Disclaimer:  None of this belongs to me; Another Story characters and situations are used with the express permission of Purple Mouse, who is supah-cool. ^_~.

Notes:  Mouse-chan, you're awesome for letting me write this.  *glommmmmmp*  ...anyway, to those of you who are not Mouse-chan, this is part prequel, part companion piece, to the Another Story series, and has already been read and approved by Mouse-chan. *nod*   Its premise is to tell the story from Sai's point of view rather than Ryuuen's, and to give some more illumination to everyone's favorite boyfriend's mysterious past. ^_^.  Hope you like it!

And now, without further ado...

ANOTHER SIDE TO ANOTHER STORY

by Ryuen

Chapter One:  All That Matters...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I can't define the moment when I knew.  Perhaps it was sitting in my bedroom as a child, sketching him over and over again until my purple crayon was worn down to a nub, terrified that I might forget his face if I didn't.  Or perhaps it was a few years later, when my classmates and friends were beginning to develop interest in girls and dating, and I was not.  I remember, quite clearly, sitting alone at my sixth grade class' Valentine's Day Celebration, ignoring the pile of valentines at the edge of my desk to doodle that sweet, familiar name in my notebook. 

Or perhaps it wasn't until yesterday, when I stepped out into the street and saw him walking down the sidewalk, books cradled in his arms and a hooded grey sweatshirt shielding him from the cold.  It was only for an instant, then he turned the corner and vanished, but that one glimpse was enough to make my heart pound in my ears, to make the breath catch in my throat—because he's real.  He's real.

…whenever it was that I knew, that knowledge has become so much a part of me that it feels as if it has always been with me.  And perhaps it has.  It's difficult to say, and if there weren't such an immense warmth in my chest right now, I might attempt to narrow it down, or to figure out just how it is that I know that I belong to him.  But, truthfully, I couldn't care less. 

I have never spoken to him, not in this lifetime, and yet I love him—unquestionably.  And I have these...memories of him, which I suppose I had always dismissed as fantasy until now.  But no.  He's real, and maybe, just maybe, he's been waiting for me just as I've been waiting for him. 

Taka has promised to introduce us in a few days—he's told me again and again that Ryuuen remembers nothing of our past life, nor anything that happened in it, but a stubborn part of me refuses to believe it.  What purpose, after all, would there be in me being reborn with a lifetime of memories as Hotohori when Nuriko remembers nothing? 

No.  He's not Nuriko now, is he?  His name is Ryuuen, Taka said.  Ryuuen Chou. 

Will he love me, I wonder?  If he doesn't remember who I am, if he doesn't have this ingrained knowledge of me as I do of him, will he know to love me?  Or is this life a punishment, so I can experience the depth of pain and rejection that he must have suffered in the past?  What if I'm to feel this way forever and never have my feelings reciprocated?

No.  No, I have to stop questioning this.  There are so many uncertainties, so many reasons why this cannot be true, and yet I know that it is, and questioning will only delay things further.  I've waited my entire life for this.  I won't wait any longer.

Today, I spent a lot of time just sitting in my car, windows down, thinking about him and all that's brought me to him.  What if we hadn't moved when I was a teenager?  What if I hadn't decided to transfer to this university for graduate school?  What if I hadn't ignored the requirements of my major and taken a Chinese History course?  What if I hadn't recognized Taka, sitting there across the lecture hall from me, and gone to speak with him?  I'd never have found my way here, to this mecca of reincarnated seishi, and I'd never have met Taka or realized that the face in my dreams is a face he's seen every day for years. 

All that…it can't be an accident.  For whatever reason, I am in this place with these memories and these people for a purpose.  I can only pray that that purpose is the one I want so desperately to fulfill.

~*~

We "met" tonight, although not at all in the manner I'd envisioned. 

It was wrong of me, I know, but I needed to see him; waking up this morning, it was too easy to doubt that I'd actually seen him, that he was actually real, and so…so, I parked a few spaces down from his dorm, and I waited.  After making me swear not to abuse the information, Taka had given me a brief run-down of Ryuuen's schedule, and thus I was fairly sure I'd missed him when the starting time of his first class came and went, and still there was no sign of him.  A few minutes later, however, and just when I was resigning myself to going to Starbucks for some breakfast, the dorm's front door slammed open, and Ryuuen went dashing off down the sidewalk. 

