Stumbling Towards Contentment 8/14
By Ginny K.
See part one for notes and stuff.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey." she said softly as she climbed up the steps. She walked over to the
swing and sat down next to him, dropping her tote bag next to her.
"Hi."
Josh leaned over to kiss her softly. Donna broke the kiss and pulled back a
little, resting her forehead on Josh's.
"Donna, I need..."
"Shh." said Donna as she reached up to put her warm fingers against his
chilly lips. "Later. Ok?"
Josh nodded and then smiled as she took the beer bottle from him and drained
the rest of it as she stood up.
Dinner was strained. They tried to keep up a conversation with the boys but
even they knew something was up. After the boys cleared the table Donna sent
them to the family room to play.
Josh put the dishes in the dishwasher and put on the teakettle while Donna
put away the leftovers. They made mindless small talk while they waited for
the kettle to whistle. When the water was ready Donna made two big mugs of
tea and handed one to Josh.
"You want to go out on the porch?" he asked, not really wanting the boys to
hear what could turn out to be a very loud conversation.
"Sure. You grab the afghan and I'll go tell them we'll be outside."
Josh grabbed his coat and pulled afghan off the back of the couch. Shoving
his feet into his slippers he headed outside. The temperature had dropped
considerably with the setting sun but it was still well above freezing. The
sky was clear and the stars bright, lifting his mood just a little. He
settled down at one end of the swing and waited for Donna.
She stood in the doorway for a minute watching Josh. He didn't know she was
there and she saw the nervousness on his face as he talked to himself,
obviously trying to decide what to say to her. Coughing a little to make her
presence known she pushed open the door and crossed the porch to where he was
waiting.
Josh held up the end of the blanket so she could sit down next to him. After
taking a large sip of her tea she set the mug on the table at the end of the
swing. He took a large sip too and Donna put his tea down next to hers.
Awkwardly, Donna sat down at the opposite end of the swing but then an
instant later motioned for Josh to scoot down closer to her. He rested his
head on her shoulder for a minute while she ran her mittened hand down his
cheek.
After a kiss to his forehead Donna finally broke the silence. "So tell me
about the meeting." she said with genuine interest and not even a hint of
hostility.
With a deep breath to try and calm himself down Josh spoke. "Hoynes offered
me a job with the re-election campaign. And I'm considering taking it."
He looked up expectantly at Donna, waiting for her to explode. But she
didn't. All day she had prepared herself for this moment, without knowing
exactly what the moment would hold. She knew exploding wouldn't do anything
constructive and so she decided to try her best to remain calm. With a
little nod of her head she motioned for Josh to go on.. Her lack of emotion,
good or bad had startled him and it took him a moment to continue.
"Uh, he needs a Political Advisor. His current one is leaving at the end of
the month. Apparently I came out at the top of the short list."
"Yeah, I guess you did. So now what?"
"God Donna, am I nuts to want this? I mean...It's been a decade since I've
lead this life; since we've led this life. I love teaching, I really do.
But lately it's just not..."
"Enough?"
"Yeah. Politics is my life. It's who I am, it's who I've always been. The
consulting I do is great. But it's not enough." he explained. He searched
her face for a minute. "Why aren't you more surprised by this?"
"I knew it was coming."
"Hoynes talked to you?" asked Josh, sounding shocked.
"No, no. I didn't know about the job offer. I just knew you weren't happy.
You haven't been ever since the stroke. During the last few months it's been
pretty obvious."
"I guess it has. I just...I don't know, it took me a long time to figure out
what my problem was."
"I know. So what are we going to do?"
"First things first; how do you feel about my taking the job?"
"Scared."
Josh laughed a little, "Good, then I'm not the only one who's terrified."
"Nope. You need to find out how much is involved. Does Hoynes expect you to
be on the road all the time? I honestly don't know if you can physically do
that. Let's be realistic; there is no way you can keep up the pace you did
during Jed first campaign."
"I could barely keep up then." chuckled Josh. "What about you and the boys?
Is this even fair to the three of you?"
"It's not a question of things being fair. It's a question of what's right
for our family. It's not like it would be forever, the election is 10 months
away."
"Yeah." said Josh as he suddenly looked away.
Donna moved her head to look him in the eye. Josh deliberately tried not to
meet her gaze, causing Donna to stop and think for a minute.
"Josh, you left something out didn't you?"
