Stumbling Towards Contentment 12/14
By Ginny K.
See part one for notes and stuff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Donna had expected, it turned out to be a long night. Josh woke up just
about every hour on the hour. His fever stayed up and he was truly
miserable.
About 5 in the morning Donna woke up to the feeling of Josh getting out of
bed. She saw him head for the bathroom. When he didn't close the door
behind him she got up to check on him. He was sitting on the edge of the
tub, shaking and very pale.
Donna took one look at him and turned back into the bedroom to grab the
blanket off the back of the chair. She came back and sat down next to him,
wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. Placing her hand against his
cheek she sighed how hot he felt. She reached over and grabbed the
thermometer off the counter.
"Still up?" he asked quietly as Donna took a glance at the read out.
"102.1." said Donna as she glanced out at the small clock on the shelf.
"It's been long enough, I'll get some more Tylenol. You want anything else?"
"Ginger ale." he whispered.
Donna was back in a minute with the pills and a can of soda. She opened the
soda and handed it to him. He swallowed the pills, handed her back the soda
and opened his mouth to speak but ended up leaning over the toilet to get
sick.
"Sshh, it's ok. Just relax...I'm right here...take a breath." murmured Donna
as she put a cool cloth on the back of his neck, held his head and rubbed his
back. Not having eaten very much he quickly entered the dry heaving part of
the ordeal.
It took a good twenty minutes for him to calm down and catch his breath
enough to consider moving away from the toilet. He eventually just sat back
against the wall next to the tub, knees to his chest, head back, eyes closed.
Donna wiped his face and sat with him, the quiet of the room broken only by
his harsh breathing. Reaching over Josh's head, Donna grabbed a big bath
towel off the shelf and put it in her lap. She maneuvered him enough to get
him to lay down with his head in her lap. They stayed that way until she
heard a soft knock on the door to the bedroom followed by Ben's voice.
"Donna?"
"Come on in." she sighed as she pushed open the bathroom door a little.
"Everything ok? You need anything?" he asked quietly as he stuck his head
in.
"Things are just peachy. You can get me the phone though." she answered as
glanced down to find Josh sound asleep. "And I'd be eternally grateful if
you started the coffee maker." she said with a small smile.
"Already done. Don't worry about the boys, I'll get them ready for school."
"Thanks."
Ben returned a minute later with the portable phone and a mug of coffee. He
handed Donna the phone and put the coffee on the counter. Pausing just
second to recall the number Donna called Dr. Connors' service and left a
message to have her call as soon as she could. The phone rang less than five
minutes later.
"Hello."
"Hi, Donna, it's Jill Connors, what's up?"
"Well, for starters Josh's temp is hovering up around 102. He's been run
down and tired the last few days. He's been traveling, not eating or
sleeping much. I thought that's all it was until he started running the
fever. Been complaining about pain in his back, not stiffness, but pain,
headache and he just got sick about 45 minutes ago."
"Sounds like it was a great night in the Lyman house. What's he doing now?"
"Would you believe sleeping on the floor of the bathroom?"
Jill chuckled a bit. "I'd pretty much believe anything you tell me about
Josh. I'll be in the office by 7, bring him over when he wakes up. My guess
would be a kidney infection along with some other things..." she said, her
voice trailing off as she yawned.
"And those things would be exhaustion, dehydration, stuff like that." sighed
Donna, already knowing what was coming next.
"Yep. So I would pack a bag cause I'll probably send him to the ER for a day
of IV antibiotics and fluids."
"Oh joy. We'll see you soon. Thanks so much for getting right back to me."
"Not a problem. I'll see you two when you get here."
As she clicked off the phone Donna ran her fingers through Josh's hair. He
stirred a little at her touch and eventually opened his eyes. Donna told him
about the conversation with Jill and much to her surprise he didn't complain
about the fact that she was probably going to send him to the hospital.
Which, of course, made Donna worry even more.
By 7:10 they were on their way to Jill's office. She met them at the door
and after getting one look at Josh was half tempted to just send them to GW
without even checking him out. But she didn't and she ushered them into the
exam room. Josh sat down on the table and Donna helped him slip off his
coat. Jill took his vitals, did a quick exam and handed him a plastic cup.
