Paper Planes And Paper Cuts
by enervate
Author's Note :: From Genjo Sanzo's POV. One short ficcy, written on a lamentful rainy day......
That image never left my mind.
That picture of innocence, of pure radiating love, of more than just affection, of a universal truth.
That slender figure, so far away,.... how am I to reach out for him now? He was once in my reach, so near, so near. I could feel the fabric in my hands. Silk, soft yellow silk. Now, it is in my hands.
Softly I fingered the delicate edges of the headwear that once adorned his beautiful light brown hair. Light, just like him, pastel gold reflecting the setting sun and the lavender skies above me. I lifted that headgear, and placed it slowly back to its place. The flowing sleeves of that soft yellow silk flowed behind my hands. I am in his place now. His position. He was just a memory, a long gone memory, but a memory that stayed forever.
I remembered him, too well indeed. Komyo Sanzo. The reverend Master Sanzo, owner of the Holy and Evil Sutras. Spent his last minute defending the holy scriptures and his beloved apprentice, only to find himself accompanying Buddha now in the celestial heavens. Another lost to be mourn for in the history textbooks. Prayers were offered, chants filled the air, mantra unleashed from the lips of priests, but the 'beloved apprentice' kept silent.
I kept silent because Sanzo-sama will hate it a lot if I mourn for him.
He hates seeing me sad. He was the only one who could cheer me up then. I loved him. I only wanted him.
But I could never have him. He went away, too fast, but I understood my responsibility to ascend the stairs and pick up his throne.
I remembered, as much as I restrain myself from breaking down, I cried when I found something in his room the night before I left the monastery. A folded orange paper in the shape of a plane. A paper plane.
Koryu, so I was called when I am just a mere child. With hair of the color that he called 'divine blond', with eyes gleaming in lavender of a thousand sunsets, of a hidden persona that only he knew too well, I am his one and only beloved. Because of that, I am hated by many. They can't stand seeing me so close with Sanzo-sama. Who cares? They say I flunked every philosophy that Buddha preached. They say I am nothing but a useless kid. Even damnable and also laughable was them, saying that I am like the reverend Sanzo-sama's young lover more than a practitioner. I laughed scornfully at them in my heart as I, like every other evening, walked softly along that corridor, carrying Sanzo's afternoon tea. A small smile played on the edges of my lips. Young lover? I like that title, as much as I hated to be referred with such an intimate title.
But who cares what they say? I am not a servant of any person. I do not serve anyone. I only serve my master, my beloved Sanzo-sama. I held him high. He saved me. He cared for me. He loved me.
Did anyone else treat me the same, just like him?
No one did.
He told me, the only thing he wanted me to preach is to believe in oneself. I promised him that I will.
I remembered the times when I slept peacefully in his arms, safe in his embrace, like a small child in a crib. When I woke up, he will smile upon me and said that I slept like an angel, a baby angel, a cherub. I will only scowl at him, annoyed at that phrase, but pleased when he only cuddled me closer, or laughed in response, or planted a loving kiss on my forehead. It was soothing, something I knew I had lost since I was an infant.
He told me that he knew nothing. He knew nothing of preaching, of Buddhism, of prayers and everything. Of course, I think he was only joking. He was altogether like a perfect being in my eyes. He was everything. Everything.
As he said that, his hands swiftly folded a paper plane. Looking up, his eyes sighing and soulful, he looked at me in the eyes and said "I only know how to fold paper planes."
I was taken aback. Paper planes? What on Earth~? But as he launched the beauty of that folded paper into the air, I was more than spellbound. I could only watch in fascination, amazed at the little creation of his spreading its wings in the air.
"The orange in the plane took out the blue in the skies, don't you think so, Koryu? It contrasted beautifully."
I could only nod, and whispered "It is beautiful."
I did not need to turn, but I could feel him smiling behind me.
He turned around, and left me there. The sun was setting. Ah, it was late! I need to go and get Sanzo's dinner! But before I ran inside to do my duty, I saw the orange plane flew gracefully and landed on the small pond nearby. Slowly, it sank, bit by bit.
