"I'm really too busy to have many interests outside of work, Sydney,"
he finally admitted. "Not that my job is always fun, or even interesting.
There are a lot of days I would much rather be here at home."
Sydney looked her father in the eye, trying to see if he was only saying this to make her feel better. She saw no trace of dishonesty in his face, and smiled.
"So do I. It gets really lonely around the house, with just me and Edith living there." Jack found himself opening his mouth to correct her grammar, and stopped himself. This wasn't the time. Instead, he frowned, and looked away.
"I know it must. If I had any choices, I would be home more. But it isn't up to me."
Sydney wrinkled her nose. "I know, Dad. Mr. Sloane is the one who tells you you have to go so many places. I wish he weren't your boss, I've never liked him very much. Emily is so nice, I can't understand why she'd marry him!"
"Sydney, that isn't nice. He's just very busy, like me."
"But working a lot doesn't make you crabby, Daddy. He always looks like he's ready to yell at someone."
"He's just very stressed out all the time. Do you always ask so many questions?"
"Sorry. I don't really know much about you and stuff, that's all." She put her head down, making Jack feel sorry. That passed though as they continued walking, and Sydney began asking more questions.
Once they made their way home, Jack thought the question and answer time was over, for now. However, Sydney had one more.
"Dad, are you really sure you can't stay, just a few more days? I promise I won't misbehave and break anything else. Really. I just want you to be here, a little longer. Please?"
"Sydney, we've been over this. In two days, I have to go. I'll be back as soon as I can."
"And how long will that be? Another three months?"
Jack sighed and looked away, trying his best not to lose his temper. He knew Sydney couldn't help asking. She was still a child after all. Still, his temper grew very short whenever these questions started ... simply because he himself wished he wasn't gone so much, as well. He had to lie to Sydney about too many things already. About his desire to be home, he would not lie, no matter how much his superiors wished he could be as dispassionate as they were. Indeed, most of them wished Sydney did not exist. They called her a "distraction," a word that always made Jack blindly furious. He had never been sorry that Sydney had been born ... even if other people had been. Including her own mother. About that much, Sydney had been right.
"Daddy? Aren't you going to answer me?"
"I don't know. Please don't ask me anymore, because I don't know."
"All right." She sighed.
"Would you like some ice cream?" he offered. The thought had just popped into his head, and he spoke it without even thinking.
"Really! Okay!" Sydney was excited now. Truthfully, Jack didn't know where any ice cream places were, but Sydney did and she drug him right to it.
Sydney had to tell him her favorite flavor, chocolate chip. Jack went to get them, and came back a few minutes later with what she'd asked for, as well as a black cherry cone for himself. Sydney made a face.
"Dad, that kind looks really gross!" He only laughed and told her to eat hers before it started to melt. Then, he just watched the other people, coming and going from the shop. He felt so out of place, almost as if everyone were staring at him. But that was silly. As far as anyone else knew, he was just a man who had come to have ice cream with his daughter. This was what other people called a "normal life," which was, of course, why it felt so strange to him. Most days, his life was anything but normal.
Sydney spoke then, startling him a little. "Dad, are you mad at me again? I'm sorry I ask so many questions. I'm just curious, and I hardly know you, so..."
"No, I'm not angry. Just thinking."
"About what?"
He smiled sadly. "About how much I wish we could do this more often," he said simply. Sydney looked down, again making Jack feel a twinge of sadness inside. "Me too," she whispered. "I know I shouldn't say so, but when you leave I'm... I'm really going to miss you. Even if we don't know each other that well." She would not look up again, and after a few seconds, it was clear Sydney was crying.
Jack simply nodded and asked her to please finish her cone. It wasn't that he was embarrassed, he just didn't know how to deal with what was happening. He felt very ashamed at this, and no longer had a desire to finish his cone.
Sydney slowly stopped and finished the rest of hers. She didn't notice her father throwing the other half of his away. She would have just been more upset if she had seen. After the ice cream, they traveled home. Edith was waiting for them literally two feet inside the door.
"Well, how was it? Did you have a nice time?"
Sydney made herself smile, hoping it wasn't too obvious that she'd been crying. "It was nice. We went for a walk, and then for ice cream."
Edith smiled back. "Sydney Alexandra, I swear you will turn into an ice cream cone! You'll have spoiled your dinner, too!"
"I promise I'll eat later. I'd better do my homework, for tomorrow. May I take the day off again? Daddy only has tomorrow."
Both Jack and Edith shook their heads, saying that missing one day when she wasn't even sick was enough. Sulking now, Sydney went to her room and shut the door.
"How was your day, really?" She asked Jack immediately. "You both looked ... strained, when you came in. Was she being difficult?"
"Oh, no. No, nothing like that. She just wishes I could stay home. So do I. I haven't had the nerve to ask Sydney this myself. Has she been sleeping better, lately?"
Edith sighed. Every time Jack was home, this came up. Of course it was his right to ask, and he should. What bothered her was that she always had to give the same answer.
"Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I really have no idea where the dreams even come from. She was only six when her mother died, and that was over four years ago now. If it weren't for the pictures we kept, I think she'd already be forgetting what she looked like. Not to be cruel ... it just happens. Not just to children, either."