"Great." he groaned as he took the cup from Jill and his cane from Donna.
He was back in a minute. Jill took the cup from him and took it over to the
small lab in the back of her office. It only took her a minute to take a
quick look under the microscope.
"OK, with the fever, the back pain, the headache and the blood in the urine
it looks like a kidney infection. So given your considerable skill at
becoming dehydrated you just won yourself a day long stay at the lovely
George Washington University Hospital."
Josh groaned but since he knew it would be a losing battle he didn't bother
to argue.
"I'll call ahead, they'll be expecting you. I'll try to come over around
lunch time."
Josh muttered his thanks. Jill mouthed "Good luck" in Donna's direction as
she waved goodbye to them.
Fourteen hours later they walked in the front door of their house. Josh was
a little groggy from something they had given him to relax. Donna settled
him down with the heating pad on the couch in the study. She turned on CNN
for him and went to take a quick shower to get rid of the lingering hospital
smell.
"Josh you hungry?" she asked as she stood in the doorway drying her hair with
a towel.
"A little, I think."
Donna came back 10 minutes later with a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches
and 2 bottles of iced tea.
They ate in silence. Josh managed to finish most of the sandwich and all of
the tea.
"So, I guess we need to talk?" he said with a sigh.
"Yeah, but you know what, it's getting late and I honestly don't feel up to
getting into this right now." she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "We'll
talk when you feel better."
"OK. I think I'm going to just take a quick shower and go to bed."
"Fine. I'll be there in a while."
Donna spent most of Saturday with the boys. They had basketball games in the
morning and she took them out shopping in the afternoon. She felt that
distancing herself from Josh for the day was a good idea. And it probably
was. He spent most of the day sleeping.
Ben had plans for the evening so Margaret had offered to take the boys for
the night so Josh and Donna could talk. By the time Donna got home a little
after 3 Josh was up and had just gotten out of the shower. He was reading
and eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese at the kitchen table.
"Hey, feeling better?" asked Donna as she stopped long enough to kiss the top
of his head before putting the milk she just bought in the refrigerator.
"A little I guess."
"You take your pills?" she asked as went over to him to feel his forehead.
He nodded. "Still pretty warm."
"Yeah. I took Tylenol too. So the boys are at Margaret's?"
"Yeah." she answered as she put the teakettle on the stove.
"Time to talk?"
"I think so. You want to go first?"
"No, feel free." he said as he gestured towards her.
Donna walked over to the table and took a seat opposite him. "Fine. The
first thing I want to say is I'm proud of you, you made it almost 5 months
without running yourself into the ground."
"Was that supposed to be funny?" he asked, eyebrows raised.
"Yeah, but it's also the truth." she said flatly. "Now what?"
"I take another day to recover and I go back to work on Monday morning."
"And what, just forget that this happened?"
"That what happened? I got a kidney infection. I didn't get that from not
sleeping or eating right."
"No, but it made it worse and it hit you harder because you were too
rundown."
"It was just a bad week." Josh tried to explain. "It's just a bad..."
"A bad month." whispered Donna, finishing his thought.
Josh nodded and glanced at the calendar on the wall. The next day was the
14-year anniversary of Rosslyn and the one-year anniversary of his stroke had
just passed.
"But you know what, it doesn't matter to me why it was a bad week, month
whatever. What bothers me is that you didn't take care of yourself. That's
the bottom line."
"Meaning what?" asked Josh, not quite sure where the conversation was headed.
"You remember the rules?"
"Oh, will you just be quiet about the rules." groaned Josh, clearly annoyed
with the whole conversation.
Donna just stared at him for a second, pushed back her chair and stood up.
She glared at him for a second and went to pour 2 cups of tea. She put one
down in front of him with enough force to spill a little onto the placemat.
Josh sopped it up with a napkin while he waited to see what would happen
next.
"So now we should just wait for the next time? Maybe next time it'll be a
little more exciting, something to land you in the hospital for longer than
12 hours, yeah, maybe another stroke." she yelled.
Josh just stared at her. While it was common for them to have rather lively
discussions when they disagreed, they rarely yelled at each other. And when
one of them was yelling it was usually him.