I dashed forward to save it. I managed to scoop up the beautiful thing before it sank completely in the water. Alas, I was too careless, and while I was enjoying the second of triumph when I caught it in my hands, I fell into the pond myself. I was wet all over, and the few koi fishes in the pond swam playfully around me, as if I am another new decoration in the pond. I frowned at them, displeased by their mockery of my heroic deed. The plane was safe in my hands.
Sanzo-sama must have heard that loud splash, or happened to return then. He saw me there, frowning in the middle of the pond, still those annoying fishes playing tag around me. He shook his head, and pulled me up. I was shivering all over. Softly, he carried me inside and sent me to shower almost instantly.
I came out of the bathroom later [I used the one in his room], all hot and pinky from the hot water bath I had. Privilege, I should say. His room was nearby a natural hot spring, so the water from there flowed gently into this little stream. It ran just underneath the floors. Ah, how I loved being bathed in this stream!
Anyway, back to the story.
I came out of the bathroom, all cleaned and no longer wet due to the damned pond. Just as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, I was horrified. Sanzo's dinner! I dashed blindly towards the door, just to hear Sanzo laughing behind me. I did not understand why though. I kept my pace going until I reached the kitchen. Panting, all worn out by the haste I made, I asked for his dinner.
"Oh, he came to get it himself."
No wonder he laughed. I came back to his room, embarrassed and also feeling guilty for leaving my duties unattended, I wanted to apologize. But Sanzo stopped me, and with eyes of concern he asked me "Are you all right? Did you get hurt when you fell into the pond?"
"No..." I answered. He hugged me softly, his fingers delicately caressing my hair. It felt so nice. I remembered placing ,my arms tightly around him, wishing that we would never be separated forever. He was my everything, everything that I ever needed.
Since I am introduced to life, I have been praying for the both of us, and only both of us.
But I lost him, just a week or so later.
I never see him read the Evil Sutra before. Only countless times I was manifested with his brilliant performance with the Holy Sutra. I remembered the flashes of light that danced when the Sutra was unleashed. Ah, beautiful! Angelic.... a celestial gift.
But that day,......
He was folding another plane. I was watching him, again, I am fascinated. The winds blew too strong, and soon the orange papers he placed neatly in a stack got carried by the breeze. I collected the scattered pieces, and suddenly one of it cut my fingers. I grimaced, but said nothing. Slowly, I handed the paper back to Sanzo. His eyes never left the paper he was folding.
"Koryu."
"Hai, Sanzo-sama? [yes, Master Sanzo?]"
"Daijobu desu ka [Are you all right?]?"
"Ah?" I was surprised. The question seems peculiar indeed.
"Your left hand. Show it to me."
Quietly, I lifted my hand. A shining droplet of blood winked in the sunlight. I groaned silently in my heart. Damn.
"Koryu, why didn't you tell me?" Sanzo stated softly, his eyes twinkling in concern. I frowned, and replied bluntly. "Betsu ni. [It is nothing.]"
"Betsu ni, ne? [Nothing, right?] You are hurt, Koryu."
"It is just a small cut." I retorted, refusing to let him fuss over such a small matter. He only shook his head in reply. Slowly, he took that finger gently to his lips. Tenderly he sucked at the cut, kissed it, and smiled at me.
"Feel better?"
I smiled, and hugged him. "Better."
Late that night......
"Sanzo, can you promise me something?"
"What?"
"Teach me how to fold a paper plane."
"But if you do, you will have more paper cuts then!" His tone was playful. Despite his little warning, I was still determined.
"Deal."
"I promise. I will teach you how to fold a plane tomorrow."
"Thank you, Master. Can you promise me another thing?"
"How many promises I have to make tonight?" He asked, laughing as he stroked my hair. I was in his arms, softly laying by his side.
"Just another."
"Say it then."
"Promise me that you will never leave me."
"That, you know I will never leave you." Sanzo replied, planting a kiss on my cheek. I pouted playfully, but smiled afterwards.
"Can you promise me another thing?"
"Koryu!" This time he laughed for real. "I thought you said just another...."
"Please? Just one last one, for tonight. I'll keep the rest for tomorrow."
"Koryu....." He was shaking his head in mock disapproval, but still he smiled. "Go ahead."
"Promise me that you'll love me forever."
I was shocked at my bold words. I never imagined myself to directly say that to him. Despite my intimacy with him, I never expect such straight-forwarded words that those. He, too, was pretty shocked. But after a while, he nodded. "I promise."
