Chapter Twenty-six—Home Again

In retrospect, Una could never figure out just how she had managed to survive the remaining week of her visit with Di and Philip.  It was an extremely awkward situation; after all, she had broken off her engagement with Di's brother.  Not that Di knew that—Shirley had simply told her that they had decided it wouldn't work out and left it at that, for which Una was grateful. 

She hadn't actually seen Shirley since she'd returned his ring; in fact, she hadn't seen much of anyone.  Di seemed almost to tiptoe around her, alternating between saying "It's probably for the best, I suppose," and "I wish it could have worked for you," until Una fled to the Old St. John's Cemetery for solitude.  Philip didn't say anything, but Una wondered how much he knew of what had been going on during her visit—he was a very perceptive individual.

On her last night in Kingsport, Di came into her room as she was brushing her long black hair the requisite one hundred strokes.  Di appeared to be very nervous, pleating her green skirt in her hands as she perched on the foot of Una's bed.

"Una…I don't understand what went wrong between you and Shirley.  I don't think I even want to know.  But you're still my friend, and you're still family.  I just want you to know…well, if things are awkward in the Glen with the rest of the family, I support the decision that the two of you made.  And so does Philip."

Una smiled at Di.  "Thank you so much," she said softly.

"For what it's worth, Philip thinks you made the right decision.  I don't know…I have one brother is very happy married to the woman he loves and one brother—well, I don't know what Walter wants out of life.  Apparently nothing he can get.  I was hoping that you and Shirley were destined for happiness, but if you aren't right for each other, then it's just as well you aren't going to marry."

Una looked apologetically at her hairbrush.  There was nothing she could say to Di; after all, it wasn't good form to confess to a woman that not only had she jilted one of her brothers, she harbored feelings towards another one of them.

"I'm babbling, I know, but I wanted to tell you that."  Di gave Una a half-hesitant embrace and fled the room.

"What a dear," Una sighed.  "Now, if the rest of the clan attempts to be half as kind…"

**********

 And, for the most part, they were.  They didn't understand—after all, it had seemed that Shirley had finally found his ideal woman and it was high time that Una had someone to appreciate her as she deserved—but they were kind.  At times too kind, Una thought.  Everything from Jem's rough hug when she stepped off of the train to Rosemary's insistence that she looked too thin and needed to eat more seemed almost unnatural.  The family had always loved her, but now they saw her as a broken-hearted woman who needed to be treated delicately.  Una felt stifled in their love, which made her feel horribly guilty.  When a letter from Valancy Redfern came in late January, inviting her to come to Toronto for a visit of at least three weeks, Una pounced upon the idea.

"I'll be able to visit Carl and Persis and Rilla and Ken while I'm there, hopefully—I haven't seen any of them since before I left for Europe," she told Faith persuasively.  "And none of us have seen little Leslie."

Leslie Anne Ford, the newest member of the clan, had been born on Christmas Eve in the middle of the night, causing Owen, who had formerly been the youngest to ask his father, "If she just showed up last night, does that mean that Santa Claus didn't know about her?  Will I have to share my presents?"  Ken had reassured him that it wasn't necessary, Rilla had written, but Owen was still unsure whether or not the interloper in the family was a good idea or not.

Faith was easily convinced that Una's visit to Toronto would be a good idea; perhaps she no longer knew what to say to a sister who she had always been close to.  For her own part, Una felt safe in her decision.  True, Walter lived in Toronto.  But Rilla had written that he would be spending a few weeks in Ottawa, attempting to prove his existence and untangle his legal status.  By the time he returned, she and the Redferns would be in the wilds of Mistawis, visiting a sort of cabin or something that they owned on an island "up back".  Valancy had called it her Blue Castle, but Una wasn't quite sure what she meant by that.  She supposed she'd find out.

Walter…she had heard nothing from him since his visit to Kingsport at Christmas—not even an acknowledgement of the stiff little thank-you she had written for the pin.  No letters came from Shirley anymore, of course, but she had hoped, perhaps too much, that Walter would write her.  There was no reason for him to stop, unless he had heard that her engagement to Shirley was off and he held it against her.  Why didn't he write?  Una sighed.

**********

Una's remaining week in Glen St. Mary's passed almost without any awkward incidents until the day before her departure, when Susan, who had been laid up in bed with a bad cold, called her to come into her room for a visit.

Feeling some trepidation, Una entered and perched on the edge of the most uncomfortable chair in the room.  What would Susan say?  Shirley had always been the apple of her eye, her "little brown boy."  Despite her thirty-six years, Una felt uncomfortably like one of her nieces or nephews who had been caught in some wrongdoing. 

Her white hair neatly braided on the pillow, Susan looked keenly at Una.  "Which of you broke your engagement?" she asked.  Her tone was neither kind nor unkind, but merely curious.

Una faltered.  She had yet to tell anyone about her painful scene with Shirley, but she couldn't lie to Susan.  "I did."

"Why?"

"I—I didn't love him.  Not that way.  Not enough."  Una clenched her hands tightly at her sides.  What if this made Susan more ill? 

"Then you did the right thing," Susan said slowly.  "I wouldn't have that blessed boy marrying a woman who didn't love him enough."

Una let out the breath she hadn't realized that she was holding.  "I didn't want to hurt him, Susan, and I know I did."

"I'm sure you did," Susan said, with just a hint of sharpness.  "But better you hurt him a little now than a lot later.  Well, you can go now.  Una Meredith, you may not appreciate what you have a chance at, but at least you don't keep what you can't appreciate.  Don't worry"—she could see the concerned look on Una's face—"I won't tell anyone.  It's between the two of you, but I did want to know the rights of it.  Thank you for letting me know."

Una got out of the room as fast as her legs would take her.  "All things concerned," she said to herself, "that could have been much worse.  Bless Susan!  She's come the closest of anyone to understanding why I did what I did."