"What's the matter Josh, can't think of a smart ass comeback?"
"I don't have a c-clue what I could say right now that wouldn't make you even
angrier."
"I could think of one thing." muttered Donna under her breath.
Josh took a deep breath, "I guess I can think of it too... but there's no way
in hell I am q-quitting." he yelled right back.
He stood up and walked over to look out the window over the sink. Donna
watched him from behind as he gripped the counter until his knuckles turned
white and his arms starting shaking. It took everything she had to stay on
the other side of the room. She could tell Josh was watching her reflection
in the window, just waiting for her to come over to him, to tell him things
would all work out, to wrap her arms around him. But she didn't budge.
So there they stood, silently fuming at each other, waiting to see what would
happen next, waiting to see who would make the next move.
Josh eventually loosened his grip on the counter and turned around. Donna
was still staring at him, arms folded across her chest. He unconsciously
imitated her pose.
"Now what?" asked Donna. "I just sit back and wait?"
"Wait for what?" asked Josh.
"I don't know...for another horrible event that I can mark down on my
calendar. Another anniversary."
"What the hell are you talking about."
"You just don't get it, do you Josh?"
"Apparently not." he yelled as he threw his arms in the air. "Why don't you
enlighten me Donna?"
"I'm just supposed to sit around and watch you drive yourself into an early
grave?"
"That's not what I'm doing."
"Sure looks that way from here. Maybe you could do me a favor and make it in
May, that way all of my horrible anniversaries are in the same month. Makes
them easier to remember." she screamed, her hand flying up to her mouth as
soon as the words crossed her lips. She never before had such a feeling of
utter and complete regret in all her life.
The words just hung there for a minute, as both Josh and Donna were too
shocked to say much of anything. But Josh found his voice pretty quickly.
"That was real m-mature. What ever happened to us t-talking about things
like adults?"
"I guess we'll have to wait until we act like adults to find out." yelled
Donna.
"D-donna, we're not getting anywhere, you realize that, right?" he asked, his
voice softening a little.
"Yes, I do realize that." she said as all of the sudden standing seemed to
take up too much energy and she slide down the wall to sit on the floor.
"T-too much fighting wearing you out?" he smirked.
"Something like that."
"And I was just getting started. I'm ready to go another few rounds."
"Yeah and that's why you've been stuttering for the last ten minutes."
In the past 6 months Josh's stuttering had become almost non-existent,
appearing only when he was utterly frustrated.
"I was hoping you wouldn't n-notice that." he said quietly as he walked
across the room to stand in front of her. He weighed the practicality of
sitting down on the floor with her; finally deciding it wouldn't be such a
good idea.
"I notice everything Josh. Haven't you figured that out by now?"
"I have. And sometimes I wish you weren't so observant."
"You know what, so do I." Donna admitted with a tiny hint of a smile.
"So what's the bottom line?"
"Bottom line is I'm terrified of being left to raise the boys myself. But
I'm just as terrified of having you sit around all day to brood. We need a
middle ground. I thought this job would be it, but apparently I was wrong."
"Donna, this job is the middle ground. Yes, I got too rundown and it caught
up to me. I admit that. But it's time to get over it. I'm not going to
promise you it won't happen again. I can't."
"I know." she said as she stood up. "It probably will happen again. And
maybe next time we can both deal with it a little better."
"God I hope so." he said as he tentatively reached out to take her into his
arms. She hesitated for a second and then melted into his embrace. It wasn't
long before he felt her tears against his cheek."
"Honey don't cry, please." he whispered.
"Too late."
"OK." he whispered as he felt tears of his own mix with hers.
Finally the overwhelming need to sit down hit Josh and he pulled Donna into
the living room by the hand. The ended up on the couch, side by side.
"So, now what?" asked Donna. "It's only a little after 4, the night's still
young. Any ideas?"
"I have a few but unfortunately I have a suspicion my body won't be very
cooperative." he said with a smile.
"I didn't think that was on the agenda for tonight."
"But it would have been nice though, some make up sex after the worst fight
we've had in...well, in a long time."
"I'll take a rain check, ok?"
