Notes: Hmmm.nothing new so just read and enjoy!
Crazy for Leaving you 3
Matt started at the blanket on his bed. The patterns on it all seemed to swirl into one. He blinked rapidly. Perhaps the blood loss was getting to him. Matt shook his head, fighting away the faint feeling that was quickly rushing over him and taking over his body. He couldn't faint, he wouldn't let himself. The door was unlocked, if his dad walked in, then his secret would be out. Matt shakily rose from the bed. He shuffled into the bathroom, swaying slightly. He ran some water in the sink and plunged his wrist in. The water became red and Matt began to feel sick. Maybe he had gone too far this time. Raised his wrist out of the water, he examined the slash. The blood was slowly oozing out of it. Panic rose in his throat as he grabbed a nearby towel and held it to the wound, applying as much pressure as he could. A few minutes passed and the wave of nausea died down. Matt took deep breaths and sighed deeply. He removed the towel and began to clean up the wound using the first aid kit in the bathroom cupboard.
After finishing in the bathroom, Matt grabbed his jacket and left the apartment. He dumped the blood-stained towel in a nearby bin, and headed to Gendo's house.
**
"Come on Tai, let me in". Sora pleaded. After receiving the call from Kari that something was wrong, the red head had rushed around to Tai's apartment. "Just leave me alone". Tai replied coldly.
"No Tai, you're in a state, now unlock that door and let me in"! Sora ordered.
"I said leave me alone". Tai argued.
"Tai stop being a jerk!, have you had a fight with Matt or something"? Sora was tiring of addressing the pine door. "Don't say that name". Tai whispered harshly. He was barely audible but Sora heard the contempt in his voice. "God, what the hell has gone on tonight"? Sora asked.
"Sora, please just leave me alone, I don't want to talk tonight". Tai's voice became softer and more pleading. "OK Tai, but I'll come round first thing in the morning, and I won't take no for an answer then". Sora replied.
"Ok". Tai muttered. Sora nodded at the door and turned back to Kari.
"He just needs to be alone tonight, I'll come by tomorrow and I'll make sure he talks then, is that alright"?
"Yeah, thanks Sora". Kari smiled weakly.
"Anytime". Sora returned the smile.
**
"G sharp, G sharp.hmmm.". Gendo muttered to himself as he stared down at the music tablature. He was suddenly distracted by a thump at his window. Gendo rolled off his bed and opened the window. He looked down to find a very distressed Matt. "Matt, do you know what time it is"? Gendo shouted down.
"Sorry...I..I.just have to....". Matt stuttered.
"Ladder's at the side of the shed. Just be quiet, my mom ain't too happy tonight". Gendo replied. After Matt had clumsily climbed in through the second-floor window, the pair settled on Gendo's bed. "What do you want that's so urgent"? Gendo asked, slightly annoyed. Matt didn't speak, instead he rolled up the sleeve of his turtle neck sweater, revealing the bandage. Gendo gasped a little. He looked at Matt, and Matt nodded. Gendo acknowledged this and carefully removed the bandage. He couldn't hide the shock from his face as he revealed the wound. "My God Matt..". Matt eyes trailed to the cream coloured carpet. He blinked back tears. Gendo slipped an arm around his friend's shoulders. "It'll be alright Matt, we'll get you some help".
"No! you can't!. It's enough you guys knowing, swear to me Gendo, swear you won't tell Tai". Matt replied. His eyes looked fierce, despite the tears.
"Alright". Gendo muttered quietly. He silently cursed himself for his slip of words with Tai. "Thanks, I couldn't cope with them knowing, I think I'd have to kill myself. I'd be so ashamed". Matt continued.
"Why Matt?, they're your friends just like us. They've known you longer". Gendo reasoned.
"That's the problem, they see me as this strong guy who protects his friends. I never told you guys this, but during all that stuff four years ago. I was tempted to darkness. I engaged my own digimon in mortal combat with Tai's. I acted like such a jerk, and it hurt everyone. If they found out I was cutting myself, giving in to these dark thoughts, they'd be hurt all over again. I can't do that to them, I can't do that to TK, I love him, I have to protect him. Tai, he's my angel, I can't do that to him"! Matt allowed the tears to break free and roll down his cheeks.
