Stumbling Towards Contentment 7/14
By Ginny K.
See part one for notes and stuff.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things started to get interesting the morning of Friday the 10th. Donna had
just finished a meeting with Billy when Megan appeared, letting her know that
Josh was in her office.
"That's strange." she muttered to herself as she pushed the door open.
Josh was standing in front of her bookshelf, staring at the collection of
pictures she kept there. Donna was surprised to find him wearing a suit and
tie, something he hardly ever did any more.
"Josh?" she said softly as she entered the room.
"Hey." he answered as he looked up from the picture he was holding. He
smiled and handed it towards Donna.
It was a picture taken at the Bartlet farm in Manchester the day Jed had
announced his re-election plans in the fall of 2001. The whole Senior Staff
was sitting on the steps of the porch, with Jed and Abbey standing behind
them, each leaning against a post. Josh was sitting on the step above Donna,
his arm casually over her shoulder. They all had big grins on their faces.
True grins, not ones plastered on for the camera. Donna couldn't help but
smile at the memory.
"Josh, what's up?" she asked softly as she put the picture back on the shelf.
"Feeling nostalgic for the days of the suit and tie?" she asked, trying to
lessen the tension that was clearly about to take over the room.
"I have a meeting."
"At school?" she asked, knowing full well that wasn't the case.
"No." he mumbled as he started to pace the room.
"Josh." she sighed with the tinge of annoyance coming through loud and clear.
"I really don't have time for 20 questions." she said, more harshly than she
had planned.
Her tone stopped Josh dead in his tracks and he slunk down into her visitor's
chair. "Hoynes."
"Hoynes. As in John Hoynes, President of the United States?" she spit out
with a huge deal of sarcasm.
"That would be the one."
"And he invited you to the White House...for tea and scones...to ask for your
help in finding the secret passage way....what Josh?"
"Donna, I honestly don't know. I talked to him for a few minutes at the
party before Christmas. We chatted about his election campaign and I wished
him a Merry Christmas. That was it, I swear."
Donna stared at him for a minute, trying to decide if she believed him or
not. It was almost too big of a coincidence given the way Josh was feeling,
or at least the way she thought Josh was feeling lately. She decided to give
him the benefit of the doubt.
"Fine. I believe you." she said softly as she looked into his big brown eyes
to see if she could catch the telltale look he got when he was lying. She
didn't see a thing.
"I have to go. My appointment's in 20 minutes." he said as he stood up.
Donna came out from behind her desk and stood before him with an uncertain
look on her face. She reached out to straighten his tie and brush a stray
lock of hair back into place. Reaching over to the chair she grabbed his
overcoat and held it up for him to slip on. When it was on Josh turned to
face Donna. He caressed her cheek and kissed her softly. "I love you." was
all he whispered before he disappeared down the hallway.
Donna watched him move down the hallway. She laughed bitterly at the fact
that, despite the cane, he was almost swaggering. And that was something she
hadn't seen in a long time.
With a heavy sigh she turned her attention back to the pile of work on her
desk. A few minutes later Megan poked her head in and announced that Sam was
on the phone. Donna took a deep breath and picked up the receiver.
"Samuel, what a surprise." she said, making no effort to hide her tone.
"Donna I swear I didn't know about this until 5 minutes ago when Josh called
me."
"I guess I'll have to believe you since you can't look me in the eye from
there."
"I swear, my baby blues are telling the truth. So what exactly is this
meeting?"
"I don't know. And I'm beginning to think Josh doesn't really know either."
"What did he say?"
"Not much. Just that he had an appointment with Hoynes."
"OK. We're not getting anywhere. How has he been since I talked to you
last?"
"Restless and bored. He still wasn't really feeling well until a few days
ago. I just know he's looking to get back into the whole political scene."
"Donna, you say that with so much disgust. And...I just don't get it. That's
who Josh is. Even though he's been basically out of the loop for a decade
it's still a part of him. It always will be. Even with his teaching he's
always done a little consulting on the side. What's so different now?"
"Because I don't think the little bit of consulting he does is enough
anymore. I don't know why..but that's my gut feeling."
"Donna, what are you afraid of?" asked Sam softly.
"I'm afraid of losing him. Losing him to this life that has the power to
just suck him in and rip him away from his family. I'm worried about his
health. And deep down, I know he is too. But you know what my biggest fear
is?"
"I think so."
"What?"
"You're afraid he'll fail and you'll be left to pick up the pieces. You're
worried he's going to have to face his limitations. And you're worried those
limitations will destroy him emotionally."
