This Isn't me
By
Natalie Elizabeth
Chapter 17
Buffy woke up and felt Spikes body still spooned up against her, his arm tightly around her waist. Buffy turned around as best as she could with out breaking his embrace and looked at him. He looked so content while he slept, sweet and innocent. She knew that even when he opened his eyes that same sweet and innocent look would still be there but with a hint of toughness to it. Snuggling deeper into his chest Buffy wondered what she was doing. She was a married women, well granted she was married to a wanker as Spike would put it, but still she was married and now she was committing adultery. Well technically she hadn't had sex with Spike, just a few hugs, cuddles, and some amazing kisses but it still felt wrong. She knew Riley had numerous flings, he even had the nerve to bring one of them home saying she was a friend. He then proceeded to lock Buffy in the basement as punishment for not cleaning the house well enough, then shagged the slut upstairs in their bed.
Buffy knew that their marriage was over long ago but it was still wrong or was it. What was so wrong with staying with a friend, she could have been staying with Xander and there would have been hugs maybe cuddling but defiantly not kissing. That was the clincher, Spike had kissed her with so much passion that she knew he felt something for her and deep down inside she liked that idea. The thing was did she reciprocate his feelings. He had been so nice to her, could she hurt him for not feeling the same way because it would kill her if she did. She knew he didn't expect anything in return for caring for her. She had offered herself to him that first night and he was shocked at the idea. She thought maybe he was repulsed by her that's why he didn't want her, but he had told her she was beautiful. Maybe he did want her but he wanted her completely not just her body. These ideas made Buffys mind swim. She knew she felt something for Spike and it was strong but she couldn't be sure what it was.
She didn't know what love was. She thought she loved Riley but then turned out to be out of necessity. What if what she was feeling for Spike was the same. No it couldn't be this thing with Spike was so strong so deep so different. She couldn't blurt out that she loved him when she didn't even know what love was. Buffy shook her head all this thinking about Riley and Spike was driving her mad. Spike began to stir which made Buffy hold him tighter.
"Morning luv been up long"
Buffy shook her head. Spike realised his arms were still around her tightly.
"Oh sorry luv, I didn't realise"
Spike began to pull away but felt Buffys arms tighten around him. Spike decided to keep his arms where they were, it seemed to calm her.
"Are you worried about Angel or Riley?" she asked
Buffy cringed she hadn't even thought about Angel. "Both"
"It will be alright you'll see I won't let anything happen to you"
Buffy heart soared "Why"
Spike looked down at her "Why what"
"Why wont you let anything happen to me"
Spike thought Buffy was nuts hey had gone through this before. "Cause you're a friend"
Buffys heart sank "Oh so you do this with Mrs Weaver then"
Spike reeled back "God pet no, come on what's this about"
"Nothing" she said sitting up. "Come on, I am hungry"
Buffy got out of the bed and walked out of then room. Spike layed back on the bed confused, what the hell was that. Was she tripping out again with all this Riley stuff? He hadn't meant to blurt out that Angel was here because of the divorce, its just Angel had surprised them both when he had walked in. The kiss. He couldn't remember exactly what had happened one moment she was laying in his arms the next his tongue was playing with her teeth. Spike replayed the memory over and over again in his mind. He had kissed her hair but she, she had kissed him, he remembered in surprise. Spike jumped out of his bed and went to find Buffy. She had kissed him.
Spike found Buffy at the kitchen counter and raced up behind her and put his arms around her waist like he seen those wankers do in the movies that morning after they just had sex. Spike knew at any moment that Buffy could kill him for his actions but he didn't care, he was fully prepared to die. Buffy leaned back into his embrace fully ignoring the little voice in her head that told her to stop because Angel was sleeping only a few feet away. Spike looked at the counter and saw a mug of hot blood.
"This mine" he asked grabbing the mug with one arm keeping the other around her.
