Christmas morning. Lorelai and Rory are standing outside of Luke's very early in the morning as Jess walks to the door to unlock it. They are holding gifts.

LORELAI: Hurry up, it's freezing out here.

JESS: (opens the door) This wasn't my idea, and I should be sleeping right now.

RORY: Merry Christmas.

JESS: Merry Christmas.

LORELAI: Merry Christmas.

JESS: Yeah, okay, Merry Christmas.

RORY: So should we surprise Luke upstairs or downstairs?

JESS: Doesn't matter to me.

LORELAI: Well, if we go upstairs, we might find he sleeps in the buff, or he might have his underwear strung up and instead of the days of the week, he has the members of S Club 7, and that would just be so awkward. You know Luke – Mr. Secretive.

Jess starts to walk away

LORELAI: Okay, we're coming, we're coming.

Upstairs.

Jess opens the door where Luke is sitting in a chair watching TV.

LORELAI: No, Luke, you're already awake?

LUKE: So what?

LORELAI: We wanted to surprise you. We wanted to rush up here and jump in the bed and say 'Merry Christmas, Luke!' just like in those really good Folgers commercials. And now you've ruined it.

LUKE: You know, technically, this is my apartment. I can kick you out at any time. And those Folgers commercials were nauseating.

LORELAI: Ugh. Wow, somewhere, Dickens is nodding approvingly.

RORY: Okay, gifts. (She sits on the floor and puts the presents in a pile) Luke, this one is from Mom and me. (hands him a box)

LORELAI: Do you know what's inside?

LUKE: I'm not Johnny Carson.

LORELAI: Guess.

LUKE: I have no idea.

LORELAI: You're thinking 'Antique Pez dispensers', right?

LUKE: Actually, no I wasn't thinking that.

LORELAI: You know, Pez was originally a way for people to stop smoking.

JESS: Just open the box.

LORELAI: And now it's just a way for people to enhance their geekiness.

LUKE: I'm opening this thing now. (opens the box to reveal a light blue t-shirt that says 'LUKE' in big red letters) You are unbelievable.

LORELAI: Ha! I knew you'd love it. 'Cause you know, I'm here so much, and people see me, and immediately think 'Who is that striking woman? Hmm, she must be Luke.' So I just want to help cut down on the chaos.

LUKE: You're so helpful that way.

LORELAI: I try. Now. What did you get me?

LUKE: (pulls a box from behind him) Here you go.

LORELAI: (holds it up to her ear and shakes) Hmm, this isn't what I think it is, is it?

LUKE: It's exactly what you think it is.

LORELAI: Well, in that case. (opens box to reveal a large package of herbal tea) Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is this a joke to you?

LUKE: (laughing)

LORELAI: This is not funny. This is so not funny! This is the Pauly Shore of not funny gifts!

LUKE: Well, I try.

Jess pulls Rory up by the hand, and leads her into his room.

LORELAI: Hey, Ashford and Simpson – no hanky-panky.

JESS: But it's the season of giving.

RORY: Jess.

JESS: (closes door) Merry Christmas.

RORY: Merry Christmas.

(he kisses her)

RORY: Where's my present?

JESS: So now you want me to buy you stuff, too?

RORY: Where's my present?

JESS: Patience doesn't really run in your family, huh?

RORY: I won't be eighteen forever.

JESS: (Hands her a hand-sized box) Here.

RORY: (opens the box) What is it?

JESS: A music box. Here. (He takes it from her, and winds it up. "The Nearness of You" starts playing)

RORY: Oh, wow.

JESS: You like it?

RORY: Yes. (She puts her head on his shoulder.)

JESS: I thought you would.

Fade with the music tinkling in the background, and Norah Jones singing over it.

Open to Luke and Lorelai walking through town as carolers and other festive people trickle about.

LORELAI: Isn't it beautiful?

LUKE: Isn't what beautiful?

LORELAI: Stars Hollow! Everything is so festive, so magical, so alive with light.

LUKE: Oh, boy.

LORELAI: And this is your first time coming out here?

LUKE: Well, yeah. Every year at the diner it's Christmas. People wanna eat. So I feed the people.

LORELAI: Go, Evita.

LUKE: And what is it with all these lights? This isn't Rockefeller Center. If you want lights, go to China.

LORELAI: You're not living in the moment.

LUKE: One moment? Fine. But all these, they just keep going on and on, like that Lamb Chop song.

