Disclaimer: That's right punk. Ain't no dissin' goin on heya. So step off, mofo, while I spliff. Word.
Not A Dirty Word
Chapter Five - Sugar and Spice and Everything Else?
By Michael Fetter
"I can do this," Kasumi told herself.
She was standing in the bathroom staring at the mirror intently. It was the weekend and the kids had already returned from Saturday school. The first week of being engaged to Ranma hadn't been bad since he didn't seem to know how to keep his mouth shut around her. There were only a few fights with Akane, but nothing physical yet. Kasumi was pretty sure Nabiki had already started taking candid shots of Ranma-chan and wondered why she hadn't heard anything from Ranma. Maybe he didn't think it was manly to tattle to Nabiki's older sister.
That wasn't what was occupying Kasumi's mind at the moment. After her decision to train harder, Kasumi had also tried to change her attitude and the way she dressed. Wearing jeans and a tight blouse was not going over well so far. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak. Kasumi had to fight the constant desire to go change into a dress and clean the furo for punishment.
"No, I won't change you dumb girl," Kasumi growled at herself. "The furo doesn't need to be cleaned again. Now start cooperating or I start walking around in the buff!"
The bathroom door clicked back into place and someone rushed down the hall. Kasumi shrugged and turned back to the mirror. "Say it! I like cu-cu . . . cu-cu-cun- . . . Oh, hehehe, you can do it. I like pu-pu-pu-pu . . ."
Kasumi snarled and gripped the sink beneath the mirror hard. "You'll say it. Yes, you will." Taking a deep breath, "Because of my sexual orientation, I like pu-pu-pu-pu-pu . . . I like puuuuuuu-vaginas!"
Collapsing against the sink with sweat rolling down her forehead, Kasumi glared as harshly as she could at her reflection. All she got was a twitch in her left eyebrow.
"Hey, Kasumi!"
The girl tried to glare again, but all she got was a smaller smile. "You and I will try this again later." Straightening out her blouse, Kasumi left the bathroom to find Ranma standing in the living room rocking on his heels. "Yes, little Ranma?"
He winced. "Pops said ya wanted to talk ta me?"
"Oh yes." Kasumi nodded. "I was hoping you could spar with me to help my training."
Ranma blinked and furrowed his brow. "I guess I could do that."
"Don't worry, little Ranma-chan," double wince, "I'll try my best not to bore you."
With nothing to respond with, Ranma followed her out to the dojo. Kasumi noted a few people following out of curiosity. Most of her family had already gotten over the shock of seeing her dressed so differently. As soon as she could make her body do it, Kasumi was planning to wear the sexy, black dress Nabiki had gotten her for her last birthday. She would break this body whether it liked it or not.
Strangely, sparring was okay. Kasumi had sparred with Soun and Genma, obviously not at their full strength, but she had both given and taken hits. Her father said she smiled through the entire ordeal though. When Kasumi was finished, she'd get her body to scream battle cries and insults with impunity.
Standing opposite of Ranma, Kasumi bowed. "Are you ready, little Ranma?"
Frowning, he bowed back and nodded, not taking any sort of ready stance. "Let'er rip, Kasumi."
Sliding forward, Kasumi let loose a number of punches and kicks that Ranma easily dodged and evaded. She didn't mind his lack of attacks as much as Akane would have. Kasumi wanted to get better so she did her best to track the human Ping-Pong ball and pushed herself harder.
Brushing away a little sweat as she came to a stop, Kasumi smiled at Ranma. "Oh my, you are good, aren't you?"
He smirked cockily. "I'm the best."
Nodding, she stood up and took a ready stance again. "Once more?"
"Sure thing."
She watched him bounce on his toes and started pushing with her ki until a soft light was visible around her body. Ranma noticed and took a slightly more defensive stance. Kasumi didn't rush forward this time, however. Instead, she smiled brighter and stepped forward slowly.
