My Arrows
ChaosCat

------------------------------

Authors Notes:
You know, this is probably the oddest story I have written. Which says a lot coming from me. Not really on the plot, so much, as the context itself. Although I am definitely not a Kikyou fan (sure, I can sympathize for her, and I certainly don't hate her. But she's not my favorite character), I found myself writing this before I realized it. It just sort of came to me, and I had to write it down. My muse is incredibly fickle at times.
Anyway, this is what I think Kikyou might be thinking when she fires that arrow at Inuyasha. ^.^ I don't mind flames, really. I just hope you enjoy this. And for the love of GOD, review the story! Else I might just fall over and die or something? ^.^

------------------------------

They say time slows for you, during certain times in your life. I had never thought about it much, but in this case, it seems true.
I am dying. Somehow, the thought does not bother me as much as it might. My fingers close around the wooden shaft and I pull the fletched arrow from the quiver. My muscles scream for rest, but I can not.
My arrows are my strength. They are an extension of myself, filled with my power. My desire. Arrows of a true miko. I ceased to be a woman long ago, didn't I? The day the jewel was entrusted to our village, Kikyou died, and the miko of the Shikon no Tama was born.

There was no regret that day, staring into the ashes of the fire as the flames licked across the hearth. Listening to the messenger's words. There was only pride. Such faith they had in my abilities. I was to be trusted with a jewel of such power. I truely was a priestess, as I had always wished to be.
I remember the fire, flickering and snapping hungrily. Greedy, flames are. Like youkai, fire ravages across the land, ripping apart all it touches. Fire does not change it's nature. Neither do youkai.
Time passed from that day. Kikyou, the young village girl, was not mourned in the wake of the miko. Not even by me. The girl has had been was replaced with the woman that I became. My power grew, and with it, my responsibility. Youkai do not give in easily. The power of the Shikon no Tama could give them power beyond their expectations. Lust knew no bounds.

My heart aches, even more than my shoulder, where the claws struck deeply. Some wounds are worse than others. Am I only discovering this now?
My arrows have always flown true. They never miss their mark. Those youkai paid the price for their greed. I have been trained well, those many years ago.

"Keep your eyes on the target."
I hear her voice, even now, tingled with that gravelly tone she always used when forced to repeat herself. She was a harsh intructor, my grandmother, and expected perfection from everyone. I admired her greatly for that. Although it wasn't until years later, long after she had passed on, that I appreciated her determination.
"Yes, grandmother."
That was the reply expected.
"Feel your arrow, girl. You are not two entities, but one. There is nothing but you and the target."
"Yes, grandmother."
"Do you understand that?"
Her eyes bored down on mine. My eyes are the so similiar to my grandmother's. I wonder what she knew, then. What did she see in me? I hesitated, then answered.
"No, grandmother."
"Ah, but you will, girl. You will."
She'd nodded her her head and "hmph"ed gruffly before continuing with the lesson. I remember how my fingers trembled when she would berate me on my technique. How I would promise myself that I would not cry this time. No matter what she said.

I did not cry when she passed away. I remember feeling sorrow, but there were no tears.
I feel closer to tears now.

I am a miko. And my arrows fly true. The blood on my arm makes it hard to handle the arrow, and I have to force myself to concentrate in order to bring it to the bow.
But am I truely a miko? To allow myself to fall into such a simple trap so easily? A true miko would have been stronger, not swayed by such an emotion.
I fell in love.

I had thought that it would never happen to me. After all, I was a miko. The village girl inside me was dead, wasn't she? I had only one purpose. To guard the Shikon no Tama. But it was a lonely purpose.
And the girl in me was not dead. What I saw in this boy was the same loneliness that I found in myself. We were alike, I told myself. We were meant to be together.
Still, he was youkai. A hanyou, at best. Would such a thing work? Was he to be trusted? In girl in me decided it could be so. The priestess was wary. After all, he might be after the Shikon no Tama, as he had proclaimed at first. But still, he was so lonely. Just as I was. We could be together, couldn't we?
And finally, maybe I could be happy.
Happiness is not meant for me.