"A huh" she murmured. She knew she had to stop this but she didn't want to leave his embrace. She wanted his touch. Buffy turned around and tickled Spike under the armpits before quickly running to the other side of the kitchen. Spike gave her a cheeky grin before putting down his blood and running over to her. The blood could wait. Spike attacked Buffy with tender fingers running over her body tickling her. Buffy couldn't help it and let out waves of giggles. She tried to fight back but she would always get week when she was tickled.
"Would you kids keep it down"
Buffy and Spike stopped dead and turned and saw Angel looking at them. Buffy gave Angel a sheepish look and Spike just grinned.
"Sorry dad"
Angel rolled his eyes, cheeky little grandchilde. Angel looked at Spike and Buffy curiously. It had been awhile since he had seen both of them and they were different, but they were also different to each other. Finding them in bed together the night before had been a shock. He knew they were sharing the same bed but he expected them to be clinging to the edge not wanting to touch each other. He had rushed into the room because he thought something was wrong. He had heard Buffys fast heart beat and saw Spike kissing her. He had thought she was in danger, that maybe Spike was trying to take advantage off her. He was surprised when Buffy had been so cold to him; he was only trying to help. He couldn't help think that today he had walked into something much more than a tickle fest.
"Seeing how I am up I guess we should get down to business"
Angel left the room and returned with a bundle of papers.
"Now Buffy, Spike told me you tried to divorce Riley before, but it didn't work"
Buffy nodded sadly sitting down at the table with Angel.
"Well then its good Spike called me. These lawyer friends of mine, they are ruthless they wont stop at anything, all this can be done with out you seeing Riley ever again, ok"
Buffy nodded again but this time she started to shake. Spike sat down at a chair next to her and grabbed her hand.
"Its ok luv Angels gonna work everything out ok, no more Riley"
"Ok" she barley got out.
Angel shuffled through the papers then found the one he was looking for.
"This one is a restraining order, now usually it's a few miles that they aren't allowed to come near you, but where going to bulk it up a little he's not even allowed to be in the same state, so you will have to decide exactly where you are staying"
"But wont he know where I am though" Buffy asked concerned.
"Well see Lilah, that's one of the lawyers thought of that, were are going to get him banned from a few states to throw him off, so are you gonna come back with me"
Buffy looked at Angel like he was crazy while Spikes eyes filled with fear.
"Umm excuse me," Buffy asked confused.
"I thought you were going to come back with me after all you know L.A, you might even see you Dad occasionally, you know be with family"
"Why would you think that, I mean yeah I do know L.A but its not like I want to see my Dad"
"Well where are you going to stay, did you get in touch with Xander are you staying with him"
Buffy looked at Angel confused "Umm no I am staying here with Spike"
"Yeah but that's just until we figure things out right"
"No Angel I am staying here for good, or at least until Spike kicks me out that is"
Spike smiled and Angel was horrified.
"You can't stay here," Angel yelled standing up.
Spike hated when Angel did that tried to be more powerful by being larger. Spike stood up, he was not going to sit down and take Angels crap.
"Why can't she stay here, its safe"
"Because she cant"
"Why cant she, give me a decent reason"
Angel began to stutter "Cause she umm, she just cant"
Buffy stood up and walked over to Angel as much as she hated his out burst she knew he was worried.
"Angel calm down" she said placing her hand on his arm.
Spike was instantly jealous she was touching Angel when he was being a prick.
"Look Angel I will be fine, I have some money and I even got a job ill be fine, you don't need to worry"
Angel sat down knowing that he had been beaten but wasn't saying so.
"Alright whatever it's your life" Angel began to shuffle a few papers then pulled a few out. "All you need to do is sign a few of these form and that's all you will need to do with the divorce my lawyers will handle everything else"
Spike ran off into the kitchen then came back with a smile on his face and a pen in his hand. He thrusted it at Buffy watching her smile grow with his eagerness. Buffy quickly signed the papers then handed them back to Angel.
"Is that it, I mean that's all I have to do"
Angel nodded.