For a few moments, I laid there, safe in his arms, feeling the heat radiating from his body, to realize how close I am with him, feeling the slender fingers running through my hair, his lips muttering some kind of a soft sweet harmony in accordance to some mantra, ah, this is my Heaven.
"Koryu...."
"Hai, Sanzo-sama?"
"Promise me something."
I stared at him, wide-eyed. Did I hear correctly? Promise him something? "What?"
"Get a Buddhist name, and inherit the Sutras from me."
I was disappointed. I wished that he could have make me promise something more,... beautiful. Meaningful to the both of us. "Oh. Okay."
"Thank you, Koryu." He smiled, and nuzzled at my ear. I hugged him closer.
"Can you promise me another thing?"
I groaned. "Master, are you using my tactic now?"
"What tactics?" He opened his eyes wide in fake innocence. I rolled my eyes.
"Okay,... I understand. Just promise me something."
"What is it, Sanzo-sama?"
"Stay with me."
"I will. Forever."
I remembered I was sleeping peacefully in his arms. So nice, so soft, so heavenly.
Suddenly the smell of blood wafted in the air. The stench was acrid, sickening.
Suddenly smoke filled the air. I cried, awaken by the pandemonium of screams from everywhere. Sanzo placed his hands protectively around me, his left hands taking out something from underneath his pillow. A metallic silver flash of light reflected in my mind. He was holding a gun.
Almost the same second, the door came crashing. I could not hear anything else than the deafening sound of that wailing demon as a speeding bullet split its life into nothingness. My master only stared coldly at the demon. His expression was so cold. I hugged him by the waist, afraid at the sudden change of my master. He felt different, and yet he was the same.
"Koryu, they are coming." He said calmly, one hand caressing my hair carelessly. He seemed so distant.
"Master, are you all right?" I whispered, too afraid to hear the answer.
"I.... I do not know what happen, Koryu. It seems like my deepest fears have come true. No matter what happens, Koryu, please remember that I love you."
Soon, blood splashed everywhere. Demons came assaulting. I withdrew my knife, protecting Sanzo. He shot most of the demon down. I was blinded by this showcase of blood and gore, I could not even recognize my own self anymore.
Suddenly a demon came assailing upon me. I screamed. Sanzo came to my aid, only to lose the Holy Sutra from his robes as another demon snatched it. The demon gleefully tossed the thing out of both Sanzo's and my reach. More demons came to help them. We were outnumbered.
Sanzo was angry, so it seems. Demons came in attacking, never-ending. Soon, they were too much. All he could do, he only stood there, kneeling onto the ground, hugging me, protecting me from everything. I could hear his lips reading the typical opening lines of a Sutra. Only after a while, I realized that it was the Evil Sutra.
A shiver ran down my spine. When he completed the Sutra, he yelled out "Purify Demons", and almost then, the edges of the sutra touched the demons. They left almost immediately, all ash and shadows. Nothing remained in my view. The room was clear.
"Oh,... Sanzo..." I was glad that it ended, but when I turned around...
Sanzo was standing, a knife on his back, his gun aimed at a demon. His fingers pulled at the trigger, blast it went, and.....
The demon vanished.
Sanzo dropped into my arms.
"Sanzo!!!!"
"Koryu......" He whispered, his mouth forming that word painfully. Blood came gushing from his mouth. His beautiful silk robes were stained with blood. His hand stroked my cheek in such static motion, he was almost lifeless on his own.
"Hush, Master." I cried, placing his head on my shoulders, him in my embrace. I was torn. Torn into shreds.
"Koryu,... fly. Fly free." He brought my head close to his, and gently, with great strength, he placed his lips upon mine. I kissed him in return, too grieved to reply. He was gone. He closed his eyes, deep in eternal sleep.
"Goodbye, Sanzo-sama."
I left the temple.
I only kept a memento of his love with me.
A paper plane.
He never teach me how to fold one.
But I will treasure this one forever.
"The orange in the plane took out the blue in the skies, don't you think so, Koryu? It contrasted beautifully."
"It is beautiful."
To Komyo Sanzo, the one and only one I shall ever love in my life.
~ O w a r i [ t h e e n d ] ~