He ran right past my car—although I'd imagine his panic over being late eliminated any chance of him noticing me sitting there—and so for a moment, he was right there, so close that I could have reached over and brushed his arm as he raced by.  It was just for an instant, really, but…  Well, I grew up sketching that face; the knowledge of it is so deeply ingrained in me that to see it so close, to see that pale, heart-shaped face, those wide, thick-lashed eyes, that small mole on his cheek…  It was like coming home.

In that moment, my mind was made up.  Taka had advised me to wait, to be formally introduced into Ryuuen's life as a friend of a friend and see where things went from there, but…but, I couldn't do that.  I couldn't.  It was a great deal like Christmas with my now long-dead Aunt Sarah; she had the infuriating habit of wrapping all gifts in early November and leaving them by the tree until Christmas, in plain sight but painfully off-limits.  I hadn't been able to stand it then, and I certainly can't stand it now.  So, I decided that when Ryuuen returned, I would introduce myself to him, and trust that whatever had been guiding me to him thus far wouldn't fail me now. 

So I stayed there, occasionally getting out to lean against the hood or feed the meter, and waited for Ryuuen to return.  I couldn't remember exactly when his classes ended, so after awhile, I decided to abandon my stake-out for a bite of lunch.  I was only gone for about twenty minutes, but by the time I returned to my post, I'd missed him, and it wasn't until many hours later—around six o'clock and just when my legs were starting to cramp up—that Ryuuen emerged from his dorm. 

His hair was neatly combed and whispering against his shoulders, and despite the fact that he was wearing the same casual ensemble he'd had on earlier, something was different about his posture.  It seemed more rigid, like he was nervous or anxious about something.  So, I let myself believe that he knew, somehow, that we were about to meet and thus had the same reasons to be nervous and anxious that I did, and tensed my muscles to get out of the car.  I still wasn't entirely sure what I was going to say to him, or how in the world I would convince him that some cosmic force wanted us to be together, but as it was, I didn't have long to stress over the coming conversation.

Ryuuen was no longer standing there just outside the building, kneading his hands together and looking anxious.  No.  He'd started forward, towards the street, and was now drawing ever closer to the Buick that had pulled into the space in front of me. 

A silver-haired boy—the driver of the car and clearly Ryuuen's date, despite Taka's assurances that he wasn't involved with anyone—actually raced around to hold the passenger's side door open as Ryuuen approached, smiling widely and talking in a high, excited voice.  The love was shining so brightly in that boy's eyes that only a blind man could've missed it, and at the sight of it, I felt my heart sink down to my ankles.  A date.  Ryuuen was on a date, and with a boy who clearly loved him deeply—which meant that after all my years of dreaming of this boy, of yearning for his presence in my life, I was too late.  He was already taken, and bordering a miracle or bizarre twist of fate, he was going to stay that way to punish me for all the times I'd ignored him in the past.

I might have left right then and there, gone back to my lonely, empty house and pondered the futility of my existence, but something made me pause.  Maybe it was the way Ryuuen was standing, or the slow, almost wincing way he was climbing into the car, but whatever it was, I stayed and watched, and thus I saw it when Ryuuen—just a half a second before he would've vanished into the car—turned his head.  It was only a glimpse, really, but for a moment, I could see into his eyes, and what I saw there made the hope burst into my heart again.

He didn't want to go.  It was clear in his eyes, so plain that I almost laughed out loud.  He didn't love that boy; he didn't want to go with him, yet for some reason felt obligated to.  But he didn't want to, and he wasn't in love, and that was all that mattered. 

I don't know why I followed them to the restaurant, or why I sat out there in the parking lot, cold and hungry, and watched them through the window.  Even to myself, now, my behavior seems like something a deranged stalker might do, and certainly borders on the criminal and insane.  And I won't lie.  I've doubted my sanity more than once over the course of my life, particularly during those periods when memories of my last life have seemed to blot out the details of my current one.  But something told me to follow them—it wasn't just a whim, it was just something I knew.  It was something I knew I had to do, so I did.

And so it was that I was sitting there in my car, rubbing my hands together over the heating vent, when the restaurant's window shattered outward to admit the flailing body of Ryuuen's date.  I got out of the car immediately, ready to race in and help however I could, but before I'd even circled around the hood, Ryuuen had raced out of the restaurant and was storming off down the sidewalk. 

I just stood there for a few minutes, watching him stomping along and trying to sort out what had happened.  And then I realized that he was clad only in jeans and a sweatshirt on this very chilly, very October night, and that he would have to walk for at least twenty minutes to get back to his dorm, and suddenly I knew I should help.  I turned back to the car, thinking I would drive after him and offer him a ride, but realized the idiocy of that thought almost immediately.  Why would Ryuuen get into a car with a perfect stranger?  And how would that perfect stranger even know that he had so far to walk? 