"Umm ok umm I don't know if I have enough to pay yet I never really went this far with one. I start work in a few weeks so I can pay then hopefully, is that going to be ok"
"Nope you don't need to worry about it, its all been taken care of"
"What do you mean its been taken care of, Angel I cant let you pay for it"
Angel looked up glumly then glared at Spike. "I didn't pay for it"
Buffy followed Angels gaze and spotted an embarrassed looking Spike.
"Oh umm ok, so when is it going to be finalised"
Angels eyes widened. She had practically gone spastic when she thought he had payed for it but Spike paying was ok.
"Umm yeah I'll call my lawyers there staying around here so we can finalise this, they will come by and get the papers and take them to Riley"
"So it's all over, in a few hours I am free"
"Well yeah, usually it can take years but like I said these lawyers there ruthless, they can do anything if they want to"
Buffy stood up and began to pace around the room with tears in her eyes.
"I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free" Buffy kept mumbling as the tears spiled from her eyes. She finally collapsed to the floor, her "I'm free" murmuring became an almost scream. Spike ran over to her.
"You alright"
Buffy looked up at Spike, her eyes were filled with tears, but she had a smile on her face.
"I'm free" she practically laughed
"I know pet" he said pulling her off the ground.
"I'm free, I can do what I want, wear what I want, be whoever I want to be"
Spike smiled at her. He didn't want to mention that the last couple of days she had been able to do that, but he knew this was final. Buffy ripped the cheap gold ring off her finger.
"Here Angel, have this, buy yourself a beer its probably all its worth"
Buffy started dancing around in a circle. "I'm free, I'm free" she started singing.
Buffy stopped spinning then looked at Spike and Angel with an evil grin.
"Can we go out tonight to celebrate, can we go to that club you found me at Spike it looked really great"
Spike looked wearily at Angel and he shrugged.
"Umm ok luv if you're sure"
Buffys smile dissipated "What am I going to wear I mean I can't turn up in black yeans and Spikes shirt"
Angel laughed "Look at her Spike she's still technically married and she's already looking for a new man"
Buffy gave Angel a playful frown. "Hey I wanna have fun, can't I have fun"
"Yeah Slayer you can, look you have cleared all my cash out if I give you my credit card you promise not to max it out"
Buffy looked at Spike then threw herself in his arms. "Thank you thankyou thank you"
"Its ok" Spike said loving that her arms were wrapped tightly around him in front of Angel. "Just go buy yourself something sexy to make those guys fall for you". You don't need to wear sexy clothes to make me fall for you luv Spike thought.
Buffy ran off into her room and change while Angel went and called the lawyers. Meanwhile Spike did a little dance around the room. She told Angel she was staying with him, she was now free. Buffy ran past Spike and waved to him before heading out the door. Angel came back into the lounge room.
"I cant believe you" Angel yelled at Spike
"What?" Spike asked.
Buffy realised that she didn't bring the keys and decided to head back and get them in case they were asleep. When Buffy heard Angel and Spike talking she stopped.
"You know you can't protect her right"
"I know that" Spike yelled at Angel this was his house and he wasn't about to be bullied. "She doesn't need protecting"
"Of course she does, that's not the Slayer we saw leave that's a poor frail little girl, who you are taking advantage off"
"Oh you really are a prick Angelus, your right that girl you saw isn't the slayer, but she is not the girl you think she is. She is strong and powerful and she doesn't need men like you and Riley making her feel week. I would never take advantage of her"
"Why because you love her" Angel sarcastically said.
"Oh go to hell" Spike said before storming off.
Buffy stood outside the door shocked. She couldn't believe Angel thought so low of her yet Spike put her on a pedestal, she honestly thought it was the other way around. Why would Angel think that Spike would love her, more importantly why didn't Spike answer he could have just said no but he didn't. Buffy turned away from the door deciding not to worry about the keys. She wanted to get the store and buy that sexy little dress she had seen but never thought she could wear. Spikes comments had given her the extra confidence and in a way she wanted to say thankyou by looking nice. She hoped that she would be able to figure out exactly what was up with Spike.