"Maybe." he admitted meekly.
"Joshua." she said in a tone usually reserved for the boys.
"Assuming he wins, Hoynes mentioned something about a job after the
election."
"Oh." was all Donna could say. In all the thinking she had done during the
day, the thought that Hoynes might be looking to hire Josh permanently never
crossed her mind. She had no idea why, but it just hadn't.
"I take it that changes things?" asked Josh as he moved a little further away
from Donna on the swing.
Donna got off the couch and paced the length of the porch before saying a
word. "Yeah, it changes things. Ten months is one thing, 5 years is
something different. Am I a terrible person if I say that there's no way in
hell I want you to work at the White House fulltime again?"
"No." whispered Josh, "Not terrible...realistic."
"Now what? Do you think Hoynes would want you for the campaign even if you
have no intention of staying after it's over?"
"Yeah. He assured me the two had nothing to do with each other."
"What about school? The semester starts in a few weeks."
"I'd have to take 2 semesters off."
"God Josh, I don't know." sighed Donna. "Let's go in, I'm freezing."
She gathered the mugs in one hand and helped Josh up with the other.
"Why don't you go check on the boys, I'm going to find something for
dessert." said Josh as he headed for the kitchen.
"OK. There's Ben and Jerry's in the freezer. Don't bother with a bowl, I'm
sure we'll finish it." she said with a grin.
Josh got the ice cream out and hopped up onto the counter, careful not to
bang his head on the cabinet. He was thankful for a few minutes alone. As a
whole he thought the conversation was going well. No one had yelled or
gotten overly upset. He just hoped that would last.
A few minutes later Donna came out in her pajamas, well, actually his
pajamas.
"Hey, don't you have pajamas of your own?" he teased.
"Yeah, but I like yours better." she smirked as she reached out for the ice
cream. "So where were we?"
"Uh, I was taking two semesters off of school."
"Yeah. Look, the thought of you working on the campaign is something I can
live with. But I have to be honest with you, I'm not at all thrilled about
the idea of you doing it for 5 years."
"Honestly, I can't see it either." he admitted. "So you're willing to let me
give it a try."
"It's not a case of me letting you do anything Josh, you're a grown man.
It's about us coming to a mutual decision like the adults that we are."
"OK, so do we mutually agree that I can take Hoynes' offer?"
"A few conditions, rules if you will." smirked Donna.
Josh rolled his eyes. "In the name of all that is good and holy, please no
rules."
"No rules, no job." teased Donna in a tone that led him to correctly assume
she wasn't completely teasing.
"Fine, what?"
"First thing is you discuss this with Dr. Connors. I want her opinion. I
also want you to go back to the therapist, regularly."
"What? I don't have time to sit and talk to him." whined Josh.
"That's not negotiable Josh. You should have been seeing him regularly all
along but you slacked off and I let you. No more, party's over."
"Fine. What else?"
"You have to promise to take care of yourself. I mean it Josh, if I see
you're getting too run down and not eating right that's it, you're done.
"Yes, Mom." teased Josh.
"Joshua." she said, in a tone that told him she was dead serious. He had
visions of her dragging him home from the West Coast by his ear lobe.
"Agreed." he said softly as he put down the ice cream and pulled her over
until she stood in between his knees.
Josh kissed the top of her head and held her close for a few minutes.
"Everything's going to be fine." he whispered.
"I know." she said with a little sniff.
"Honey, why are you crying?"
"I don't even know."
"Well, then just stop." he teased.
Donna pulled back to look him in the eye. He reached out to wipe her tears
with his thumbs. "I'm going to go make sure the boys are in bed. Why don't
you lock up?" said Donna.
"No, I'll go up and check on them." he said as he slid off the counter.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'll be down in a little while."
Thirty minutes later Donna was brushing her teeth and about to get into bed
when she realized she hadn't heard a sound coming from upstairs in a while.
She went up to investigate and found the 3 guys in Jessie's room. Josh and
Jessie were side by side on the twin bed, Josh was sitting up with a book in
his hand and Jessie was stretched out next to him. Jake was curled up at the
end of the bed. All were sound asleep. She was tempted to just leave them
there but Josh was basically asleep sitting up and she knew he'd whine about
his back in the morning if she left him there.
"Josh." she said softly as she kissed his cheek and ran her fingers through
his hair. "Wake up and come down to bed."
