This Isn't Me
By
Natalie Elizabeth
Chapter 12
Buffy lay half between sleep and awake smiling at the tranquillity she was feeling. She felt so warm and safe and happy. Lazily opening her eyes Buffy was confused when she saw the T.V. Buffy then realised the safety she had felt was Spikes arm wrapped tightly around her, the warmth was from a blanket he had covered them with and the happiness was well, she wasn't sure why she was happy but she knew it had to do with Spike. Buffy tried to get up without waking Spike up but failed miserably.
"Hey luv" he said trying to sit up.
"Hi sorry I didn't want to wake you"
"Nah I should be up now anyway"
"Umm we should probably eat right" Buffy walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge.
"You alright" Spike asked worried about what she had thought when they had woken up together.
"Yeah why?" she asked getting Spikes blood ready and getting her self a bowl of weta bix.
"Oh its nothing, well its not nothing, it just are you ok with the way we woke up"
Buffy looked at him surprised "Yeah"
"Are you sure" Spike was confused. Yesterday she seemed shocked when it happened but today she was calm even though it happened again.
"Spike I'm fine are you"
"I'm confused, you are ok with waking up in my arms, umm I mean next to me"
Buffy sat down next to Spike and handed him his blood. "Yeah I am, it was nice" Buffys face went red with embarrassment.
Spike noticed her red face and smiled "Yeah it was nice, it's been so long since I have hugged some one, you know just to hold them"
Buffy looked up surprised. Did Spike just admit he like to be hugged, he liked hugging, surely not the big bad.
"Don't look so surprised luv I was human once you know", Spike then looked up from her "Did Riley ever hug you"
Buffy shrugged "Yeah a bit before we were married after that it was more a power hit you know, your mine sort of thing"
"My mum used to hug me all the time, she said I was so small and thin and I needed all the extra hugs I could get. Drusilla would hug me sometimes, usually she was rough, but when she was sick she was nice and hugged me"
"I'm sorry" Buffy said tears rolling down her cheeks into her cereal.
Spike looked at her shocked he hadn't noticed she was crying, but he knew why, Angel.
"Its not you fault"
"How can you say that" she practically yelled through tears. "Drusilla left you because of me, Ms. Calender died because of me, my friends were in danger and almost died because of me how is this not my fault"
Spike reached over to Buffy and pulled her into his lap. "Its not you fault pet, you couldn't have known what would have happened'
"But I should have" she cried into his shirt.
"Why, you made one wrong decision, everyone makes mistakes, your allowed to make mistakes, you think just because you're the slayer you cant make mistakes. Thanks to you Slayer my life is better"
"Yeah cause that chip makes your life better"
"Well sorta just meeting you changed my life and right now it doesn't look to bad to me"
"Well this place is nice," she said smiling a little.
"Exactly. Nice place nice company, life isn't looking to shabby"
"I guess"
Spike wiped the tears off her face. "So would a hug make you feel better"
Buffy looked up shyly "Yeah it would"
Spike smiled and wrapped his arms around her. He thought she was trying to break the hold when she lifted her arms. He was surprised when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly. Spike held her tightly and rubbed her back reassuringly. She was happy he knew she was happy and he liked it. He was hoping that she would stay, he was worried because Angel was coming and he was worried that as soon as she saw him she would fall into his arms. He wanted her here, this was her home. A thought came to his head, if this was her home, then it should look like she lived there, at least Angel could see that she belonged and couldn't convince Buffy to leave.
"Feeling better"
"Yep"
"I had an idea"
"What kind of idea" she asked suspiciously.
"Well you live here right"
Buffy looked at him confused "Umm yeah I guess, if I'm still welcome"
"This is your home, and I want you to make it home"
"Ok not following you Spike," she said getting up and taking her soggy weta bix in the sink.
"I want you to go shopping, buy some things for the house, you know something other than black, I don't know girly stuff"
"What your kidding, right"
Spike wondered if this was a good idea maybe she would take this the wrong way thinking he was trying to trap her here. "No luv I am serious by some stuff and when you get back well will fix the house change some stuff around you live here to"
Buffy looked up at him and smiled "Ok but as soon as I get to a bank I am paying you"
"Whatever Buffy it doesn't matter, I am happy to share. Honestly I enjoy your company when you aren't being a pain"
"Yes it does matter and what happens when I move out huh"
Spike looked shocked "You're moving out already"
"No but I cant life here this was only going to be a couple of weeks a few months at the most before I figure stuff out right"
Spike started laughing. "Buffy are you really that dense I wanted you to buy stuff cause I want you to make this your permeant home. Stay here, you like the town, were getting along"
"No I cant"
"Why not" Spike pleaded walking over to her. He really enjoyed her being there, more than he should.
"Well Riley for one and what would I do the moneys not going to last for long"
"I'll fix the Riley problem, he was leaving soon right you wont need to worry, and well you don't need to worry about money" Buffy gave him a stern look. "Ok well I am sure there is work here in town maybe the supermarket, its not great but hey we can go out and slay at night, come on what do you say"
"You've thought about this a lot right"
"Well sorta but come on yes, no, the suspense is killing me"
"Ha killing you, yeah right, you sure about this I mean really sure. You know I can be a pain, can be grumpy if I don't get enough sleep and there is a particular time of the month you don't want to know about"
"Hey if I can put up with Drusilla for a hundred years this will be a cinch"
Buffy whacked him in the arm.
"Ok I'll stay"
Spike jumped up ran over to Buffy and picked her up and swirled her around the room.
"Sorry" he said putting her down. "Long time on my own, the littlest things excite me"
"Ok well I'll take a shower than go ok"
Spike nodded then shuddered when she left. The littlest things get me excited what was he some horny teenager.
