Just A Little
By: Neko-chan
A/N: Just random Hoto-chan's POV. (Ne...I got bored, okay?! :-p) Angst...sad stuff...drama. You know the drill. ~.~ *random glomping of the red-headed Fang-Boy*
Disclaimer: Neko-chan no own. Neko-chan would KILL to own Tasuki, Nuriko, Hotohori, and Chichiri. But Fate is too, too cruel...and she doesn't. ;_;
I had always dreamed of you. Sitting alone at night, staring up at the stars, I dreamed of you. I always wondered what you would be like. What you would look like. What you liked to do. What your favorite books were. Did you even like to read? Were you kind--but, of course, I knew that you would be. I knew that you would be loving, kind, caring; you would do anything for your friends. And you do. Of course you do.
I knew it was you from the first moment I saw you. Even without the red light encircling you, I knew it was you. Even without the strange and foreign clothes, I knew it was you. Your soul called to mine and I answered the call with all of my heart.
Only to have my heart break. I loved you so...yet you loved another. Why? I would give anything for you; anything at all. You could have just said a word and it would have been yours. Including my life. _Especially_ my life.
You never looked at me the way you looked at _him_. Even after everything I did you for, you never looked at me the same way that you did him. I tried hating him, but I couldn't. You love him and I would do anything for you. But, all my life, I had hoped...
I was so alone. Hundreds and thousands of people surround me each day, yet...I am still so alone. You were the only one who made me feel complete. I never knew what that emotion had felt until you came into my life. I loved you, I love you, and I will always love you.
When I was younger and I used to stare up at the stars, they seemed to stare coldly back, mocking me. But, even with that feeling, I hoped. Oh, how I hoped. Too bad I found out that hoping is in vain, don't you agree?
Every shooting star, I made the same wish: 'Oh, please...please let her come during my lifetime. Please let her understand me. Let her love me and see me for who I really am. I'm so lonely and I just want someone who understands. Please... Oh, please...'
"Twinkle, twinkle little star..."
I've learned the hard way that wishes _don't_ come true, no matter how much you wish that it was otherwise. How I really and truly did wish it was otherwise. But wishing and hoping are for children...and I am no longer a child. And now, I must leave my childish dreams behind. Only _you_ would understand and know how much it hurts to see each one become ash. Only you would understand what the death of each dream means to me...
Do you remember that time I almost killed _him_? I tried...I tried _so hard_ to kill him. That was when I hated him the most. He had caused you pain and I would do anything to keep you from that pain. In the end, I couldn't kill him. I knew you wondered why, but I never told you. I will now: I never killed him because it would cause you so much more pain and suffering. And I had vowed never to let that happen. Ever again.
I'm sorry that it turned out this way. I'm sorry that, even now, you're forced to go through so much pain. I only wish that I was there with you, keeping you safe from the Seiryuu warriors. But...some things just aren't meant to be. But I know that _he_ will save you. He loves you as much as I do. I know that you realize this and love him just as much in return. If only... If only you had loved _me_ in that way. I would have given anything. Just one small look was all I ever asked for. But, once again, it just wasn't meant to be...
I loved you.
* * *
"Highness!!!" Chichiri screamed and quickly made his way to the fallen Emperor's side. High above on a cliff, Nakago looked down at all the chaos that he had created and smirked. "Highness!" Chichiri screamed again. " Hold on! I've already summoned a healer and they should be here shortly! All you have to do is just hold on!"
Hotohori gently smiled up at the monk, his eyes expressing what words couldn't. "It's...it's alright, Chi...Chichiri. It's too late. You and I both know it." He closed his eyes and winced in pain. Suddenly, his expression lightened and he opened his eyes. "Do you hear her? She's calling us, Chichiri."
"Who?" was the monk's answer.
Hotohori's eyes looked up at the sky and his smile brightened while love shone from his eyes. "She's here, Chichiri. She came to say good-bye. Maybe...maybe she _did_ love me after all...even if it was just a little..."
The Emperor closed his eyes and did not open them again.