"It's alright Matt, just calm down". Gendo sighed slightly as he hugged Matt tightly. He was beginning to regret giving Tai the note more and more. "Why do you do this Matt"? He asked.
"I don't know". Matt sniffed.
"What started it all off"?
"Let's not talk about that, I should get back, sorry I bothered you". Matt gabbled. He made for the open window. Before Gendo had the chance to stop him, Matt was out of the window and away into the night. Gendo closed his window and leant against the wall. He closed his eyes as he thrust his head back against the wall. "Fuck".
**
The sun rose early, highlighting the tall buildings in Odaiba, making the skyline seem almost magical. Normally Tai loved to see this as he woke up. However, this morning was different. He buried his head under the pillow, wishing he had remembered to close the curtains the previous night. He was just drifting back into sleep, when a loud knocking on his bedroom door brought his head from under the pillow. "What?" He asked, sounding slightly irritable.
"Sora's here". Came Kari's ever cheerful reply.
"Alright, I'm coming". Tai replied. He climbed out of bed and pulled on some random clothes that adorned his bedroom floor. He opened the door and found his sister smiling at him. "It's a good thing Dad gave up his study so you could have your own bedroom. Otherwise I'd have spent the night on the couch". She said.
"Oh very funny". Tai muttered. He made his way to the lounge area, where Sora was already seated. "Morning sunshine"! She chirped.
"Yeah, morning". Tai flopped down on the couch.
"So, let's get down to business. What happened last night"? Sora asked.
"Nothing important". Tai replied.
"Then why won't you allow us to say Matt's name"?. Sora probed.
"No reason" came Tai's cold reply.
"What you just can't stand to hear your boyfriend's name for no reason"? Sora asked sarcastically. "You got it". Tai mumbled.
"Like hell I have Tai. Now something has happened here, and I want to know what. God knows what state Matt is in if you're like this".
"Probably relieving his pain". Tai muttered.
"What's that supposed to mean"? Sora looked directly into Tai's chocolate eyes.
"Nothing".
"God Tai, what's your problem"? Sora changed tact. Maybe the tough love thing would work. "I'm not the one with the problem". Tai fired back.
"What are you going on about"?
"Why not ask Matty"? Tai sneered.
"Tai, don't be like that, this is the guy you love".
"Correction, loved". Tai spat. Sora sighed deeply. "Well, Ken and Davis have arranged another soccer match, and you're coming".
"Will HE be there"?
"Yes Tai. Matt has been invited". Sora replied.
"Count me out". Tai folded his arms across his chest, as if to emphasise his comment.
"No, you're coming". Sora said adamantly.
"Go away Sora, and tell Matt he can fuck off". Tai yelled. He leapt up and dashed back into his room, slamming the door with such a force, that the frame shook. Kari emerged from the kitchen, Sora turned and saw the tears in her eyes.
**
An hour later, Kari answered the door to another person knocking. She gasped when she saw who was behind it. "Matt"!
"Hey Kari, is Tai in"? Matt asked. Kari noted that Matt had large dark circles under his eyes, he looked like he hadn't slept in days. "Sure, let me get him". Kari replied, leaving Matt in the hallway, she knocked gingerly on her older brother's door. "Tai"?.
"What"?
"Matt's here".
"Tell him to go away". Tai replied fiercely.
"No, I'm not doing your dirty work, if that's what you want, come out and tell him yourself". Kari said , frowning at the door. Seconds later, Tai emerged. He pushed past Kari and stormed into the hallway. Matt smiled. "Hey Tai".
"Go away". Tai said coldly. He watched as hurt flashed into his lover's eyes.
"What"? Matt asked.
"You heard me, I know your secret Matt, you cut yourself. I don't want anything to do with you anymore, so you know what you can do?. You can FUCK OFF!. That's right Ishida, FUCK OFF"!. Tai shouted, he stormed forward and slapped Matt hard across the face. Matt started crying, his sobs became more violent. Tai just stood there and watched.
