Holy shit boys and girls…it's been ages. Was considering whether or not to post this part at all because it's a little odd. Anyways, you know the deal. Tell me if ya like it, tell me if you don't.

The Fragile Pt. 15

(Dana's P.O.V)

Entry # 265

December 22nd, 2000

There used to be a time when I welcomed sleep's embrace, when I loved having dreams. They freed me from my boundaries and even helped me figure things out.

That time has long since passed.

The same nightmare night after night has haunted me for a year. I've tried sleeping pills and not sleeping at all to make it go away, but nothing helps. Tonight it will be no different. I just hope Sam's having a better time sleeping than I.

-End Entry-

Sighing, I turn off my Sony Vaio and yawn, silently praying for a night of dreamless sleep. They're never answered, of course, but it helps to hope.

Hitting the play button on my CD Walkman, I begin to listen to Mudvayne. Around 'Internal Primates Forever', I begin to doze off…

…And once again I find myself hanging from a rusted pipe in that basement. The basement where Treadwell had raped and tortured his victims unmercifully. I can still smell that indescribable stench, which was a combination of shit, piss and decaying human remains that I knew were probably leftover trophies he had taken from their rightful owners.

My eyes catch the slight motion in the darkness behind the glaring light and my jaw tightens as I watch him watch me.

"I've had my eye on you for some time now, Dana…and I was surprised when they brought you here, brought you to me."

"They wasn't going to send me here originally…I requested it."

"Then I consider myself honored. Was my file a fascinating read?"

"I thought it was rather boring, really…I've read traffic reports that were more interesting."

"So I'm just your regular, run of the mill psycho, is that what you're getting at?"

"No…what you are to me is a soon to be dead body in the morgue."

Jacob laughed, and stepped into the light. His left eye glared balefully at me. His right eye he had sown shut himself during one of his more delusional periods.

"Well right now high and mighty agent bitch-" His right fist drilled me hard in the side "-I think you're too sure of yourself. Far too sure. Too bad I have to kill you in five days. You are rather…pretty."

"That compliment just warms my heart…but we'll see who walks out of here in five days…we'll see."

"What, you think to escape? So did the rest…and you know what happened to them."

I didn't reply as he walked out of my range of vision, soon coming back, caressing a whip.

"I've used this on every woman I've brought back here," Jacob sighed, almost lovingly. "I find that they don't like it that much, but they must be taught their place in society." Uncoiling it, he suddenly cracked it in the air not two inches away from my face.

"I was hoping you were going to say you were going to hang yourself with it."

"Now why would I want to do that?"

"After I'm done with you, you will."

"Is that right?" His voice had lowered, become more menacing. "I don't think I like your attitude."

-Kick-

The air whooshed out of my lungs as I took the blow, and I didn't have any time to recover before he punched me in the stomach.

Grinning weakly, I spat in his face.

"That the best you can do, fucker? Huh?"

Wiping his face with his sleeve, he glared at me and got up in my face.

"Don't mock me, bitch," Jacob hissed. "I can make every minute seem like an eternity to you."

"I doubt that."

"You want to make a bet? Let's play a game. I call it 'whipping 'til you scream.' Wanna play?"

"Gee, rather self explanatory…sounds like fun," I reply sarcastically. "If I beat the high score, do I get a plush bunny?"

"No…but I can tell you that you females really disappoint me. Supposedly you have a higher level of pain tolerance than men, but the results say otherwise."

"Maybe I'll surprise you."

Jacob walked to a spot behind me.

"I doubt it."

Getting the feeling he was going to begin soon, I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw as I heard him raise the whip high…

- Whoosh -

- And then bring it down-

"- Run now (run away) get away from me (and don't look back) if I can get my grip I'll pull you (don't ask for help) down into the Hell I call my head you'll never get away (get off the cross)

I sit down in my ugly place and (and save yourself) build walls out of fragments from my past of (run away it'll be okay) all the people that I needed and loved that walked away-"

Gasping for air, I ripped off my headphones and sat up in bed with my head in my hands.

Bad dream?

You would know, I replied grimly, turning off the CD player. I've had them ever since you came to me.

The dreams aren't my fault, The voice accused. They're trying to tell you something. Something important…

Like McDonald's is making their Extra Value meals cheaper?

Be serious.

Well for Christ's sake I am, but what help are you?

You might have died alone on that cold cement floor if you hadn't acknowledged that I was a part of you, that I always have been part of you.

Well I didn't see that I had a hell of a lot of choice at the time.

Of course you didn't, Dana, because you had never been so close to the brink before until that moment. Think about it; people claim they have life after death experiences, but what if all that is your sixth sense finally coming to life? Most people never have that chance Dana; you got that chance and you chose me: vengeance.

Would you have had it any other way?

Not really…cause God only knows what you would've turned into if you had quit the Bureau and started preaching to the masses as a born-again member of the church.

I don't think I would've been able to deal with myself if I had.

That's my girl.

Cutting the conversation short, I stretch myself to the full length of the bed and climb out, glancing at the alarm clock. It's four a.m. in the morning. Maybe they're all ready serving breakfast-

- Doubtful -

- But worth a try, I think back. You know I think better on a full stomach.

You're lucky you have such a fast metabolism, or else your ass would be constantly doing push ups, The voice replies before going silent. My hand instinctively reaches for my cell phone before I hesitate.

Should I call Dell?

He's probably up all ready. Why don't you?

Nah. He needs his sleep. I'll call him up later, see how the divorce proceedings went. I withdraw my hand and grab the hotel phone instead, dialing room service and ordering about three platefuls worth of food.

Hungry, are we?

Well I told you I was, I replied as I got ready to take a shower, looking critically at my waist-length brunette hair. You didn't think I was joking, did you?

Well, no but…three plates?

What can I say…using you drains my strength, I reply dryly.

Not that God damned much.

Laughing to myself, I climb into the shower. As soon as the water nails my back I stifle back a groan.

It can't still hurt you, after all this time…can it?

"It's not physical pain…It's mental," I reply out loud through clenched teeth.

Why haven't you told me?

Why do you want to know in the first place?

Because if I didn't want to know, I wouldn't have asked.

After he stopped beating me, my back was pretty well gone. There was so much blood and the skin…was all flaps. Jacob thought it would be fun to rub some salt in the wounds.

Felt like needles at first, then it just got progressively worse. That's when I started screaming, and I didn't stop for at least a day.

And he got what he wanted.

…Unfortunately he did. Turning off the shower, I got dressed and glanced at my reflection in the mirror.

You look like shit.

I look at myself carefully. Shadows around the eyes from lack of sleep, my face paler than normal, my mouth set into a semi-permanent frown of seriousness and determination, I had to agree.

"Why is it," I said softly into the silence, "that the most happiness I seem to get out of life now is when I use you?"

Unfortunately Dana, that's the price you pay.

Sometimes I think that price is too high.