This Isn't me
By
Natalie Elizabeth
Chapter 18
Buffy nervously got dressed in the bathroom. She had bought the dress she had been eyeing and a pair of shoes to match. She hadn't maxed out his card but had bought matching lipstick to go with the dress. She knew she was spending a lot of his money but he said it was ok and was going to pay him back. Hopefully the way she was dressed tonight would make up for it a little. Buffy stepped into her dress and looked at her self in the mirror. The dress was dark red, with a low back meaning. it clung to her figure and finished just below her knee. When she first saw it she loved it but didn't think could wear it. All her legs and back would be exposed, she hadn't gone out dressed like that in awhile. Some of her scars and scratches did show but the worst was at the front and that was covered.
"Hey Buffy you gonna be out soon" Spike whined "Angels getting edgy and hes starting to talk to me"
"Give me five minutes, can I borrow your gel"
"Yeah sure what ever, what's taking you so long"
"It takes time to get beautiful"
"Should take no time at all then Buffy" Angel called from behind Spike
Spike cringed, that's what he had planned on saying when the great poof had decided to turn up.
"Hey if you guys stand by the door it makes it hard to get ready now go, I will be out in a minute"
Buffy grabbed strands of her hair and began covering them with Spikes gel before twisting them and pinning them to her head. After pinning a few to her head Buffy quickly applied the lipstick then ran out the door to the waiting vampires. Buffy walked into the lounge and saw Angel pacing by the door and Spike sitting down watching T.V. Angel looked up at saw Buffy and smiled.
"Hey Buffy, you look great"
"Thanks"
Spike turned around to look at her just as she was spinning around to show Angel all of the dress. Spikes mouth gaped open. He knew she was beautiful but right now she was just god damn gorgeous. Spike suddenly felt like his old William wanker self when he was speechless. Jumping over the couch and running to the door Spike opened it and gestured for Buffy to walk out. Angel went to follow Buffy when Spike stepped in front of him leaving Angel glaring in his wake. Spike walked over to his car and opened the door for Buffy then turned to see where Angel had got to. He saw Angel get into his own car and Spike became confused. Climbing into his car Spike looked over at Angel.
"Hey wanker you know we can go in the same car right"
"Yeah umm I figured I would head back to L.A tonight, I was planning on staying longer if Buffy was coming back with me, but she seems alright here so I'll think I'll go"
Spike smiled. Yes the wanker was going and leaving Buffy with him, Spike couldn't be happier. Spike put his car in reverse and spend away into the night with Angel following.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy nervously walked into the club behind Spike. The place looked good but Buffy couldn't help but feel nervous. This was the place were her life had started going right but she was still worried that Riley would be there. Spike walked up the bar making sure that Buffy and Angel were following him.
"Hey Luke"
"Hey Will, nice girl you got there but who's the other guy"
Spike laughed he knew he liked this guy. "The girl's Buffy and that wanker is Angel"
The bartender gave Spike a shocked look. "Wow that's Buffy and Angel, you didn't mention Buffy was so hot"
"Hey you keep your hands off her, look the last time I was here there was a guy here. Tall, muscles, looks like a dork, looks like he is in the army, he was in here with Buffy, but she looks a little different now"
Luke looked at Buffy closely and Buffy twitched under his gaze.
"Oh yeah I remember them, they left in a hurry, why?"
"He's her ex husband, have you seen him in here since"
"Umm yeah once, said he got knocked out behind the club wanted to know if anyone saw anything, said he cant remember what happened"
Spike smirked "Umm yeah well if you see him can you call the cops, he's not allowed near Buffy and he's bad trouble ok"
"Yeah sure Will"
Spike turned back to Buffy and Angel. "The wanker was in here recently"
Angel threw Spike a confused look.
"The other wanker Angel not you, anyway he was only in here once so it should be ok. Let's grab a table"
Buffy looked longingly at the dance floor.
"Can I go dance" Buffy asked eagerly.
"Sure pet" Spike said spotting a table. "We'll sit down"
Buffy looked disappointed "Aren't you guys going to come"
Angel looked at his shoes embarrassed he was not much of a dancer, but he didn't really want to see Buffy in Spikes arms again.
"Nah luv maybe later" Spike said.
