question. Some people have been calling you, Ganondorf *o.l.a.t.* a fairy. What are your comments on that?
G-dorf: Why would they be calling me a fairy? As a species, they are small and pink, where I am big and not pink.
Ds: Do you know what I'm talking about?
G-dorf: Not really, unless you're talking about what you might be. Hmm, your last cameraman is kind of cute. By the way, when do we start filming?
Ds:.........
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: As far as we know, Ganondorf and our third cameraman are on their honeymoon in Hawaii. Let's quickly move on to the next episode, Episode Three, Week Three, Malon the Ranch Girl.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Er, quite. Next question. What do you think of Ganondorf, the evil king of darkness *o.l.a.t.*?
Malon: Who?
Ds: The evil guy who almost took over your ranch? He captured Princess Zelda? He's evil?
Malon: Ohhh, him. Yea I know him. Him and me play poker every other weekend. Hey-he still owes me 50 rupees. If you don't mind, I'm gonna go collect my dues. *walks offstage rolling up sleeves.*
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Not quite the charming young lady we were expecting, but still good for a larf. Anyway, let's move on, Episode Four, Week Four, Princess Zelda.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Now, Zelda, may I ask you a few questions?
Zelda: Before you do, may I read something from the book of goddesses?
Ds: Fine. Whatever. I don't care what my ratings are.
Zelda: good. *takes out enormous book from somewhere*
Ds: no, wait, I was being sarcastic-
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: ::starting to look uncomfortable:: Um.who knew she was so devoted to the Goddesses? Er, next one.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Yeah..well, what do you like to do with your free time?
Nabooru: I like to watch Barney!!!!!!! *starts dancing around singing songs from Barney*
Ds: Oh no...
Nabooru: I also like to practice my abc's! *starts singing the abc song*
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Dear goddesses.it was this bad? How are we going to get through 20 weeks worth? Er-::sees camera is on:: Um.I mean.next week!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ruto: Link? Link who? Do I even know a Link?
Ds: What? You're obsessed with the guy! You either are or were engaged to him!!!!
Ruto: I get engaged to a lot of people, but I'm not gay!
Ds: WHAT?????
Ruto: I wouldn't go out with another guy!
Ds: You're a guy?!?!?!?!?
Ruto: Well, yeah! I have been all my life!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Yes, the zoras are very strange, aren't they?
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Um..right..okay..how about, how come you have a son with no mention of a wife?
Darunia: I have a wife. We got married in Las Vegas. Now there was a drunken mistake! You see, I was at a star trek convention, and I saw the prettiest Zora you ever did see..
Ds: Your wife was a Zora????
Darunia: I'm not there yet! Well, I realized I was hitting on a water fountain since I'd had a bit too much Romulin Ale, and then I fell in when my wife to be pulled me out from drowning.
Ds: What a...romantic..story.
Darunia: Isn't it? That reminds me of another star trek episode....
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Okay, the gorons aren't any better.
~*~*~*~*~*
Tatl: Eew! These taste like wax!
Navi: Let's throw them at the audience!
Tael + Tatl: YEAH!!!!
Ds: SHUT UP ALL THREE OF YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!
*all three ignore Dekustar*
Navi: Yeah! I got that old lady right in the eye!
Tatl: I got that old man right between the eyes!
Tael: I hit a doggy!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: I'm starting to realize why no one watches this show, even with a camera mare.
~*~*~*~*~*
Saria: *looks at watch* Oh no, I'm late!
Ds: For what?
Saria: My devil-worshipping cult meeting! Bye, nice meeting you! *runs out*
Ds: O.O
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Actually, the people at the cult aren't that bad, once you get to know them.
~*~*~*~*~*
Rauru: Do you have any more food?
Ds: No, sorry. But can I ask you some questions?
Rauru: All right, but if I don't get food soon I'll get cranky.
Ds: It's only until the show is over, or the audience walks out, which shouldn't take long.
Rauru: All right.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: .I don't even remember that part.
~*~*~*~*~*
Impa: How are you doing?
Ds: Uh.fine.thanks.
