One Last Breath
~By: Lauren~
U N W A N T E D
Meimi took a deep breath as she attempted to push the lump of fear out of her throat.
"Come on now, it's ok." Aunt Sally gave her a smile as she held open the door.
Meimi stared into the open rectangular square. It was dark inside and she could vaguely make out a couch and lamp. "I can't go in there." She murmured, not conscious that she was speaking out loud.
"Of course you can come in!" Aunt Sally laughed, taking a firm hold on Meimi's hand. The redhead was sure the woman was mocking her by doing this.
"No, I really can't!!" Meimi tried to pull out of her grip because she knew once she stepped into that house it would be so hard to leave. But it appeared as if she didn't have a choice in the matter as she was brutally pulled inside and before she could make a move to get away, the door was slammed shut.
"That wasn't so hard now was it?" Sally spoke, flipping on a light switch. "Oh by the way, in a few days a man will be coming over to go over your parents will. I want you to pick out some things that you want to keep, maybe something like one of your mom's dresses or your dad's tie. See if you left behind anything of yours that you want and gather it up. We'll keep those things at my house until the man arrives. I'll keep the expensive things such as jewelry until we see who it goes to." The woman nodded as if she was approving her own plans.
Meimi frowned. How was she supposed to pick out only a few things? Looking to her left, she saw her father's coat still hung up on the coat hanger. It was still waiting for him to come along and put it on, wearing it to work. Her parent's shoes were lined up next to each other along with Meimi's, waiting for the family to put them on and go out walking somewhere together. On the mantel sat picture after picture of the happy family, lined up. There was Meimi was a toddler, Meimi as a baby in the arms of her gleeful parents, her mother and father on their wedding day, a school picture of Meimi and the most recent picture taken the year before of Meimi and her parents. In the photo Meimi was dressed in a simple white gown that had been picked out for special occasions. It matched the dress her mother was wearing and her father was clad in a black tuxedo. All around them were thousands of cherry trees and Meimi stood in the center. Behind her was her mother and father, their arms around each other as they smiled towards the camera. "When was that?" Meimi wondered as she scrolled through her memory, fighting back the bitter tears that threatened to spill over. "Oh yeah.it was Uncle John's wedding and afterwards mom and dad took me out to see the cherry trees in full bloom." She blinked her eyes, still forcefully fighting the tears. Meimi slowly opened the black zip up bag she had brought along with her to fill up with things. Reaching to the mantel Meimi grabbed the cherry blossom picture along with her parents wedding picture and one of them holding her as a baby. She shoved them into the bag, refusing to take one more glance at them. Opening a drawer, she added an old picture book. Meimi turned around, walking into the next room. Her father's magic trick items littered the floor from his last act. Meimi grabbed some of the flowers along with some streams then ran up the stairs. She couldn't take it. She couldn't stand to look all around her, to look at all the things that seemed to yell at her, "This was what life use to be like.until you took their life's away!!" Covering her ears with her hands, she stepped into her room. She shoved some clothes, her favorite comic book, and her heart-shaped clock along with a few other things into her bag. Meimi then commenced to collapse on her bed, hiding herself under the covers as if to find a safe haven away from everything. Then she heard a faint ringing sound. The phone!! Meimi reached out and picked up her receiver.
"Hello?" Meimi spoke the words clearly. "Is anyone there?" But no one answered. Shrugging, she hung it back down. Then she froze again. From the room next door she could hear far away voices. She knew it was wrong to eavesdrop but she just felt a sudden urge to listen. If someone were to ask her why, Meimi knew she never would be able to explain or answer the question. As she expected, it was Aunt Sally on a cell phone. She quickly pressed her ear against the wall.
"No Roger.I'm with my brother's daughter. Yes, we're at the house. No I can't meet you for dinner tonight either, I have to watch her."
The voices quieted and Meimi couldn't hear anything for a few moments then they grew louder. "She must be walking around the room. But who's Roger?" Meimi thought.