Ranma tried to frown, but his lips started to twitch until he couldn't hold back a smile any longer. He didn't know why, but he felt pretty good for some reason. His eyes followed Kasumi's steps and had to admit she was pretty, not to mention one of the nicest people he'd ever met, if a little absent-minded.
Kasumi paused within a foot of Ranma and let her arms fall slightly. Watching the stupid grin spread across his face, Kasumi waited for Ranma to drop his arms also. This was too easy.
"An opening!" she suddenly cried and planted her fist right into his face. Ranma fell over with a slightly dazed look in his eyes. Still smiling, Kasumi leaned over his body, "You dropped your defenses, little Ranma."
He just twitched in response.
"Okay, that's it." Nabiki strode forward and took her older sister by the arm and led her out of the dojo. "You and I are going to have a talk, oneechan."
"Oh my," Kasumi's voice faded out as she left. "Is something the matter, Nabiki?"
Soun, Genma, and Akane remained in the dojo to stare dumbly at the fallen Ranma. They'd expected Kasumi to have trouble trying to hit the boy, but to lay him out so easily at the end?
Akane scowled and stomped out of the dojo mumbling to herself.
Shivering, Genma turned to his friend, "Such . . . Such awesome technique. The boy never stood a chance!"
Soun nodded sagely. "Yes, Saotome. My daughter has indeed grown powerful. I've not felt such fear from a single techniques since learning under the Master."
Trembling further, Genma hissed at his friend. "Do not speak his name or you invite his wrath! Dealing with one such powerful martial artist is hard enough."
"You're right, Saotome. We shall have to do our best not to get on Kasumi's bad side."
Wiping away the sweat on his forehead, Genma agreed. "We shall have to . . . mind our manners at the table!"
"Remember coasters for our drinks!"
"Wipe our feet before entering the house!"
Tears in their eyes, Soun and Genma cried, "And never forget to put the toilet seat down when we are finished!"
Ranma groaned, still smiling from the aftereffects of Kasumi's devastating attack.
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Nabiki shut her door securely behind Kasumi. The older girl clasped her hands in front of her and smiled innocently at her sister. "What did you want to talk about, Nabiki?"
The girl frowned at her sister and sat down at her desk. She had to remain cool and treat Kasumi like any other client. How hard could it be to get the information she wanted out of her sister? Fixing her gaze on her sister, Nabiki ringed the neck of her shirt and got ready for a hard match of wits.
Kasumi smiled obliviously.
"So, oneechan, when did you start getting so good at martial arts?"
"Why, what do you mean, Nabiki?" Kasumi put a finger to her chin in a thinking pose.
Oh, she was good, Nabiki thought. Kasumi was coming off as cool as a cucumber right off. Nabiki could deal with her type though. Cocky to a fault those. "Don't fool around with me, Kasumi. First you beat Akane with one hit and now you take out Ranma who's got to be one of the best I'd ever seen. How long have you been training?"
"One of them?" Kasumi looked contemplative. "Oh yes, there was that strange young man with the large umbrella not too long ago looking for Ranma. Is he the other one you're talking about?"
"Umbrella?" Nabiki muttered dumbly. "Ryouga Hibiki was here? When?"
"Some weeks ago. He was looking for Furinkan High." Kasumi nodded. "Did Ranma meet up with his little friend? He seemed quite strong."
Blinking, Nabiki said, "Uh, yeah. He did. That guy really does have a bad sense of direction. He didn't show up until today and made a mess of the school with his little fight with Ranma."
"Oh my," hand to cheek, "Did they play rough? No one got hurt did they?"
"Uh, no." Nabiki shook her head at her sister's innocence. "No one was hurt. The guy just got lost in the middle of the fight after breaking a water pipe."
Nabiki suddenly cursed herself for giving so much away. Kasumi had her on the ropes so far. Well, the Ice Queen wasn't done yet!
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Kasumi left Nabiki's room about an hour later. They'd been having such a nice chat, but Kasumi did wonder why Nabiki had collapsed in exhaustion towards the end there. But Kasumi had learned quite a bit about what Ranma was doing at school now.