Impa: I vent through a lot of trouble to get here. I hope eet ees vorth my trip?
Ds: We'll try to make your stay here comfortable sir.I mean ma'am.
Impa: Zat ees quite all right. Many people make that meestake for some reason.
Ds: I can't imagine why.please sit down.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Stupid cranky old bat. ::sees camera:: I mean.stupid cranky old bat.
~*~*~*~*~*
Skullkid: OKAY, NEXT QUESTION.
Ds: Okay.what would you say if I said that you were more liked then Link by some people?
Skullkid: I'M MORE LIKED THEN LINK? HA! TOLD YOU, FAIRY!!! ::runs up to a camera:: DID YOU HEAR ME, LINK??? I'M MORE POPULAR THEN YOU!!!! KISS MY *bleep* YOU *bleep*-ING *bleep bleep bleeeeep*
Ds: Uh, security.
Big guys come up and drag Skullkid away
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Okay, THAT was funny.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Uh.what do you do with your spare time?
Sheik: I fight crime and the forces of evil!
Ds: What would you say if I said you need a life more then my slippers do?
Sheik: What? Your slippers are in peril? I must go rescue your slippers from perilous peril of the perilous perily edge of peril it's perilous self!
Ds: ........
Sheik: Sheik the Super-guy, away!!!
Ds:.........
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: The worst part is, my bunny slippers WERE in peril.
~*~*~*~*~*
Gohma: YOU SHOULD EAT MONKIES AND DIE HORRIBLY YOU BLEEPING BLEEP!
Ds: Now I'm scared, and how come you actually said bleep instead of making us sensor what you say?
Gohma: Pardon me, that was my, what you may call, alter ego. I have a slight case of skitzophrenia, YOU PEICE OF SCRUB DROPPINGS! I SPIT ON YOU! No, no, Amhog! That would be uncivilized! WHO CARES? YOU SUCK TOO! ::starts punching herself::
Ds: O.o'''''''
Gohma: ::is in an elaborate battle with herself, somehow::
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: You know, now I can see why Link has an arachnophobia.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Oh goddesses no, not a hippie.YOU ALL DIED WITH THE SIXTIES!!!!!!! YOU SHOULD BE A LAWYER NOW!!!
King Dodongo: Like, no way dude! Lawyers are all like, uptight, and like, kill stuff.
Ds: O.o No they don't!
King Dodongo: Like, whatever dude.or should I say dudette? You're like, all uptight, try some goodness of the leaf.
Ds: YOU HAVE DRUGS?!?!?!?!?!?
King Dodongo: Like, no way man! Drugs are for, like, losers! I'm talking about the sweetness of like, Maple Leaves! Maple leaves are just the thing to eat.::holds out a handful of maple leaves::
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Actually, they aren't that bad.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Okay, whoever you are, I know you're just some sort of fill-in for Amorphus.
Amorphus: Yup.
Ds: Okay, so typically when I say that, the real Amorphus reveals himself.
Amorphus: Oh. ::takes off Amorphus costume, revealing a monkey wearing black stockings and eating red peppers::
Ds: O.o
Monkey: Bye.
Real Amorphus comes in
Amorphus: Aw man, you found me out!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: At least the monkey had good taste.I mean, he was eating red peppers!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: ...........CURSE YOU, YOU FOUND ME OUT!!!!! ::takes of Dekustar costume and turns into Bongo Bongo::
Real Dekustar: Why were you pretending to be me?
Bongo Bongo: I'll never tell you!
Ds: Then we'll just have to remove your gum drop buttons until you do!
Bongo Bongo: NO!!! NOT MY GUM DROP BUTTONS!!!!
Ds: Then tell me!
Bongo Bongo: All right, I'll tell you.do you know.the muffin man?
Ds: The muffin man?
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Ah, good times.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: What was your name before?
P.G.: Orange Monkey Butt.
Ds: .
P.G.: My parents weren't that creative.
Ds: YOU had parents?
P.G.: Uh huh. Judy and Mark. Horrible names.
Ds: .