"FUCK OFF YAMATO"! He yelled again. Matt didn't need telling again. He turned and fled the apartment. Tai slammed the front door shut and stormed back to his room. He ignored Kari, who had witnessed the whole event and had dissolved into tears.
**
Matt ran through the streets, not even sure where he was going. He sobbed as he ran, making it harder for him to breathe. Eventually, he found an alleyway and hid down there. He slowly slid down the wall and into a ball. He lay there, hugging his knees and sobbing.
**
"Tai, will you please let me in"? Kari asked. Once again, she found herself addressing the bedroom door. "Kari, leave me alone please". Tai replied gently. He sounded choked up.
"Tai, I'm worried about you, please let me in". Kari begged. Tai must've heard the desperation in her voice, as seconds later, the door was opened. "Thanks". Kari said entering the room. Tai had gone back and sat on his bed. He fiddled with the corner of his blanket. Kari joined him, looking into her brother's red rimmed eyes. "Did you really mean all that Tai"? She asked.
"I.I.don't know". Tai stuttered. He wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Matt looked really hurt, and I'm worried Tai. If he really does cut himself, that might've pushed him over the edge".
"What do you mean"?
"Well, I'm no expert, but, I think that he only cuts because he has a reason to live. It's likely he cuts when something gets him down. He knows though, he has to live for you, so instead of going the whole way, he just cuts. The thing is though, now you told him to go away, he'll see his reason for living has gone". Kari replied softly. She gripped her brother's hand tightly.
"Oh God, what have I done"? Tai whispered. "I was just shocked, I didn't mean it, I still love him". Fresh tears fell down his face. "I don't want him to die".
"Then you know what you have to do".
"Yeah, I gotta find him"!. Tai said, he leapt off the bed, threw on his trainers and jacket, and ran out of the bedroom door.
**
"Where the hell is he?, this isn't funny, we have an important gig tomorrow". Gendo fumed. The band had been waiting around for half an hour for Matt. "Maybe we could try for a bit without him, until he arrives". Akemi suggested.
"What's the point?, Matt's the one who brings it all together". Toshiki replied.
"I wonder where poor Matty has got to". Itsu mused.
"Shut it Itsu". The others said in unison.
Suddenly, the doors of the hall burst open and Matt stormed in. He looked awful, his hair was dishevelled and his eyes were red from crying. The tear tracks were still clear on his face. "Matt what the hell has happened"? Gendo asked running forward.
"You know"! Matt yelled.
"Matt, what's wrong"? Akemi frowned.
"You told Tai about what I do!, he knows!, I told you not to tell him"! Matt fumed.
"We didn't tell him". Toshiki replied. Gendo's eyes moved to the floor, they stayed there, not wanting to look up at his friends. "Gendo"? Akemi asked, turning to him.
"I told Tai". Gendo mumbled.
"See?, screw you Gendo!!, screw you all!, fuck this band, I QUIT"! Matt screamed, he turned and ran.
**
Tai ran as fast as he could to the rehearsal hall the band used. He thanked the heavens when he found the door open. He dashed in and walked right into the middle of a fight. "You told Tai?, Gendo how stupid are you"? Akemi was shouting.
"Do you want to see him dead"? Toshiki continued. Gendo was simply sobbing in a heap near the stage as his band members hurled accusations at him. "Don't blame him". Tai spoke up. The band whipped around and saw Tai stood in the doorway. "It wasn't Gendo's fault. I pushed him, I knew something was wrong with Matt, so I talked to Gendo, I'd seen the cuts on Matt's arm. Gendo merely confirmed". Tai lied. Gendo looked at him with a grateful look in his eyes.
"Why didn't you say that Gendo?, we're sorry, we didn't think". Toshiki helped Gendo up.
"It's ok guys, what's more important is finding Matt". Gendo said sniffing. "Me and Tai will go to his apartment, Itsu, you stay here in case he comes back. Akemi, Toshiki, comb the streets. He's in a right state, we have to find him". The others nodded, Akemi and Toshiki immediately set about searching the streets. Itsu sat in a chair, all he could do was wait. Gendo and Tai left the hall and headed in the direction of Matt's apartment. "Thanks for that back there". Gendo muttered.
