CHAPTER 2 - WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AT THE BIG OL' WIND MILL
Now that Satine had her sexy and mysterious edge back - well, sort of - she knew it was time to get back to business. She tilted her head and raised the right side of her - uh - moustache.
Satine: "Well, where were we, my darling?"
Christian: "I was about to recite some of my poetry for you."
Satine: "Oh yes . . . poetry!"
She then cast him a seductive look, but Christian couldn't tell because one side of the moustache had peeled off.
Christian: "Okay. Now, I'm just an amateur, but I got some pretty good stuff I think you'll like."
Satine: "Oh, I'm sure I will enjoy the erotic, wild, animal sex!"
Christian looked confused.
Christian: "Erotic, wild, animal sex?"
Satine: "Don't tease me!"
Satine fell to the floor and started rolling around and screaming like an idiot. She rolled into tables and various objects in the room, knocking everything over on the floor. Christian thought she had gone mad. Either that or she was really, really wasted.
Satine: "Oh, yes! Don't stop! Don't stop!"
After a while Christian was just disgusted with her. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. He cried out in song . . .
Christian: "SHUT UP YOU CRAZY ASS HOLE!"
But Satine kept going, probably because she couldn't hear him over her own screams. Finally, Christian couldn't take it one more moment of listening to her. He became an enraged madman and jumped her. He began to choke her in hope it might make her stop!
Satine: "But (cough, cough!), dear duke . . . "
Christian: (Still choking Satine) "What the hell are you talking about now? I'm not a duke!"
Satine: "Huh?"
At that moment, the door opened and it was . . . TOM CRUISE?!?! No - it was the Duke. No - Tom Cruise is the Duke. And Christian was still on top of Satine.
Satine: "It's not what it looks like, Duke!"
Duke: "What? I could care less. Look - I thought that we had an understanding that after our divorce we wouldn't pry into each other's relationships."
Satine: "Really, this is all just a misunderstanding!"
Duke: "I told you, I really don't care. I've moved on now. I was actually looking for Penelope Cruz. Have you guys seen her? She's the gorgeous brunette who's a much better actress and lover."
Christian dropped his grip on Satine's neck and turned to the Duke, interested.
Christian: "Penelope Cruz, huh?"
Duke: "Yeah, dude. She's totally hot . . . you gotta see this chick."
Christian: "Oh, man! Let's go!"
Satine: "Christian! We were rehearsing for the play - Spectacular, Spectacular - remember?
She turned to the Duke.
Satine: "Christian here wrote it - and he's my HOT lover."
Duke: "You're trying to make me jealous."
Satine: "Show him what you've got, honey."
Christian's brow furrowed and he folded his arms. He began to pout and whine.
Christian: "Do I have to? Right now?"
Just then, the gang of weirdos swung in from the balcony, including the now awake narcoleptic Argentinean.
Midget: "How's the wehewsawl gowing?"
Before anyone had a chance to answer, Ziddler came bursting angrily through the door.
Ziddler: "What's going on in here?"
Satine: "Harold, didn't you remember, we're rehearsing for the play Christian - " (She paused and looked directly at the Duke, then continued) "Yes, that's Christian, who really loves me and respects my space and need for commitment. Christian won't tell me that I love my career more than him just because I am an ambitious woman. Christian is SO much better in bed than SOME people."
At this, Christian leaned over and put his hand on Satine's ass, but she immediately slapped his hand away.
Ziddler: "Uhh . . . okay. So what does this Christian fellow have to do with a play?"
Satine's stare was still fixed on the Duke.
Satine: "Huh? Oh yeah. He wrote the play. Our dear Duke here wants to invest."
Duke: "Well, what's it about?"
Christian: "It's about a whore!"
Satine: "No, sweetie! It's about LOVE. Remember?"
Christian: "No, I'm pretty sure it was about a whore. A whore who overcomes no obstacles and dies a worthless nobody."
Duke: "Sounds good to me. Let's do it!"
Later that evening, Satine went to the top of the giant elephant made of straw and decided to wallow in her misery. She sat on a bench, looking down at the beautiful, romantic city that she would never be apart of because she was imprisoned in the boundaries of the Moulin Rouge. She wished that she could just fly away. She sang at the top of her lungs,
Satine: "One day I'll fly away!"