LORELAI: (singing) This is the song that never ends…

LUKE: Stop it.

LORELAI: So testy, so on edge. I smell story.

LUKE: There's no story.

LORELAI: When you were a young boy, going through that special time in your life, you asked Santa for Boy George, and Santa said no. George was all up for it, but you know: laws.

LUKE: Oh, geez.

LORELAI: Or maybe you bought that special little lady in your life a special little box with a special little cubic zirconia inside, and she smelled a rat.

LUKE: If only little baby Jesus could hear you know.

LORELAI: Actually, it's big baby Jesus, and he's in jail.

LUKE: What?

LORELAI: Oh, look at Miss Patty's snowflakes!

Shot of little girls dressed like snowflakes, twirling around.

LUKE: It's Baz Lurhman's wet dream out here.

Kirk walks up to them, and has a bloody tissue hanging out of his nose.

LORELAI: Oh, my God! Kirk, what happened?

KIRK: Oh, nothing. Just a little accident.

LORELAI: What kind of accident?

KIRK: Well, I was playing with my Jack-in-the-Box, and it's never worked. Not in nearly 30 years. But this morning, it did. (points to his nose)

LORELAI: You've had the same Jack-in-the-Box for 30 years?

KIRK: Actually, no. I get a new one every year for Christmas. New to me, though I suspect that my mother actually steals them from Goodwill.

LORELAI: Oh. Well, good luck with that.

KIRK: I need you to pull it out.

LORELAI: What?

KIRK: The tissue, it's jammed up there. I'm afraid I'll unhook something in my brain if I pull it. I need a woman's touch. Would you do the honors?

LUKE: I'm gonna go get us some hot chocolate.

LORELAI: I really need to get out of this town more often.

Cut to Lane and Rory watching Miss Patty and her snowflakes.

RORY: So where's Dave?

LANE: Canada.

RORY: Trying to do that whole crossover thing?

LANE: Actually, no. He's visiting his grandma.

RORY: Aw, that's nice.

LANE: Yes, it is. He is so nice. He's never a jerk, he's never corny, he's never uncool, he's just…Dave.

RORY: That's so awesome.

LANE: We are so awesome.

RORY: Yes we are.

LANE: We are content with our lives, right? I have Dave, and you have Jess…you do still have Jess right?

RORY: Of course, why wouldn't I?

LANE: Well, it's just the last time I mentioned a steady, stable boyfriend of yours, it wasn't so steady and stable.

RORY: That was different.

LANE: Yeah, I guess.

RORY: It was. It is. I mean, Dean and I wouldn't have lasted past this year, but it will with Jess.

LANE: What are you guys gonna do after you leave?

RORY: I don't know. We'll figure something out. I just don't know. Yet.

LANE: Well, even if everything doesn't work out for the better, we always have the option of bag ladies.

RORY: Yes, we always have that option.

LANE: All I'd have to haul around would be my CDs and drums. And you you're books.

RORY: What about my CDs? We'll need the Avalanches to keep us peppy.

LANE: Fine.

RORY: And pictures of our old selves, just in case someone comes looking for us.

LANE: True. We could have those glamour shots done with the smoke around the face. Very Jon Benet.

RORY: I can't believe we're having this discussion. New topic.

LANE: Celebrity boxing?

RORY: Oh, yeah. Our other career choice.

LANE: There's my mom. I better get back over there. She'll come looking for me, and end up stopping time to find out where in the world is Lane Kim. She suspects something is up.

RORY: What do you mean?

LANE: She saw me talking to Dave.

RORY: Talking to Dave, or "talking" to Dave (she does the finger quotes)?

LANE: Rory, am I standing here before you?

RORY: So why was she upset if you were just talking?

LANE: American boys.

RORY: Ah. Well, maybe you can get him to play her a hymn medley on his guitar.

LANE: Oh, yeah, sure. He and Jim Morrison could do a duet.

RORY: Well, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

LANE: And on that note, I leave. And tell me how the whole orchestra thing goes. I hope they don't suck. (she leaves)

Cut to Gilmore house on Christmas evening.

(Rory walks into the living room where Lorelai is putting on earrings. She's wearing a burgundy knee-length dress)

LORELAI: You look pretty!

RORY: (twirls around) Thank you. Thank you very much.

LORELAI: I used to have a dress like that when I was around your age.

RORY: Where is it now?