"No problem, they don't need to know the truth. Don't blame yourself for this Gendo, it would've eventually come out. It's not something you can hide forever". Tai replied.
"Let's just hope we can find Matt before something happens. He was really mad, he quit the band, I'd never forgive myself if anything happens".
"If Matt is gonna do anything it'll all be my fault Gendo. When I found out about this, I was so shocked, Matt seemed perfectly happy. I saw how much he was suffering in that letter, how he'd lied to us by hiding away. I got mad, I know I shouldn't, but I did. Matt came around to my place earlier and I told him to fuck off". Tai said, blinking back tears. He heard Gendo gasp slightly.
**
Matt scrabbled around his dresser drawer. He couldn't find his blade, it had to be there somewhere, it had to be. Matt was serious this time, he wanted to end it, he wanted to end it all. Matt eventually found his prize, the razor blade he had stolen from the bathroom cabinet a few days earlier. He stared at the glinting metal. He smiled slightly, almost insanely. Matt carefully placed the blade on top of the dresser, he picked up and pen and scribbled a note to Tai. After he'd finished, he locked his bedroom door. Drew the curtains and sat back on the bed. He grabbed the blade and gently put it to his wrist. He took a deep breath before slashing violently.
**
Tai hammered on the door of Matt's apartment. However, there was no answer. Gendo looked sadly at Tai. "I'm not giving up yet"!. Tai tried the door knob. To his surprise, the door swung open. "See there's always a way"! He smiled triumphantly at Gendo. After a quick search of the apartment, Tai came to the door of Matt's bedroom. He found it locked. Tai kicked the door. "Matt? Matt? Are you in there"? He yelled. He knocked on the door. "Matt please, open up, please God Matt, I'm sorry, I love you, I really do. Just please open the door"! Tai begged. He received no reply. "I have to get in there"! He whispered to Gendo. Tai started to kick the door with his foot. Gendo snapped into action and the two boys kicked and kicked with all their might. Eventually, the door surrendered to the abuse and buckled. Tai ran into the room, and he screamed long and loud. For there, on the bed, was Matt, in a pool of his own blood, both wrists violently slashed.
Crazy for Leaving you 3
Matt started at the blanket on his bed. The patterns on it all seemed to swirl into one. He blinked rapidly. Perhaps the blood loss was getting to him. Matt shook his head, fighting away the faint feeling that was quickly rushing over him and taking over his body. He couldn't faint, he wouldn't let himself. The door was unlocked, if his dad walked in, then his secret would be out. Matt shakily rose from the bed. He shuffled into the bathroom, swaying slightly. He ran some water in the sink and plunged his wrist in. The water became red and Matt began to feel sick. Maybe he had gone too far this time. Raised his wrist out of the water, he examined the slash. The blood was slowly oozing out of it. Panic rose in his throat as he grabbed a nearby towel and held it to the wound, applying as much pressure as he could. A few minutes passed and the wave of nausea died down. Matt took deep breaths and sighed deeply. He removed the towel and began to clean up the wound using the first aid kit in the bathroom cupboard.
After finishing in the bathroom, Matt grabbed his jacket and left the apartment. He dumped the blood-stained towel in a nearby bin, and headed to Gendo's house.
**
"Come on Tai, let me in". Sora pleaded. After receiving the call from Kari that something was wrong, the red head had rushed around to Tai's apartment. "Just leave me alone". Tai replied coldly.
"No Tai, you're in a state, now unlock that door and let me in"! Sora ordered.
"I said leave me alone". Tai argued.
"Tai stop being a jerk!, have you had a fight with Matt or something"? Sora was tiring of addressing the pine door. "Don't say that name". Tai whispered harshly. He was barely audible but Sora heard the contempt in his voice. "God, what the hell has gone on tonight"? Sora asked.
"Sora, please just leave me alone, I don't want to talk tonight". Tai's voice became softer and more pleading. "OK Tai, but I'll come round first thing in the morning, and I won't take no for an answer then". Sora replied.
"Ok". Tai muttered. Sora nodded at the door and turned back to Kari.
"He just needs to be alone tonight, I'll come by tomorrow and I'll make sure he talks then, is that alright"?