All the lights in the city turned on. All of the alley cats from below screeched in distress. Anonymous voices angrily yelled, "Hey! Why don't you put a sock in it lady!" and "Shut the hell up!" But, Satine was, as always, blissfully unaware of these things.
But then she abruptly became aware that right about now Christian was supposed to interrupt her and they were supposed to start making out soon. She glanced over the side of the straw elephant and didn't see anyone climbing up. She muttered,
Satine: "Where is he?"
Meanwhile - Christian, Ziddler, the Duke, the Midget and the Argentinean were actually downstairs in a circle sharing a bong, laughing hysterically about nothing in general.
Midget: "So many colors! Look at the colors, Duke! The colors!"
Duke: "I'm colorblind, kid."
Midget: "What about you Christian, do you see the colors?"
Christian: "You're so high you don't have a lisp anymore! HAHAHA!!!"
Midget: "Christian, this is the best idea you've had all night. This is sooo much fun!"
Christian: "Oh, wait, wait! I have an even better idea. There's this one game . . . "
Upstairs, Satine was getting frustrated. Where was he? Didn't he read the script? Didn't he know he was supposed to be wooing her? After a while, she got tired of waiting and went back inside.
Satine opened the door to the red room to find them all crowded around Christian's rear end, who was bent down on his knees. And even more oddly, the midget was holding a lighter very close to his ass.
Christian: "GRRRR!!! AAARG!!!"
Satine suddenly realized what he was doing.
Satine: "No, Christian! The elephant is made of . . . "
But, it was too late. Christian ripped already ripped one. A loud, nasty one. It reacted with the flame and exploded behind him. Satine watched in horror as the straw began to catch on fire. Everyone started to run around in a panic, except the Argentinean who fell asleep. The rest of them were too stoned to find the door anyway.
Ziddler: "FIRE!"
Satine: "You dim-wit! You were supposed to come up to and sing to me!"
Christian: "Sorry, babe! I got half-way up and there was a par-tay goin' on in here I could not miss."
Satine: "Whatever! Look, let's discuss this later. The elephant's on fire, we have to get out of here!"
DISCLAIMER: I did not create nor do I have ownership of "Moulin Rouge", it's storyline or any of its characters, Popcicle Co., apologies to Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise, and Penelope Cruz.
Now that Satine had her sexy and mysterious edge back - well, sort of - she knew it was time to get back to business. She tilted her head and raised the right side of her - uh - moustache.
Satine: "Well, where were we, my darling?"
Christian: "I was about to recite some of my poetry for you."
Satine: "Oh yes . . . poetry!"
She then cast him a seductive look, but Christian couldn't tell because one side of the moustache had peeled off.
Christian: "Okay. Now, I'm just an amateur, but I got some pretty good stuff I think you'll like."
Satine: "Oh, I'm sure I will enjoy the erotic, wild, animal sex!"
Christian looked confused.
Christian: "Erotic, wild, animal sex?"
Satine: "Don't tease me!"
Satine fell to the floor and started rolling around and screaming like an idiot. She rolled into tables and various objects in the room, knocking everything over on the floor. Christian thought she had gone mad. Either that or she was really, really wasted.
Satine: "Oh, yes! Don't stop! Don't stop!"
After a while Christian was just disgusted with her. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. He cried out in song . . .
Christian: "SHUT UP YOU CRAZY ASS HOLE!"
But Satine kept going, probably because she couldn't hear him over her own screams. Finally, Christian couldn't take it one more moment of listening to her. He became an enraged madman and jumped her. He began to choke her in hope it might make her stop!
Satine: "But (cough, cough!), dear duke . . . "
Christian: (Still choking Satine) "What the hell are you talking about now? I'm not a duke!"
Satine: "Huh?"
At that moment, the door opened and it was . . . TOM CRUISE?!?! No - it was the Duke. No - Tom Cruise is the Duke. And Christian was still on top of Satine.
Satine: "It's not what it looks like, Duke!"
Duke: "What? I could care less. Look - I thought that we had an understanding that after our divorce we wouldn't pry into each other's relationships."
Satine: "Really, this is all just a misunderstanding!"
Duke: "I told you, I really don't care. I've moved on now. I was actually looking for Penelope Cruz. Have you guys seen her? She's the gorgeous brunette who's a much better actress and lover."
Christian dropped his grip on Satine's neck and turned to the Duke, interested.
Christian: "Penelope Cruz, huh?"