LORELAI: I think you peed on it.

RORY: Oh.

LORELAI: Yeah.

RORY: But it was fun while it lasted, right?

LORELAI: Oh, yeah. In the end, it was all worth it.

RORY: And I think you will probably be the hottest mom there.

LORELAI: What's that you say? Probably? Come on Rory, it's Christmas. Give a little.

RORY: This Christmas is so much better than last year.

LORELAI: It's not over yet.

RORY: Yeah, but I mean so far. Last year Grandma and Grandpa were in a fight, and there was the whole Jess-Dean thing. This year: low key. No drama. Just a night of family-fun.

LORELAI: Ugh, don't make us out to be a PAX show.

RORY: Hey, I think Billy Ray Cyrus makes a great doctor.

LORELAI: Yeah, patients don't even need anesthesia, they're so entranced by his mullet.

RORY: Didn't dad used to have one of those?

LORELAI: Slightly. It was the 80s, what could you do?

RORY: Hibernate?

LORELAI: Hmm.

At the Inn. Rory, Jess, Luke, Sookie, Jackson, Emily and Richard are seated at a table together.

LORELAI: I'm so glad everyone here is tonight on this very special day, for so many reasons. Reese Norton and his orchestra have been kind enough to choose the Independence Inn for one of their stops on their very busy holiday tour across the country, and I know just about everyone here has heard of them. I would hope so, since you paid to come here. Uh, so without further ado, I give you the Reese Norton orchestra.

(Everyone claps. The orchestra begins to play, and Lorelai goes and sits down at her table beside Rory.)

Fade to later that night as everyone is leaving.

RORY: (runs up behind Lorelai) Merry Christmas!

LORELAI: Merry Christmas! (they hug)

RORY: Wow, the orchestra really didn't suck.

LORELAI: That's just what I was thinking.

RORY: I thought they would suck. Something weird always happens here.

LORELAI: I know. But look – everyone is in one piece.

RORY: Did you and Grandma get into any fights?

LORELAI: No!

RORY: Did anything explode, implode, magically go poof to dust?

LORELAI: None of that either. I warned our fairy godmother about that.

RORY: So I assume that evil twin of yours is at bay, as well?

LORELAI: At least for this year.

RORY: Wow, I love Christmas.

LORELAI: Me, too. I mean, how can you not love a time when there are presents?

RORY: It's impossible. But, um, Dad called earlier.

LORELAI: He did.

RORY: He says hi, Merry Christmas, all that jazz.

LORELAI: Okay.

RORY: He said he might drop by later.

LORELAI: Drop by? Like just swing in on his velvet rope?

RORY: I don't know.

LORELAI: How long did you talk to him?

RORY: Not very long.

LORELAI: What did he say?

RORY: Really, nothing. I mean, he said that Sherrie was fine and everything. It's a boy.

LORELAI: Wow.

RORY: Yeah. He asked if we were coming to the wedding.

LORELAI: What did you tell him?

RORY: I mentioned the turkey-calling contest. Is that bad?

LORELAI: (laughs) No, it's fine.

RORY: He asked me to suggest names. For the baby.

LORELAI: And?

RORY: I think Lorelai is a pretty good name.

LORELAI: Uh, you better.

RORY: I think he's trying to make it up to me, you know?

LORELAI: Yeah.

RORY: But I don't want to name this kid. I know he's my brother, but if Sherrie hadn't gotten pregnant, it's not like my life would be incomplete. It would be more complete, actually.

LORELAI: Okay, well…if he calls again, tell him I said good luck. And if he comes by, let me know, and we'll sneak out the back door.

RORY: Is teaching me avoidance really such a good idea?

LORELAI: Listen to your mother.

Emily and Richard walk up to Lorelai and Rory. Emily and Richard hug Rory.

EMILY: Lorelai, that was a lovely dinner you organized.

RICHARD: I concur. The food, the music, the company… (leans down near Emily's face)

EMILY: Oh, stop.

LORELAI: Thanks, Mom, Dad.

EMILY: The orchestra: splendid. What did you do to get them here this time of year?

LORELAI: Mom, please – there're are women and children present.

EMILY: (sighs) I assume we'll be seeing you Friday for dinner.

LORELAI: Seven o'clock sharp.

EMILY: Yes, seven.

RICHARD: We can finish the holiday season in style.