"Yeah, thanks Sora". Kari smiled weakly.
"Anytime". Sora returned the smile.
**
"G sharp, G sharp.hmmm.". Gendo muttered to himself as he stared down at the music tablature. He was suddenly distracted by a thump at his window. Gendo rolled off his bed and opened the window. He looked down to find a very distressed Matt. "Matt, do you know what time it is"? Gendo shouted down.
"Sorry...I..I.just have to....". Matt stuttered.
"Ladder's at the side of the shed. Just be quiet, my mom ain't too happy tonight". Gendo replied. After Matt had clumsily climbed in through the second-floor window, the pair settled on Gendo's bed. "What do you want that's so urgent"? Gendo asked, slightly annoyed. Matt didn't speak, instead he rolled up the sleeve of his turtle neck sweater, revealing the bandage. Gendo gasped a little. He looked at Matt, and Matt nodded. Gendo acknowledged this and carefully removed the bandage. He couldn't hide the shock from his face as he revealed the wound. "My God Matt..". Matt eyes trailed to the cream coloured carpet. He blinked back tears. Gendo slipped an arm around his friend's shoulders. "It'll be alright Matt, we'll get you some help".
"No! you can't!. It's enough you guys knowing, swear to me Gendo, swear you won't tell Tai". Matt replied. His eyes looked fierce, despite the tears.
"Alright". Gendo muttered quietly. He silently cursed himself for his slip of words with Tai. "Thanks, I couldn't cope with them knowing, I think I'd have to kill myself. I'd be so ashamed". Matt continued.
"Why Matt?, they're your friends just like us. They've known you longer". Gendo reasoned.
"That's the problem, they see me as this strong guy who protects his friends. I never told you guys this, but during all that stuff four years ago. I was tempted to darkness. I engaged my own digimon in mortal combat with Tai's. I acted like such a jerk, and it hurt everyone. If they found out I was cutting myself, giving in to these dark thoughts, they'd be hurt all over again. I can't do that to them, I can't do that to TK, I love him, I have to protect him. Tai, he's my angel, I can't do that to him"! Matt allowed the tears to break free and roll down his cheeks.
"It's alright Matt, just calm down". Gendo sighed slightly as he hugged Matt tightly. He was beginning to regret giving Tai the note more and more. "Why do you do this Matt"? He asked.
"I don't know". Matt sniffed.
"What started it all off"?
"Let's not talk about that, I should get back, sorry I bothered you". Matt gabbled. He made for the open window. Before Gendo had the chance to stop him, Matt was out of the window and away into the night. Gendo closed his window and leant against the wall. He closed his eyes as he thrust his head back against the wall. "Fuck".
**
The sun rose early, highlighting the tall buildings in Odaiba, making the skyline seem almost magical. Normally Tai loved to see this as he woke up. However, this morning was different. He buried his head under the pillow, wishing he had remembered to close the curtains the previous night. He was just drifting back into sleep, when a loud knocking on his bedroom door brought his head from under the pillow. "What?" He asked, sounding slightly irritable.
"Sora's here". Came Kari's ever cheerful reply.
"Alright, I'm coming". Tai replied. He climbed out of bed and pulled on some random clothes that adorned his bedroom floor. He opened the door and found his sister smiling at him. "It's a good thing Dad gave up his study so you could have your own bedroom. Otherwise I'd have spent the night on the couch". She said.
"Oh very funny". Tai muttered. He made his way to the lounge area, where Sora was already seated. "Morning sunshine"! She chirped.
"Yeah, morning". Tai flopped down on the couch.
"So, let's get down to business. What happened last night"? Sora asked.
"Nothing important". Tai replied.
"Then why won't you allow us to say Matt's name"?. Sora probed.
"No reason" came Tai's cold reply.
"What you just can't stand to hear your boyfriend's name for no reason"? Sora asked sarcastically. "You got it". Tai mumbled.
"Like hell I have Tai. Now something has happened here, and I want to know what. God knows what state Matt is in if you're like this".
"Probably relieving his pain". Tai muttered.
"What's that supposed to mean"? Sora looked directly into Tai's chocolate eyes.
"Nothing".