"Sure."
TBC
By Ginny K.
See part one for notes and stuff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Donna had expected, it turned out to be a long night. Josh woke up just
about every hour on the hour. His fever stayed up and he was truly
miserable.
About 5 in the morning Donna woke up to the feeling of Josh getting out of
bed. She saw him head for the bathroom. When he didn't close the door
behind him she got up to check on him. He was sitting on the edge of the
tub, shaking and very pale.
Donna took one look at him and turned back into the bedroom to grab the
blanket off the back of the chair. She came back and sat down next to him,
wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. Placing her hand against his
cheek she sighed how hot he felt. She reached over and grabbed the
thermometer off the counter.
"Still up?" he asked quietly as Donna took a glance at the read out.
"102.1." said Donna as she glanced out at the small clock on the shelf.
"It's been long enough, I'll get some more Tylenol. You want anything else?"
"Ginger ale." he whispered.
Donna was back in a minute with the pills and a can of soda. She opened the
soda and handed it to him. He swallowed the pills, handed her back the soda
and opened his mouth to speak but ended up leaning over the toilet to get
sick.
"Sshh, it's ok. Just relax...I'm right here...take a breath." murmured Donna
as she put a cool cloth on the back of his neck, held his head and rubbed his
back. Not having eaten very much he quickly entered the dry heaving part of
the ordeal.
It took a good twenty minutes for him to calm down and catch his breath
enough to consider moving away from the toilet. He eventually just sat back
against the wall next to the tub, knees to his chest, head back, eyes closed.
Donna wiped his face and sat with him, the quiet of the room broken only by
his harsh breathing. Reaching over Josh's head, Donna grabbed a big bath
towel off the shelf and put it in her lap. She maneuvered him enough to get
him to lay down with his head in her lap. They stayed that way until she
heard a soft knock on the door to the bedroom followed by Ben's voice.
"Donna?"
"Come on in." she sighed as she pushed open the bathroom door a little.
"Everything ok? You need anything?" he asked quietly as he stuck his head
in.
"Things are just peachy. You can get me the phone though." she answered as
glanced down to find Josh sound asleep. "And I'd be eternally grateful if
you started the coffee maker." she said with a small smile.
"Already done. Don't worry about the boys, I'll get them ready for school."
"Thanks."
Ben returned a minute later with the portable phone and a mug of coffee. He
handed Donna the phone and put the coffee on the counter. Pausing just
second to recall the number Donna called Dr. Connors' service and left a
message to have her call as soon as she could. The phone rang less than five
minutes later.
"Hello."
"Hi, Donna, it's Jill Connors, what's up?"
"Well, for starters Josh's temp is hovering up around 102. He's been run
down and tired the last few days. He's been traveling, not eating or
sleeping much. I thought that's all it was until he started running the
fever. Been complaining about pain in his back, not stiffness, but pain,
headache and he just got sick about 45 minutes ago."
"Sounds like it was a great night in the Lyman house. What's he doing now?"
"Would you believe sleeping on the floor of the bathroom?"
Jill chuckled a bit. "I'd pretty much believe anything you tell me about
Josh. I'll be in the office by 7, bring him over when he wakes up. My guess
would be a kidney infection along with some other things..." she said, her
voice trailing off as she yawned.
"And those things would be exhaustion, dehydration, stuff like that." sighed
Donna, already knowing what was coming next.
"Yep. So I would pack a bag cause I'll probably send him to the ER for a day
of IV antibiotics and fluids."
"Oh joy. We'll see you soon. Thanks so much for getting right back to me."
"Not a problem. I'll see you two when you get here."
As she clicked off the phone Donna ran her fingers through Josh's hair. He
stirred a little at her touch and eventually opened his eyes. Donna told him
about the conversation with Jill and much to her surprise he didn't complain
about the fact that she was probably going to send him to the hospital.
Which, of course, made Donna worry even more.
By 7:10 they were on their way to Jill's office. She met them at the door
and after getting one look at Josh was half tempted to just send them to GW
without even checking him out. But she didn't and she ushered them into the
exam room. Josh sat down on the table and Donna helped him slip off his
coat. Jill took his vitals, did a quick exam and handed him a plastic cup.