Donna laughed bitterly. "You should have gone into psychiatry Sam."
"No. I just know my best friend." he sighed. "And his wife." he added
softly.
"I guess Josh and I will sit down and talk tonight. Get things out in the
open and...."
"Fight."
"Probably. Although I hope not. Wish me luck."
"Good luck. I love you guys."
"We love you too, Sam. Bye." whispered Donna as she wiped a stray tear from
her cheek.
Two hours later Josh walked out of the White House. He was excited,
confused, and terrified all at the same time. Hoynes had offered him a
position as a Political Advisor for his re-election campaign. Josh was
flattered and told him he needed to discuss it with Donna.
With a heavy sigh Josh started walking. He walked up to the Washington
Monument, circled it a few times, wandered down the path and through the
Korean War Memorial ending up at the Lincoln Memorial. He climbed the steps
slowly with his cane. He bid silent reverence to the massive marble likeness
of Abe and sat down on the top step, gazing across the reflecting pool. His
focus wandered from the Washington Monument to the dome of the Capitol beyond
it. He thought about calling Donna but he knew this was not a conversation
for the phone.
He glanced at his watch. He needed to get moving if he was going to make it
home in time to get the boys from school. He started down the steps, taking
his time with the cane. He made it to the school just as the boys were
getting out. He chatted with them as they walked home. When they got home
the boys headed for the kitchen to grab a snack and Josh went to change his
clothes. By the time he was done the boys were out of the kitchen and off to
play. He took some meatballs and sauce out of the freezer, thawed them in
the microwave and set them to simmer on the stove.
He listened to the messages on the answering machine. There was one from
Donna saying she would be home by six. The fact that she hadn't bothered to
call his cell phone and tell him that made him shudder a little.
Restless and fidgety he paced around the house for a while, finally ending up
in his study with the phone in his hand. He dialed Jed's number from memory
and waited for someone to pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi Jed, it's Josh."
"I was waiting for you to call."
"I guess you've spoken to Hoynes recently."
"Last night. So, what's up?"
"Well, I guess you know what he offered me."
"I do. Now what?"
"Honestly, I don't know. I'm pacing around waiting for Donna to get home.
Jed, she's gonna freak."
"Yeah, she probably will."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"I just tell'em like I see'em. So what do you want?"
"I'm torn. Part of me wants to pack my bags and join the campaign tonight.
But then I think realistically. I'm a middle-aged father of two young
children. I've had a stroke, I have PTSD. I don't know if I can handle it."
"What about Donna?"
"The only thing she knows at the moment was that I had an appointment with
Hoynes this afternoon. I honestly didn't know what he was going to say.
She'll be home in a few hours. She's going to freak." he repeated.
"Yes, she is. Josh, listen to her. Talk to her. Think this through
together."
"That's your advice?" chuckled Josh.
"Yes, Joshua, that's all your getting. Call me in a few days."
"Thank you sir."
"Josh." sighed Jed.
"Thanks, Jed."
"You're welcome son. Talk to you soon."
"Bye."
Josh hung up the phone and resumed his pacing. He stirred the sauce, got the
box of spaghetti out of the cabinet and opened the fridge to grab some stuff
to make a salad. Jessie wandered in the room.
"Hey Daddy. Mommy coming home for dinner?"
"Yep. You want to tear the lettuce?"
"Sure." said Jessie as he pulled up a chair so he could wash his hands.
"Did you go to work today?"
"No, I have another couple of weeks off, why?"
"You were wearing a tie."
"Oh, I went to the White House."
"Did you see the President?"
"Sure did. I had a meeting with him." said Josh as he washed a tomato and
put it on the cutting board.
"Yuck, tomatoes." whined Jessie.
"I'll leave them big, you can pick them out." offered Josh.
"OK."
They finished up the salad and Jessie hopped down to go find his brother.
With the salad done and Jessie off to play with Jake, Josh was left by
himself. He tried to think of a good way to break the news to Donna. Not
coming up with anything he grabbed a beer out of the fridge. He put on a
sweatshirt and his jacket and went to sit on the front porch swing. The
weather had been warm for January and Josh was happy not to have to deal with
snow and ice. One fall a winter was enough for him.
As he sipped the beer he thought, really thought, about what he wanted to do.
For the past 2 hours, there'd just been one thought after another running
through his head. Now for the first time he was actually able to calm down a
little and think about Hoynes' offer. So he sat, swinging and drinking his
beer for almost an hour. The sun had set not long ago and the boys had just
been out to check on him. He sent them in to set the table for dinner.
By the time Donna pulled into the driveway a little while later he knew what
he wanted to say.