"God Tai, what's your problem"? Sora changed tact. Maybe the tough love thing would work. "I'm not the one with the problem". Tai fired back.
"What are you going on about"?
"Why not ask Matty"? Tai sneered.
"Tai, don't be like that, this is the guy you love".
"Correction, loved". Tai spat. Sora sighed deeply. "Well, Ken and Davis have arranged another soccer match, and you're coming".
"Will HE be there"?
"Yes Tai. Matt has been invited". Sora replied.
"Count me out". Tai folded his arms across his chest, as if to emphasise his comment.
"No, you're coming". Sora said adamantly.
"Go away Sora, and tell Matt he can fuck off". Tai yelled. He leapt up and dashed back into his room, slamming the door with such a force, that the frame shook. Kari emerged from the kitchen, Sora turned and saw the tears in her eyes.
**
An hour later, Kari answered the door to another person knocking. She gasped when she saw who was behind it. "Matt"!
"Hey Kari, is Tai in"? Matt asked. Kari noted that Matt had large dark circles under his eyes, he looked like he hadn't slept in days. "Sure, let me get him". Kari replied, leaving Matt in the hallway, she knocked gingerly on her older brother's door. "Tai"?.
"What"?
"Matt's here".
"Tell him to go away". Tai replied fiercely.
"No, I'm not doing your dirty work, if that's what you want, come out and tell him yourself". Kari said , frowning at the door. Seconds later, Tai emerged. He pushed past Kari and stormed into the hallway. Matt smiled. "Hey Tai".
"Go away". Tai said coldly. He watched as hurt flashed into his lover's eyes.
"What"? Matt asked.
"You heard me, I know your secret Matt, you cut yourself. I don't want anything to do with you anymore, so you know what you can do?. You can FUCK OFF!. That's right Ishida, FUCK OFF"!. Tai shouted, he stormed forward and slapped Matt hard across the face. Matt started crying, his sobs became more violent. Tai just stood there and watched.
"FUCK OFF YAMATO"! He yelled again. Matt didn't need telling again. He turned and fled the apartment. Tai slammed the front door shut and stormed back to his room. He ignored Kari, who had witnessed the whole event and had dissolved into tears.
**
Matt ran through the streets, not even sure where he was going. He sobbed as he ran, making it harder for him to breathe. Eventually, he found an alleyway and hid down there. He slowly slid down the wall and into a ball. He lay there, hugging his knees and sobbing.
**
"Tai, will you please let me in"? Kari asked. Once again, she found herself addressing the bedroom door. "Kari, leave me alone please". Tai replied gently. He sounded choked up.
"Tai, I'm worried about you, please let me in". Kari begged. Tai must've heard the desperation in her voice, as seconds later, the door was opened. "Thanks". Kari said entering the room. Tai had gone back and sat on his bed. He fiddled with the corner of his blanket. Kari joined him, looking into her brother's red rimmed eyes. "Did you really mean all that Tai"? She asked.
"I.I.don't know". Tai stuttered. He wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Matt looked really hurt, and I'm worried Tai. If he really does cut himself, that might've pushed him over the edge".
"What do you mean"?
"Well, I'm no expert, but, I think that he only cuts because he has a reason to live. It's likely he cuts when something gets him down. He knows though, he has to live for you, so instead of going the whole way, he just cuts. The thing is though, now you told him to go away, he'll see his reason for living has gone". Kari replied softly. She gripped her brother's hand tightly.
"Oh God, what have I done"? Tai whispered. "I was just shocked, I didn't mean it, I still love him". Fresh tears fell down his face. "I don't want him to die".
"Then you know what you have to do".
"Yeah, I gotta find him"!. Tai said, he leapt off the bed, threw on his trainers and jacket, and ran out of the bedroom door.
**
"Where the hell is he?, this isn't funny, we have an important gig tomorrow". Gendo fumed. The band had been waiting around for half an hour for Matt. "Maybe we could try for a bit without him, until he arrives". Akemi suggested.
"What's the point?, Matt's the one who brings it all together". Toshiki replied.
"I wonder where poor Matty has got to". Itsu mused.
"Shut it Itsu". The others said in unison.
