Disclaimer- I don't own HP, Terry Pratchett, Patricia C Wrede or Adamo Redamo (DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE JEDIGINNY IS?)
A/N- Wow, 82 reviews, I feel good! Anyway, I still hope that confused people won't hesitate to email me with questions, here though some of them may be resolved…
GAMES"When should we strike?" King mused aloud, stroking his chin gently. Beside him, lounging indulgently on a reclining couch Queen shrugged.
"Who can say, what I wish to know is, how did Jester return? I thought that Levy killed him." King furrowed his brow and stared out the window in concentration.
"I have no idea, and I think that in the long run it would be best not to question it, he has returned and that is all there is too it. Maybe death even mellowed him a bit?" King suggested and turned to face Queen.
"What do you suggest?" He asked. She stared thoughtfully out the window, her face had a peculiar expression on it, one that captured her ruthlessness and a vague cruelty flickering at the edges.
"Isn't that more along the lines of your job King?" Queen said with a faint amount of maliciousness in her voice. King just smiled though, he was used to Queen by now, and could sense she wasn't actually angry with him, or trying to goad him into a fight. It was just her way, so he smiled and let her get away with something he would kill others for without blinking.
"Not soon, for time is our ally, but she is most fickle, so soon, and yet not so, the balance is difficult to determine." King mumbled and Queen sighed, he had this odd tendency to go, almost lyrically poetic on her. Bullshit, he's fucking babbling and you know it she chided herself.
"Fuck the bullshit King, what do we do?" Queen spat out exasperatedly. King smiled softly, he always smiled, it irked her. As much as she delighted in his smile…
"We wait, and see what things may come, you know as well as I do that we must hold the cards, and always have at least 5 aces up your sleeve." King said and then turned to Queen. He reached down touched her perfect sensual lips and then knelt to take a deep breath from between her breasts, she smelled so wonderful, something sweet like honey. He nuzzled the soft flesh that lay there and kissed a mole on her left breast, loving the feel of her warm chuckling as it vibrated into his skull.
With a tenderness the belied what they were capable of, the two made love under clear skies.
"So what's the plan tonight?" Ginny asked curiously. Neville shrugged.
"I guess we- we go off and-" Neville took a breath "Snog our loves senseless." He said in a rush. Ginny laughed, good old bashful Neville, no matter what happened there were a few things that could be relied upon.
"Somehow I doubt he'll mind." Ginny smiled. Neville grinned bashfully and Ginny laughed again.
"What's so funny?" Asked another girl in Ginny's year.
"Nothing Kara, nothing at all." Neville snorted and stood up. The girl eeped and walked away quickly. Neville sighed and Ginny patted his shoulder in understanding.
"It's alright Neville, they just don't understand, and we do, so just ignore them." Neville nodded and stood up straight. "Now let's go see what the others are doing, er-" Ginny thought for a second. "Actually where are they?"
"Do any of you realize how, well, not ironic this is- well actually it is ironic, but also ridiculous this is?" Draco asked. The group looked at each other. It was, in a manner of speaking. Here they were: Hermione, Ron, Harry, Draco, Seamus, Vincent, Dean, Gregory, Parvati, Padma and Lavender. Griffyndors and Slytherin's (with a Ravenclaw thrown in for some pizzazz).
And the two people anyone thought would never get together were, and on top of that they had a third partner, well nobody had seen it coming needless to say.
"You know, it is a little." Ron remarked. Draco snorted.
"Obviously it is Ron, otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it." Draco said simply. Ron rolled his eyes, and Harry pinched Draco good-naturedly. Draco slapped him absentmindley and said something that sounded like "down you horny bastard."
"But Draaaaaaco," Seamus whined. "I thought I was the horny bastard between us, I mean remember-"
"NO!" Shouted everyone except for Seamus. Harry and Draco didn't want their sexual escapades spilled for all the world to hear, and the rest didn't want to hear them, at first, and then-
"Hold on a minute!" Hermione said raising her hands and then glanced at her fellow girls.
"Ladies?" She asked archly, and they all nodded, all business. The guys grew quiet, something about women in groups is terrifying for men, you just know their planning something, especially when they isolate you, like they were doing to Seamus now. Seamus looked frantically at his two lovers who just happened to be looking the other way as the gaggle converged on him.
They came, they sat, they said no, reconsidered, and then they conquered.
"Should we rescue him?" Ron asked.
"Nope." Said Vincent.
"I'm with him." Said Dean, chewing on a piece of wheat that had appeared out of nowhere.
"Anyone wanna play with the giant squid?" Asked Greg.
"Sure." Dean responded. Draco and Harry watched the two trundle off too the lake.