"Great." he groaned as he took the cup from Jill and his cane from Donna.
He was back in a minute. Jill took the cup from him and took it over to the
small lab in the back of her office. It only took her a minute to take a
quick look under the microscope.
"OK, with the fever, the back pain, the headache and the blood in the urine
it looks like a kidney infection. So given your considerable skill at
becoming dehydrated you just won yourself a day long stay at the lovely
George Washington University Hospital."
Josh groaned but since he knew it would be a losing battle he didn't bother
to argue.
"I'll call ahead, they'll be expecting you. I'll try to come over around
lunch time."
Josh muttered his thanks. Jill mouthed "Good luck" in Donna's direction as
she waved goodbye to them.
Fourteen hours later they walked in the front door of their house. Josh was
a little groggy from something they had given him to relax. Donna settled
him down with the heating pad on the couch in the study. She turned on CNN
for him and went to take a quick shower to get rid of the lingering hospital
smell.
"Josh you hungry?" she asked as she stood in the doorway drying her hair with
a towel.
"A little, I think."
Donna came back 10 minutes later with a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches
and 2 bottles of iced tea.
They ate in silence. Josh managed to finish most of the sandwich and all of
the tea.
"So, I guess we need to talk?" he said with a sigh.
"Yeah, but you know what, it's getting late and I honestly don't feel up to
getting into this right now." she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "We'll
talk when you feel better."
"OK. I think I'm going to just take a quick shower and go to bed."
"Fine. I'll be there in a while."
Donna spent most of Saturday with the boys. They had basketball games in the
morning and she took them out shopping in the afternoon. She felt that
distancing herself from Josh for the day was a good idea. And it probably
was. He spent most of the day sleeping.
Ben had plans for the evening so Margaret had offered to take the boys for
the night so Josh and Donna could talk. By the time Donna got home a little
after 3 Josh was up and had just gotten out of the shower. He was reading
and eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese at the kitchen table.
"Hey, feeling better?" asked Donna as she stopped long enough to kiss the top
of his head before putting the milk she just bought in the refrigerator.
"A little I guess."
"You take your pills?" she asked as went over to him to feel his forehead.
He nodded. "Still pretty warm."
"Yeah. I took Tylenol too. So the boys are at Margaret's?"
"Yeah." she answered as she put the teakettle on the stove.
"Time to talk?"
"I think so. You want to go first?"
"No, feel free." he said as he gestured towards her.
Donna walked over to the table and took a seat opposite him. "Fine. The
first thing I want to say is I'm proud of you, you made it almost 5 months
without running yourself into the ground."
"Was that supposed to be funny?" he asked, eyebrows raised.
"Yeah, but it's also the truth." she said flatly. "Now what?"
"I take another day to recover and I go back to work on Monday morning."
"And what, just forget that this happened?"
"That what happened? I got a kidney infection. I didn't get that from not
sleeping or eating right."
"No, but it made it worse and it hit you harder because you were too
rundown."
"It was just a bad week." Josh tried to explain. "It's just a bad..."
"A bad month." whispered Donna, finishing his thought.
Josh nodded and glanced at the calendar on the wall. The next day was the
14-year anniversary of Rosslyn and the one-year anniversary of his stroke had
just passed.
"But you know what, it doesn't matter to me why it was a bad week, month
whatever. What bothers me is that you didn't take care of yourself. That's
the bottom line."
"Meaning what?" asked Josh, not quite sure where the conversation was headed.
"You remember the rules?"
"Oh, will you just be quiet about the rules." groaned Josh, clearly annoyed
with the whole conversation.
Donna just stared at him for a second, pushed back her chair and stood up.
She glared at him for a second and went to pour 2 cups of tea. She put one
down in front of him with enough force to spill a little onto the placemat.
Josh sopped it up with a napkin while he waited to see what would happen
next.
"So now we should just wait for the next time? Maybe next time it'll be a
little more exciting, something to land you in the hospital for longer than
12 hours, yeah, maybe another stroke." she yelled.
Josh just stared at her. While it was common for them to have rather lively
discussions when they disagreed, they rarely yelled at each other. And when
one of them was yelling it was usually him.