P.G.: My brother John thinks that their names are cool, but what can you expect from someone named John?
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: I can't believe I went on a date with that guy.
~*~*~*~*~*
Koume and Kotake come flying in
Koume: Prepare for trouble!
Kotake: And make it double!
Koume: To protect the world from devastation!
Kotake: To unite all peoples within our nation!
Koume: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
Kotake: To extend our reach to the stars above!
Koume: Kotake!
Kotake: Koume-wait, dude, that's not right.
Koume: Oops-Koume!
Kotake: Kotake!
Koume: Twinrova blast off at the speed of light!
Kotake: Surrender now or prepare to fight!
Epona: Meowth, dat's right!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Stupid skull spiders.hey, wait! We're almost done!! YES!!!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: So.hi Poners.I CAN call you Poners, can't I?
Epona: No.
Ds: Eppy?
Epona: No.
Ds: Pona me E?
Epona: No.
Ds: Shirley?
Epona: N-Yes!!!
Ds: O.o
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: I can't believe we got a camera mare out of that.well anyway, that's our 21st Show Special. I am honestly very sorry for these past 21 episodes of pure crap, but at least it's not my fault-I mean, it was the Fox Network that aired them, right? Well, anyway, never fear, for this is not the last chapter, we have many more to come!! We are planning on interviewing such nonentities as the Poe Shop Guy, Tingle, Romani and Cremia, and many many others. Save yourselves while you can.
Please r+r!!
Disclaimer: Bite me.
*****Zelda Interviews, the Show!*****
You see Dekustar sitting in a chair, reading a big book. It doesn't matter what the book is, or that it has no title, no writing, and it's upside down. The camera zooms in on her and she looks up, smiling.
Ds: Hello, viewers! Now that we actually have a camera m-er, mare-we can now tell you you've missed nearly all these shows and we're on the 21st Show Special. ::faint applause is heard:: Now, for today, we are not, in fact, going to have an interviewee. We are going to share our favorite moments with you.
Some random member of the audience: Aw, crap!
Ds: ::dirty look at s.r.m.o.t.a.:: Now, starting from Episode One, Week One, with Link, the Hero of Time.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds:.oook. Next. How do you feel about Ganondorf, King of Evil?
Link: he makes good brownies.
Ds: huh??
Link: I said he makes good brownies. Want one? *pulls out an unidentified brown piece of something from his pocket*
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: O.o ::shakes head:: Um, yes, an interesting beginning to what turned into an.er.interesting.show. Let's go on to Episode Two, Week Two, with Ganondorf, the King of Evil ::o.l.a.t.:: What the heck is doing that?
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: This our last question. Some people have been calling you, Ganondorf *o.l.a.t.* a fairy. What are your comments on that?
G-dorf: Why would they be calling me a fairy? As a species, they are small and pink, where I am big and not pink.
Ds: Do you know what I'm talking about?
G-dorf: Not really, unless you're talking about what you might be. Hmm, your last cameraman is kind of cute. By the way, when do we start filming?
Ds:.........
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: As far as we know, Ganondorf and our third cameraman are on their honeymoon in Hawaii. Let's quickly move on to the next episode, Episode Three, Week Three, Malon the Ranch Girl.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Er, quite. Next question. What do you think of Ganondorf, the evil king of darkness *o.l.a.t.*?
Malon: Who?
Ds: The evil guy who almost took over your ranch? He captured Princess Zelda? He's evil?
Malon: Ohhh, him. Yea I know him. Him and me play poker every other weekend. Hey-he still owes me 50 rupees. If you don't mind, I'm gonna go collect my dues. *walks offstage rolling up sleeves.*
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Not quite the charming young lady we were expecting, but still good for a larf. Anyway, let's move on, Episode Four, Week Four, Princess Zelda.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Now, Zelda, may I ask you a few questions?
Zelda: Before you do, may I read something from the book of goddesses?
Ds: Fine. Whatever. I don't care what my ratings are.