LORELAI: You mean with Kwanzaa, Hanukah, and Boxing Day?

EMILY: Really, Lorelai, it's Christmas.

LORELAI: Sorry.

EMILY: Merry Christmas.

LORELAI: Merry Christmas.

RICHARD: Ditto on that.

LORELAI: Come on, Pat; you can be a little more creative.

EMILY: We'll leave before you begin to make sense.

RORY: Good call.

LORELAI: Adios, parentos. (sighs) So close, but yet so far.

Cut to later that night at the Gilmore house. Rory is sitting in her bed listening to her music box. Lorelai walks in.

LORELAI: Hey, what's that?

RORY: What's what?

LORELAI: That hypnotizing machine you got there.

RORY: Oh, it's a music box.

LORELAI: (sits down on the bed) A music box.

RORY: Yeah.

LORELAI: Did Jess give that to you, or was it Tinkerbell?

RORY: Jess.

LORELAI: Pretty.

RORY: Yeah.

LORELAI: That's a pretty romantic thing he did.

RORY: (shrugs and smiles) I guess.

LORELAI: He didn't make it, did he?

RORY: It's Jess, not Gepetto.

LORELAI: Just wondering. (sighs) You seem really happy.

RORY: Well, yeah, it's Christmas.

LORELAI: No, I mean about Jess.

RORY: Oh. Yeah. I'm happy.

LORELAI: Well, that's good. I was just noticing. You don't really talk about him that much.

RORY: (shrugs) Is that bad?

LORELAI: No, I totally understand. You two seem to have a good thing going. I don't want you to jinx it.

RORY: Sure.

LORELAI: I just – I don't know. It's weird. You couldn't stop talking about Dean before.

RORY: What does that have to do with Jess?

LORELAI: Nothing, just commenting.

RORY: Dean was my first boyfriend, and I had that whole girly thing going on.

LORELAI: Excuse me, Janeane Garofalo.

RORY: Well, you liked Dean.

LORELAI: Yeah, I did. I still do.

RORY: (sighs)

LORELAI: What? I'm not criticizing you with the whole Jess thing, I'm just―

RORY: Commenting.

LORELAI: Yeah.

RORY: Well, I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm fine. Everything's fine.

LORELAI: Hon, I don't want to get into a fight with you, especially not now. I'm not trying to influence or change your judgment, honest. I just…you used to run to me and tell me everything, like we were best friends.

RORY: We are best friends.

LORELAI: I'm being stupid, I know.

RORY: No you're not.

LORELAI: I just kinda miss my little girl, that's all. The one who didn't know anything about the world; who thought she could dig a hole to China, and that snow was really God spilling flour while he made yeast rolls. And don't you dare say that you're not my little girl anymore.

RORY: I think someone's feeling a little empty nest syndrome.

LORELAI: Yeah, I took some Valium, but…

RORY: College is far, far away.

LORELAI: I've been reminding myself of that since you were three. And you're how old now?

RORY: Five.

LORELAI: Good, that's right.

RORY: Everything is going to be totally fine.

LORELAI: I hope that's not the denial-filled side of your brain speaking.

RORY: Mom, we totally removed that side last week.

LORELAI: I gotta keep track of these things. Hey, maybe later, we can run to Staples and buy some Post-its.

RORY: Good deal.

LORELAI: Okay. (kisses Rory on the cheek) Don't have too much fun with that music box. They make people do crazy things, like on that one show.

RORY: Oh, yeah, like on that one show.

LORELAI: Do not mock your mother. Don't!

Cut to dinner on Friday night.

LORELAI: (rings doorbell. It makes an off-key sound) What the hell was that?

RORY: This is a bad sign. This isn't how Christmas bells are supposed to be ringing.

LORELAI: (rings bell again) Hmm, still funky-sounding, still no one answers the door. And one more time for the presses: (rings the bell a third time. Emily answers the door)

EMILY: (answers the door) Lorelai, you don't have to repeatedly ring the bell. This isn't a rodeo.

LORELAI: Has Bill been working on your electrical system? 'Cause your glockenspiel sure does sound screwy, as does the word "glockenspiel".

EMILY: And only two days after Christmas. You think you could take a break.

LORELAI: From being me? No, mom, I can't take a break. I'm just like the entire cast of The Real World.

EMILY: Rory, how are you?

RORY: I'm fine Grandma.

They all head into the sitting room.

EMILY: How has your Christmas been?