"I'll hold you to that" she said before rushing off to the dance floor.
Angel and Spike watched Buffy on the dance floor. She would dance with one guy flirt with him for a bit then lose interest. Angel smiled at this. She seemed to be having fun. It looked as if she hadn't had fun in awhile. Spike gripped his glass of beer so hard that it almost broke. The only thing keeping the glass from breaking was his conflicting emotions. God Buffy looks so sexy, but she's flirting with other guys, but she looks so sexy, but she's flirting with other guys. Buffy looked over and saw Spike staring at her; she waved at him then turned back to sexy but boring men. Spike had enough and decided he was going to join her on the dance floor. As he got closer to her he passed one of Buffys rejects.
"What makes you think you've got a chance mate" the reject said rather pissed.
Spike turned back to him and smiled. "Cause I know what she wants"
Spike walked up behind Buffy and tapped her on the shoulder. "Care to dance"
Buffy turned around expecting to see another loser but smiled when she saw Spike.
"Umm yeah sure, beats dancing with them" she said throwing a look over her shoulder at the desperate men.
"Well thanks Slayer I feel so flattered" Spike said trying to dance along with the music, but hopelessly failing.
Buffy meanwhile kept dancing along to the music oblivious to her surrounding. Spike choose that moment to place his hands on her hips while she danced so as not to look like a goof. Buffy smiled when she felt his touch and continued her seductive dance. The song ended and Buffy stopped dancing to take a breath.
"We are so coming here all the time, you do realise that right"
Spike nodded. Sure as long as she wears something that sexy every time Spike thought. The lights dimmed and a slow song began to play. Spike became nervous, he wasn't sure if Buffy would want to dance this one with him but didn't want to insult her by not dancing. Buffy solved his problem when she placed her hands around his neck and narrowed the gap between them. Spike was shocked she was dancing so close and Angel was around somewhere. Spike relaxed a little and let his arms encircle her. Buffy nuzzled into Spikes embrace never feeling as free as she did now. There was just one thing weighing on her mind Angels and Spikes argument.
"I heard your argument today"
"What?" Spike asked shocked looking down at her.
"Your argument I heard it well some of it I am not sure how much I missed"
Shit Spike thought, what did she hear, oh god did she hear him say she wasn't the slayer.
"That's nice"
Buffy took a deep breath she was about to open a huge can of worms.
"How do you feel about me" wow that came out faster than she thought.
"How, do I feel about you?" he asked.
"Well yeah, I heard Angel ask you if you loved me and well you didn't deny it, why didn't you deny it"
Spike took a deep unneeded breath oh god here goes. "Cause that would be a lie"
"Excuse me" Buffy asked surprised but not angry.
"It would be a lie" he stuttered. Oh no here we go, she's going to run back to Angel cause she thinks I am a pervert.
"Oh" Buffy snuggled back into his chest. He loves me he loves me he loves me.
"That's all, ok, no stake through the heart"
Buffy pulled away. "Spike does it look like I have a stake hidden on me"
"Well no" he said admiring her. "There's not much that's hidden"
Buffy smiled. "Oh so you like, I didn't think you did cause you didn't say anything at home"
"No luv you look great and I am not the only one who think so"
Buffy looked around and the guys staring at her "Yeah well I didn't dress up for them"
Buffy leant back into Spike and continued to dance despite the fact that the song had changed. Spike was confused he had just told this girl that he loved her and she wasn't running away from him, maybe she felt something for him too. Oh well here goes nothing he thought.
"Umm so how do you feel about me then"
Buffy didn't look up at him. "I don't know"
Spike began to pull away from the embrace but Buffy held him tight.
"Maybe don't know aren't the best words, cause I do know I just don't understand"
"Oh" Of course shes confused you nitwit, think about what's happened to her. "Do you wanna try explain it"
Buffy looked up at him with a smile, he wanted to hear. "Umm sure ok"
Buffy thought for a moment before she began, she had to get this all out and she had to get it all right. "Well I know that I can trust you, and that I care about you. Trust may not be a big thing for you but it is for me. Do you know the other night when I first came to and saw you I was glad. I was actually glad to see you"
Buffy saw Spikes confused look and laughed.