Zelda: good. *takes out enormous book from somewhere*
Ds: no, wait, I was being sarcastic-
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: ::starting to look uncomfortable:: Um.who knew she was so devoted to the Goddesses? Er, next one.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Yeah..well, what do you like to do with your free time?
Nabooru: I like to watch Barney!!!!!!! *starts dancing around singing songs from Barney*
Ds: Oh no...
Nabooru: I also like to practice my abc's! *starts singing the abc song*
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Dear goddesses.it was this bad? How are we going to get through 20 weeks worth? Er-::sees camera is on:: Um.I mean.next week!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ruto: Link? Link who? Do I even know a Link?
Ds: What? You're obsessed with the guy! You either are or were engaged to him!!!!
Ruto: I get engaged to a lot of people, but I'm not gay!
Ds: WHAT?????
Ruto: I wouldn't go out with another guy!
Ds: You're a guy?!?!?!?!?
Ruto: Well, yeah! I have been all my life!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Yes, the zoras are very strange, aren't they?
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Um..right..okay..how about, how come you have a son with no mention of a wife?
Darunia: I have a wife. We got married in Las Vegas. Now there was a drunken mistake! You see, I was at a star trek convention, and I saw the prettiest Zora you ever did see..
Ds: Your wife was a Zora????
Darunia: I'm not there yet! Well, I realized I was hitting on a water fountain since I'd had a bit too much Romulin Ale, and then I fell in when my wife to be pulled me out from drowning.
Ds: What a...romantic..story.
Darunia: Isn't it? That reminds me of another star trek episode....
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Okay, the gorons aren't any better.
~*~*~*~*~*
Tatl: Eew! These taste like wax!
Navi: Let's throw them at the audience!
Tael + Tatl: YEAH!!!!
Ds: SHUT UP ALL THREE OF YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!
*all three ignore Dekustar*
Navi: Yeah! I got that old lady right in the eye!
Tatl: I got that old man right between the eyes!
Tael: I hit a doggy!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: I'm starting to realize why no one watches this show, even with a camera mare.
~*~*~*~*~*
Saria: *looks at watch* Oh no, I'm late!
Ds: For what?
Saria: My devil-worshipping cult meeting! Bye, nice meeting you! *runs out*
Ds: O.O
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Actually, the people at the cult aren't that bad, once you get to know them.
~*~*~*~*~*
Rauru: Do you have any more food?
Ds: No, sorry. But can I ask you some questions?
Rauru: All right, but if I don't get food soon I'll get cranky.
Ds: It's only until the show is over, or the audience walks out, which shouldn't take long.
Rauru: All right.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: .I don't even remember that part.
~*~*~*~*~*
Impa: How are you doing?
Ds: Uh.fine.thanks.
Impa: I vent through a lot of trouble to get here. I hope eet ees vorth my trip?
Ds: We'll try to make your stay here comfortable sir.I mean ma'am.
Impa: Zat ees quite all right. Many people make that meestake for some reason.
Ds: I can't imagine why.please sit down.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Stupid cranky old bat. ::sees camera:: I mean.stupid cranky old bat.
~*~*~*~*~*
Skullkid: OKAY, NEXT QUESTION.
Ds: Okay.what would you say if I said that you were more liked then Link by some people?
Skullkid: I'M MORE LIKED THEN LINK? HA! TOLD YOU, FAIRY!!! ::runs up to a camera:: DID YOU HEAR ME, LINK??? I'M MORE POPULAR THEN YOU!!!! KISS MY *bleep* YOU *bleep*-ING *bleep bleep bleeeeep*
Ds: Uh, security.
Big guys come up and drag Skullkid away
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Okay, THAT was funny.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Uh.what do you do with your spare time?
Sheik: I fight crime and the forces of evil!
Ds: What would you say if I said you need a life more then my slippers do?
Sheik: What? Your slippers are in peril? I must go rescue your slippers from perilous peril of the perilous perily edge of peril it's perilous self!
Ds: ........
Sheik: Sheik the Super-guy, away!!!
Ds:.........
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: The worst part is, my bunny slippers WERE in peril.
~*~*~*~*~*
Gohma: YOU SHOULD EAT MONKIES AND DIE HORRIBLY YOU BLEEPING BLEEP!
