Chapter Twenty-four—Faith, Hope, and Love
The remainder of her sojourn in Blair Water passed quickly for Una. Before she knew it, it was mid-December and time to pay her promised visit to Di and Philip and Shirley.
Una was relieved when the day of her departure finally arrived. Three o'clock in the morning was beginning to be all too familiar of an hour—the white nights when she stared out the window for hours, wondering if marrying Shirley was the right choice. Perhaps love was more of a requirement for marriage than she had once thought. But what options were there for her if she didn't marry? It wasn't as if there was—anyone—else who would want to marry her. She wanted more of an existence than to spend the rest of her life as "Aunt Una".
Dean came to the manse to wish her well with her visit. "This is goodbye, then," he said as he put on his hat and walked towards the door. "I'll be off on my travels after the first of the year. It's been good to know you, ma'am. As I said before, may the Fates treat you kindly." He started to leave, but turned back with a mocking grin. "Or at least more kindly then they've treated me." Without giving her a chance to reply, he left. Una shook her head. He's been the oddest friend I ever had. I hope he can learn to be happy eventually.
**************
Shirley met the train in Kingsport with his dilapidated black Ford, Queen Elizabeth. "She seemed to have reservations about being dubbed 'Lizzie'," he explained, "so I had to look for a more sophisticated moniker."
Una laughed and asked how his students had ended their term.
"The ones who deserved to pass did and the ones who didn't mostly squeaked by as well. I've had a couple of very talented co-eds who came up with some equations that stumped even me. Fortunately, they're going on to Professor Arch next term, and he will be much more capable of dealing with their queries."
"You look tired," Una said after an awkward pause during which neither seemed to know what to say to the other.
"I am tired. In addition to the classes I've been teaching, I'm trying to finish my own studying to become a full professor. I should be able to wrap that up by April or May—maybe June. Then we could get married and I'd have the summer free for us to spend together. I suppose that Europe wouldn't be where you'd want to go on a honeymoon, since you just returned from there, but we could go out West, if you wanted."
"That's always a possibility," Una said hesitantly. Shirley was such a dear—why couldn't she love him? Or did she love him and just not realize it?
"We can plan all of that later, when we get the chance. This vacation is going to be busy—Di is already happily frazzled with cleaning and baking, you're here now, and Walter will be stopping here on his way to Glen St. Mary's for Christmas. I'm glad. None of us in the Kingsport branch here have had a chance to see him yet." Shirley sighed. "My brother. I'm still in shock, I guess. We weren't overly close as children—not like he and Jem were, but it devastated me when we heard that he died. All my time over in Europe, I kept thinking, 'My brother was here. Maybe if I'd been able to come earlier, I could have saved him.' I blamed myself for being too young—the week after I turned eighteen, I signed up. I wanted to take Walter's place, to fight the fight he couldn't finish."
Una slid over into the middle seat and comfortingly touched Shirley's arm. "You did what you could."
"Thank you." Shirley smiled at her.
"When will Walter be here?"
"I think he's coming tomorrow—he can only stay overnight. I thought that the three of us could go for a sleigh ride or something, if you don't mind. I didn't think that you would, since you became such close friends while you were in France."
Una looked at him curiously, but he seemed to be sincere in what he said, with no hint of malice or innuendo. And why would there be? It wasn't as if much of anything had happened, and as for what had happened, neither she nor Walter had had any desire to speak of it. As far as Shirley was concerned, he was pleased that his brother and his fiancée were friends. All the same, Una wasn't certain that a sleigh ride—or anything involving both Shirley and Walter—would be a comfortable excursion.
************
The next morning, Una was back at the train station along with Shirley, Di, and Philip, trying to remind herself that there was no need to be nervous.
"Train's running late today," Shirley commented laconically. Una could feel her heart pounding. Nothing had happened to the train, of course…it was just late. That was all.
"No more so than usual," Philip disagreed. He slipped his arm around Di, who was about to cry. "What's wrong, Diana?"
"Oh, I just can't believe that this is happening! Walter was always my favorite brother, and now to find out that he's alive!" She blushed, realizing that she sounded tactless. "I'm sorry, Shirley—I didn't mean to offend…"
"No offense taken whatsoever." Shirley looked at Una as if he wouldn't mind his arm around her shoulders, but Una gave no sign of response. "It's fine, Di—I've got my own girl to appreciate me!" Una smiled weakly, but was spared having to come up with a witty comment with the arrival of the train.
Various people disembarked, but Una barely saw them. Her eyes were fixed on the dark-haired man looking around hesitantly for siblings he hadn't seen in years.
"Do you see him?" Di asked, pulling on the dark green sleeve of Una's winter coat.
"He's right over there…in the grey hat."
"Walter! Walter Blythe!" Di practically shouted, disregarding the crowded station. "We're over here, Walter!" He saw her and walked toward them cautiously, as if unsure of his reception.
Di flung her arms around her brother, almost knocking him over. "It's been so long," she murmured through her tears. "How could you let us think you were dead?"
"I'm sorry, Di…" Walter tried to say.
"Never you mind now," Di interrupted. "You're here, and that's what matters." She pulled Shirley over to them. "Hasn't he grown?" she teased, trying to lighten the moment. "You haven't seen him since he was at Queen's. Now he has an Assistant Professorship, a fiancée—never thought he'd turn out this well, did you? I sure didn't."