"Draco, I'm worried, what are they doing to Seamus?" Draco shrugged.
"I say we let them have another 5 minutes, and then we get him, this sun feels to fucking good to get up right now." Draco responded, sunlight making him drowsy, he felt like a cat, all stretched out under the sun, the warm earth radiating pleasant relaxation.
"Okay then." Harry was truly in no hurry to get back up, and woman, well they wouldn't hurt Seamus, it would do him some good to realize there were consequences to his actions. So he sank back to earth and let the sun do her work.
"Oh, and Harry is a moaner, god it's incredible." Seamus drawled, the girls all giggled.
"Go on, tell them about your first time, you know." Hermione said demurely, falsely so, and draw a picture with her finger on the ground. "As Harry calls it, 'That one blood great time with the sock'?" Seamus goggled at her.
"He told you about that?" He asked astounded, Harry never- well did and told as far as Seamus knew. Then he saw the twinkle in Hermione's eyes and knew that Harry might not have had immense amounts of choice in the matter. Then he smiled.
"Well, this was pre-Draco as I like to call it, so you won't be hearing about him for now." Seamus paused. "So I was at my aunt's, Professor Figg, although she's actually me great aunt but anyways." He continued hurriedly as his audience shifted, wanting him to get the hell on with the damn story!
"Harry didn't know she was a witch, and his family left him with her as they vamoosed to France, idiotic Muggles. Anyway, it was fantastic weather, not unlike today and Harry was, well he was sun-tanning." Seamus drooled slightly. "Now imagine this, here's Harry lying out there, tanned, delicious looking, with that small pleasurable moan of his, whenever he eats something or does something that feels good he moans. So he's doing his little moan and of course I have a reaction that I manage hide-" Seamus stopped and waited for Lavender to mop her mouth from thinking of a near naked Harry sun tanning and moaning sensually.
"So anyway, what does he do when he sees me?" They all looked at each other in confusion except for Hermione who was still wearing an amused grin.
"Why Seamus, I thought you'd remember better, he wanted you to spread sun-block all over his back." Seamus sighed dramatically and clutched his heart.
"Oh Hermione has hit the mark dead on, there he was, the Griffyndor sex god of our dreams asking ickle ol' me," Seamus continued dramatically "To spread sun-block all over his hot body." He stopped for a second, reminiscing.
"Well what happened you Irish ponce?" Lavender demanded. Seamus looked at her through half lidded eyes.
"The muse cannot be rushed." He said quietly and then squeaked as Padma hit him.
"Shut up and get on with it." She said and he did so, with great relish, and when he finally got to the good part he had all of them, wide eyed and looking astonished.
"Truthfully I don't see what Harry sees in the taste of the stuff but it wasn't that bad, especially when he returned the favor." He winked at them suggestively and Lavender looked in horror at Padma and Parvati. Seamus looked vaguely indignant.
"Well you asked…" He trailed off defensively and began to pout.
"Hagrid!" Ginny shouted at the shack in which resided the Groundskeeper of Hogwarts. It took a second and some muffled shouting at a dog named fang but Hagrid soon appeared, and Ginny looked at him curiously.
He looked cleaned up for lack of a better description. Then Ginny remembered about Hagrid and Madam Maxine and she smiled.
"How are you doing?" She asked and Hagrid grinned.
"Me an' Olympe are doin' fine, how about ye?" He asked his breath coming in short gasps until he recovered it.
"I'm fine, and I assume Neville is too." Ginny glanced at Neville who nodded slightly. "So we were coming to ask if you've seen any of the group." Hagrid shook his head.
"Nah, yer older brother came up for sommat, ah, 'e wanted to know about," Here Hagrid paused and scratched his head irritably. "I can't remember, but they should be over yonder." He said waving one huge hand in the direction of the lake and Ginny nodded her thanks. The two set off and Hagrid returned to his hut. Then he stopped.
"He was askin' me 'bout rats! That was it!" And Hagrid went back into his hut, he'd never heard of a red rat before so he'd been of little help to Ron.
"Hmm…" Ron murmured. He let Charlie run over his fingers, the large rat chirping happily to Ron as he scampered around his large hand.
"Wha- is that a red rat?" Vincent asked, his eyes wide. "What kind is it?"
"I have no idea, and neither does Hagrid." Ron said simply, it was a little unbelievable that he was having a civil conversation with Vincent, not to mention that Greg and Dean were idly chatting about girls. It was so fucking surreal…
"Weird." Vincent said and then returned to picking out clouds that looked like things. He wasn't big on conversation, he and Greg never really felt the need to talk and Draco did most of their talking for them. They both knew they weren't smart, he had a horrible memory and Greg just couldn't figure out the simplest logic puzzles for the life of him. Without Draco they would have flunked everything long ago.