"Huh?" asked Josh as he opened his eyes halfway. "Oh, yeah." he muttered
when he realized where he was.
Donna handed him his cane and helped him up. When they got to the landing
she looked him in the eye to make sure he was awake enough to navigate the
stairs.
"I'm fine." he assured her.
A little while later Donna was sound asleep. Josh was still wide-awake,
wired with excitement. He got up out of bed so he wouldn't wake Donna with
his tossing and turning. He wandered into the kitchen for a drink of water
and glancing at the clock decided it wasn't too late to call Sam. He grabbed
the portable phone off the wall in the kitchen and dialed as he finished his
water. He tapped his foot nervously as he waited for Sam to answer.
"Hello."
"Hey, Sam."
"Josh, I figured you'd be calling." teased Sam as he pushed open the sliding
door to his patio, stepped out and stretched out on a lounge chair. "Well?"
"Barring a veto by my doctor I'm going to take the job."
"Wow, Donna agreed to this?" asked Sam, pretty shocked.
"Yeah. She took it pretty well. She wasn't surprised at all, actually. I
think she knew I was unhappy before I did. I have to take 2 semesters off
from teaching. And of course Donna set up some rules."
"Oh no, not rules." teased Sam.
"Yeah, well, nothing outrageous. Other than clearing things with Dr.
Connors, I have to see the therapist regularly and promise to actually take
care of myself."
"You realize that third rule is the one that's going to trip you up."
"Yeah, I do. Thanks for the vote of confidence buddy."
"Anytime. So you and Donna are really ok?"
"Yeah, I think so. We'll tell the boys in the morning and I'll call Hoynes
later tomorrow. I can't believe it Sam, I really can't."
"I'm happy for you Josh, really. You've been through enough lately; it's
nice to hear some excitement in your voice. So any trip out here planned
yet?"
"I don't have a schedule at all but I'm sure we'll be out there sometime
before November." said Josh with a big yawn.
"Good. Why don't we hang up, you sound exhausted. Call me later in the week
when you know some more details."
"I will. Bye."
"Bye."
Josh wandered around the house for another 10 minutes or so until the urge to
sleep finally came to him. He climbed in to bed and Donna curled up next to
him, still sound asleep.
TBC
By Ginny K.
See part one for notes and stuff.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey." she said softly as she climbed up the steps. She walked over to the
swing and sat down next to him, dropping her tote bag next to her.
"Hi."
Josh leaned over to kiss her softly. Donna broke the kiss and pulled back a
little, resting her forehead on Josh's.
"Donna, I need..."
"Shh." said Donna as she reached up to put her warm fingers against his
chilly lips. "Later. Ok?"
Josh nodded and then smiled as she took the beer bottle from him and drained
the rest of it as she stood up.
Dinner was strained. They tried to keep up a conversation with the boys but
even they knew something was up. After the boys cleared the table Donna sent
them to the family room to play.
Josh put the dishes in the dishwasher and put on the teakettle while Donna
put away the leftovers. They made mindless small talk while they waited for
the kettle to whistle. When the water was ready Donna made two big mugs of
tea and handed one to Josh.
"You want to go out on the porch?" he asked, not really wanting the boys to
hear what could turn out to be a very loud conversation.
"Sure. You grab the afghan and I'll go tell them we'll be outside."
Josh grabbed his coat and pulled afghan off the back of the couch. Shoving
his feet into his slippers he headed outside. The temperature had dropped
considerably with the setting sun but it was still well above freezing. The
sky was clear and the stars bright, lifting his mood just a little. He
settled down at one end of the swing and waited for Donna.
She stood in the doorway for a minute watching Josh. He didn't know she was
there and she saw the nervousness on his face as he talked to himself,
obviously trying to decide what to say to her. Coughing a little to make her
presence known she pushed open the door and crossed the porch to where he was
waiting.
Josh held up the end of the blanket so she could sit down next to him. After
taking a large sip of her tea she set the mug on the table at the end of the
swing. He took a large sip too and Donna put his tea down next to hers.
Awkwardly, Donna sat down at the opposite end of the swing but then an
instant later motioned for Josh to scoot down closer to her. He rested his
head on her shoulder for a minute while she ran her mittened hand down his
cheek.
After a kiss to his forehead Donna finally broke the silence. "So tell me
about the meeting." she said with genuine interest and not even a hint of
hostility.