Duke: "Yeah, dude. She's totally hot . . . you gotta see this chick."
Christian: "Oh, man! Let's go!"
Satine: "Christian! We were rehearsing for the play - Spectacular, Spectacular - remember?
She turned to the Duke.
Satine: "Christian here wrote it - and he's my HOT lover."
Duke: "You're trying to make me jealous."
Satine: "Show him what you've got, honey."
Christian's brow furrowed and he folded his arms. He began to pout and whine.
Christian: "Do I have to? Right now?"
Just then, the gang of weirdos swung in from the balcony, including the now awake narcoleptic Argentinean.
Midget: "How's the wehewsawl gowing?"
Before anyone had a chance to answer, Ziddler came bursting angrily through the door.
Ziddler: "What's going on in here?"
Satine: "Harold, didn't you remember, we're rehearsing for the play Christian - " (She paused and looked directly at the Duke, then continued) "Yes, that's Christian, who really loves me and respects my space and need for commitment. Christian won't tell me that I love my career more than him just because I am an ambitious woman. Christian is SO much better in bed than SOME people."
At this, Christian leaned over and put his hand on Satine's ass, but she immediately slapped his hand away.
Ziddler: "Uhh . . . okay. So what does this Christian fellow have to do with a play?"
Satine's stare was still fixed on the Duke.
Satine: "Huh? Oh yeah. He wrote the play. Our dear Duke here wants to invest."
Duke: "Well, what's it about?"
Christian: "It's about a whore!"
Satine: "No, sweetie! It's about LOVE. Remember?"
Christian: "No, I'm pretty sure it was about a whore. A whore who overcomes no obstacles and dies a worthless nobody."
Duke: "Sounds good to me. Let's do it!"
Later that evening, Satine went to the top of the giant elephant made of straw and decided to wallow in her misery. She sat on a bench, looking down at the beautiful, romantic city that she would never be apart of because she was imprisoned in the boundaries of the Moulin Rouge. She wished that she could just fly away. She sang at the top of her lungs,
Satine: "One day I'll fly away!"
All the lights in the city turned on. All of the alley cats from below screeched in distress. Anonymous voices angrily yelled, "Hey! Why don't you put a sock in it lady!" and "Shut the hell up!" But, Satine was, as always, blissfully unaware of these things.
But then she abruptly became aware that right about now Christian was supposed to interrupt her and they were supposed to start making out soon. She glanced over the side of the straw elephant and didn't see anyone climbing up. She muttered,
Satine: "Where is he?"
Meanwhile - Christian, Ziddler, the Duke, the Midget and the Argentinean were actually downstairs in a circle sharing a bong, laughing hysterically about nothing in general.
Midget: "So many colors! Look at the colors, Duke! The colors!"
Duke: "I'm colorblind, kid."
Midget: "What about you Christian, do you see the colors?"
Christian: "You're so high you don't have a lisp anymore! HAHAHA!!!"
Midget: "Christian, this is the best idea you've had all night. This is sooo much fun!"
Christian: "Oh, wait, wait! I have an even better idea. There's this one game . . . "
Upstairs, Satine was getting frustrated. Where was he? Didn't he read the script? Didn't he know he was supposed to be wooing her? After a while, she got tired of waiting and went back inside.
Satine opened the door to the red room to find them all crowded around Christian's rear end, who was bent down on his knees. And even more oddly, the midget was holding a lighter very close to his ass.
Christian: "GRRRR!!! AAARG!!!"
Satine suddenly realized what he was doing.
Satine: "No, Christian! The elephant is made of . . . "
But, it was too late. Christian ripped already ripped one. A loud, nasty one. It reacted with the flame and exploded behind him. Satine watched in horror as the straw began to catch on fire. Everyone started to run around in a panic, except the Argentinean who fell asleep. The rest of them were too stoned to find the door anyway.
Ziddler: "FIRE!"
Satine: "You dim-wit! You were supposed to come up to and sing to me!"
Christian: "Sorry, babe! I got half-way up and there was a par-tay goin' on in here I could not miss."
Satine: "Whatever! Look, let's discuss this later. The elephant's on fire, we have to get out of here!"
DISCLAIMER: I did not create nor do I have ownership of "Moulin Rouge", it's storyline or any of its characters, Popcicle Co., apologies to Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise, and Penelope Cruz.