Suddenly, the doors of the hall burst open and Matt stormed in. He looked awful, his hair was dishevelled and his eyes were red from crying. The tear tracks were still clear on his face. "Matt what the hell has happened"? Gendo asked running forward.
"You know"! Matt yelled.
"Matt, what's wrong"? Akemi frowned.
"You told Tai about what I do!, he knows!, I told you not to tell him"! Matt fumed.
"We didn't tell him". Toshiki replied. Gendo's eyes moved to the floor, they stayed there, not wanting to look up at his friends. "Gendo"? Akemi asked, turning to him.
"I told Tai". Gendo mumbled.
"See?, screw you Gendo!!, screw you all!, fuck this band, I QUIT"! Matt screamed, he turned and ran.
**
Tai ran as fast as he could to the rehearsal hall the band used. He thanked the heavens when he found the door open. He dashed in and walked right into the middle of a fight. "You told Tai?, Gendo how stupid are you"? Akemi was shouting.
"Do you want to see him dead"? Toshiki continued. Gendo was simply sobbing in a heap near the stage as his band members hurled accusations at him. "Don't blame him". Tai spoke up. The band whipped around and saw Tai stood in the doorway. "It wasn't Gendo's fault. I pushed him, I knew something was wrong with Matt, so I talked to Gendo, I'd seen the cuts on Matt's arm. Gendo merely confirmed". Tai lied. Gendo looked at him with a grateful look in his eyes.
"Why didn't you say that Gendo?, we're sorry, we didn't think". Toshiki helped Gendo up.
"It's ok guys, what's more important is finding Matt". Gendo said sniffing. "Me and Tai will go to his apartment, Itsu, you stay here in case he comes back. Akemi, Toshiki, comb the streets. He's in a right state, we have to find him". The others nodded, Akemi and Toshiki immediately set about searching the streets. Itsu sat in a chair, all he could do was wait. Gendo and Tai left the hall and headed in the direction of Matt's apartment. "Thanks for that back there". Gendo muttered.
"No problem, they don't need to know the truth. Don't blame yourself for this Gendo, it would've eventually come out. It's not something you can hide forever". Tai replied.
"Let's just hope we can find Matt before something happens. He was really mad, he quit the band, I'd never forgive myself if anything happens".
"If Matt is gonna do anything it'll all be my fault Gendo. When I found out about this, I was so shocked, Matt seemed perfectly happy. I saw how much he was suffering in that letter, how he'd lied to us by hiding away. I got mad, I know I shouldn't, but I did. Matt came around to my place earlier and I told him to fuck off". Tai said, blinking back tears. He heard Gendo gasp slightly.
**
Matt scrabbled around his dresser drawer. He couldn't find his blade, it had to be there somewhere, it had to be. Matt was serious this time, he wanted to end it, he wanted to end it all. Matt eventually found his prize, the razor blade he had stolen from the bathroom cabinet a few days earlier. He stared at the glinting metal. He smiled slightly, almost insanely. Matt carefully placed the blade on top of the dresser, he picked up and pen and scribbled a note to Tai. After he'd finished, he locked his bedroom door. Drew the curtains and sat back on the bed. He grabbed the blade and gently put it to his wrist. He took a deep breath before slashing violently.
**
Tai hammered on the door of Matt's apartment. However, there was no answer. Gendo looked sadly at Tai. "I'm not giving up yet"!. Tai tried the door knob. To his surprise, the door swung open. "See there's always a way"! He smiled triumphantly at Gendo. After a quick search of the apartment, Tai came to the door of Matt's bedroom. He found it locked. Tai kicked the door. "Matt? Matt? Are you in there"? He yelled. He knocked on the door. "Matt please, open up, please God Matt, I'm sorry, I love you, I really do. Just please open the door"! Tai begged. He received no reply. "I have to get in there"! He whispered to Gendo. Tai started to kick the door with his foot. Gendo snapped into action and the two boys kicked and kicked with all their might. Eventually, the door surrendered to the abuse and buckled. Tai ran into the room, and he screamed long and loud. For there, on the bed, was Matt, in a pool of his own blood, both wrists violently slashed.