I had just resolved myself to chasing after him on foot and—in a manner that I hoped would not seem suspicious or frightening—offering him my coat and some protective company, when suddenly I noticed that boy, that silver-haired boy who didn't seem to have been injured by his flight, picking himself up off the ground and racing to his car.  In less than three seconds, the boy had vaulted into the driver's seat and started up the engine, and as I stood there, lips pursed and brow creased, he pulled out onto the street and drove off.

Several minutes had passed since Ryuuen had stormed off—he'd already vanished around a corner and was probably nearing the small park down the street—but the boy had a car, and thus would probably catch up with him shortly.  I didn't exactly distrust this boy, having never met him before tonight, but considering my memories of Nuriko and his less-than-volatile temper, I couldn't believe that he would have exerted such violence without good reason. And that meant that Ryuuen would be alone, in the dark, with a boy who had done something to merit being punched through a window, and there was no way in hell I was going to abandon him to that.

Getting into the car would take me there faster, but for some reason, I took off on foot.   I've always been a runner of respectable speed and endurance, but tonight, I must have set some sort of record.  I raced out of the parking lot and across the empty street, trench coat flapping against my legs, and about two minutes later found myself at the boy's abandoned car.  It had been parked haphazardly at the edge of the street, and sure enough, it was right next to the park.  The dark, empty, abandoned park. 

A quick glance around showed neither Ryuuen nor the boy in sight, but something told me to run towards the line of trees, so I did.  I'd only taken a few steps before I saw them.  The shadows from the trees had hidden them, but there they were, just at the edge of the woods and maybe six or seven feet away from me.  The boy was gripping Ryuuen's arm, and from the look of sheer panic on Ryuuen's face and the way he was struggling—and kicking, I noticed—it wasn't a welcome touch. 

"Let me go!" I heard him cry.  He sounded close to tears, and so instinctively, I began to move towards them.  As I moved, I ducked to grab a thick branch from the ground, because although this silver-haired boy didn't look particularly intimidating, it was never a bad idea to have a weapon handy.

"Will you stop it?" the boy roared.  "I just want to talk to you!  Stop running!"

Ryuuen lashed out again then, pleading with the boy in a small, choked voice, and something inside of me broke. 

I've never been a very confrontational or violent individual; I've always been perfectly happy to forgive wrongs done to me, and to dismiss even those wrongs that have hurt or offended me.  But this...  This boy was hurting Ryuuen, was twisting that beautiful face from my dreams into a mask of fear and pain, and in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to walk over to that boy and punch him right in the face.  Instead, I took another step forward, raised the branch threateningly, and cleared my throat.

"Let him go," I said.

They both snapped their heads to look at me, and it actually surprised me; I had been dreaming of this boy for so long, seeing his face for as long as I could remember, and the thought of actually being here with him, interacting with him…  It didn't seem possible.  And yet, he had heard me; his pale little face was tilted towards mine, his lips quivering and his eyes wide, and the other boy…

"Wh…what do you want, pal?" he demanded, and despite the fact that we were around the same height, he looked frightened. 

Not that I blame him, I suppose.  He hadn't noticed my approach, so it must have seemed as if I appeared out of nowhere, and due to the chill of the night, I was clad in a dark, shin-length trench coat.  And…well, I was holding a tree branch, of course.

"I've already told you," I said, managing to keep my voice steady and calm despite the blood rushing in my ears.  "I want you to let the boy go."

"We're just having a talk…"

"Excuse me."  I took a short, challenging step forward, hefting the branch with the grace of years of swordsmanship, and let an edge of danger slip into my tone.  "I don't believe I have any sort of complicating speech impediment.  Let go.  Now."

For a moment the boy stared at me, and despite his less-than-threatening appearance, I noticed a strange, dangerous glint to his eyes...but then it was gone, and as I watched through a narrowed gaze, he  released Ryuuen's arm and took a small step back from him.

Breathing a quick sigh of relief, I gestured with the branch.  "Get going." 

The boy had the nerve to glance back at Ryuuen, lips twisting into what I assume was to be a reassuring smile.  "We'll talk tomorrow, Ryuuen," he said with a nod.  "Good night."  And then, the smile getting a little shaky as his eyes drifted back to me, the boy cleared his throat and—with a flick of his long silver ponytail—spun and retreated back towards the road.  I was still watching him, not wanting to turn my back on him until I'd actually seen him drive off, when Ryuuen muttered, "Not if I can help it, creep."