RORY: Great. Good food, good gifts.

LORELAI: Good goodness. 'Cause nothin's gooder than goodness, Mom. See? Serious answer.

RORY: Where's Grandpa?

EMILY: Messing with that silly contraption.

LORELAI: What contraption?

EMILY: The fireplace in the dining room. It's freezing in there.

LORELAI: Where are all the help?

EMILY: It's Christmas, Lorelai; they're with their families.

LORELAI: My mistake. I'm just used to busy Christmases here. Help in one door and out the other, just like that stock market talk through my head. 'Cause whoo – it's nothin' to me. I don't know how Martha Stewart does it.

RORY: Hey, let's play the quiet game.

Richard walks in.

RICHARD: I'm afraid we'll just have to do without heat.

EMILY: Richard, that's insane.

RICHARD: Well, not really. You see, when there's no heat, that's a fact, Emily, not merely my humble opinion.

LORELAI: See, that's where I get it from.

RORY: We can just eat in here.

LORELAI: We can't eat in here.

EMILY: That's right we can't.

LORELAI: I know you so well.

RICHARD: It won't be so bad. We've been a little cold before.

EMILY: You'd think that everything would be functioning properly during the holiday season; that people would actually prepare for things like this.

LORELAI: Like buying a heater ahead of time? Maybe? Possibly? Perhaps?

EMILY: Everyone brace yourselves.

They walk into the dining room where the food is already on the table.

LORELAI: Don't tell me you set this food out yourself, Mom.

EMILY: Do you really think I'm some helpless damsel in distress who can't do anything for herself?

LORELAI: (laughs) No, it's just in situations like this, frankly my dear, people tend not to give a damn….about you know – people who have hired help and stuff. Man, that reference sounded way better in my head.

RORY: Let's have us a nice family discussion.

EMILY: Lorelai, I'm sure you have something witty to say.

LORELAI: No, not really.

RICHARD: Anything new with either of you?

LORELAI: No, not really.

RICHARD: Have you spoken to Christopher lately?

LORELAI: Dad.

RICHARD: I'm not trying to pry, I was just wondering. His child should be due very soon.

LORELAI: Yes, it's a boy.

RICHARD: Well, I hope you'll send him my congratulations.

LORELAI: Sure. Will you excuse me for a sec? I'm gonna go find that bottle of wine. (leaves the room)

EMILY: I'll be back. (follows Lorelai into the kitchen)

LORELAI: Hey, look, Mom: you forgot the bread.

EMILY: I hope you're not upset.

LORELAI: I'm not. It's just been a rough week, that's all.

EMILY: Are you going to the wedding?

LORELAI: I don't know. I think we might be busy.

EMILY: That's understandable.

LORELAI: Really?

EMILY: Rude, most certainly. But understandable.

LORELAI: Rory's still kinda upset. I think it might still be a while.

EMILY: He's already missed most of her childhood. A few months won't hurt.

LORELAI: That's what Luke told me.

EMILY: Really?

LORELAI: Yeah, he's sort of been my mediator on this. Incredibly patient, extremely attentive. He listens. Offers advice, doesn't offer advice. Sort of like an 8-ball.

EMILY: Then tell me something – why are you not romantically involved with him?

LORELAI: (sighs) God, I hear this from someone every week.

EMILY: It would make your life easier, I'm sure. Mine, too.

LORELAI: Well, honestly, Mom, it couldn't work. I wouldn't let it because I need Luke as my friend. My best friend right now. I need someone other than Rory to talk to. Rory's not gonna be around pretty soon. And even if she is, she'll be with Jess, and she won't tell me everything like she used to, 'cause she's grown and doesn't need her mom so much anymore. And there will be so much more to tell, and so many more people to tell it to. She's my rock, but I can't hold on to her forever, so I'm deluding myself, and thinking that I can do that with Luke. I think that right now, he's the only person I can turn to.

EMILY: (hurt) Oh. Well.

LORELAI: Mom…

EMILY: You do have a mother, you know.

LORELAI: I know.

EMILY: Am I in that circle of people you can depend on?

LORELAI: Of course.

EMILY: But am I on the go-to list?

LORELAI: (stuttering) I―I…

Rory comes in from the other room.

RORY: Hey, this is a family dinner, here. Get back in there.

LORELAI: Be right there.

Lorelai follows Emily back into the dining room.

Fade.

THE END