The brothers clasped hands, unsure of what to do. Shirley didn't have Di's exuberance, and Walter was too struck by the change the years had brought to his brother and sister to say much.
"I'm glad to see you," Shirley said quietly yet sincerely.
"I'm glad to see you, too," Walter replied.
"And this is my husband, Philip Blake," Di said, turning to him. Philip, who had stepped aside to let Di have her reunion, came forward, smiling.
"I think we might have met once or twice as children when Mother and Dad came to visit your parents," he said. "You certainly have made Diana happy by your resurrection, so how can I be less than pleased to see you?"
Walter smiled. "It's a pleasure to meet you again." He looked past Philip. "Una!" Stepping forward, he took both of her hands in his and looked down at her face, which she was fighting hard to keep devoid of the strange joy she felt at seeing him again. "I didn't know if our visits would overlap, but I hoped they would. It's good to see you—I can't even tell you how much."
"It's good to see you as well," Una replied softly, conscious of the pressure of his hands. What I'm feeling now—is this love?
*************
As they sat around the fireplace in the Blakes' living room that evening, the conversation turned toward what Walter was going to do.
"I've been doing some odd jobs for one of the smaller Toronto papers that a friend of Ken's edits—setting type, doing some of the behind-the-scenes work for a few of the articles," Walter told them.
"Do you like it?" Philip asked. "I mean, is it anything that you'd want to do for the rest of your life?"
"I'm not sure. It's not difficult, and I like the people I work with. It's certainly not the type of writing I'd always wanted to do when I was younger, but I was young and full of dreams then."
Shirley leaned forward out of the depths of Di's old blue chair. "Have you thought about going back to college and finishing your degree?"
"The thought's crossed my mind, but I don't think I will. I've moved past that part of my life." Walter grinned at his younger brother. "Besides, one professor is more than enough for the family."
Shirley smiled wryly. "I'm not a full professor yet."
"You need a wife, Walter," Di spoke up in a teasing voice, looking up from the scarf she was knitting Shirley.
"Why would that be?" Walter asked her.
"Because you look lonely. Doesn't he, Una?"
Una found herself caught off guard without a chance to dissemble. "He does."
"Lonely or not," Walter told his sister, "I only know of one woman in the world I'd marry—and she's already taken." An awkward silence filled the room. He must be thinking of Faith, Una thought. Will that hurt never fade?
"It's a pity you don't have any more sisters, Una," Di said lightly, trying to dispel the tension in the room. "We appear to run out of Merediths for the Blythe men to marry. And they've had such good fortune, too. It really is a pity."
Una looked at Walter. His face appeared to be set in stone. She couldn't think of a worse thing for Di to have said. Why, oh why, had this topic even had to be started in the first place?
"There's nothing wrong with marrying someone who's not a Meredith—or a Ford for that matter—is there, Diana?" Philip teased.
"I wouldn't trade you for a million of anyone else," Di told him. "But my mother's proclivity for matchmaking is going to have the better of me yet."
Walter rolled his eyes. "That's quite all right, Di. I'm a grown man. I can take care of myself."
"Be as that may," Shirley said with the air of a man imparting wisdom, "the women in this family will never believe that."
************
The next morning dawned bright and sunny, albeit cold. Una, who had prayed for a blizzard in order to escape Shirley's notion of going for a sleigh ride, was bitterly disappointed. Although the ground was covered in a soft blanket of snow, the old woman in the sky had apparently decided not to air out her featherbeds that day. So Una found herself tucked snugly between Walter and Shirley, skimming over the streets of Kingsport.
The brothers chatted amiably about what was happening in their respective lives, giving Una an ideal opportunity to observe and contrast them. Shirley, with his tousled brown hair and quiet grin, was the more boyish in appearance of the two, to be sure, but there was a serious, scholarly side to him as well. He was comfortable to be around. Walter, on the other hand, wasn't especially comfortable to be around. He was as handsome as ever, with dark hair—now flecked with silver—and grey eyes that seemed to deny any curious person access to his soul. But there was a softening about him that Una noticed. The bitterness that he had carried so long had begun to fade away, and in its place was a glimmer of hope.
Hope. The word caught Una by surprise. For so many years, she'd "kept faith," trying to do her best in a world that seemed bleak and empty. Now, she hoped for good things to come. Faith, hope, and charity—but the greatest of these is charity, or love, she thought, remembering back to Sunday school. The context of the verse was different, but Una tried to tie it in with her situation anyway. Faith I've had; hope I have now—but love? I've come this far—would I be doing myself a wrong to give up on love? I don't love Shirley—not in the right way. I don't think I love Walter, either—at least, not as I once did—but whatever it is that I feel for him goes deeper than what I feel for Shirley.
"Una? Were you even listening?" Shirley asked, elbowing her in the side.
Una jumped. "Apparently not—what did you say?"
"I was telling Walter that he'll have to come visit us for next Christmas. Don't you agree?"
"I suppose so," Una answered. But she had made up her mind. Even if she died an old maid, even if she ever managed to sort out her feelings for Walter, she wasn't going to marry Shirley. Now, the only problem was going to be telling him that without hurting him as dreadfully as she feared she would.