"Sorry honey. It's just.just a burden sometimes. I mean, I never asked to be a parent. I never told my brother I wanted to watch his child but I mean.I feel as if it's my duty to him. I owe him this as his sister. There's not many relatives left for her to live with and the ones that are left live far away and I'd hate to send the poor girl away from her friends. I've just got so many things going for me and then all of a sudden, this girl is dropped down into the middle of my world. I know.I'm just being selfish and she really is a nice person but I can't stand the sadness either! All she does is mop around. If her parents were here they'd yell at her to perk up, I know it. But they aren't here. I just wish this nightmare would end Roger.Yes.I understand. I've got to go. Bye love." And then all grew quiet.
Meimi bit her lip, to keep from crying, so hard that a coppery taste filled her mouth. Running from her room, she sprinted down the hallway and into her parent's bedroom. She slammed the door, locking it. Flicking on the light switch she looked around. Everything was as they had left it. Even the bed was unmade. She trudged over and promptly went to work tidying up their clothes and bed. "Everything has to be in place.for when they come home." Meimi sniffed. Into her black bag went her mother's favorite shirt, her dad's performing tie, the matching white dress from the picture she had, her dad's favorite sweatshirt, the perfume her mother always wore, her dad's cologne and lastly a pillow from their bed. The black bag was stuffed and yet there was so much more she wanted to bring. So much more of them she refused to leave behind because it was as if she was leaving behind them, leaving behind their memory, and leaving behind their things that they might need. Meimi gripped the pillow tightly in a hug as she buried her face into it. She could smell her parents in that pillow and for a brief moment, she felt as if they were in that very room with her. Then she was unable to hold in the hot tears that came pouring out of her eyes as if it was a great hurricane of pain. And so she curled up on their bed, gripping the pillow tightly as if she let go she would forever lose the only thing she had left of them and Meimi cried. She cried until her Aunt Sally had to picklock the door and carry her trembling, curled up sobbing body out of the house and back to her room.
~*~
Meimi trudged towards her school. Another day in that torturous place she liked to refer to as the dungeon. Vaguely she could still picture a time when she had actually enjoyed attending the great hall full of teachers and students. As she quickened her pace she tried to ignore some of the upper class students talking about her.
"Oh, that's the girl whose parents died."
"That is SO sad, that poor thing!!"
"Hey, at least she doesn't have to put up with anyone yelling at her to get her homework done!"
"If MY parents died, I'd go crazy."
"Yeah, me too. I'd probably end up jumping off a bridge or something like that."
"Shhhh, don't say that! She might hear you and get ideas from that."
Meimi tried to fight the once again growing anger inside herself. Turning around she slammed her locker shut, causing a deafening clanging noise to silence the hallway.
"If you want to talk about me at least have the courtesy to do it somewhere that I won't hear you!" Meimi screamed, her face going red as she strained to scare the students around her. With a spin on her heel she turned and ran into her classroom. How she had managed to keep functioning and not go crazy all this time, Meimi wasn't quite sure.
"Just ignore them." Asuka Jr. stepped over to Meimi, carelessly sitting on her dress.
She glanced up at him, still unable to look directly into his eyes. "Easier said than done."
Asuka Jr. gave her a strange look as she kept avoiding his gaze, looking at either the desk or the floor. "Why can't you look at me? Meimi, I never told you this but you're a stubborn and strong person. You can get through this."
She relaxed slightly. It was faith, but the words sounded hollow, as though Asuka wasn't entirely sure of them. Meimi snorted. Pity. That's why Asuka Jr. was doing this. "He would never even look up to me or say those things if he knew the truth. If he knew who I really was. If he knew.then I'd be like scum to him. He's only being nice to redeem himself for he probably feels slightly at fault." She told herself. "I'm fine." Meimi replied.
Then something happened. Something she didn't expect. Asuka Jr. leaned forward, bringing his lips to hers in a tender kiss. But this kiss was different. It seemed to be pouring sadness into Asuka Jr., taking all the emotion that was hidden from Meimi's words and giving it to him. It was like rain falling down onto a barren wasteland, though, giving possibility, spreading, what may be.
Meimi pulled back after a moment, regaining from the shock of the moment. Why was he doing this? She just didn't understand it at all. Was he kissing her out of his own free will? Out of his own feelings? Or was he just playing with her, taunting her madly in her time of pain? Trying to make her feel better after all that had happened? She glanced at Asuka as she tried to make it seem like her heart hadn't shattered just then. Unfortunately, it was painfully evident. Meimi turned away from him suddenly before she ran over to Seira, ignoring his eyes burning into her. Lifting up a finger, he traced it gently across his lips. That kiss.he didn't expect it to be like the one the Meimi he knew would give.it was so, so sad and he couldn't stand it that Meimi felt that way inside.
