Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything related to ER, the powers that be do. I also don't the song  "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls

Author's notes:  This takes places after "Insurrection" contains season 8&9 spoilers. BTW I have no clue where Abby lives…

"Take her 159 Halmont, please." Susan Lewis said as she handed twenty dollars the cabby who was taking Abby home "Keep the change."

"Thanks, Lady"

With that, the yellow and white cab took off, and Susan headed to her little black neon. Fumbling with the keys, she finally got in to the driver's seat. She pulled out of the club and on to the abandoned street. Susan drove for a few moments, and stopped with her arrival at her destination, John's house.

"Oh, why am I even doing this…" Susan mumbled to herself getting out of the car.

With slow and sure steps, she made her way to the door. Taking a deep breath, she knocked, and waited. To her each second seemed to take an hour. Without warning, the door opened.

"Susan? What are you doing here?" Carter asked, clad in a tee and boxers

"Can I come in?"

"Umm… yeah sure."

"Thanks" she said stepping into the brownstone home. "This is a really nice place."

"I try. So do you want a drink or something?" Carter said, gesturing Susan to sit down on the sofa.

"Sure, a screwdriver."

"Coming right up."

John went in to the kitchen, and started to get the liquor out. In a few moments he came back to find Susan sitting on the sofa, playing with her necklace.

"Here you are."

"Thanks"

"So what brings you to my humble home?"

"Well Abby got too drunk, and I sent her home in a cab. I just thought that you should know."

Carter let out a sigh.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"Sorry if I'm prying"

"I don't mind, I mean today had been like one continuous nightmare, so a little prying doesn't seem that bad."

"I know what you mean. I just want it do end."

John looked over to the clock.

"Actually, it already has. It's about ten after midnight."

Susan let out a slight laugh. The same laugh that drove Carter crazy from that first day at County.  Without even thinking, he leaned over and kissed Susan. She kissed him back, and they started making out, right there on the sofa.

"We shouldn't be doing this." Susan said as she came up for air. "What about Abby?"

"I don't know. I mean, if there were no Abby, would we be together?"

"I've always have had a crush on you."

Carter kissed her again, this time making his way down to her collarbone. He thought about how different she was from Abby. Susan was perfect, she had her flaws, but to him she was perfect. All he could see in Abby were her flaws. This is what love was he decided.

Carter offered Susan his hand, and she took it.

"Where are we going?"

"Upstairs, that is if you want to."

Susan followed John up, turning down the voices of reason in her head more and more with each step she took. By the time they were at the bedroom door fame, they were totally gone.

"I should have never done this" Susan thought to herself as she gathered her clothes up off the floor and started redressing. "I betrayed a friend, a friend who trusted me. This isn't me, this isn't the Susan Lewis who I am."

She looked over at John. He was sleeping, the dawn's light playing with his face, making him look so much younger. In the light, it was the first time that she saw his scars. They were marks of when his life started to go on its twisted path downward, through drugs and rehab. Those scars are what made her cry.

She left a note on the pillow that was next to John's head. Susan didn't know what do say expect to call her at her house when he got up, she didn't have to go in for another six hours.

She gave John's head a quick kiss and left the room. Making her way down the steps to the room where it all began. Her drink was on the coffee table, and she put it in the sink before she left. Returning to the living room, she grabbed her purse and left. Getting into her car, she turned on the radio. Just as she was pulling out of the driveway, the song caught her attention.

And I don't want the world to see me,

'Cuz I don't think that they'd understand.

When everything is made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am.

During the drive home, Susan thought about what was going to happen to her and John. She really did love him, but could she have him? That was the question that only time could answer.