"Yeah." Ron responded, and slowly sank into relaxation-
"THERE YOU ARE!" Shouted Ginny causing each boy to jump in surprise. Ron clutched his heart as Charlie leapt in fright and ran into Ron's chest pocket.
"Jesus Christ Ginny, don't do that." He said and Ginny shrugged and looked around.
"Where're 'Mione and Harry?" She asked nonplussed, Neville sat down beside Ron and snuggled up close to him. Ron leaned unconsciously into Neville's warmth.
"The girls kidnapped Seamus and Draco and Harry are off to rescue him." Dean said and then turned back to talking to Greg about how hot Cynthia Trebleback (A witch model) was.
"Hmph, figures, I guess Ill just have to go find them then." She said irritably and stalked off, thwarted again. Neville just closed his eyes in contentment, and snuggled up to Ron's side, stroking Charlie's small furry head.
"Wow, those pumpkins are huge." Clair whispered and Adriana rolled her eyes.
"Huge man, huge produce, it's like what they say about guys having big feet, they have-" Claire tried to cut her off and Adriana smiled maliciously.
"Big shoes, why whatever did you think I was going to say?" Claire pouted slightly.
"I think I liked you more when you were just nasty, now you're clever and nasty and this is definitely not good for my pride." Claire muttered and Moody laughed.
"Oh you two are a joy in my old age, now I want you catch these butterflies, they will be within the school and will not leave it. They will change color to suite their surroundings and you can't kill them." He finished and Adriana muttered "fuck."
"Yes, but that is what you will have to do when hunting Death Eaters, you can't kill unless threatened. Now-" He paused ."Go." And the two exchanged a glance before walking to the castle, slowly. Moody frowned and then smiled, let them have their tiny rebellion, if it made them happy. Then he frowned again as his eye rolled over backwards. Something was stalking him.
With a swiftness that belied his age and wooden leg he ducked and rolled, so quickly if you blinked you missed it. With sudden stealthiness he whispered the invisibility charm that had served him well for a number of years.
He crept forward, compensating for his clawed leg with using it as a pivot point. Silence was the key now. His eyes swiveled and there it was- he drew his wand and was poised to strike when-
"Hmmm… Oh go- RON!" Neville squeaked in pleasure, startling both Moody and Crookshanks who was his stalker. Moody stared at the squashed face tabby, and smiled. Or frowned, sometimes it was so hard to tell with Moody. Nope, definitely a smile as he reached down and brushed one old gnarled hand against the cheek of the cat. Crookshanks purred and this time Moody truly grinned.
His eyes flickered up just in time to see something he'd never seen before, Ron was on his knees, his head covering a very key portion of Neville's anatomy and the other boy looked like heaven had come early for him. His eyes were wide and his body trembled…
Neither noticed as Charlie slipped loose from Ron's robes and ran off, although Crookshanks did and immediately gave chase. Moody smiled and very quietly strode off. He did catch the tail end of a slow moan that distinctly sounded like "Roooooon…"
Rustle, another one, brid chirping, scar face following, can't see but smell. Crookshanks crept quickly after the rat who was racing back to the castle. The rat didn't smell right, it smelled like the other rat, the not-rat, but less of fear, more of confusion. Crookshanks was no ordinary cat, he was far smarter than any normal cat as he was part Kneazle, and could sense when things weren't right. Amongst other little things…
He knew Red-head would be angry at him chasing the not-rat, and that She would probably hiss fight with Red-Head, but the not-rat deserved his attention. He needed to find not-dog, not-dog would understand. But maybe scar-face would too. Right now he had to catch the not-rat though.
Faster, fly through the grass, stalking running CATCH! Crookshanks gave a feral growl as he grabbed the not-rat with his mouth, and stared up at Her, Green-Scar and others.
"Uh, Hermione, isn't that Charlie in Crookshanks's mouth?" Harry asked. Hermione's eyes widened in panic.
"Oh shit, Crookshanks, drop him, oh Ron's going to go ape shit!" Hermione reached for Crookshanks when Harry stopped her, everyone except for him was looking at Hermione oddly, since when did Hogwarts's most studious student swear?
"Uhm, Hermione, remember what happened last time Crookshanks caught Ron's rat?" Harry asked quietly and Hermione's eyes widened. "And you know that Crookshanks doesn't hunt any pets, none of the cat familiars do." Harry looked anxiously at the rat. "Draco, Hermione and I are going to go talk to McGonagall alright?" Draco nodded and grabbed Seamus's hand. They had things to talk about.