~TBC~
Chapter 17
Buffy woke up and felt Spikes body still spooned up against her, his arm tightly around her waist. Buffy turned around as best as she could with out breaking his embrace and looked at him. He looked so content while he slept, sweet and innocent. She knew that even when he opened his eyes that same sweet and innocent look would still be there but with a hint of toughness to it. Snuggling deeper into his chest Buffy wondered what she was doing. She was a married women, well granted she was married to a wanker as Spike would put it, but still she was married and now she was committing adultery. Well technically she hadn't had sex with Spike, just a few hugs, cuddles, and some amazing kisses but it still felt wrong. She knew Riley had numerous flings, he even had the nerve to bring one of them home saying she was a friend. He then proceeded to lock Buffy in the basement as punishment for not cleaning the house well enough, then shagged the slut upstairs in their bed.
Buffy knew that their marriage was over long ago but it was still wrong or was it. What was so wrong with staying with a friend, she could have been staying with Xander and there would have been hugs maybe cuddling but defiantly not kissing. That was the clincher, Spike had kissed her with so much passion that she knew he felt something for her and deep down inside she liked that idea. The thing was did she reciprocate his feelings. He had been so nice to her, could she hurt him for not feeling the same way because it would kill her if she did. She knew he didn't expect anything in return for caring for her. She had offered herself to him that first night and he was shocked at the idea. She thought maybe he was repulsed by her that's why he didn't want her, but he had told her she was beautiful. Maybe he did want her but he wanted her completely not just her body. These ideas made Buffys mind swim. She knew she felt something for Spike and it was strong but she couldn't be sure what it was.
She didn't know what love was. She thought she loved Riley but then turned out to be out of necessity. What if what she was feeling for Spike was the same. No it couldn't be this thing with Spike was so strong so deep so different. She couldn't blurt out that she loved him when she didn't even know what love was. Buffy shook her head all this thinking about Riley and Spike was driving her mad. Spike began to stir which made Buffy hold him tighter.
"Morning luv been up long"
Buffy shook her head. Spike realised his arms were still around her tightly.
"Oh sorry luv, I didn't realise"
Spike began to pull away but felt Buffys arms tighten around him. Spike decided to keep his arms where they were, it seemed to calm her.
"Are you worried about Angel or Riley?" she asked
Buffy cringed she hadn't even thought about Angel. "Both"
"It will be alright you'll see I won't let anything happen to you"
Buffy heart soared "Why"
Spike looked down at her "Why what"
"Why wont you let anything happen to me"
Spike thought Buffy was nuts hey had gone through this before. "Cause you're a friend"
Buffys heart sank "Oh so you do this with Mrs Weaver then"
Spike reeled back "God pet no, come on what's this about"
"Nothing" she said sitting up. "Come on, I am hungry"
Buffy got out of the bed and walked out of then room. Spike layed back on the bed confused, what the hell was that. Was she tripping out again with all this Riley stuff? He hadn't meant to blurt out that Angel was here because of the divorce, its just Angel had surprised them both when he had walked in. The kiss. He couldn't remember exactly what had happened one moment she was laying in his arms the next his tongue was playing with her teeth. Spike replayed the memory over and over again in his mind. He had kissed her hair but she, she had kissed him, he remembered in surprise. Spike jumped out of his bed and went to find Buffy. She had kissed him.
Spike found Buffy at the kitchen counter and raced up behind her and put his arms around her waist like he seen those wankers do in the movies that morning after they just had sex. Spike knew at any moment that Buffy could kill him for his actions but he didn't care, he was fully prepared to die. Buffy leaned back into his embrace fully ignoring the little voice in her head that told her to stop because Angel was sleeping only a few feet away. Spike looked at the counter and saw a mug of hot blood.
"This mine" he asked grabbing the mug with one arm keeping the other around her.