TBC
By Ginny K.
See part one for notes and stuff.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things started to get interesting the morning of Friday the 10th. Donna had
just finished a meeting with Billy when Megan appeared, letting her know that
Josh was in her office.
"That's strange." she muttered to herself as she pushed the door open.
Josh was standing in front of her bookshelf, staring at the collection of
pictures she kept there. Donna was surprised to find him wearing a suit and
tie, something he hardly ever did any more.
"Josh?" she said softly as she entered the room.
"Hey." he answered as he looked up from the picture he was holding. He
smiled and handed it towards Donna.
It was a picture taken at the Bartlet farm in Manchester the day Jed had
announced his re-election plans in the fall of 2001. The whole Senior Staff
was sitting on the steps of the porch, with Jed and Abbey standing behind
them, each leaning against a post. Josh was sitting on the step above Donna,
his arm casually over her shoulder. They all had big grins on their faces.
True grins, not ones plastered on for the camera. Donna couldn't help but
smile at the memory.
"Josh, what's up?" she asked softly as she put the picture back on the shelf.
"Feeling nostalgic for the days of the suit and tie?" she asked, trying to
lessen the tension that was clearly about to take over the room.
"I have a meeting."
"At school?" she asked, knowing full well that wasn't the case.
"No." he mumbled as he started to pace the room.
"Josh." she sighed with the tinge of annoyance coming through loud and clear.
"I really don't have time for 20 questions." she said, more harshly than she
had planned.
Her tone stopped Josh dead in his tracks and he slunk down into her visitor's
chair. "Hoynes."
"Hoynes. As in John Hoynes, President of the United States?" she spit out
with a huge deal of sarcasm.
"That would be the one."
"And he invited you to the White House...for tea and scones...to ask for your
help in finding the secret passage way....what Josh?"
"Donna, I honestly don't know. I talked to him for a few minutes at the
party before Christmas. We chatted about his election campaign and I wished
him a Merry Christmas. That was it, I swear."
Donna stared at him for a minute, trying to decide if she believed him or
not. It was almost too big of a coincidence given the way Josh was feeling,
or at least the way she thought Josh was feeling lately. She decided to give
him the benefit of the doubt.
"Fine. I believe you." she said softly as she looked into his big brown eyes
to see if she could catch the telltale look he got when he was lying. She
didn't see a thing.
"I have to go. My appointment's in 20 minutes." he said as he stood up.
Donna came out from behind her desk and stood before him with an uncertain
look on her face. She reached out to straighten his tie and brush a stray
lock of hair back into place. Reaching over to the chair she grabbed his
overcoat and held it up for him to slip on. When it was on Josh turned to
face Donna. He caressed her cheek and kissed her softly. "I love you." was
all he whispered before he disappeared down the hallway.
Donna watched him move down the hallway. She laughed bitterly at the fact
that, despite the cane, he was almost swaggering. And that was something she
hadn't seen in a long time.
With a heavy sigh she turned her attention back to the pile of work on her
desk. A few minutes later Megan poked her head in and announced that Sam was
on the phone. Donna took a deep breath and picked up the receiver.
"Samuel, what a surprise." she said, making no effort to hide her tone.
"Donna I swear I didn't know about this until 5 minutes ago when Josh called
me."
"I guess I'll have to believe you since you can't look me in the eye from
there."
"I swear, my baby blues are telling the truth. So what exactly is this
meeting?"
"I don't know. And I'm beginning to think Josh doesn't really know either."
"What did he say?"
"Not much. Just that he had an appointment with Hoynes."
"OK. We're not getting anywhere. How has he been since I talked to you
last?"
"Restless and bored. He still wasn't really feeling well until a few days
ago. I just know he's looking to get back into the whole political scene."
"Donna, you say that with so much disgust. And...I just don't get it. That's
who Josh is. Even though he's been basically out of the loop for a decade
it's still a part of him. It always will be. Even with his teaching he's
always done a little consulting on the side. What's so different now?"
"Because I don't think the little bit of consulting he does is enough
anymore. I don't know why..but that's my gut feeling."
"Donna, what are you afraid of?" asked Sam softly.
"I'm afraid of losing him. Losing him to this life that has the power to
just suck him in and rip him away from his family. I'm worried about his
health. And deep down, I know he is too. But you know what my biggest fear
is?"
"I think so."
"What?"
"You're afraid he'll fail and you'll be left to pick up the pieces. You're
worried he's going to have to face his limitations. And you're worried those
limitations will destroy him emotionally."
Donna laughed bitterly. "You should have gone into psychiatry Sam."