His voice was trembling, and so with only a moment's hesitation, I gave up watching Silver-Haired Boy and turned back to Ryuuen.  He was still standing exactly as he had been when the boy had let him go, both arms folded over his chest and eyes wide and fixed on my face.  I felt a slight shiver work its way up my spine at the nearness of him—dear gods, if I'd wanted to, I could've reached out my hand, touched his cheek—

I didn't, though.  I wanted him to trust me, after all, and although he certainly wasn't regarding me with fear, I couldn't help but wonder what he must think of me, charging in to the rescue like some ancient hero in search of glory.

"Are you all right?" I asked him gently.  I'd been standing near the trees until now, but I figured there would be a larger chance of him trusting me if he could see me more clearly, so I stepped out of the shadows and into a pale patch of moonlight.

It was still very dim, so I wasn't sure if he could see much of me; I myself was having trouble distinguishing much of his facial features, but I think I would have known him in pitch blackness. 

"Y-Yes," he managed hoarsely.  "Yeah.  Um...thank you."

We stood there for a moment, peering at each other through the splotchy dimness, and then I drew a breath and offered to escort him back to his dorm—after returning the branch to the ground, as I wanted to avoid scaring him off.  After protesting a little half-heartedly, he finally agreed, and we started off together, moving through the darkness with our shoulders so close that I could feel the warmth of him through my coat. 

We talked a little, although truthfully, my mind was far from our conversation.  I answered automatically, guiding him to the sidewalk with every limb tingling, and stared at him shamelessly while I still had the advantage of the shadows.  ...and then we passed under a street lamp, and even as I carefully directed my gaze away from him, I felt the weight of his eyes on me.

I turned to him carefully, slowly, afraid of what I might see in his face...and was startled to find his eyes wide and awed, lips slightly parted as if in shock.  And there was something else there, too, waiting in his eyes, but I couldn't quite say what—well, I could, but I didn't want to, because if I did, if I admitted that I could see recognition in his eyes when I knew he didn't remember, it would just have been setting myself up for heartache.  He didn't remember.  He didn't know me.  He couldn't.

It had to be something else.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

He shook his head, just a little too sharply.  "N-No, I'm fine."

He clearly was not, and that knowledge sliced into my chest like ice.  Something was bothering him about me; perhaps even without his memories, he could sense that I was the one who had caused him so much grief in the last life, and it was that knowledge that made him wary.  Or perhaps he just didn't like me; that, in fact, was very likely.  Throughout my childhood and young-adulthood, I had had many admirers, but few had been terribly interested in my personality.  I was liked by boys because my beauty attracted girls (and because a great many of them believed me to be a girl, until I was sixteen or so), and liked by girls because of that beauty; frankly, I found my personality and lifestyle to be rather boring, and thus certainly couldn't blame Ryuuen for picking up on that.

But...but, I couldn't lose him now, not when I had finally worked my way into his life.  No.  So I did the only thing I could think to do, the only thing that had never failed to make friends in the past—I put on my brightest, most charming smile, and asked suavely, "Do you find me attractive?"

He blushed, suddenly flickering his gaze away from mine, and I hurried onward before he could decide I wasn't worth the trouble.  "Many people find me attractive.  It isn't anything to be ashamed of.  You just have good taste, I suppose."

He was quiet for a moment after that, and as that moment stretched onward, I was sure I'd lost him—but then he blushed again and glanced up at me, and said in a very small voice, "It's...  You look like someone from a dream I had."

I laughed, a shocked little laugh that somehow came out sounding almost casual, and slipped my hands into the pockets of my trench coat.  "Do I?"

His reply was very quick, and from the crimson shade of his cheeks, I gathered he was embarrassed at having let it slip.  "Uhhhh, sorry.  You probably don't...I mean...that was a pretty dumb thing to say."

I was suddenly struck by the urge to pull him into my arms and never let go, or at the very least to smile and assure him that it was all right, I had dreamed of him too because we were meant to be together and if he had dreamed of me, he must understand that...  But I have always been a firm believer in caution, and so I couldn't risk letting him know that yet; after all, what if he was merely speaking metaphorically, or what if he had dreamed of me, but not in the way I had dreamed of him?

So, I simply said, holding tightly to that air of charm, "It's all right.  I actually get it a lot."