With a deep breath to try and calm himself down Josh spoke. "Hoynes offered
me a job with the re-election campaign. And I'm considering taking it."
He looked up expectantly at Donna, waiting for her to explode. But she
didn't. All day she had prepared herself for this moment, without knowing
exactly what the moment would hold. She knew exploding wouldn't do anything
constructive and so she decided to try her best to remain calm. With a
little nod of her head she motioned for Josh to go on.. Her lack of emotion,
good or bad had startled him and it took him a moment to continue.
"Uh, he needs a Political Advisor. His current one is leaving at the end of
the month. Apparently I came out at the top of the short list."
"Yeah, I guess you did. So now what?"
"God Donna, am I nuts to want this? I mean...It's been a decade since I've
lead this life; since we've led this life. I love teaching, I really do.
But lately it's just not..."
"Enough?"
"Yeah. Politics is my life. It's who I am, it's who I've always been. The
consulting I do is great. But it's not enough." he explained. He searched
her face for a minute. "Why aren't you more surprised by this?"
"I knew it was coming."
"Hoynes talked to you?" asked Josh, sounding shocked.
"No, no. I didn't know about the job offer. I just knew you weren't happy.
You haven't been ever since the stroke. During the last few months it's been
pretty obvious."
"I guess it has. I just...I don't know, it took me a long time to figure out
what my problem was."
"I know. So what are we going to do?"
"First things first; how do you feel about my taking the job?"
"Scared."
Josh laughed a little, "Good, then I'm not the only one who's terrified."
"Nope. You need to find out how much is involved. Does Hoynes expect you to
be on the road all the time? I honestly don't know if you can physically do
that. Let's be realistic; there is no way you can keep up the pace you did
during Jed first campaign."
"I could barely keep up then." chuckled Josh. "What about you and the boys?
Is this even fair to the three of you?"
"It's not a question of things being fair. It's a question of what's right
for our family. It's not like it would be forever, the election is 10 months
away."
"Yeah." said Josh as he suddenly looked away.
Donna moved her head to look him in the eye. Josh deliberately tried not to
meet her gaze, causing Donna to stop and think for a minute.
"Josh, you left something out didn't you?"
"Maybe." he admitted meekly.
"Joshua." she said in a tone usually reserved for the boys.
"Assuming he wins, Hoynes mentioned something about a job after the
election."
"Oh." was all Donna could say. In all the thinking she had done during the
day, the thought that Hoynes might be looking to hire Josh permanently never
crossed her mind. She had no idea why, but it just hadn't.
"I take it that changes things?" asked Josh as he moved a little further away
from Donna on the swing.
Donna got off the couch and paced the length of the porch before saying a
word. "Yeah, it changes things. Ten months is one thing, 5 years is
something different. Am I a terrible person if I say that there's no way in
hell I want you to work at the White House fulltime again?"
"No." whispered Josh, "Not terrible...realistic."
"Now what? Do you think Hoynes would want you for the campaign even if you
have no intention of staying after it's over?"
"Yeah. He assured me the two had nothing to do with each other."
"What about school? The semester starts in a few weeks."
"I'd have to take 2 semesters off."
"God Josh, I don't know." sighed Donna. "Let's go in, I'm freezing."
She gathered the mugs in one hand and helped Josh up with the other.
"Why don't you go check on the boys, I'm going to find something for
dessert." said Josh as he headed for the kitchen.
"OK. There's Ben and Jerry's in the freezer. Don't bother with a bowl, I'm
sure we'll finish it." she said with a grin.
Josh got the ice cream out and hopped up onto the counter, careful not to
bang his head on the cabinet. He was thankful for a few minutes alone. As a
whole he thought the conversation was going well. No one had yelled or
gotten overly upset. He just hoped that would last.
A few minutes later Donna came out in her pajamas, well, actually his
pajamas.
"Hey, don't you have pajamas of your own?" he teased.
"Yeah, but I like yours better." she smirked as she reached out for the ice
cream. "So where were we?"
"Uh, I was taking two semesters off of school."
"Yeah. Look, the thought of you working on the campaign is something I can
live with. But I have to be honest with you, I'm not at all thrilled about
the idea of you doing it for 5 years."
"Honestly, I can't see it either." he admitted. "So you're willing to let me
give it a try."
"It's not a case of me letting you do anything Josh, you're a grown man.
It's about us coming to a mutual decision like the adults that we are."