Meimi put on a smile as she sat next to Seira, silently saying hello to her friend. Instantly, the talking ceased between the nun and the other girls. Meimi let out a sigh. She knew what was going on. They had been talking about getting parental permission for an upcoming field trip. She gave Seira a smile before she turned around and ran back to her desk where Meimi sank down in her seat, hiding her tear-stained face behind a large book. The bell rang and class commenced.
~*~
Meimi turned away from the school, walking faster so she wouldn't be stuck walking home with her friends. She let her eyes follow the sidewalk, thousands of thoughts buzzing around in her mind. How would she ever be able to face Asuka Jr. again? It was hard enough after the accident but after today.after that kiss.she knew she wouldn't be able to. Things were so much different between the people she thought would be her life long friends. Things had changed and it was all her fault. It just wasn't fair. She couldn't stand it. And then all at once Meimi knew. She knew she couldn't stay in this town she had grown up in. She knew she had to leave. To where, Meimi had no idea, all she knew was if she spent one more painful day sitting up with her young, dashing and single Aunt Sally whom found her a burden and would rather be out dating and partying, she would go crazy. She would go crazy if she had to then walk to school to be ridiculed and then have her friends go silent because of her presence while Asuka Jr. tried to gain her affection or friendship. Things would never be the same in this town and that's why she felt she had to leave. There were too many strange reminders of everything she had done. Even when she looked into her own eyes, she saw the pain and a glint of happiness that was part of her old self. Then suddenly, something dark caught her eye. Meimi stopped walking and reached down. For once, she smiled an actual genuine smile. She looked at the object, which was a dark pair of black sunglasses. They had a thin black wire frame and the arms were made of the same wire. Opening it up, Meimi placed them over her eyes, shielding the bright sun a bit. She would never let anyone ever see inside her soul again. She would never again let anyone see the pain that shone in her eyes.
~*~
I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere In His grace
~By: Lauren~
U N W A N T E D
Meimi took a deep breath as she attempted to push the lump of fear out of her throat.
"Come on now, it's ok." Aunt Sally gave her a smile as she held open the door.
Meimi stared into the open rectangular square. It was dark inside and she could vaguely make out a couch and lamp. "I can't go in there." She murmured, not conscious that she was speaking out loud.
"Of course you can come in!" Aunt Sally laughed, taking a firm hold on Meimi's hand. The redhead was sure the woman was mocking her by doing this.
"No, I really can't!!" Meimi tried to pull out of her grip because she knew once she stepped into that house it would be so hard to leave. But it appeared as if she didn't have a choice in the matter as she was brutally pulled inside and before she could make a move to get away, the door was slammed shut.
"That wasn't so hard now was it?" Sally spoke, flipping on a light switch. "Oh by the way, in a few days a man will be coming over to go over your parents will. I want you to pick out some things that you want to keep, maybe something like one of your mom's dresses or your dad's tie. See if you left behind anything of yours that you want and gather it up. We'll keep those things at my house until the man arrives. I'll keep the expensive things such as jewelry until we see who it goes to." The woman nodded as if she was approving her own plans.
