What The Ladies Want
Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or anything from it. Sorry.
NOTE: For those of you who have seen the Escaflowne Movie, remember the part where Hitomi helps Van in the Black Escaflowne? Remember the tree and how Van shrinks to a little five year old? If you watch his butt, you see little butt lines they drew to show his ass. My friend, Holly and I, thought that was funny for some reason. We call them "Ass Lines." That is what this fic is based on. Get ready for weirdness!
Rated PG-13 for the word "ass" a lot.
BASED ON THE MOVIE
A LONG TIME AGO. . .
Ten year old Folken shut his book and glanced around the room. It was silent. Everyone looked quite pale and sick. His mom's wails came from the bedroom. I'm gonna have a brother! Folken thought, grinning. Well, at least he hoped it was a brother, or else that would have sucked wouldn't it? Folken leaned down to pick up a magazine called, "Mullet Style!" He always wished he would have had a mullet. Some old women's foot was on it.
"Hey? Lady?" Folken said, nudging the sleeping old granny.
The granny didn't move.
"Granny? Shove it! Move it! You're on my mag!" Folken hissed.
She snored.
"GET YOUR FRIGGEN FOOT OF MY MAGAZINE!" screamed Folken.
The granny leapt up and Folken grabbed the magazine, opened it and started reading.
"He has much anger." Said an oracle.
"Yes he does."
"Should he be the one to get the legendary Ass Lines?" spoke a pink oracle.
The white oracle shook his head, "Such anger could be bad."
"The Ass Lines must go to someone who will bring peace to Gaea, not hate."
The green oracle leans over to the director, "Am I on? Oh," He sees the red light, "Um, perhaps we should give it to the new son, Van?"
"How did you know his name?" asked the pink oracle.
"I'm an oracle, remember?"
"Fine then, we grant Van Fanal the legendary ASS LINES!"
*holy music: Assssssss - liiiii-nnn-eeess *
Folken shut the magazine because he heard a baby wail. Folken leapt up, as the granny did the same time.
"I'm going see Lord Van first." She hissed.
"No way, granny!" cried Folken.
The two ran to the bedroom door, Folken slamming into her. She groaned.
"My hip!"
Granny hit the floor and Folken ran into the room to see his father raise up a little baby.
"Varie!" his father cried.
Varie looked up, "What?"
"Look, Van, he has. . ."
He spun him around to Varie who gasped.
"Is everything OK?" asked Folken.
His father turned to him, "Folken, your brother, Van, has the Ass Lines!"
*Assss - Liii-nnn-ee-sss *
Folken stuttered and ran out of the room.
Everyone knew what it meant if you were born with the Ass Lines. Ass Lines brought you good luck and charm to your life. Women loved you, and men wanted to be your friend. It was no doubt the oracles would make Van king. Why didn't he get the ass lines? Folken should have gotten them. He was better than some wimpy little baby. Folken ran to his room and cried.
FIVE YEARS LATER
"I can't go to the dance with you, Folken. I'm going to the dance with Van."
"But he's a five year old!" cried Folken, feeling anger he felt too well over the last five years.
"I'm sorry!" the girl said and ran away.
Folken felt anger rise into his throat.
"Brother!"
Folken turned around to see Van, running to him. He was naked.
"God damn it, Van, get some clothes on." Folken grumbled, looking in the mirror, happy to see at least his mullet was coming along well.
"But daddy said that he wants everyone to know I have Ass Lines."
*Assss-lll-iii-nnn-eee-sss! *
"We all know you have Ass Lines, you've been running around naked for the last five years and it is just getting gross!"
*Assss-lll-iii-nnn-eee-sss! *
"And what is this talk about you going to the dance?"
"I am! Even though I am five, I can still go because I have Ass Lines. Why don't you brother?"
*Assss-lll-iii-nnn-eee-sss! *
Folken grumbled and left Van by himself.
Van, I'm going to show you. On the day of the oracle choosing, they will pick me to be king! Just because you have Ass Lines doesn't mean jack squat!
*Assss-lll-iii-nnn-eee-sss! *
Shut up stupid chorus! Folken hissed, slamming his bedroom door.
"I won't lose to some Ass Lines!" Folken cried.
*Assss-lll-iii *
"SHUT UP!" Folekn wailed.
They did.
For now. . .
TBC
Ok, I understand that was weird. I know it was stupid. Don't bother flaming me, because I'm still going to write it. Review please.
