Lunar 2 Springer
"The other side of white"
Written By: Novalon
Idea by: Gyrick
Audience: (Chants the usual…) JERRY JERRY JERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jerry: Hello and welcome to the show! Today, we have a very special guest once again!
(Camera pans up to the stage, where a man adorned with blue clothing and a large white horn on his head casually sits)
Jerry: It is my pleasure to introduce Leo! The White Knight of Althena!
Audience: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Leo: It is an honor to be here on this prestigious show of yours, Sir Springer…
Jerry: Leo, captain of Althena's guard, recently went on a mission to protect Lucia, princess of the Blue Star. Along with the Dragonmaster wannabe, Hiro, the addictive gambler, Ronfar, the charming martial artist, Jean, and the perky Lemina… he crossed paths with the most horrible of dark gods to once again bring peace upon his world of Lunar. Such a thing has not been done since the time of Dragonmaster Alex!! Tell me, White-knight-who-currently-wears-blue, how does it feel to be a hero? And… why the hell are you on this show… normally our guests have done something horrible to those they love and need to speak of it…
Leo: Indeed… it is very tough for me to say. But, I have a life outside of which my friends know about… and now, I believe it is the time for me to tell them.
Jerry: (shocked) As if one as honorable as you would even dare to do anything that would not be bad to mention to your own friends… your allies in battle… your-
Leo: You do not understand. I have sinned, and I will probably sin again. I have done things that many of you would look down on me for… I have done things that will make babies cry, and force women of the faith to cover their ears lest they sin for their own thoughts! It must be confessed… for it will no longer weigh heavily upon my heart when I continue to do it!
Jerry: Wait a second… this thing is so bad… yet you will still continue to do it even after you seek a penance from your own companions?
Leo: A stab in my beastly heart for all the wrongs I commit… and nary a friendly soul to speak of them to without humility. But it has gone on far too long… this secret of mine must be let out to them!
Jerry: Well then! Why don't we bring all of them out! Unfortunately, two of them could not be here to speak with you… Hiro and Lucia are currently unavailable, in fact, we could not find them anywhere!
Leo: They are on the Blue Star…
Jerry: No matter… bring out the guests!
(Ronfar walks out on stage hand in hand with Mauri. Jean and Lemina follow behind, absorbing all the attention from the audience)
Lemina: It's Leo!
Jean: Uh oh… I have heard about this production… what exactly has he… done…?
Audience: (laughing)
Ronfar: Don't you know? It's simple!
Mauri: Of course… I've known about it for years!
Audience: HUH?!
Leo: (Gaping) What…? Dear sister… you already know my horrible secret?
Jean: Oh… that…
Lemina: Geez, Leo, didn't you think it was that obvious?
Ronfar: You can't fool us…
Leo: (surprised) You don't seem to judge me too harshly for it…
Jerry: Yes… what is this secret?
Leo: Well Jerry… it is my other face… I am-
Mauri: Mystere! The worst Batman impression I've ever seen!
Ronfar: Really, Leo… that mask did not hide your identity…
Jean: Did you think we were that ignorant?
Lemina: Honestly, I think he's the ignorant one.
Leo: Then you know of my… occupation then…
Ronfar: Yeah! Doing the clumsiest job I've ever seen a superhero do!
Mauri: Brother… I've never seen a masked one break so many windows…
Leo: That's not what I came here to speak of…
Everyone: HUH?!
Leo: It is now that I must confess this horrible sin that I hold with myself. Yes, I am Mystere, but as for the hero part of it… that is only a diversion for what I truly am…
(silence…)
(Leo stands up, holding a hand to the hilt of his sword)
Leo: Yes, I am known as a superhero… a savior of the innocent… but that's only half of it!
(Begins moving his hand on the hilt of the sword in a very seductive manner)
Leo: In reality, I use the name Mystere for my most dark secret… I am actually…
A…
Porn Star!
Everyone: WHAT THE HELL?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jerry: Even I didn't see that one coming!
Ed: What in all that tastes good with cheese and spoons?!
Craig: Mystere is truly a mystery I could not fathom…
Patty: Wow guys… I'm gonna have to find some of his movies!
Ed: (shifts an eye her direction, with a feature of disgust)
Ronfar: A… what?!
Mauri: Dear brother… it cannot be…
Jean: No… the entertainment business took you too… at least I keep my clothes on, and my dancing isn't quite in the horizontal manner…
Lemina: Well… I heard it happens to be a good source of income…
Mauri: Brother…
(She turns away in shame)
Leo: Dear sister… I did it because… I did it for myself… I always wanted to be a star.
Ronfar: To think that someone like you would…
Leo: But my dreams of being a star came true… and no matter what the price, I will continue to make sure they still come to pass!
Jean: I… have lost all respect for you.
…
So that's why I'm going to kick your ass you lousy bum!
(She leaps into the air and lands with a flurry of blue punches and kicks)
Jean: BLUE DRAGON COMBO!
(She kicks up onto his chest and back-flips neatly in a seating position on a chair)
Audience: YEAHHHHHHHH! JERRY JERRY JERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jerry: What skill!
Leo: (dazed) But… I only wanted to follow my dreams…
Mauri: What?! By participating in those horrible demeaning lemons?
Ed: Hey… I don't think those are… oh shit, I said too much…
Craig: Damn straight you did.
Patty: I don't know what's so demeaning about lemons and frankly… I don't want to know.
Leo: At least I don't take part in… yaoi…
Ronfar: Huh…? I thought that was part of the job?
Leo: They made an exception… (grunts) in my case…
Ronfar: So you're just with the ladies then… that's alright in my book…
Mauri: Ronfar! It's indecent… it's…
Ronfar: Hon… don't you know? That's the job I always took when my gambling debts piled too high… why do you think I left the priesthood of Althena anyway?
Audience: Oooooooooooooooooooooooo…
Ed: Wow! That one came out of left field!
Jerry: Since he's a White Knight and all… I wouldn't expect any less from those who followed him in his travels… but anyway…
It's time for the final thought.
Leo: So soon?
Jerry: You guys will fight here too much anyway… think of the children who watch this program, they shouldn't see this much blood…
Now as I was saying…
We all have a different side of us, even me, with the side of a politician and of the owner of a talk show. Just remember that no matter what your friends say about you, what you do is your own decision. So don't stop the drug use just yet, kiddies… there's still hope out there for all you aspiring crack heads! This is Jerry Springer saying so long…
Tune in to our next episode, where the best video game mascot ever is caught cheating with another woman!