Ds: Now I'm scared, and how come you actually said bleep instead of making us sensor what you say?
Gohma: Pardon me, that was my, what you may call, alter ego. I have a slight case of skitzophrenia, YOU PEICE OF SCRUB DROPPINGS! I SPIT ON YOU! No, no, Amhog! That would be uncivilized! WHO CARES? YOU SUCK TOO! ::starts punching herself::
Ds: O.o'''''''
Gohma: ::is in an elaborate battle with herself, somehow::
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: You know, now I can see why Link has an arachnophobia.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Oh goddesses no, not a hippie.YOU ALL DIED WITH THE SIXTIES!!!!!!! YOU SHOULD BE A LAWYER NOW!!!
King Dodongo: Like, no way dude! Lawyers are all like, uptight, and like, kill stuff.
Ds: O.o No they don't!
King Dodongo: Like, whatever dude.or should I say dudette? You're like, all uptight, try some goodness of the leaf.
Ds: YOU HAVE DRUGS?!?!?!?!?!?
King Dodongo: Like, no way man! Drugs are for, like, losers! I'm talking about the sweetness of like, Maple Leaves! Maple leaves are just the thing to eat.::holds out a handful of maple leaves::
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Actually, they aren't that bad.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Okay, whoever you are, I know you're just some sort of fill-in for Amorphus.
Amorphus: Yup.
Ds: Okay, so typically when I say that, the real Amorphus reveals himself.
Amorphus: Oh. ::takes off Amorphus costume, revealing a monkey wearing black stockings and eating red peppers::
Ds: O.o
Monkey: Bye.
Real Amorphus comes in
Amorphus: Aw man, you found me out!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: At least the monkey had good taste.I mean, he was eating red peppers!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: ...........CURSE YOU, YOU FOUND ME OUT!!!!! ::takes of Dekustar costume and turns into Bongo Bongo::
Real Dekustar: Why were you pretending to be me?
Bongo Bongo: I'll never tell you!
Ds: Then we'll just have to remove your gum drop buttons until you do!
Bongo Bongo: NO!!! NOT MY GUM DROP BUTTONS!!!!
Ds: Then tell me!
Bongo Bongo: All right, I'll tell you.do you know.the muffin man?
Ds: The muffin man?
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Ah, good times.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: What was your name before?
P.G.: Orange Monkey Butt.
Ds: .
P.G.: My parents weren't that creative.
Ds: YOU had parents?
P.G.: Uh huh. Judy and Mark. Horrible names.
Ds: .
P.G.: My brother John thinks that their names are cool, but what can you expect from someone named John?
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: I can't believe I went on a date with that guy.
~*~*~*~*~*
Koume and Kotake come flying in
Koume: Prepare for trouble!
Kotake: And make it double!
Koume: To protect the world from devastation!
Kotake: To unite all peoples within our nation!
Koume: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
Kotake: To extend our reach to the stars above!
Koume: Kotake!
Kotake: Koume-wait, dude, that's not right.
Koume: Oops-Koume!
Kotake: Kotake!
Koume: Twinrova blast off at the speed of light!
Kotake: Surrender now or prepare to fight!
Epona: Meowth, dat's right!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: Stupid skull spiders.hey, wait! We're almost done!! YES!!!
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: So.hi Poners.I CAN call you Poners, can't I?
Epona: No.
Ds: Eppy?
Epona: No.
Ds: Pona me E?
Epona: No.
Ds: Shirley?
Epona: N-Yes!!!
Ds: O.o
~*~*~*~*~*
Ds: I can't believe we got a camera mare out of that.well anyway, that's our 21st Show Special. I am honestly very sorry for these past 21 episodes of pure crap, but at least it's not my fault-I mean, it was the Fox Network that aired them, right? Well, anyway, never fear, for this is not the last chapter, we have many more to come!! We are planning on interviewing such nonentities as the Poe Shop Guy, Tingle, Romani and Cremia, and many many others. Save yourselves while you can.
Please r+r!!