~TBC~
Chapter 12
Buffy lay half between sleep and awake smiling at the tranquillity she was feeling. She felt so warm and safe and happy. Lazily opening her eyes Buffy was confused when she saw the T.V. Buffy then realised the safety she had felt was Spikes arm wrapped tightly around her, the warmth was from a blanket he had covered them with and the happiness was well, she wasn't sure why she was happy but she knew it had to do with Spike. Buffy tried to get up without waking Spike up but failed miserably.
"Hey luv" he said trying to sit up.
"Hi sorry I didn't want to wake you"
"Nah I should be up now anyway"
"Umm we should probably eat right" Buffy walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge.
"You alright" Spike asked worried about what she had thought when they had woken up together.
"Yeah why?" she asked getting Spikes blood ready and getting her self a bowl of weta bix.
"Oh its nothing, well its not nothing, it just are you ok with the way we woke up"
Buffy looked at him surprised "Yeah"
"Are you sure" Spike was confused. Yesterday she seemed shocked when it happened but today she was calm even though it happened again.
"Spike I'm fine are you"
"I'm confused, you are ok with waking up in my arms, umm I mean next to me"
Buffy sat down next to Spike and handed him his blood. "Yeah I am, it was nice" Buffys face went red with embarrassment.
Spike noticed her red face and smiled "Yeah it was nice, it's been so long since I have hugged some one, you know just to hold them"
Buffy looked up surprised. Did Spike just admit he like to be hugged, he liked hugging, surely not the big bad.
"Don't look so surprised luv I was human once you know", Spike then looked up from her "Did Riley ever hug you"
Buffy shrugged "Yeah a bit before we were married after that it was more a power hit you know, your mine sort of thing"
"My mum used to hug me all the time, she said I was so small and thin and I needed all the extra hugs I could get. Drusilla would hug me sometimes, usually she was rough, but when she was sick she was nice and hugged me"
"I'm sorry" Buffy said tears rolling down her cheeks into her cereal.
Spike looked at her shocked he hadn't noticed she was crying, but he knew why, Angel.
"Its not you fault"
"How can you say that" she practically yelled through tears. "Drusilla left you because of me, Ms. Calender died because of me, my friends were in danger and almost died because of me how is this not my fault"
Spike reached over to Buffy and pulled her into his lap. "Its not you fault pet, you couldn't have known what would have happened'
"But I should have" she cried into his shirt.
"Why, you made one wrong decision, everyone makes mistakes, your allowed to make mistakes, you think just because you're the slayer you cant make mistakes. Thanks to you Slayer my life is better"
"Yeah cause that chip makes your life better"
"Well sorta just meeting you changed my life and right now it doesn't look to bad to me"
"Well this place is nice," she said smiling a little.
"Exactly. Nice place nice company, life isn't looking to shabby"
"I guess"
Spike wiped the tears off her face. "So would a hug make you feel better"
Buffy looked up shyly "Yeah it would"
Spike smiled and wrapped his arms around her. He thought she was trying to break the hold when she lifted her arms. He was surprised when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly. Spike held her tightly and rubbed her back reassuringly. She was happy he knew she was happy and he liked it. He was hoping that she would stay, he was worried because Angel was coming and he was worried that as soon as she saw him she would fall into his arms. He wanted her here, this was her home. A thought came to his head, if this was her home, then it should look like she lived there, at least Angel could see that she belonged and couldn't convince Buffy to leave.
"Feeling better"
"Yep"
"I had an idea"
"What kind of idea" she asked suspiciously.
"Well you live here right"
Buffy looked at him confused "Umm yeah I guess, if I'm still welcome"
"This is your home, and I want you to make it home"
"Ok not following you Spike," she said getting up and taking her soggy weta bix in the sink.
"I want you to go shopping, buy some things for the house, you know something other than black, I don't know girly stuff"
"What your kidding, right"
Spike wondered if this was a good idea maybe she would take this the wrong way thinking he was trying to trap her here. "No luv I am serious by some stuff and when you get back well will fix the house change some stuff around you live here to"
Buffy looked up at him and smiled "Ok but as soon as I get to a bank I am paying you"
"Whatever Buffy it doesn't matter, I am happy to share. Honestly I enjoy your company when you aren't being a pain"
"Yes it does matter and what happens when I move out huh"
Spike looked shocked "You're moving out already"
"No but I cant life here this was only going to be a couple of weeks a few months at the most before I figure stuff out right"
Spike started laughing. "Buffy are you really that dense I wanted you to buy stuff cause I want you to make this your permeant home. Stay here, you like the town, were getting along"
"No I cant"
"Why not" Spike pleaded walking over to her. He really enjoyed her being there, more than he should.
"Well Riley for one and what would I do the moneys not going to last for long"
"I'll fix the Riley problem, he was leaving soon right you wont need to worry, and well you don't need to worry about money" Buffy gave him a stern look. "Ok well I am sure there is work here in town maybe the supermarket, its not great but hey we can go out and slay at night, come on what do you say"
"You've thought about this a lot right"
"Well sorta but come on yes, no, the suspense is killing me"
"Ha killing you, yeah right, you sure about this I mean really sure. You know I can be a pain, can be grumpy if I don't get enough sleep and there is a particular time of the month you don't want to know about"
"Hey if I can put up with Drusilla for a hundred years this will be a cinch"
Buffy whacked him in the arm.
"Ok I'll stay"
Spike jumped up ran over to Buffy and picked her up and swirled her around the room.
"Sorry" he said putting her down. "Long time on my own, the littlest things excite me"
"Ok well I'll take a shower than go ok"
Spike nodded then shuddered when she left. The littlest things get me excited what was he some horny teenager.
~TBC~