Meimi frowned. How was she supposed to pick out only a few things? Looking to her left, she saw her father's coat still hung up on the coat hanger. It was still waiting for him to come along and put it on, wearing it to work. Her parent's shoes were lined up next to each other along with Meimi's, waiting for the family to put them on and go out walking somewhere together. On the mantel sat picture after picture of the happy family, lined up. There was Meimi was a toddler, Meimi as a baby in the arms of her gleeful parents, her mother and father on their wedding day, a school picture of Meimi and the most recent picture taken the year before of Meimi and her parents. In the photo Meimi was dressed in a simple white gown that had been picked out for special occasions. It matched the dress her mother was wearing and her father was clad in a black tuxedo. All around them were thousands of cherry trees and Meimi stood in the center. Behind her was her mother and father, their arms around each other as they smiled towards the camera. "When was that?" Meimi wondered as she scrolled through her memory, fighting back the bitter tears that threatened to spill over. "Oh yeah.it was Uncle John's wedding and afterwards mom and dad took me out to see the cherry trees in full bloom." She blinked her eyes, still forcefully fighting the tears. Meimi slowly opened the black zip up bag she had brought along with her to fill up with things. Reaching to the mantel Meimi grabbed the cherry blossom picture along with her parents wedding picture and one of them holding her as a baby. She shoved them into the bag, refusing to take one more glance at them. Opening a drawer, she added an old picture book. Meimi turned around, walking into the next room. Her father's magic trick items littered the floor from his last act. Meimi grabbed some of the flowers along with some streams then ran up the stairs. She couldn't take it. She couldn't stand to look all around her, to look at all the things that seemed to yell at her, "This was what life use to be like.until you took their life's away!!" Covering her ears with her hands, she stepped into her room. She shoved some clothes, her favorite comic book, and her heart-shaped clock along with a few other things into her bag. Meimi then commenced to collapse on her bed, hiding herself under the covers as if to find a safe haven away from everything. Then she heard a faint ringing sound. The phone!! Meimi reached out and picked up her receiver.
"Hello?" Meimi spoke the words clearly. "Is anyone there?" But no one answered. Shrugging, she hung it back down. Then she froze again. From the room next door she could hear far away voices. She knew it was wrong to eavesdrop but she just felt a sudden urge to listen. If someone were to ask her why, Meimi knew she never would be able to explain or answer the question. As she expected, it was Aunt Sally on a cell phone. She quickly pressed her ear against the wall.
"No Roger.I'm with my brother's daughter. Yes, we're at the house. No I can't meet you for dinner tonight either, I have to watch her."
The voices quieted and Meimi couldn't hear anything for a few moments then they grew louder. "She must be walking around the room. But who's Roger?" Meimi thought.
"Sorry honey. It's just.just a burden sometimes. I mean, I never asked to be a parent. I never told my brother I wanted to watch his child but I mean.I feel as if it's my duty to him. I owe him this as his sister. There's not many relatives left for her to live with and the ones that are left live far away and I'd hate to send the poor girl away from her friends. I've just got so many things going for me and then all of a sudden, this girl is dropped down into the middle of my world. I know.I'm just being selfish and she really is a nice person but I can't stand the sadness either! All she does is mop around. If her parents were here they'd yell at her to perk up, I know it. But they aren't here. I just wish this nightmare would end Roger.Yes.I understand. I've got to go. Bye love." And then all grew quiet.
Meimi bit her lip, to keep from crying, so hard that a coppery taste filled her mouth. Running from her room, she sprinted down the hallway and into her parent's bedroom. She slammed the door, locking it. Flicking on the light switch she looked around. Everything was as they had left it. Even the bed was unmade. She trudged over and promptly went to work tidying up their clothes and bed. "Everything has to be in place.for when they come home." Meimi sniffed. Into her black bag went her mother's favorite shirt, her dad's performing tie, the matching white dress from the picture she had, her dad's favorite sweatshirt, the perfume her mother always wore, her dad's cologne and lastly a pillow from their bed. The black bag was stuffed and yet there was so much more she wanted to bring. So much more of them she refused to leave behind because it was as if she was leaving behind them, leaving behind their memory, and leaving behind their things that they might need. Meimi gripped the pillow tightly in a hug as she buried her face into it. She could smell her parents in that pillow and for a brief moment, she felt as if they were in that very room with her. Then she was unable to hold in the hot tears that came pouring out of her eyes as if it was a great hurricane of pain. And so she curled up on their bed, gripping the pillow tightly as if she let go she would forever lose the only thing she had left of them and Meimi cried. She cried until her Aunt Sally had to picklock the door and carry her trembling, curled up sobbing body out of the house and back to her room.
~*~
Meimi trudged towards her school. Another day in that torturous place she liked to refer to as the dungeon. Vaguely she could still picture a time when she had actually enjoyed attending the great hall full of teachers and students. As she quickened her pace she tried to ignore some of the upper class students talking about her.
"Oh, that's the girl whose parents died."
"That is SO sad, that poor thing!!"
"Hey, at least she doesn't have to put up with anyone yelling at her to get her homework done!"
"If MY parents died, I'd go crazy."