Hermione picked up Crookshanks and Harry grabbed Charlie before the two headed off to the McGonagall's office. The trio of girls that was left over looked at each other.
"Well, that was about as clear as shit." Padma remarked.
"Pad!" Parvati gasped and Lavender rolled her eyes.
"Fuck this- oh!" She jumped. "I just remembered, tonight those two constellations are in alignment. You know, the sleeping dragon and the seer's glass? We can do a real divining tonight!" Parvati clapped her hands in glee. This was fantastic!
"Hey Pad, want to come?" Padma shrugged, it wasn't like she had anything better to do, besides it would be a good learning experience.
"Sure, when are you guys meeting?" The other two looked at each other.
"Well how about after dinner before the dorm party?" Lavender asked.
"Nah, we need to do this at night, let's ask Professor Trelawney for a permission slip. Even that batty old goat of a transfiguration professor will have to let us go if we have teacher permission." So the three set off to meet Trelawney.
"Professor McGonagall?" Hermione asked and McGonagall's head shot up, her eyes instantly alert and then crinkling with pleasure at seeing her favorite student. But behind her was Harry Potter… Uh oh, what did they do?
"Yes Ms. Granger?" She asked, all business now. TO her surprise Harry held out a rat to her, she hated rats, one reason why she was a cat was that rats would run at thw sight of her perched and ready to pounce.
"What is it-"
"Professor we have reason to believe that this rat isn't a rat." Hermione said hurriedly. Harry nodded. Professor McGonagall looked at them curiously.
"Please, just humor me even if there's nothing wrong?" Hermione pleaded and McGonagall's heart melted, slightly. Oh humor them Minverva, if for nothing but to show them they can't be so paranoid. She walked over to the rat that Harry had placed on the floor and decided she might as well go all out.
"Finite Venfica!" And for a second nothing happened, and then-
With a loud pop Charlie Weasley appeared, crouched and with a wild look in his eyes. McGonagall fainted dead away, and was lucky that Harry caught her at all.
"I knew it!" Hermione shouted, punching her hand into the air. Harry cleared his throat and looked meaningfully at her and she sighed.
"All right, you knew it too. Hello Charlie, it's me Hermione." Charlie looked at her and then collapsed.
"Oh dear god…"
Upstairs, Dumbledore stared at the beg before him. And looked at the small box beside it, waiting. Finally the box "pinged" and he smiled. He emptied everything in the bag into the box, and waited. Finally a list came out of the box, a long roll of parchment and Dubmledore perused it, concentrating. He smiled and reached into the box and pulled out a small bean and laid it on the list. It zoomed up to Blueberry Cobbler. He smiled and tossed it into his mouth.
It had taken years but he'd finally outsmarted Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans…
A/N- I just had to add in that last part. I was surprised that only two people (Jivanna and Shadwmage7) caught that Charlie wasn't dead, or maybe a bunch of you did and just neglected to review, so here's your chance to correct that! It is a small bar down in the corner of the page, click and up pops a small window, and then just enter away!
Shout Outs!
Mizzy- A rash? And about Harry, yeah I think it's about time to smash the perfect world they live in now, let's bring on the doubt, betrayal and over all angsty shit we all love so dearly!
Rannchan- Well make him review then. If you're reading this Steven, then review!
Draca Snape- Draca Snape, interesting. Only on chapter 2? Well I make up a bunch more stuff before the end of this, so read at whatever pace you like.
Zara- Did you get my email? I hope that cured the confusion, more questions, aim for that thar review box.
MistWalker- Not the same, just a present for Severus that may come in handy later.
Adrithor- Thanks
Sardius-Sky- I'm quite fond of those three…
Tenshimagic- Thank you, the inter-character relationships I tried to cultivate.
Shadwmage7- You are the second person to catch that little trick, congratulations!
Moon- Well obviously I thought (^_^) SNOWMAN! Sure I'll email you, but did you get the email?
Jivanna- Wow, you've outdone any review I've ever seen, and I love every word of it! Draco's walls were built to hold many things in, he's similar to Harry in that respect. Who knows what'll come to light when those walls break down? Draco and Ms. Figg will get to have a tête-à-tête soon enough. Aside from that I believe I answered all of your questions in the email, if you're still having service provider trouble let me hook ya up! Thank you for all the support and commentary you've given me, your impact on the fic has been very signifigant!
HOPE EVERYONE HAD A SAFE AND HAPPY NEW YEARS AND DIDN'T GET TO SMASHED! UNTIL THE NEXT CHAPTER, REVIEW REVIEW AND DO IT AGAIN! Peace out!
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(^_^)
Snowman with funny eyebrows!