"What's the matter Josh, can't think of a smart ass comeback?"
"I don't have a c-clue what I could say right now that wouldn't make you even
angrier."
"I could think of one thing." muttered Donna under her breath.
Josh took a deep breath, "I guess I can think of it too... but there's no way
in hell I am q-quitting." he yelled right back.
He stood up and walked over to look out the window over the sink. Donna
watched him from behind as he gripped the counter until his knuckles turned
white and his arms starting shaking. It took everything she had to stay on
the other side of the room. She could tell Josh was watching her reflection
in the window, just waiting for her to come over to him, to tell him things
would all work out, to wrap her arms around him. But she didn't budge.
So there they stood, silently fuming at each other, waiting to see what would
happen next, waiting to see who would make the next move.
Josh eventually loosened his grip on the counter and turned around. Donna
was still staring at him, arms folded across her chest. He unconsciously
imitated her pose.
"Now what?" asked Donna. "I just sit back and wait?"
"Wait for what?" asked Josh.
"I don't know...for another horrible event that I can mark down on my
calendar. Another anniversary."
"What the hell are you talking about."
"You just don't get it, do you Josh?"
"Apparently not." he yelled as he threw his arms in the air. "Why don't you
enlighten me Donna?"
"I'm just supposed to sit around and watch you drive yourself into an early
grave?"
"That's not what I'm doing."
"Sure looks that way from here. Maybe you could do me a favor and make it in
May, that way all of my horrible anniversaries are in the same month. Makes
them easier to remember." she screamed, her hand flying up to her mouth as
soon as the words crossed her lips. She never before had such a feeling of
utter and complete regret in all her life.
The words just hung there for a minute, as both Josh and Donna were too
shocked to say much of anything. But Josh found his voice pretty quickly.
"That was real m-mature. What ever happened to us t-talking about things
like adults?"
"I guess we'll have to wait until we act like adults to find out." yelled
Donna.
"D-donna, we're not getting anywhere, you realize that, right?" he asked, his
voice softening a little.
"Yes, I do realize that." she said as all of the sudden standing seemed to
take up too much energy and she slide down the wall to sit on the floor.
"T-too much fighting wearing you out?" he smirked.
"Something like that."
"And I was just getting started. I'm ready to go another few rounds."
"Yeah and that's why you've been stuttering for the last ten minutes."
In the past 6 months Josh's stuttering had become almost non-existent,
appearing only when he was utterly frustrated.
"I was hoping you wouldn't n-notice that." he said quietly as he walked
across the room to stand in front of her. He weighed the practicality of
sitting down on the floor with her; finally deciding it wouldn't be such a
good idea.
"I notice everything Josh. Haven't you figured that out by now?"
"I have. And sometimes I wish you weren't so observant."
"You know what, so do I." Donna admitted with a tiny hint of a smile.
"So what's the bottom line?"
"Bottom line is I'm terrified of being left to raise the boys myself. But
I'm just as terrified of having you sit around all day to brood. We need a
middle ground. I thought this job would be it, but apparently I was wrong."
"Donna, this job is the middle ground. Yes, I got too rundown and it caught
up to me. I admit that. But it's time to get over it. I'm not going to
promise you it won't happen again. I can't."
"I know." she said as she stood up. "It probably will happen again. And
maybe next time we can both deal with it a little better."
"God I hope so." he said as he tentatively reached out to take her into his
arms. She hesitated for a second and then melted into his embrace. It wasn't
long before he felt her tears against his cheek."
"Honey don't cry, please." he whispered.
"Too late."
"OK." he whispered as he felt tears of his own mix with hers.
Finally the overwhelming need to sit down hit Josh and he pulled Donna into
the living room by the hand. The ended up on the couch, side by side.
"So, now what?" asked Donna. "It's only a little after 4, the night's still
young. Any ideas?"
"I have a few but unfortunately I have a suspicion my body won't be very
cooperative." he said with a smile.
"I didn't think that was on the agenda for tonight."
"But it would have been nice though, some make up sex after the worst fight
we've had in...well, in a long time."
"I'll take a rain check, ok?"
"Sure."
TBC