"Yeah, me too. I'd probably end up jumping off a bridge or something like that."
"Shhhh, don't say that! She might hear you and get ideas from that."
Meimi tried to fight the once again growing anger inside herself. Turning around she slammed her locker shut, causing a deafening clanging noise to silence the hallway.
"If you want to talk about me at least have the courtesy to do it somewhere that I won't hear you!" Meimi screamed, her face going red as she strained to scare the students around her. With a spin on her heel she turned and ran into her classroom. How she had managed to keep functioning and not go crazy all this time, Meimi wasn't quite sure.
"Just ignore them." Asuka Jr. stepped over to Meimi, carelessly sitting on her dress.
She glanced up at him, still unable to look directly into his eyes. "Easier said than done."
Asuka Jr. gave her a strange look as she kept avoiding his gaze, looking at either the desk or the floor. "Why can't you look at me? Meimi, I never told you this but you're a stubborn and strong person. You can get through this."
She relaxed slightly. It was faith, but the words sounded hollow, as though Asuka wasn't entirely sure of them. Meimi snorted. Pity. That's why Asuka Jr. was doing this. "He would never even look up to me or say those things if he knew the truth. If he knew who I really was. If he knew.then I'd be like scum to him. He's only being nice to redeem himself for he probably feels slightly at fault." She told herself. "I'm fine." Meimi replied.
Then something happened. Something she didn't expect. Asuka Jr. leaned forward, bringing his lips to hers in a tender kiss. But this kiss was different. It seemed to be pouring sadness into Asuka Jr., taking all the emotion that was hidden from Meimi's words and giving it to him. It was like rain falling down onto a barren wasteland, though, giving possibility, spreading, what may be.
Meimi pulled back after a moment, regaining from the shock of the moment. Why was he doing this? She just didn't understand it at all. Was he kissing her out of his own free will? Out of his own feelings? Or was he just playing with her, taunting her madly in her time of pain? Trying to make her feel better after all that had happened? She glanced at Asuka as she tried to make it seem like her heart hadn't shattered just then. Unfortunately, it was painfully evident. Meimi turned away from him suddenly before she ran over to Seira, ignoring his eyes burning into her. Lifting up a finger, he traced it gently across his lips. That kiss.he didn't expect it to be like the one the Meimi he knew would give.it was so, so sad and he couldn't stand it that Meimi felt that way inside.
Meimi put on a smile as she sat next to Seira, silently saying hello to her friend. Instantly, the talking ceased between the nun and the other girls. Meimi let out a sigh. She knew what was going on. They had been talking about getting parental permission for an upcoming field trip. She gave Seira a smile before she turned around and ran back to her desk where Meimi sank down in her seat, hiding her tear-stained face behind a large book. The bell rang and class commenced.
~*~
Meimi turned away from the school, walking faster so she wouldn't be stuck walking home with her friends. She let her eyes follow the sidewalk, thousands of thoughts buzzing around in her mind. How would she ever be able to face Asuka Jr. again? It was hard enough after the accident but after today.after that kiss.she knew she wouldn't be able to. Things were so much different between the people she thought would be her life long friends. Things had changed and it was all her fault. It just wasn't fair. She couldn't stand it. And then all at once Meimi knew. She knew she couldn't stay in this town she had grown up in. She knew she had to leave. To where, Meimi had no idea, all she knew was if she spent one more painful day sitting up with her young, dashing and single Aunt Sally whom found her a burden and would rather be out dating and partying, she would go crazy. She would go crazy if she had to then walk to school to be ridiculed and then have her friends go silent because of her presence while Asuka Jr. tried to gain her affection or friendship. Things would never be the same in this town and that's why she felt she had to leave. There were too many strange reminders of everything she had done. Even when she looked into her own eyes, she saw the pain and a glint of happiness that was part of her old self. Then suddenly, something dark caught her eye. Meimi stopped walking and reached down. For once, she smiled an actual genuine smile. She looked at the object, which was a dark pair of black sunglasses. They had a thin black wire frame and the arms were made of the same wire. Opening it up, Meimi placed them over her eyes, shielding the bright sun a bit. She would never let anyone ever see inside her soul again. She would never again let anyone see the pain that shone in her eyes.
~*~
I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere In His grace