"I know I was surprised to, now don't be angry if I tell you this but I was hoping that you would kill me to end my torment. You always said you would give me a good death, and dieing by the hand of a vampire was a good death, especially for a Slayer. I wanted you to kill me so Riley wouldn't, cause you would do it right, not leave me half dead somewhere awaiting death, you'd make it quick.
"Luv I wouldn't do something like that"
"Yes you would but its ok, cause I would have wanted you to, you care when you kill a Slayer and that's what I would have needed. You took care of me that night, and if I was scared it wasn't because of you. You could have taken advantage of me that night but you didn't, so I know when you say you love me its not just to get into my pants. I don't know if I love you for all those reasons, cause I am not sure if I know what love is. For years I loved Riley out of necessity, but that's not real love. I loved Angel at one point, but what I feel for you is different. I don't want to hurt you by jumping to conclusions, I just need to work things out a little is that ok"
Spike held Buffy tight. She actually admitted that she felt for him.
"Yeah Buffy its ok, I didn't exactly fall in love with on the spot it took time, and I am willing to wait cause I don't want to you lose you as a friend or something more"
The little voice inside his head was screaming at him, you know she feels something she kissed you, she kissed you.
"But what about that kiss"
Buffy got nervous "Yeah the kiss, I guess I just felt like it, you know in the moment, is that ok"
In the moment hey, he thought well right now is the perfect moment to kiss here.
"Well you understand now that I am in the moment and I feel like kissing you"
Spike didn't wait for Buffys response as his lips were descending upon hers. When Spikes lips hit hers he was surprised at the force she was using to return the kiss. So much want and need. Spike broke the kiss surprised he was supposed to be kissing her not the other way around. Spike felt a tap on his shoulder and groaned. It was probably one of Buffys rejects and he was going to tell him to sod off. When Spike turned around he realised it was Angel.
"Sod off"
"Riley's here"
"What?" Spike asked shocked breaking his hold on Buffy.
"He's here I saw him walk in."
"Well where is he now" Spike asked frantically searching the room, noticing Buffy doing the same.
"I don't know I came to warn you guys"
Buffy took a loud intake of breath when she felt a warm hand caress her bare back.
~TBC~
Chapter 18
Buffy nervously got dressed in the bathroom. She had bought the dress she had been eyeing and a pair of shoes to match. She hadn't maxed out his card but had bought matching lipstick to go with the dress. She knew she was spending a lot of his money but he said it was ok and was going to pay him back. Hopefully the way she was dressed tonight would make up for it a little. Buffy stepped into her dress and looked at her self in the mirror. The dress was dark red, with a low back meaning. it clung to her figure and finished just below her knee. When she first saw it she loved it but didn't think could wear it. All her legs and back would be exposed, she hadn't gone out dressed like that in awhile. Some of her scars and scratches did show but the worst was at the front and that was covered.
"Hey Buffy you gonna be out soon" Spike whined "Angels getting edgy and hes starting to talk to me"
"Give me five minutes, can I borrow your gel"
"Yeah sure what ever, what's taking you so long"
"It takes time to get beautiful"
"Should take no time at all then Buffy" Angel called from behind Spike
Spike cringed, that's what he had planned on saying when the great poof had decided to turn up.
"Hey if you guys stand by the door it makes it hard to get ready now go, I will be out in a minute"
Buffy grabbed strands of her hair and began covering them with Spikes gel before twisting them and pinning them to her head. After pinning a few to her head Buffy quickly applied the lipstick then ran out the door to the waiting vampires. Buffy walked into the lounge and saw Angel pacing by the door and Spike sitting down watching T.V. Angel looked up at saw Buffy and smiled.
"Hey Buffy, you look great"
"Thanks"
Spike turned around to look at her just as she was spinning around to show Angel all of the dress. Spikes mouth gaped open. He knew she was beautiful but right now she was just god damn gorgeous. Spike suddenly felt like his old William wanker self when he was speechless. Jumping over the couch and running to the door Spike opened it and gestured for Buffy to walk out. Angel went to follow Buffy when Spike stepped in front of him leaving Angel glaring in his wake. Spike walked over to his car and opened the door for Buffy then turned to see where Angel had got to. He saw Angel get into his own car and Spike became confused. Climbing into his car Spike looked over at Angel.