"A huh" she murmured. She knew she had to stop this but she didn't want to leave his embrace. She wanted his touch. Buffy turned around and tickled Spike under the armpits before quickly running to the other side of the kitchen. Spike gave her a cheeky grin before putting down his blood and running over to her. The blood could wait. Spike attacked Buffy with tender fingers running over her body tickling her. Buffy couldn't help it and let out waves of giggles. She tried to fight back but she would always get week when she was tickled.
"Would you kids keep it down"
Buffy and Spike stopped dead and turned and saw Angel looking at them. Buffy gave Angel a sheepish look and Spike just grinned.
"Sorry dad"
Angel rolled his eyes, cheeky little grandchilde. Angel looked at Spike and Buffy curiously. It had been awhile since he had seen both of them and they were different, but they were also different to each other. Finding them in bed together the night before had been a shock. He knew they were sharing the same bed but he expected them to be clinging to the edge not wanting to touch each other. He had rushed into the room because he thought something was wrong. He had heard Buffys fast heart beat and saw Spike kissing her. He had thought she was in danger, that maybe Spike was trying to take advantage off her. He was surprised when Buffy had been so cold to him; he was only trying to help. He couldn't help think that today he had walked into something much more than a tickle fest.
"Seeing how I am up I guess we should get down to business"
Angel left the room and returned with a bundle of papers.
"Now Buffy, Spike told me you tried to divorce Riley before, but it didn't work"
Buffy nodded sadly sitting down at the table with Angel.
"Well then its good Spike called me. These lawyer friends of mine, they are ruthless they wont stop at anything, all this can be done with out you seeing Riley ever again, ok"
Buffy nodded again but this time she started to shake. Spike sat down at a chair next to her and grabbed her hand.
"Its ok luv Angels gonna work everything out ok, no more Riley"
"Ok" she barley got out.
Angel shuffled through the papers then found the one he was looking for.
"This one is a restraining order, now usually it's a few miles that they aren't allowed to come near you, but where going to bulk it up a little he's not even allowed to be in the same state, so you will have to decide exactly where you are staying"
"But wont he know where I am though" Buffy asked concerned.
"Well see Lilah, that's one of the lawyers thought of that, were are going to get him banned from a few states to throw him off, so are you gonna come back with me"
Buffy looked at Angel like he was crazy while Spikes eyes filled with fear.
"Umm excuse me," Buffy asked confused.
"I thought you were going to come back with me after all you know L.A, you might even see you Dad occasionally, you know be with family"
"Why would you think that, I mean yeah I do know L.A but its not like I want to see my Dad"
"Well where are you going to stay, did you get in touch with Xander are you staying with him"
Buffy looked at Angel confused "Umm no I am staying here with Spike"
"Yeah but that's just until we figure things out right"
"No Angel I am staying here for good, or at least until Spike kicks me out that is"
Spike smiled and Angel was horrified.
"You can't stay here," Angel yelled standing up.
Spike hated when Angel did that tried to be more powerful by being larger. Spike stood up, he was not going to sit down and take Angels crap.
"Why can't she stay here, its safe"
"Because she cant"
"Why cant she, give me a decent reason"
Angel began to stutter "Cause she umm, she just cant"
Buffy stood up and walked over to Angel as much as she hated his out burst she knew he was worried.
"Angel calm down" she said placing her hand on his arm.
Spike was instantly jealous she was touching Angel when he was being a prick.
"Look Angel I will be fine, I have some money and I even got a job ill be fine, you don't need to worry"
Angel sat down knowing that he had been beaten but wasn't saying so.
"Alright whatever it's your life" Angel began to shuffle a few papers then pulled a few out. "All you need to do is sign a few of these form and that's all you will need to do with the divorce my lawyers will handle everything else"
Spike ran off into the kitchen then came back with a smile on his face and a pen in his hand. He thrusted it at Buffy watching her smile grow with his eagerness. Buffy quickly signed the papers then handed them back to Angel.
"Is that it, I mean that's all I have to do"
Angel nodded.