"No. I just know my best friend." he sighed. "And his wife." he added
softly.
"I guess Josh and I will sit down and talk tonight. Get things out in the
open and...."
"Fight."
"Probably. Although I hope not. Wish me luck."
"Good luck. I love you guys."
"We love you too, Sam. Bye." whispered Donna as she wiped a stray tear from
her cheek.
Two hours later Josh walked out of the White House. He was excited,
confused, and terrified all at the same time. Hoynes had offered him a
position as a Political Advisor for his re-election campaign. Josh was
flattered and told him he needed to discuss it with Donna.
With a heavy sigh Josh started walking. He walked up to the Washington
Monument, circled it a few times, wandered down the path and through the
Korean War Memorial ending up at the Lincoln Memorial. He climbed the steps
slowly with his cane. He bid silent reverence to the massive marble likeness
of Abe and sat down on the top step, gazing across the reflecting pool. His
focus wandered from the Washington Monument to the dome of the Capitol beyond
it. He thought about calling Donna but he knew this was not a conversation
for the phone.
He glanced at his watch. He needed to get moving if he was going to make it
home in time to get the boys from school. He started down the steps, taking
his time with the cane. He made it to the school just as the boys were
getting out. He chatted with them as they walked home. When they got home
the boys headed for the kitchen to grab a snack and Josh went to change his
clothes. By the time he was done the boys were out of the kitchen and off to
play. He took some meatballs and sauce out of the freezer, thawed them in
the microwave and set them to simmer on the stove.
He listened to the messages on the answering machine. There was one from
Donna saying she would be home by six. The fact that she hadn't bothered to
call his cell phone and tell him that made him shudder a little.
Restless and fidgety he paced around the house for a while, finally ending up
in his study with the phone in his hand. He dialed Jed's number from memory
and waited for someone to pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi Jed, it's Josh."
"I was waiting for you to call."
"I guess you've spoken to Hoynes recently."
"Last night. So, what's up?"
"Well, I guess you know what he offered me."
"I do. Now what?"
"Honestly, I don't know. I'm pacing around waiting for Donna to get home.
Jed, she's gonna freak."
"Yeah, she probably will."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"I just tell'em like I see'em. So what do you want?"
"I'm torn. Part of me wants to pack my bags and join the campaign tonight.
But then I think realistically. I'm a middle-aged father of two young
children. I've had a stroke, I have PTSD. I don't know if I can handle it."
"What about Donna?"
"The only thing she knows at the moment was that I had an appointment with
Hoynes this afternoon. I honestly didn't know what he was going to say.
She'll be home in a few hours. She's going to freak." he repeated.
"Yes, she is. Josh, listen to her. Talk to her. Think this through
together."
"That's your advice?" chuckled Josh.
"Yes, Joshua, that's all your getting. Call me in a few days."
"Thank you sir."
"Josh." sighed Jed.
"Thanks, Jed."
"You're welcome son. Talk to you soon."
"Bye."
Josh hung up the phone and resumed his pacing. He stirred the sauce, got the
box of spaghetti out of the cabinet and opened the fridge to grab some stuff
to make a salad. Jessie wandered in the room.
"Hey Daddy. Mommy coming home for dinner?"
"Yep. You want to tear the lettuce?"
"Sure." said Jessie as he pulled up a chair so he could wash his hands.
"Did you go to work today?"
"No, I have another couple of weeks off, why?"
"You were wearing a tie."
"Oh, I went to the White House."
"Did you see the President?"
"Sure did. I had a meeting with him." said Josh as he washed a tomato and
put it on the cutting board.
"Yuck, tomatoes." whined Jessie.
"I'll leave them big, you can pick them out." offered Josh.
"OK."
They finished up the salad and Jessie hopped down to go find his brother.
With the salad done and Jessie off to play with Jake, Josh was left by
himself. He tried to think of a good way to break the news to Donna. Not
coming up with anything he grabbed a beer out of the fridge. He put on a
sweatshirt and his jacket and went to sit on the front porch swing. The
weather had been warm for January and Josh was happy not to have to deal with
snow and ice. One fall a winter was enough for him.
As he sipped the beer he thought, really thought, about what he wanted to do.
For the past 2 hours, there'd just been one thought after another running
through his head. Now for the first time he was actually able to calm down a
little and think about Hoynes' offer. So he sat, swinging and drinking his
beer for almost an hour. The sun had set not long ago and the boys had just
been out to check on him. He sent them in to set the table for dinner.
By the time Donna pulled into the driveway a little while later he knew what
he wanted to say.
TBC