"Hey wanker you know we can go in the same car right"
"Yeah umm I figured I would head back to L.A tonight, I was planning on staying longer if Buffy was coming back with me, but she seems alright here so I'll think I'll go"
Spike smiled. Yes the wanker was going and leaving Buffy with him, Spike couldn't be happier. Spike put his car in reverse and spend away into the night with Angel following.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy nervously walked into the club behind Spike. The place looked good but Buffy couldn't help but feel nervous. This was the place were her life had started going right but she was still worried that Riley would be there. Spike walked up the bar making sure that Buffy and Angel were following him.
"Hey Luke"
"Hey Will, nice girl you got there but who's the other guy"
Spike laughed he knew he liked this guy. "The girl's Buffy and that wanker is Angel"
The bartender gave Spike a shocked look. "Wow that's Buffy and Angel, you didn't mention Buffy was so hot"
"Hey you keep your hands off her, look the last time I was here there was a guy here. Tall, muscles, looks like a dork, looks like he is in the army, he was in here with Buffy, but she looks a little different now"
Luke looked at Buffy closely and Buffy twitched under his gaze.
"Oh yeah I remember them, they left in a hurry, why?"
"He's her ex husband, have you seen him in here since"
"Umm yeah once, said he got knocked out behind the club wanted to know if anyone saw anything, said he cant remember what happened"
Spike smirked "Umm yeah well if you see him can you call the cops, he's not allowed near Buffy and he's bad trouble ok"
"Yeah sure Will"
Spike turned back to Buffy and Angel. "The wanker was in here recently"
Angel threw Spike a confused look.
"The other wanker Angel not you, anyway he was only in here once so it should be ok. Let's grab a table"
Buffy looked longingly at the dance floor.
"Can I go dance" Buffy asked eagerly.
"Sure pet" Spike said spotting a table. "We'll sit down"
Buffy looked disappointed "Aren't you guys going to come"
Angel looked at his shoes embarrassed he was not much of a dancer, but he didn't really want to see Buffy in Spikes arms again.
"Nah luv maybe later" Spike said.
"I'll hold you to that" she said before rushing off to the dance floor.
Angel and Spike watched Buffy on the dance floor. She would dance with one guy flirt with him for a bit then lose interest. Angel smiled at this. She seemed to be having fun. It looked as if she hadn't had fun in awhile. Spike gripped his glass of beer so hard that it almost broke. The only thing keeping the glass from breaking was his conflicting emotions. God Buffy looks so sexy, but she's flirting with other guys, but she looks so sexy, but she's flirting with other guys. Buffy looked over and saw Spike staring at her; she waved at him then turned back to sexy but boring men. Spike had enough and decided he was going to join her on the dance floor. As he got closer to her he passed one of Buffys rejects.
"What makes you think you've got a chance mate" the reject said rather pissed.
Spike turned back to him and smiled. "Cause I know what she wants"
Spike walked up behind Buffy and tapped her on the shoulder. "Care to dance"
Buffy turned around expecting to see another loser but smiled when she saw Spike.
"Umm yeah sure, beats dancing with them" she said throwing a look over her shoulder at the desperate men.
"Well thanks Slayer I feel so flattered" Spike said trying to dance along with the music, but hopelessly failing.
Buffy meanwhile kept dancing along to the music oblivious to her surrounding. Spike choose that moment to place his hands on her hips while she danced so as not to look like a goof. Buffy smiled when she felt his touch and continued her seductive dance. The song ended and Buffy stopped dancing to take a breath.
"We are so coming here all the time, you do realise that right"
Spike nodded. Sure as long as she wears something that sexy every time Spike thought. The lights dimmed and a slow song began to play. Spike became nervous, he wasn't sure if Buffy would want to dance this one with him but didn't want to insult her by not dancing. Buffy solved his problem when she placed her hands around his neck and narrowed the gap between them. Spike was shocked she was dancing so close and Angel was around somewhere. Spike relaxed a little and let his arms encircle her. Buffy nuzzled into Spikes embrace never feeling as free as she did now. There was just one thing weighing on her mind Angels and Spikes argument.
"I heard your argument today"
"What?" Spike asked shocked looking down at her.