"Umm ok umm I don't know if I have enough to pay yet I never really went this far with one. I start work in a few weeks so I can pay then hopefully, is that going to be ok"
"Nope you don't need to worry about it, its all been taken care of"
"What do you mean its been taken care of, Angel I cant let you pay for it"
Angel looked up glumly then glared at Spike. "I didn't pay for it"
Buffy followed Angels gaze and spotted an embarrassed looking Spike.
"Oh umm ok, so when is it going to be finalised"
Angels eyes widened. She had practically gone spastic when she thought he had payed for it but Spike paying was ok.
"Umm yeah I'll call my lawyers there staying around here so we can finalise this, they will come by and get the papers and take them to Riley"
"So it's all over, in a few hours I am free"
"Well yeah, usually it can take years but like I said these lawyers there ruthless, they can do anything if they want to"
Buffy stood up and began to pace around the room with tears in her eyes.
"I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free" Buffy kept mumbling as the tears spiled from her eyes. She finally collapsed to the floor, her "I'm free" murmuring became an almost scream. Spike ran over to her.
"You alright"
Buffy looked up at Spike, her eyes were filled with tears, but she had a smile on her face.
"I'm free" she practically laughed
"I know pet" he said pulling her off the ground.
"I'm free, I can do what I want, wear what I want, be whoever I want to be"
Spike smiled at her. He didn't want to mention that the last couple of days she had been able to do that, but he knew this was final. Buffy ripped the cheap gold ring off her finger.
"Here Angel, have this, buy yourself a beer its probably all its worth"
Buffy started dancing around in a circle. "I'm free, I'm free" she started singing.
Buffy stopped spinning then looked at Spike and Angel with an evil grin.
"Can we go out tonight to celebrate, can we go to that club you found me at Spike it looked really great"
Spike looked wearily at Angel and he shrugged.
"Umm ok luv if you're sure"
Buffys smile dissipated "What am I going to wear I mean I can't turn up in black yeans and Spikes shirt"
Angel laughed "Look at her Spike she's still technically married and she's already looking for a new man"
Buffy gave Angel a playful frown. "Hey I wanna have fun, can't I have fun"
"Yeah Slayer you can, look you have cleared all my cash out if I give you my credit card you promise not to max it out"
Buffy looked at Spike then threw herself in his arms. "Thank you thankyou thank you"
"Its ok" Spike said loving that her arms were wrapped tightly around him in front of Angel. "Just go buy yourself something sexy to make those guys fall for you". You don't need to wear sexy clothes to make me fall for you luv Spike thought.
Buffy ran off into her room and change while Angel went and called the lawyers. Meanwhile Spike did a little dance around the room. She told Angel she was staying with him, she was now free. Buffy ran past Spike and waved to him before heading out the door. Angel came back into the lounge room.
"I cant believe you" Angel yelled at Spike
"What?" Spike asked.
Buffy realised that she didn't bring the keys and decided to head back and get them in case they were asleep. When Buffy heard Angel and Spike talking she stopped.
"You know you can't protect her right"
"I know that" Spike yelled at Angel this was his house and he wasn't about to be bullied. "She doesn't need protecting"
"Of course she does, that's not the Slayer we saw leave that's a poor frail little girl, who you are taking advantage off"
"Oh you really are a prick Angelus, your right that girl you saw isn't the slayer, but she is not the girl you think she is. She is strong and powerful and she doesn't need men like you and Riley making her feel week. I would never take advantage of her"
"Why because you love her" Angel sarcastically said.
"Oh go to hell" Spike said before storming off.
Buffy stood outside the door shocked. She couldn't believe Angel thought so low of her yet Spike put her on a pedestal, she honestly thought it was the other way around. Why would Angel think that Spike would love her, more importantly why didn't Spike answer he could have just said no but he didn't. Buffy turned away from the door deciding not to worry about the keys. She wanted to get the store and buy that sexy little dress she had seen but never thought she could wear. Spikes comments had given her the extra confidence and in a way she wanted to say thankyou by looking nice. She hoped that she would be able to figure out exactly what was up with Spike.
~TBC~