Betrayed.
The word resounds with a fury inside my skull. Spoken by a voice that cannot be my own. Taunting me. Laughing at me. I want to shrink away from it. But I cannot. After all, the voice speaks the truth. I am betrayed by a hanyou. A liar and a thief.
The blood flows openly from the wound that has left me staggering, dripping a trail behind me and staining the fabric of my pristine robes. The mark of my station, soiled. It is fitting, now that I think of it. And somehow, I can almost manage a laugh, although it might sound bitter. It dies in my throat, instead.
I should have known. Never become involved with a youkai. They are evil and they all want only one thing.
The Shikon no Tama.
How could he?

"You actually thought I would become human?" His voice is so cold, so filled with hatred, it shatters something inside me. The girl Kikou cries out in my head, and the miko fumes.
Betrayer.
Pain blossoms along my spine, and I can feel the blood oozing from the wound, trickling down my back in crimson rivelts. My vision blurred for a moment as he laughed, telling me what I fool I was. Dangling the jewel in my face. He's going to destroy the village, he says. After all he had done. He lied to me.
He used me.
For a moment, I can only lie there, trembling with pain, sorrow, and despair. I loved him. And he betrayed me. I loved him.
He didn't love me.
A rage began to settle in, forcing back the weaker emotions of heartbroken pain. It was easy to do, those emotions were swept aside as I thought of it. He used me. His love was just an excuse to get closer to the Shikon no Tama. He'd only cared about that the entire time. I was a fool.
"You BASTARD!"
My scream of rage followed him, or so, I hope. He was leaving.
To the village.
I had to stop him.

He was in my village, in my very village, as I staggered back. Somehow, I had made it here. I clutch my bow tighter, the arrow notched there. A prayer sent to Kami that I might remain consious long enough to fulfill my duty. He is here, on the grounds. An explosion rocks one of the buildings, where the altar was erected to house the Tama. I can feel his youki coming closer.
I cared for him. He betrayed me. I thought that I could never be allowed to love. But I did. And it was false. For he never loved me. I loved him, as the best the remanants of the girl Kikyoui could. The priestess in me could not love. I see that now. It would betray her duties.
I loved him once, as a woman.
He betrayed that woman.
My shoulder is going numb. Please, Kami, give me strength. I must-
The jewel throbs with power. it is growing near. He is approaching. I close my eyes, readying myself for this.

"I would do it, Kikyou, for you."
Those golden irises so honest and true as they look down into my own. I see only the lonely boy in them.
"Inu-"
Silencing me with a clawed finger across my lips, he continued.
"I would use the jewel to become human, to be with you."

I had believed him, hadn't I? What a fool I had been. My feeling for him died the moment those claws struck me, hadn't they? No, that was a foolish thing to believe. If only love were the easy. Hed broken my heart just as easily as my body.
Betrayed.
Not for someone else. But for a jewel. Everything he had said to me was a lie. Anger flared from within me, kindling a fire that swept over my heart with a vengence. Kikyou the woman was swept aside with it. The priestess was needed now. It was her duty. But even that anger was short lived.
The jewel.
The hanyou leaps across the shrine grounds before me. Silver hair shining in the light. A fierce grin plays across his feral features. He is beautiful, in the same way a wild beast is.The shouts of the villages in pursuit trailed him. The wind in the trees.
All of that was lost in the pounding of my heart in my throat as I steady the arrow. My arm has long since gone numb, but I know that my aim is true. Time, which had already slowed for me, has all but stopped, if only for these few moments as line up the target.
"Inuyasha!
The target turned his head at the sound of my voice, golden eyes shifting into a startled expression. Surprised his ambush had not killed me, I imagine. The jewel was dangling from his claws.
I have loved him. It should have made me hesitate. He had never loved me. Had he?
My eyes narrowed, I knew the answer to that, the wound was evidence enough.
The bow was strung. The arrow sent loose. The girl inside my heart, nurtured secretly from the time I had accepted my responsibilities, died. Leaving in her wake only the priestess, falling into a pool of her own blood there on the grass.
For you see, my arrows never miss their mark.

~FIN!~

Questions? Comments? Hatemail? Any of the above would do wonderfully. Please, review! It makes my day if someone reviews my stories! I don't know how well I did on Kikyou's character (I hope she isn't too OOCish?), so if anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them? Please?