-Sniperwolf and her Sniper
Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or anything from it. Sorry.
NOTE: For those of you who have seen the Escaflowne Movie, remember the part where Hitomi helps Van in the Black Escaflowne? Remember the tree and how Van shrinks to a little five year old? If you watch his butt, you see little butt lines they drew to show his ass. My friend, Holly and I, thought that was funny for some reason. We call them "Ass Lines." That is what this fic is based on. Get ready for weirdness!
Rated PG-13 for the word "ass" a lot.
BASED ON THE MOVIE
A LONG TIME AGO. . .
Ten year old Folken shut his book and glanced around the room. It was silent. Everyone looked quite pale and sick. His mom's wails came from the bedroom. I'm gonna have a brother! Folken thought, grinning. Well, at least he hoped it was a brother, or else that would have sucked wouldn't it? Folken leaned down to pick up a magazine called, "Mullet Style!" He always wished he would have had a mullet. Some old women's foot was on it.
"Hey? Lady?" Folken said, nudging the sleeping old granny.
The granny didn't move.
"Granny? Shove it! Move it! You're on my mag!" Folken hissed.
She snored.
"GET YOUR FRIGGEN FOOT OF MY MAGAZINE!" screamed Folken.
The granny leapt up and Folken grabbed the magazine, opened it and started reading.
"He has much anger." Said an oracle.
"Yes he does."
"Should he be the one to get the legendary Ass Lines?" spoke a pink oracle.
The white oracle shook his head, "Such anger could be bad."
"The Ass Lines must go to someone who will bring peace to Gaea, not hate."
The green oracle leans over to the director, "Am I on? Oh," He sees the red light, "Um, perhaps we should give it to the new son, Van?"
"How did you know his name?" asked the pink oracle.
"I'm an oracle, remember?"
"Fine then, we grant Van Fanal the legendary ASS LINES!"
*holy music: Assssssss - liiiii-nnn-eeess *
Folken shut the magazine because he heard a baby wail. Folken leapt up, as the granny did the same time.
"I'm going see Lord Van first." She hissed.
"No way, granny!" cried Folken.
The two ran to the bedroom door, Folken slamming into her. She groaned.
"My hip!"
Granny hit the floor and Folken ran into the room to see his father raise up a little baby.
"Varie!" his father cried.
Varie looked up, "What?"
"Look, Van, he has. . ."
He spun him around to Varie who gasped.
"Is everything OK?" asked Folken.
His father turned to him, "Folken, your brother, Van, has the Ass Lines!"
*Assss - Liii-nnn-ee-sss *
Folken stuttered and ran out of the room.
Everyone knew what it meant if you were born with the Ass Lines. Ass Lines brought you good luck and charm to your life. Women loved you, and men wanted to be your friend. It was no doubt the oracles would make Van king. Why didn't he get the ass lines? Folken should have gotten them. He was better than some wimpy little baby. Folken ran to his room and cried.
FIVE YEARS LATER
"I can't go to the dance with you, Folken. I'm going to the dance with Van."
"But he's a five year old!" cried Folken, feeling anger he felt too well over the last five years.
"I'm sorry!" the girl said and ran away.
Folken felt anger rise into his throat.
"Brother!"
Folken turned around to see Van, running to him. He was naked.
"God damn it, Van, get some clothes on." Folken grumbled, looking in the mirror, happy to see at least his mullet was coming along well.
"But daddy said that he wants everyone to know I have Ass Lines."
*Assss-lll-iii-nnn-eee-sss! *
"We all know you have Ass Lines, you've been running around naked for the last five years and it is just getting gross!"
*Assss-lll-iii-nnn-eee-sss! *
"And what is this talk about you going to the dance?"
"I am! Even though I am five, I can still go because I have Ass Lines. Why don't you brother?"
*Assss-lll-iii-nnn-eee-sss! *
Folken grumbled and left Van by himself.
Van, I'm going to show you. On the day of the oracle choosing, they will pick me to be king! Just because you have Ass Lines doesn't mean jack squat!
*Assss-lll-iii-nnn-eee-sss! *
Shut up stupid chorus! Folken hissed, slamming his bedroom door.
"I won't lose to some Ass Lines!" Folken cried.
*Assss-lll-iii *
"SHUT UP!" Folekn wailed.
They did.
For now. . .
TBC
Ok, I understand that was weird. I know it was stupid. Don't bother flaming me, because I'm still going to write it. Review please.
-Sniperwolf and her Sniper