Chapter Twelve—Three O'clock in the Morning
It was three o'clock in the morning, that accursed hour that holds the power to make us see ourselves as we truly are. Una Meredith sat on her hotel room's balcony, unable to sleep. She had tossed and turned for hours, Dean Priest's words echoing and re-echoing in her ears.
"I can't live in the realm of Might-Have-Been. It's time to go back and say farewell to my dreams, to shut that door in hopes of another one opening some day."
Una could still hear those words as clearly as when Dean had said them—they had struck home abominably well, piercing her to her very soul.
I suppose, when you get right down to the nitty-gritty of things, the reason I find myself wanting to marry Shirley so much is that he doesn't remind me of Walter. Two brothers probably have never been more different—although I doubt that Cain and Abel were very much alike, she thought to herself, getting up from the wrought-iron chair she'd been sitting in and pacing the tiny balcony, oblivious to the beautiful darkness of the Venetian night surrounding her.
I lived in the realm of Might-Have-Been for so many years, missing Walter…but have I truly left it yet? When I say "I do" to Shirley, will I be saying, "I do pledge my entire heart, my entire love, my entire life to you", or will I be saying, "I do give you all of my heart, love, and life…except for the enormous piece that belongs to your dead brother"? I care too much for him to relegate him to that. She laughed sorrowfully, bitterly—it was a laugh that Dean Priest would have been familiar with.
I can't go on like this, reliving my barren life over and over…I'll drive myself insane. I need to say goodbye to the memory of Walter Cuthbert Blythe if I'm ever to say hello to the presence of Shirley Gilbert Blythe. I was going to go to Greece before I went home—I'd saved enough money for that. Well, I won't. I'll go to Courcelette and lay my ghosts to rest. Then I'll find the next boat back to Canada, be it a fisherman's rowboat or the finest ocean vessel around. I'll dogpaddle my way home if need be, throw myself in Shirley's waiting arms, realize that I've been madly in love with him all along, and live happily ever after, just like all the fairy tales.
If only I didn't fear this trip to Courcelette so much…
Una sighed. Her decision, however hard it might be, had been made. To France it would be then, in spite of how much she had wanted to avoid it. Dean Priest would never know what an impact his melancholy ramblings had had on her, but they had influenced her life in a way that would change it forever.
"Time for bed, Miss Una Meredith," she said out loud. "You have a week left here in Italy before you head for France, so you need to make the most of it. Get your sleep!"