"OK, so do we mutually agree that I can take Hoynes' offer?"
"A few conditions, rules if you will." smirked Donna.
Josh rolled his eyes. "In the name of all that is good and holy, please no
rules."
"No rules, no job." teased Donna in a tone that led him to correctly assume
she wasn't completely teasing.
"Fine, what?"
"First thing is you discuss this with Dr. Connors. I want her opinion. I
also want you to go back to the therapist, regularly."
"What? I don't have time to sit and talk to him." whined Josh.
"That's not negotiable Josh. You should have been seeing him regularly all
along but you slacked off and I let you. No more, party's over."
"Fine. What else?"
"You have to promise to take care of yourself. I mean it Josh, if I see
you're getting too run down and not eating right that's it, you're done.
"Yes, Mom." teased Josh.
"Joshua." she said, in a tone that told him she was dead serious. He had
visions of her dragging him home from the West Coast by his ear lobe.
"Agreed." he said softly as he put down the ice cream and pulled her over
until she stood in between his knees.
Josh kissed the top of her head and held her close for a few minutes.
"Everything's going to be fine." he whispered.
"I know." she said with a little sniff.
"Honey, why are you crying?"
"I don't even know."
"Well, then just stop." he teased.
Donna pulled back to look him in the eye. He reached out to wipe her tears
with his thumbs. "I'm going to go make sure the boys are in bed. Why don't
you lock up?" said Donna.
"No, I'll go up and check on them." he said as he slid off the counter.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'll be down in a little while."
Thirty minutes later Donna was brushing her teeth and about to get into bed
when she realized she hadn't heard a sound coming from upstairs in a while.
She went up to investigate and found the 3 guys in Jessie's room. Josh and
Jessie were side by side on the twin bed, Josh was sitting up with a book in
his hand and Jessie was stretched out next to him. Jake was curled up at the
end of the bed. All were sound asleep. She was tempted to just leave them
there but Josh was basically asleep sitting up and she knew he'd whine about
his back in the morning if she left him there.
"Josh." she said softly as she kissed his cheek and ran her fingers through
his hair. "Wake up and come down to bed."
"Huh?" asked Josh as he opened his eyes halfway. "Oh, yeah." he muttered
when he realized where he was.
Donna handed him his cane and helped him up. When they got to the landing
she looked him in the eye to make sure he was awake enough to navigate the
stairs.
"I'm fine." he assured her.
A little while later Donna was sound asleep. Josh was still wide-awake,
wired with excitement. He got up out of bed so he wouldn't wake Donna with
his tossing and turning. He wandered into the kitchen for a drink of water
and glancing at the clock decided it wasn't too late to call Sam. He grabbed
the portable phone off the wall in the kitchen and dialed as he finished his
water. He tapped his foot nervously as he waited for Sam to answer.
"Hello."
"Hey, Sam."
"Josh, I figured you'd be calling." teased Sam as he pushed open the sliding
door to his patio, stepped out and stretched out on a lounge chair. "Well?"
"Barring a veto by my doctor I'm going to take the job."
"Wow, Donna agreed to this?" asked Sam, pretty shocked.
"Yeah. She took it pretty well. She wasn't surprised at all, actually. I
think she knew I was unhappy before I did. I have to take 2 semesters off
from teaching. And of course Donna set up some rules."
"Oh no, not rules." teased Sam.
"Yeah, well, nothing outrageous. Other than clearing things with Dr.
Connors, I have to see the therapist regularly and promise to actually take
care of myself."
"You realize that third rule is the one that's going to trip you up."
"Yeah, I do. Thanks for the vote of confidence buddy."
"Anytime. So you and Donna are really ok?"
"Yeah, I think so. We'll tell the boys in the morning and I'll call Hoynes
later tomorrow. I can't believe it Sam, I really can't."
"I'm happy for you Josh, really. You've been through enough lately; it's
nice to hear some excitement in your voice. So any trip out here planned
yet?"
"I don't have a schedule at all but I'm sure we'll be out there sometime
before November." said Josh with a big yawn.
"Good. Why don't we hang up, you sound exhausted. Call me later in the week
when you know some more details."
"I will. Bye."
"Bye."
Josh wandered around the house for another 10 minutes or so until the urge to
sleep finally came to him. He climbed in to bed and Donna curled up next to
him, still sound asleep.
TBC