Sydney looked her father in the eye, trying to see if he was only saying this to make her feel better. She saw no trace of dishonesty in his face, and smiled.
"So do I. It gets really lonely around the house, with just me and Edith living there." Jack found himself opening his mouth to correct her grammar, and stopped himself. This wasn't the time. Instead, he frowned, and looked away.
"I know it must. If I had any choices, I would be home more. But it isn't up to me."
Sydney wrinkled her nose. "I know, Dad. Mr. Sloane is the one who tells you you have to go so many places. I wish he weren't your boss, I've never liked him very much. Emily is so nice, I can't understand why she'd marry him!"
"Sydney, that isn't nice. He's just very busy, like me."
"But working a lot doesn't make you crabby, Daddy. He always looks like he's ready to yell at someone."
"He's just very stressed out all the time. Do you always ask so many questions?"
"Sorry. I don't really know much about you and stuff, that's all." She put her head down, making Jack feel sorry. That passed though as they continued walking, and Sydney began asking more questions.
Once they made their way home, Jack thought the question and answer time was over, for now. However, Sydney had one more.
"Dad, are you really sure you can't stay, just a few more days? I promise I won't misbehave and break anything else. Really. I just want you to be here, a little longer. Please?"
"Sydney, we've been over this. In two days, I have to go. I'll be back as soon as I can."
"And how long will that be? Another three months?"
Jack sighed and looked away, trying his best not to lose his temper. He knew Sydney couldn't help asking. She was still a child after all. Still, his temper grew very short whenever these questions started ... simply because he himself wished he wasn't gone so much, as well. He had to lie to Sydney about too many things already. About his desire to be home, he would not lie, no matter how much his superiors wished he could be as dispassionate as they were. Indeed, most of them wished Sydney did not exist. They called her a "distraction," a word that always made Jack blindly furious. He had never been sorry that Sydney had been born ... even if other people had been. Including her own mother. About that much, Sydney had been right.
"Daddy? Aren't you going to answer me?"
"I don't know. Please don't ask me anymore, because I don't know."
"All right." She sighed.
"Would you like some ice cream?" he offered. The thought had just popped into his head, and he spoke it without even thinking.
"Really! Okay!" Sydney was excited now. Truthfully, Jack didn't know where any ice cream places were, but Sydney did and she drug him right to it.
Sydney had to tell him her favorite flavor, chocolate chip. Jack went to get them, and came back a few minutes later with what she'd asked for, as well as a black cherry cone for himself. Sydney made a face.
"Dad, that kind looks really gross!" He only laughed and told her to eat hers before it started to melt. Then, he just watched the other people, coming and going from the shop. He felt so out of place, almost as if everyone were staring at him. But that was silly. As far as anyone else knew, he was just a man who had come to have ice cream with his daughter. This was what other people called a "normal life," which was, of course, why it felt so strange to him. Most days, his life was anything but normal.
Sydney spoke then, startling him a little. "Dad, are you mad at me again? I'm sorry I ask so many questions. I'm just curious, and I hardly know you, so..."
"No, I'm not angry. Just thinking."
"About what?"
He smiled sadly. "About how much I wish we could do this more often," he said simply. Sydney looked down, again making Jack feel a twinge of sadness inside. "Me too," she whispered. "I know I shouldn't say so, but when you leave I'm... I'm really going to miss you. Even if we don't know each other that well." She would not look up again, and after a few seconds, it was clear Sydney was crying.
Jack simply nodded and asked her to please finish her cone. It wasn't that he was embarrassed, he just didn't know how to deal with what was happening. He felt very ashamed at this, and no longer had a desire to finish his cone.
Sydney slowly stopped and finished the rest of hers. She didn't notice her father throwing the other half of his away. She would have just been more upset if she had seen. After the ice cream, they traveled home. Edith was waiting for them literally two feet inside the door.
"Well, how was it? Did you have a nice time?"
Sydney made herself smile, hoping it wasn't too obvious that she'd been crying. "It was nice. We went for a walk, and then for ice cream."
Edith smiled back. "Sydney Alexandra, I swear you will turn into an ice cream cone! You'll have spoiled your dinner, too!"
"I promise I'll eat later. I'd better do my homework, for tomorrow. May I take the day off again? Daddy only has tomorrow."
Both Jack and Edith shook their heads, saying that missing one day when she wasn't even sick was enough. Sulking now, Sydney went to her room and shut the door.
"How was your day, really?" She asked Jack immediately. "You both looked ... strained, when you came in. Was she being difficult?"
"Oh, no. No, nothing like that. She just wishes I could stay home. So do I. I haven't had the nerve to ask Sydney this myself. Has she been sleeping better, lately?"
Edith sighed. Every time Jack was home, this came up. Of course it was his right to ask, and he should. What bothered her was that she always had to give the same answer.
"Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I really have no idea where the dreams even come from. She was only six when her mother died, and that was over four years ago now. If it weren't for the pictures we kept, I think she'd already be forgetting what she looked like. Not to be cruel ... it just happens. Not just to children, either."