We walked down the road shuffling through the snow and grinding bits of ice
between the bottoms of our shoes. The streets were full and the thought of
a once happy christmas blossomed through everyone's mind. It made me happy
thinking that I had found my no name again, yet I knew he wasn't the no
name I had known so many years ago. He wasn't the same man I had loved
before.
"You look cold Middie."
"Freezing."
"C'mon, I'll buy you a coffee." We walked into an open Starbucks. The room was warm and the owner seemed friendly.
"Hi, it's cold isn't it?" The jolly old man chuckled as he held his big belly. I smiled, I needed a smile. Atleast, something to bring my head out of the dirt that held me in like glue. That held onto my guilt, and my feelings.
"Two coffees, how do you take you're coffee Middie?" Trowa asked.
"Black."
"Okay..., Two coffees, one double double and one black."
"Middie, aren't you a little pretense about total bitter coffee?"
"It represents my feelings. I do that sometimes."
"Life isn't always that bad, he said as he gently took the coffee from the man's hands, life is sometimes enjoyable."
"You've changed Trowa, I used to know you as an emotionless man."
"I still am, but my mask has changed from wence it was." I knew he hated answering my comment. I knew that he wasn't into opening up for a person that had delt the death for the only people he knew as a family.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For being a total bitch. For being one."
"I don't get you."
"Trowa I'm sorry! Please remember what I've done. I'm dangerous, I shouldn't hang near you, I'm only a nuisance."
"Middie!"
I left Trowa. I left him because I knew I would only cause a ruckus in his life, I was only trouble for him. I was useless, I was useless like a rag doll to a 16 year old child. I was useless like a sword was to a peacekeeper. I was useless like a bitch was to a man.
This time, I left with the blank response as i shuffled my heels through the street. The snow fluffed in between my every step as I could hear Trowa advancing on me. "Trowa leave me alone."
"Middie, you aren't a nuisance."
"I am!"
"At least have your coffee." He handed me a hot cup of sizzling coffee. It bubbled in my hands as I held it to my lips. I could feel the aroma approaching me and absorbing me. We both sat on a near by bench.
"Middie, why did you do this to yourself?" He asked with warm eyes. He looked directly into mine. I looked away from him so I didn't have to see him looking at me. So I didn't have to face up to the guilt that ate a way at my soul. So I didn't have to look into his eyes again and face up to the fear, the fear of being lost again. To have my barriers broken down by a mere faceless boy that had no feelings.
"Middie, if you're not going to tell me what is wrong with you I guess I'll have to talk to you later. Please call me." He handed me a small crinkled piece of paper. I shoved the sheet into my golden leather jacket pocket and waved good-bye to him.
I looked across the street. It was getting dark and the sky had turned a colour of blue so deep like the sea. The type of blue when you knew it was getting dark as the sun set between the bookstore and the apartment buildings.
Two people hand in hand walked infront of me, I felt tears sliding down my cheeks as the two exchanged a gentle kiss. Trowa, did he mean everything to me or was that just the feeling I got when the guilt was too much for me to handle?
I got up from the bench and continued to walk home. I sighed deeply as the street lights slowly lit the streets. I turned to the shop window beside me, a christmas tree and presents were decked around the towering pine. A bunch of children sat around the tree as a mother and a father positioned a star at the top of the tree. That...that was where, that was where I wanted to be.
"You look cold Middie."
"Freezing."
"C'mon, I'll buy you a coffee." We walked into an open Starbucks. The room was warm and the owner seemed friendly.
"Hi, it's cold isn't it?" The jolly old man chuckled as he held his big belly. I smiled, I needed a smile. Atleast, something to bring my head out of the dirt that held me in like glue. That held onto my guilt, and my feelings.
"Two coffees, how do you take you're coffee Middie?" Trowa asked.
"Black."
"Okay..., Two coffees, one double double and one black."
"Middie, aren't you a little pretense about total bitter coffee?"
"It represents my feelings. I do that sometimes."
"Life isn't always that bad, he said as he gently took the coffee from the man's hands, life is sometimes enjoyable."
"You've changed Trowa, I used to know you as an emotionless man."
"I still am, but my mask has changed from wence it was." I knew he hated answering my comment. I knew that he wasn't into opening up for a person that had delt the death for the only people he knew as a family.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For being a total bitch. For being one."
"I don't get you."
"Trowa I'm sorry! Please remember what I've done. I'm dangerous, I shouldn't hang near you, I'm only a nuisance."
"Middie!"
I left Trowa. I left him because I knew I would only cause a ruckus in his life, I was only trouble for him. I was useless, I was useless like a rag doll to a 16 year old child. I was useless like a sword was to a peacekeeper. I was useless like a bitch was to a man.
This time, I left with the blank response as i shuffled my heels through the street. The snow fluffed in between my every step as I could hear Trowa advancing on me. "Trowa leave me alone."
"Middie, you aren't a nuisance."
"I am!"
"At least have your coffee." He handed me a hot cup of sizzling coffee. It bubbled in my hands as I held it to my lips. I could feel the aroma approaching me and absorbing me. We both sat on a near by bench.
"Middie, why did you do this to yourself?" He asked with warm eyes. He looked directly into mine. I looked away from him so I didn't have to see him looking at me. So I didn't have to face up to the guilt that ate a way at my soul. So I didn't have to look into his eyes again and face up to the fear, the fear of being lost again. To have my barriers broken down by a mere faceless boy that had no feelings.
"Middie, if you're not going to tell me what is wrong with you I guess I'll have to talk to you later. Please call me." He handed me a small crinkled piece of paper. I shoved the sheet into my golden leather jacket pocket and waved good-bye to him.
I looked across the street. It was getting dark and the sky had turned a colour of blue so deep like the sea. The type of blue when you knew it was getting dark as the sun set between the bookstore and the apartment buildings.
Two people hand in hand walked infront of me, I felt tears sliding down my cheeks as the two exchanged a gentle kiss. Trowa, did he mean everything to me or was that just the feeling I got when the guilt was too much for me to handle?
I got up from the bench and continued to walk home. I sighed deeply as the street lights slowly lit the streets. I turned to the shop window beside me, a christmas tree and presents were decked around the towering pine. A bunch of children sat around the tree as a mother and a father positioned a star at the top of the tree. That...that was where, that was where I wanted to be.