"Oh my," Kasumi smiled slyly, "I wonder what it was Nabiki wanted to ask me?"
She skipped down the hall cheerily towards the bathroom. Time to test her winning streak against this darn body.
"I'll show you this time!" Kasumi laughed merrily. She was trying for malicious.
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She hadn't been sure since no one had said anything. With her little changes to the story Kasumi couldn't have been certain how far off things had gotten, but so far it looked like the only change was with Ranma's fiancée. Akane and Ranma didn't talk much, but the relationship between Ranma and Nabiki looked okay. Maybe her little sister was interested in him?
It was more likely that Nabiki was just keeping a close watch on Ranma. Trying to protect her oneechan from unworthy suitors.
Wait! Did that mean Nabiki might try to set her up with a different man to end the engagement?! With Akane and Ranma in the manga it was easy. Just get them to start fighting with each other and everything is ruined. Kasumi didn't fight with Ranma though. She could actually barely make herself raise her voice.
Well if Ryouga was here as Nabiki said then it shouldn't be long until the piggy tries to break in. She'll have to do something about it. Kasumi didn't want to have to clean up a broken window.
Creeping silently down the hall, Kasumi pressed her ear against the guestroom door. She could hear Genma's snoring and a rustle of cloth. Where was he?
"Now you pay, Ranma!"
Kasumi smirked and pulled at the door softly and slithered into the room when she could. Ryouga was very intent on Ranma that he didn't notice her sneaking up on them.
"Damn you, Ranma!" Ryouga howled and raised his fist only to have the sleeping Ranma twist out of the way. "Wake up and fight me like a m-!"
The Lost Boy collapsed right onto Ranma. Since he'd been kneeling at the head of Ranma's bed . . . well, it gave Kasumi a wicked idea.
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Kasumi was again making a western breakfast. French toast this time. It was early morning on a Sunday with clear skies, warm weather, and just a light breeze winding through the backyard.
"BOY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
Now that the peace was gone everyone in the house was awake. A few people were even making their ways to the guestroom to see what was wrong. Kasumi debated it for a moment before setting things aside and rushing up the stairs to see everyone's reactions.
"What the-" Ranma-chan woke up groggily. There was something lying between her legs.
Kasumi was almost there, but she missed it by seconds.
"Get your head away from there, YOU PERVERT!"
"Hmm," Kasumi tapped her chin as she regarded the naked, heaving Ranma-chan and then the hole in the ceiling that looked like an outline of a man. "I should have remembered he caused some of the damage."
No one heard her, but Akane was getting an angry red aura around her body. Mallet materializing in her hands, the girl stalked up to the redhead dry-heaving into a waste bin. "How dare you cheat on my sister with a man, you PERVERT!"
That's two holes.
Now is about time Kasumi should say something. "Goodness, Ranma-chan shouldn't have shared her sleeping mat with her friend. They made quite a mess."
Kasumi left to let her family deal with this little crisis. She had breakfast to finish.
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The day actually seemed to slow down after that. Even though she was being forced into an arranged marriage, Kasumi felt bad about what she did. Ranma-chan returned after dragging herself out of the canal and no one actually believed she would do something with Ryouga. So she wandered about feeling embarrassed until lunchtime when everything had been fairly forgotten.
Kasumi, unfortunately, couldn't make herself forget. Every time she looked at Ranma she felt bad. That was the best explanation she could come up with for standing topless in her room now and beating herself with a reed.
"Nineteen . . . Twenty." Kasumi sighed and dropped the stick. Was the original Kasumi into self-mutilation or something? Kasumi stared at her back in the mirror and winced at the red lines, some of them bleeding. She never got upset over practical jokes before and it was to discourage an arranged marriage to a man.
"It must be you," Kasumi glared at the mirror. There was a cross hanging around her neck that she'd never been able to get rid of. "Why did I have to get stuck inside one of the religious types? Why a girl? And why here of all places?"
There were still no answers.
Reaching for her shirt, there was a knock at her door and someone opened it. "Need a lock," Kasumi muttered at the intrusion.