"Your argument I heard it well some of it I am not sure how much I missed"
Shit Spike thought, what did she hear, oh god did she hear him say she wasn't the slayer.
"That's nice"
Buffy took a deep breath she was about to open a huge can of worms.
"How do you feel about me" wow that came out faster than she thought.
"How, do I feel about you?" he asked.
"Well yeah, I heard Angel ask you if you loved me and well you didn't deny it, why didn't you deny it"
Spike took a deep unneeded breath oh god here goes. "Cause that would be a lie"
"Excuse me" Buffy asked surprised but not angry.
"It would be a lie" he stuttered. Oh no here we go, she's going to run back to Angel cause she thinks I am a pervert.
"Oh" Buffy snuggled back into his chest. He loves me he loves me he loves me.
"That's all, ok, no stake through the heart"
Buffy pulled away. "Spike does it look like I have a stake hidden on me"
"Well no" he said admiring her. "There's not much that's hidden"
Buffy smiled. "Oh so you like, I didn't think you did cause you didn't say anything at home"
"No luv you look great and I am not the only one who think so"
Buffy looked around and the guys staring at her "Yeah well I didn't dress up for them"
Buffy leant back into Spike and continued to dance despite the fact that the song had changed. Spike was confused he had just told this girl that he loved her and she wasn't running away from him, maybe she felt something for him too. Oh well here goes nothing he thought.
"Umm so how do you feel about me then"
Buffy didn't look up at him. "I don't know"
Spike began to pull away from the embrace but Buffy held him tight.
"Maybe don't know aren't the best words, cause I do know I just don't understand"
"Oh" Of course shes confused you nitwit, think about what's happened to her. "Do you wanna try explain it"
Buffy looked up at him with a smile, he wanted to hear. "Umm sure ok"
Buffy thought for a moment before she began, she had to get this all out and she had to get it all right. "Well I know that I can trust you, and that I care about you. Trust may not be a big thing for you but it is for me. Do you know the other night when I first came to and saw you I was glad. I was actually glad to see you"
Buffy saw Spikes confused look and laughed.
"I know I was surprised to, now don't be angry if I tell you this but I was hoping that you would kill me to end my torment. You always said you would give me a good death, and dieing by the hand of a vampire was a good death, especially for a Slayer. I wanted you to kill me so Riley wouldn't, cause you would do it right, not leave me half dead somewhere awaiting death, you'd make it quick.
"Luv I wouldn't do something like that"
"Yes you would but its ok, cause I would have wanted you to, you care when you kill a Slayer and that's what I would have needed. You took care of me that night, and if I was scared it wasn't because of you. You could have taken advantage of me that night but you didn't, so I know when you say you love me its not just to get into my pants. I don't know if I love you for all those reasons, cause I am not sure if I know what love is. For years I loved Riley out of necessity, but that's not real love. I loved Angel at one point, but what I feel for you is different. I don't want to hurt you by jumping to conclusions, I just need to work things out a little is that ok"
Spike held Buffy tight. She actually admitted that she felt for him.
"Yeah Buffy its ok, I didn't exactly fall in love with on the spot it took time, and I am willing to wait cause I don't want to you lose you as a friend or something more"
The little voice inside his head was screaming at him, you know she feels something she kissed you, she kissed you.
"But what about that kiss"
Buffy got nervous "Yeah the kiss, I guess I just felt like it, you know in the moment, is that ok"
In the moment hey, he thought well right now is the perfect moment to kiss here.
"Well you understand now that I am in the moment and I feel like kissing you"
Spike didn't wait for Buffys response as his lips were descending upon hers. When Spikes lips hit hers he was surprised at the force she was using to return the kiss. So much want and need. Spike broke the kiss surprised he was supposed to be kissing her not the other way around. Spike felt a tap on his shoulder and groaned. It was probably one of Buffys rejects and he was going to tell him to sod off. When Spike turned around he realised it was Angel.
"Sod off"
"Riley's here"
"What?" Spike asked shocked breaking his hold on Buffy.
"He's here I saw him walk in."
"Well where is he now" Spike asked frantically searching the room, noticing Buffy doing the same.
"I don't know I came to warn you guys"
Buffy took a loud intake of breath when she felt a warm hand caress her bare back.
~TBC~