He shivered, arms folding more tightly against his chest, and I suddenly hated myself for letting my insecurities stand in the way of his comfort. 

"I just don't want you to take it the wrong way, or anything—"

"Are you cold?"

He blinked at me, stumbling a little as we hit an uneven patch of sidewalk, and for a moment, I let myself forget my fear and uncertainty and just look at him.  It really was amazing how accurate my dreams had been; they had shown me his face down to the most minute detail, and although I knew I had never done so in the last life or even in my dreams, somehow I knew what it would feel like to slip my fingers through his hair, or to touch my hand to his cheek.  I could only pray that I would get the chance.

I offered him my coat, then, eyes widening slightly as his hand brushed my arm; and then—after a bit of stuttering and blushing—he asked me if I was aware that he was a boy, and I couldn't help but smile.

Nuriko had never been what I would call timid, or open about that timidity if he was.  During his time masquerading as the Lady Kourin, in fact, he had been as brazen and sharp-tongued as anyone I'd ever met.  And yet, even through that, I could always sense something almost uncertain about him; it wasn't until quite awhile later that I realized that Lady Kourin's acerbity had been Nuriko's shield just as Emperor Saihitei's confidence had been mine.  

Yet now, there was none of that about him; his face was open, his emotions clearly etched in his features.  I hoped that it meant that he didn't need to hide himself in this life, that the cruel fate that had assaulted him in the last life had decided to spare him in this one—but of course, there was no way to be sure.  Not from just one conversation.  Resolving to get to know him well enough to know for sure, I smiled and assured him that I was aware of his gender, and we stood in silence for a few moments.

He truly is beautiful.

"Ryuuen," I said, wanting to keep him at ease but unable to hide it any longer, "I've dreamed of you, too, you know."

"You have?" His eyes were wide and shocked, but I couldn't help but plunge onward; if he had truly dreamed of me, then perhaps knowing that I had had the same dreams would cement the reality of it in his mind.  Perhaps, if he could just know...perhaps he would remember.

"Yes," I said quietly, sliding forward so I stood as close to him as I dared.  "I have.  But..."  I shook my head, smiling slightly—I wanted him to understand that it didn't matter to me now, that even if the last life had seen me as a close-minded fool who couldn't acknowledge his love until it was too late, now...now, I wouldn't let anything come between us.  "The only thing I saw was your eyes."

It doesn't matter what you are, Ryuuen, I promised him silently, thinking that somehow, he would sense my meaning despite the cryptic brevity of my words.  I came into this life not knowing if you had been reborn as a boy or girl, but it wouldn't have mattered to me either way.  All that matters is what's inside of you—what's behind those beautiful, kind eyes.  That's all I see, even now. 

I suppose it was silly of me, to say something like that, but...somehow, I think he understood.  We walked the rest of the way to his dorm in a comfortable silence, and when we reached the door, he returned my coat and blushed again.

"Thanks...thanks for everything," he said softly.  He was tugging at the bottom of his sweatshirt, averting his eyes from mine as he spoke.  "I-I really appreciate it.  Really.  I don't know many complete strangers who would've done that."

I hesitated, a painful lump forming in my throat...and then I reached out and, for just a second, took his hand into my own.  It was warm and soft, the fingers so small that mine swallowed them up.  "It was my pleasure."

And then, I let go of his hand, took a small step back, and started back the way we'd come.  My car was still in the restaurant parking lot about a half mile away, but I couldn't bring myself to regret the walk.  My whole body seemed to be tingling, and despite the fact that I was freezing and my earlier run had mussed my hair a bit, I can't remember ever having felt so...good.  So alive.  So happy.

...and when I glanced back over my shoulder, just after crossing the street, I found Ryuuen still standing there at the door, watching me.  The smile stayed with me the whole way back to the car.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Notes:  Mouse-chan wishes it to be known that the "glint" in Chuin's eyes is a hint of Miboshi's increasing influence over him. *nod* ^_^.  Oh.  Ehehe.  Mouse-chan also wishes it to be known that when she wrote of Ryuuen knocking Chuin through a "window," she meant a decorative indoor window, not an actual window.  But as that part is open to reader interpretation, she's graciously allowed me to keep it as it is. ^__~.  Anyway.  Chapter 2 has already been started, and hopefully will be out sometime soon—again, huuuuuuuuge thanks to Mouse-chan for letting me write this, and thanks in advance to all who read and review!  Jaa!  *wavewave*  ~Ryuen