"Oneechan, have you seen-" Nabiki stared at her sister's back covered in long welts. "Wh-What happened?"
Kasumi saw the girl look to the reed on the floor and knew Nabiki was figuring things out. Plastering a smile across her face, Kasumi demurely covered her chest as she turned to face her little sister. "Oh my, I burnt the French Toast. I should have known better than to serve something I'm not very good at making."
Nabiki's eyes nearly leapt out of their sockets.
"I'll do better next time though. Or I'll keep making them until I get it right. All right, Nabiki?"
"Uh, I, that is, uh, j-jus, I don't mean, uh, wh-wh . . ." bumping into the door, Nabiki scrambled for the latch and rushed out, closing the door behind her.
Nodding to herself, Kasumi again reached for her shirt and came up with the reed. She glared at the mirror. "Oh, that was funny. How did that harm anyone?"
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Ryouga was in a state of confusion.
Actually, he was in Wyoming, but knowing that wouldn't help.
"Damn you, Ranma," Ryouga cursed without the usual heat. Something new was holding him back. A feeling that was twisting his guts and fogging his mind. For years he tracked Ranma, planning his revenge, and occasionally posing in front of mirrors for the most to practice his most intimidating glares. And now this.
Ryouga's eyes glazed over momentarily as he went back to the moment he'd woken up in Ranma's bed. He wasn't sure how it happened, but Ranma must have tricked him into falling into the bed and then molested him!
But that didn't explain the situation he'd been in. Waking up with his mouth . . . there. Had he been participating?!
"No," Ryouga growled in denial, "I'd never ever do such a thing. I don't care how beautiful she is."
He paused.
"ARGH!" Pedestrians around him scattered as he walked over to the nearest wall and began smashing his head against it. "That's the second time I've said it. He's my enemy, dammit!"
The first time he'd faced Ranma's cursed form was in a battle near Furinkan High. A water pipe had burst during their fight and Ryouga had discovered Ranma was cursed. He remembered clearly the way the water rolled over her curves as he said, "You're upset to be cursed with such a beautiful body?!"
Why, why had he said it?
Ryouga shook his head. "Shut up. It doesn't matter. It's just a body. It doesn't mean I like Ranma. He's the reason for my suffering!" Luckily there weren't any mirrors around for him to see his blush.
Ryouga had thought long and hard about this. Why did Ranma make him so angry? Lots of people made him angry, but he'd never sought revenge on any of them, never tracked them across the world. But then, no one had treated him the way Ranma had. Even if he was irritating, Ranma had guided Ryouga to and from school when they were younger. Respected him as a martial artist rather than ignore him as an outcast. But he didn't love Ranma, certainly not. Ryouga was a man and Ranma was a man. It was just wrong.
A vision of Ranma-chan's angelic face peering at him from between her pert, naked breasts forced its way into Ryouga's head.
"ARGH!" Ryouga cried out in frustration and ran off for parts unknown. "Ranma, this is all your fault!"
He didn't get very far as the old woman down the street from the Tendous splashed him with a bit of water while washing her sidewalk.
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"What?" Kasumi stared at the piglet wandering through the market area. She sighed internally, remembering that he'd been kicked out of the house before Akane could find her P-chan.
Time to do a good deed, sort of.
"My, how cute!" she squealed innocently. Passing shoppers gave her wry grins as she picked the surprised animal up. "Have you lost your family, Piglet-san? I'll try to help you find them."
The black piglet bweed indignantly until it was pressed into her chest as Kasumi continued on her way home. Ryouga passed out soon enough.
Kasumi sighed. "Well, this should keep you around long enough to give Ranma a good fight every now and then. This should make up for that joke." Plus it might force another wedge into the engagement problem if Ryouga decided he liked her. Akane wasn't likely to be interested at this point.
End Chapter Five
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Kasumi just seems too perfect to me. There is no way someone stays that pleasant in that kind of household without some sort of quirk. Subconscious desires to punish herself with Hail Mary's and whatnots seem fair to me.
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Ja ne.